Make a man confident. How to help your man gain self-confidence. How to deal with low self-esteem if your environment humiliates you

When a man is confident in himself, he can achieve a lot. He always knows what he wants, controls his life in all areas, is able to solve any problem and is always in the spotlight. Is it possible to become such a person or are these purely innate qualities?

What is self-esteem?

Self-confidence depends on our attitudes, personal perception of our skills and capabilities. In other words, it is faith in yourself and your own strength. By self-esteem we mean how a person evaluates himself. Self-confidence and self-esteem can be considered synonymous.

In the life of any man, self-esteem is of paramount importance. It determines how relationships with women develop, how strong a man’s authority is in the family, his ability to build a career, and communicate with others.

What psychologists say

English psychologists conducted a number of studies, the results of which showed that men's self-esteem is more realistic than women's. Women tend to underestimate their positive qualities and not see their strengths. Still, men are familiar with the problem of low self-esteem.

Self-development must begin with increasing self-confidence. What you need to learn from failures is not experiences, but useful lessons that will be useful in the future.

Unconfident men are prone to depression, neuroses, and cannot express themselves. Often, low self-esteem becomes the cause of failures in life, causes many difficulties and worries, decision-making turns into constant stress.

What affects self-esteem

The most important factor influencing the development of self-esteem is education. Many things matter: whether the family is complete, which parent invests more in raising the child. In a family where loving parents surround the child with understanding, and the father sets the right example for his son, the son will grow up to be a confident person. If there are constant restrictions on the part of the parents, and shortcomings and shortcomings are looked for in the son, then, of course, his self-esteem will suffer.

The child absorbs the surrounding reality. He will internalize the family’s attitudes, positive and negative, and will copy the behavior of his parents on an unconscious level. From his father, the son learns masculine qualities: responsibility, activity, perseverance, the ability to make decisions, self-confidence.

If it turns out that the influence of the family did not have the most beneficial effect on the formation of self-esteem, then confidence will have to be developed independently.

In addition to upbringing, a lot of factors influence the feeling of confidence: mood, state of health and even time of day. Remember, you are usually much more confident in the morning than in the evening, when you are tired after a day of work.

How to increase self-esteem

There are a number of tips and rules that help build a sense of confidence and increase self-esteem.

• • There is no need to be afraid of doubts. Doubts and feelings of uncertainty are natural phenomena that accompany any new endeavor. It must be remembered that most often doubts are simply emotions that have no real basis. You don’t need to try to get rid of them, you need to learn to ignore them and, despite hesitation, continue to do what you planned. Being confident does not mean not having fears and doubts, it means being able to overcome them.

• • Don't listen to those who say you won't succeed. Very often we share with loved ones, hoping to find support from them. But instead we get a new portion of doubts. Remember, all people are full of complexes and fears. In addition, many do not wish success for others simply because they themselves have not been able to achieve anything in life. If a person who has been working a low-paying job year after year hears about your plans to open a business, he is unlikely to express approval simply because he could not achieve it himself.

• • Form an image of an “ideal self” for yourself. When you cannot decide to take any action, for example, approaching a stranger on the street, try to imagine what your “ideal self” would do in a similar situation. In most cases, it will turn out that all the objective obstacles you have come up with are simply fears, and not some kind of objective restrictions. The problem will immediately lose its complexity.

• • If you are afraid of something, do it. They knock out a wedge with a wedge. Over and over again, the fear will recede further and further until it disappears completely.

• • Play sports. Male nature needs physical activity and adrenaline rushes. A fit figure will attract the attention of women and allow self-esteem to grow.

• • Understand that everything depends only on you. People tend to invent barriers and restrictions where there are none and underestimate the power of their will. No character traits, appearance features or innate qualities can prevent you from becoming who you want to become. It's just a matter of persistence and effort.

• • Give up perfectionism. Absolutely everyone makes mistakes; perfect people simply do not exist. You don't have to be perfect and you have the right to fail. After all, Churchill said that success is moving from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.

• • Make a list of your achievements - big and small, over all the years of your life. With each point, your self-esteem will increase, and justifiably.

• • Don't try to appear better than you are. Self-doubt is often hidden under the guise of vanity and boasting. There is no need to try to impress, you need to be yourself. And don't be tempted to compare yourself to anyone else, you are unique.

• • Give up false modesty. Modesty is a wonderful quality, but not when you are trying to appear worse than you are. Know how to accept compliments and praise addressed to you. If you do not doubt your qualities, then others will believe in them.

• • Be kind to people. When your interlocutors are friendly towards you, then it is easier to remain confident.

• • There is no need to overestimate the role of appearance. Appearance has some importance, but it quickly recedes into the background, and people are attracted by charm and charisma. Nevertheless, you need to take care of your appearance, this means that you simply must be neat and smart. Your posture should be straight and your smile friendly – ​​then your appearance will radiate confidence.

• • Have your own opinion and learn to defend your point of view. This does not mean following blind stubbornness or aggressively insisting on your own. A firm position is well-founded and deliberate principles that cannot be shaken by random opinions.

• • Set goals. Even small victories will help your self-esteem. And, of course, it is necessary to set big goals, breaking them into smaller ones. Plan and achieve.
• • Develop yourself. Confidence should always be backed up by real qualities and objective merits. Increasing self-esteem must necessarily be accompanied by work on oneself. Absolutely any quality can be developed.

We already wrote about how to raise the self-esteem of a man or woman, in order to read more additional information and ways

The renowned author of a number of books on personal growth has written extensively about how to overcome negative self-image and increase confidence. He believed that self-confidence should be the hallmark of any person who wants to live a worthwhile life. His works contain a lot of advice on how to achieve this.

• • The opportunity to change and become a completely new person is closely related to the willingness to discard everything old and unnecessary, including fears and other negative emotions. All fears are harmless until a person attaches an emotional coloring to them and introduces them into his subconscious, thus forming a negative scenario for his life.

• • In order to achieve what you want, positive attitudes and images are very important. There is no need to imagine yourself after a crushing failure; on the contrary, it is important to visualize your success.

• • It is necessary to develop your best self, form a positive self-esteem and fall in love with this image.

• • A very good way to increase self-esteem is the law of mental substitution. Instead of a negative thought, you need to put a positive one and dwell on it. By constantly doing this, a person destroys negative emotions.

Open up to new sensations, try to live an interesting life. A thirst for knowledge and new experiences will help you overcome your fears and insecurities. You just need to make an effort - and everything will become possible.

- Why doesn’t my husband strive for success?

- Why is mine not confident enough? I constantly tell him about it, I talk to him, and it’s all to no avail.

— When I first met my future husband, he was courageous, strong, set goals and achieved them... And now what? Who has he turned into? After work, he sits in front of the “box” or reads the newspaper and does nothing. And it would be okay if he earned normally, as before, but no, as soon as I got him a different job, a more promising one, he immediately changed.

“They tell me that I should be the first to change.” But why should I change and he shouldn’t? Is it just me who needs this?

These are the questions that periodically come to our website. What can I say, I completely agree that both spouses should change. And adapt to each other, and ask for forgiveness, and change your habits, views and preferences. This process is endless and must be mutual. But I also know, and I agree 100 percent, or even 200 percent, that it is the woman who needs to start changing herself and her habits, and especially birth scenarios, first. You can read about generic scripts and how to reprogram them in the article.

If a woman expects, and sometimes demands, changes from a man, but at the same time remains as she is, then all her expectations will be destroyed by reality. But the reality is that a man begins to change his habits and beliefs only some time after his wife changes.

If anyone disagrees with me, you have the choice to continue to remain in the ranks of the spectators, who do nothing but shout: “Come on, come on, score a goal. Well, you should have trained better. Eh, you can’t do anything,” etc. For those girls and women who strive for happiness, who want to live their lives with a strong, confident and successful man, I will share the secrets of how to help your husband achieve all these wonderful qualities, and for you to become a happy wife of a successful and rich man. But first I’ll tell you a little story.

When I met my husband (future husband at that time), the first impression he made on me was something like this: “Wow, what a confident and even boorish man, but I like it”. After closer communication, I also liked the fact that he had goals and dreams, and not just dreams, but that he took concrete steps and actions to implement them. We can say that this is what won me over. After all, you always admire a person who doesn’t just live aimlessly, as they say, “where life takes him, he goes there,” but tries to make at least something worthwhile out of his life. My husband knew how to set goals and achieve them, was confident, courageous and radiated incredible inner strength.

Okay, I won’t delve into memories and reasoning, I’ll just say that if at first we were happy, then after a few years our family presented a rather deplorable sight. All I did was wonder (naturally - out loud, and naturally - to my husband) that “Where has that confident, purposeful, successful man gone that I met and with whom
lived the first two years!? Where is he now? Why have things changed so much? Why, after he has achieved his goals, does he no longer strive for anything? Why did you stop there?

Why did you become so insecure and stop dreaming of more? Why did you stop organizing trips to nature and to see friends for us, as before? Why doesn’t he help me around the house, and I have to do everything myself, even to the point of nailing the curtains myself? Why is he not interested in my life and what is important to me? And there are many more, just a cart and a small cart of those very “whys” with which young, young and stupid wives bother their beautiful husbands.

Every month I became more and more disappointed in my husband, and the more disappointed I was, the more I wanted to prove to him how wrong he was, how successful I was, how well I was doing, and how he would still regret that he could not keep such a woman. !

Thinking in this way, I made more and more demands and claims to my husband, and stopped enjoying everything that we had at that moment. She became more and more withdrawn into herself and her grievances, more and more often she went on business trips or stayed late at work, making a career in an attempt to prove, show, punish, etc. something. I tried to do everything around the house myself, and then told my husband that it was easier for me to do everything myself than to wait for him, or that in any case I would have to redo it after him, it would be better if I did everything right right away.

In general, typical behavior of a typical man only in a female guise. I don’t know what would have happened to our family then; I think today only sad memories would remain about it. But I thank all the Gods, the Creators, the Universe, Life, Energy and other Essence for the fact that they stopped me then, albeit in a very harsh way through resuscitation, and then gave me new knowledge, a new look at what I am doing with my life .

And with this new look I plunged into the past, and was horrified. I saw not a woman, but a “man in a skirt.” Yes, in what skirt? By that time, in my wardrobe as a business lady there were only trousers and business suits, and my hairstyle was close to the length of a man’s hair. In general, a typical image of a business woman, albeit a very successful woman, but striving to play a role alien to her.

As a result, seeing in myself masculine behavior, habits that are characteristic of my mother (she also had a career all her life, constantly inventing something, and my father, although he also worked and was quite successful, but mostly he took care of children, cooked, traveled with us to sanatoriums, and at the same time I never heard words of gratitude from my mother).

After I saw in myself similar behavior and habits that are more typical of men, I began to develop Femininity in myself. Using the example of other women, film images, and sometimes photographs, I developed feminine behavior patterns, a feminine way of communicating and thinking, and also learned to act not like a man, but like a woman. Now, unfortunately, I don’t remember the name of the film, which made a huge impression on me. In that film, the main character literally “interrogates” the king’s servant about what a queen should be like? How should she think? How to proceed? How should I speak and behave? In that film, the girl, a candidate for a bride, says to that servant: “We don’t even know what we should be like. Nobody taught us how to behave, how to speak, how to think, how to dress and how to walk? Doesn’t anyone tell us what the king wants to see in his queen?” If anyone knows this film, please write its name in the comments.

First, what I began to do was ask questions to my subconscious about what kind of woman I need to be so that my man becomes strong, successful and courageous next to me?

Second, what I did was leave my beloved alone, i.e. stopped bullying him, showing dissatisfaction and criticizing him. Now I don’t remember why exactly I praised him that evening, since many years have passed, but I will never forget his reaction. He was taken aback. Confused. Confused. And I was shocked.

Third. This is a Gratitude Journal. I wrote about this in great detail, on several pages, in an article.

For some time he looked at me and was silent. I repeated again: “You're awesome. You did such and such a great job. I really like it, thank you for your help".

The husband came to his senses a little and asked: “What's wrong with you? You were always dissatisfied with me, you never praised me before? I cool? Are you kidding me or is this some kind of joke?”“There was poorly concealed fear and wariness in his voice, because indeed, several years before that moment I had always been dissatisfied with him.

I replied that it was not a joke and that I really liked the way he did everything. And then I went up to him, hugged him and said that I was wrong and that I asked him for forgiveness for all my discontent and anger.

Don't think that everything has changed immediately, like in beautiful Hollywood films. We have come a long way in restoring our relationship, and even to this day I sometimes find myself grumbling at my husband. I immediately sit down and re-read my entries from the Diary of Gratitude to my Husband (let me remind you once again about the article “Gratitude diary, or a happy family and its secrets”) or making new entries. I remember how my mother behaved and I understand that I don’t want to be like that. After such a mini-training, the relationships in our family begin to make us happy again. But this is now, and before that it took me several years to get rid of male habits of behavior, dissatisfaction and criticism.

Step by step I changed myself and my behavior, but at the same time I did not tell my husband that I had begun to work through parenting programs, did not tell me that I was looking for an answer to the question of what a Real woman should be like for her man to be strong, successful and confident.

After several months of such work, my husband once said:

“You have changed so much, I didn’t think that we would ever be so happy.” I used to be afraid to return home, I tried to stay longer at work, and I always expected that you would be dissatisfied with something again. And over these few months, I almost forgot how unhappy we were and that you could be dissatisfied with something. What have you done? How did you manage to change so much?

Then I told him about working on parental programs, about how I change my behavior, how I rewrite the image in the subconscious and how I develop feminine manners and habits. She said that she realized that she wanted to play a male role in our family, to prove something to him, to always be right, to be first and to win. And that now all this has become uninteresting to me, I just want to live, just enjoy what I have, develop my feminine character traits, my talents, our family, our home, and enjoy the fact that I have a strong and successful man next to me.

I went so deep into introspection and began to take care of myself and my life that I simply had no time to bully my husband. Of course, I visualized what kind of relationship I wanted to see in our family, voiced my wishes, but nothing more. And after a few months, my husband began to change, so quickly and on all the issues that had previously bothered me, that I was shocked. Now it was my turn to be surprised and ask him questions:

- What happened? Why have you changed so much? Why before could you not do something for years, but now you do everything either immediately when I ask you, or without any reminders at all? Where did you get this confidence again? And why did you start setting new goals again and doing something to achieve them?

In response, I heard what I least expected to hear:

- You stopped “training” me. Now you like everything I do. You admire, rejoice like a child, thank me. You rejoice at even the smallest little thing, some nonsense. I stopped being dissatisfied with what we have. So I want to please you even more. Now I myself want to change, so that you feel good with me, and so that you are happy with me.

I want to earn more, build us a big house, travel a lot so that you can be proud and admire me, and much more. In general, I want you to be happy with me.

These are the changes that have occurred and are still occurring in my husband after I myself have changed.

To summarize, I can say that I not only worked through parenting programs, I also made changes “on all fronts”: I left the job where I had made a good career, and discovered many other talents in myself, but more feminine ones. I completely changed my wardrobe, grew my hair, changed my social circle from lonely and unhappy people to happy ones in family life. I began to read other literature, watch other films, and become interested in other things. And most importantly, think, behave, speak and act like a Woman.

If earlier, when my husband didn’t do something, it was a “disaster” and I urgently needed to do everything myself, but now I calmly go about my business. I can sometimes remind my husband that it would be nice to resolve this issue, but at the same time I don’t run, I don’t grab, I don’t control, and I don’t pull on myself what a man should pull.

What’s most surprising is that the less I remind, control and worry, the fewer things my husband “forgets” about or sabotages. Over the years, I have developed something like the following belief: “My husband is an adult and responsible person, and he himself is able to cope with his own affairs and the affairs of our family, for which he is responsible.”

And the more feminine and calm I become, the more courageous, successful and confident my beloved becomes. This is the pattern.

Now let’s take a step-by-step look at the algorithm that will help you become feminine, and your man confident and successful, in more detail.

First. If you want a strong, confident and successful man, stop playing the role of a man yourself and over time everything will change. If you constantly remind, pull, control, try to do everything for your partner yourself, criticize what and how he is already doing, try to force him to do what seems right to you, then why are you surprised that only weak people live near you? like a man? Where can a successful and confident man come from if your family already has one? Although you were moderately successful, you still took on these functions, so it turns out that the man in your family is you.

If you took on the role of a man and a breadwinner, the role of a problem solver and conflict resolution, you thereby forced a man to become an effeminate creature. But since this is unnatural, and a normal man would never want to become a woman, he sabotages the imposed, unusual role in every possible way by either lying on the couch all evenings, or drinking beer and watching TV, or starting to go out and cheat.

Second. Ask yourself and your subconscious questions. This is especially important for those women who in childhood did not have an example of a happy relationship between a man and a woman.

Ask yourself what does it mean to be a woman around whom a man will become strong, confident and successful? What should a feminine woman be like? How to behave? How to speak? How to react to certain situations? How to act in this or that situation? Etc.

Third. Cut out photo images of married couples in which the woman gives the impression of being happy, feminine, wise and calm. Place them so that you can calmly look at them every day, then close your eyes and imagine the woman you want to become.

Fourth. It was necessary to put this as the first point, but oh well. Work through parenting programs. Many articles have already been written on the “Sunny Hands” website and several chapters in the book about how to work through these programs “How to make a man get off the couch, or Secrets of happy women”. But if very briefly, describe your behavior in detail and try to find in it something in common with the behavior of your mother (grandmother). After this, pour out these programs from yourself, forgive yourself for not always behaving beautifully and visualize the image you dream of.

These are, perhaps, the main points, following which you will soon feel how life around you is changing very much, and your man becomes the hero you have always dreamed of, strong, confident and successful.

Sincerely, Anastasia Gai.

It is important for every person to feel their importance on this planet. And it doesn’t matter for whom, it doesn’t matter how exactly, if a person feels that no one needs him, that all his efforts, all his efforts (whatever they may be) pass unnoticed and are not appreciated by anyone, such a person becomes deeply unhappy, aggression and disappointment in people and in life appear...

And how many such unhappy and disappointed people could we make at least a little happier if we began to take a closer look at our loved ones and relatives. And first of all - to your partner. You would ask yourself: “What can I do to make my husband happy?” After all, how often it happens that it is he, our beloved and wonderful man, who receives the least of our gratitude, admiration and support.

So he’s trying, doing something, undertaking something, trying to change himself or our life together, and even if he doesn’t always succeed, even if not the first time, even if sometimes he messes up quite a lot, in your opinion. . But if we miss those moments when he tries and does something, we don’t notice, we don’t support our man and don’t instill in him faith in further exploits, we don’t talk about what is important to us, everything that he does is simply vital , then what often happens is what happens.
What happens is that the person living nearby becomes unhappy due to the fact that we constantly nag and criticize him.
It turns out that over the years, wives begin to complain more and more often about their husbands precisely because he, the husband, does nothing, does not strive for anything, and does not want anything. About helping and caring for a woman and family - this is a completely separate topic.

But for some reason, the longer I live with my husband, the more we communicate with friends who are happy in their family life, the less I believe such statements. Do you know why?
Firstly, because I myself, in the first years of family life, thought exactly the same.

And secondly, after I changed myself and changed my attitude towards my husband, my beloved (in my opinion, the most wonderful person, but if you look at it from a distance, then an ordinary man, of which there are still quite a few walking around our wonderful planet Earth), so, my the man, the one who, in my opinion, did nothing in the first years, began not only to help me in everything and support me, but also increased our family’s income several times, started his own business, plus periodically brings some kind of bride price outside of business, and also became the most gallant and romantic man (again for me, you can have your own “most gallant, most wonderful and romantic man”), the most caring and attentive husband. And most importantly, he became happy!

So how did this magical, truly miraculous transformation of an ordinary man who does not help his wife, and if he does help, then with complaints, whining and dissatisfaction, and who is quite unhappy in his family life, take place, into the most wonderful, confident, successful, neat, caring man and attentive, romantic and loving and more... And one more thing...And most importantly, happy!?

And although it seems that you have already heard about this hundreds of times, and that all this is too simple and easy to actually be true, and besides, it also brought improvement in family relationships, returned love, laughter and happiness to the family, I will say that it really only seems to you that doing this every day is easy and simple.
And you try to live at least a couple of days without criticism and without constantly tugging at your loved one, not grumbling at him, not twitching over some trifles, but truly thinking that he is the most wonderful person you have. And at the same time think what you can do to make your loved one happier with you?
- How is this, completely without criticism and any reminders? Even though he once again forgot about something? Even though I had to remind him of what has been his family responsibility for many years? Or what...

This is what I wrote about. Wait, stop. Let's try it differently.

At one time, I told myself “stop” and began to analyze how I communicate with my husband, how I react to what he does, how I behave in those moments when he makes a mistake, or, on the contrary, does something successfully.

As it turned out, I could not boast that I am a wife who supports her husband in everything, notices his efforts and achievements, admires his exploits and generally thinks and tells her beloved how grateful she is to him for existing. But from such support and admiration my husband could feel much happier.

Summing up the above, I tried to imagine how I would feel if any of my actions were met with criticism, dissatisfaction and eternal teachings from my husband? If I didn’t feel that I meant something to him, that the efforts that I make to make our family happier are important and necessary to him? Or I wouldn't have heard “Darling, thank you, dinner was delicious. You cook amazingly!”

Or he wouldn’t tell me that he is pleased that at home we feel the presence of a woman, everything is clean and tidy. True, he can’t always understand what exactly I’m doing, but he likes the way our house looks.

So how would I feel if my husband didn’t tell me this, but only showed with all his appearance how I did something wrong again? How would I feel if he constantly criticized and grumbled at me just like that, out of habit, in the background? Would I be happy in such an atmosphere?

That's enough, I just imagined how my Kostya finds fault with me over little things and is always dissatisfied with everything... so I felt some kind of coldness and loss inside me.
- Well, you see, and you say that how can you live without constantly nagging your husband and reminding him of something all day long? A few minutes were enough for you to feel how unpleasant it was. If for a few more days you put yourself in your Kostya’s place, and him in your place, you will immediately begin to perceive many things differently. And after a couple of weeks you will be surprised how your relationship has improved. And you will notice how your husband’s eyes will begin to glow with happiness, and he will begin to walk around so happy and happy, and will rush home in the evenings, instead of leaving the house.

And that’s how it worked out for you? You are always happy with your husband, you never tell me that he did something wrong. Does he really never make mistakes and does everything perfectly?
- Well, no, of course not. Although I don't even know. Just from the moment I analyzed my behavior and “walked a couple of miles in my husband’s moccasins,” i.e. I imagined myself in his place, I began to look at many things differently, some I simply did not notice, while others, on the contrary, I noticed and emphasized on them. I didn’t think that my husband would become different or anything else, at that time my priority was that I wanted him to feel good with me, to be happy with me and to feel that I needed him, really needed. I realized that in our family he did not feel his importance and I saw how unhappy this made him.

So I began to notice what he was doing. And not just notice, but thank him for everything. At first he was simply shocked. When I told him he was great, and told him what I liked about him, he looked at me like I was some kind of alien. And I couldn’t understand that this happened to me, because before I was always dissatisfied with everything.

So what, everything changed all at once?

Of course not. At first, he walked a little tense, as if expecting some kind of trick, that I would hurt him again. It was many years ago, and I can’t remember his reaction one by one, but I will never forget that first shock and disbelief that I praised him and thanked him for something, said that he was wonderful and cool.
- How did you get used to seeing the good in your husband and not noticing what you don’t like?

Thus, writing down every evening all the things for which I am grateful to my husband, I simply did not have time to notice anything else. When I sat down for the very first time and wrote down everything that I valued about my loved one, I was also shocked by how wonderful he really was.

And when I stopped criticizing him and began to openly express gratitude, it was as if a heavy stone had been lifted from him. He straightened out all over and began to joke, laugh more and more often, began to offer something, and most importantly, I began to see that he was becoming happier every day.
- Is it okay that I make such notes?

What's wrong with that? You will concentrate your thoughts on the strengths of your Kostya, focus on what he can do, and as one of my friends says, you will stop “blowing your man’s brains out” in situations where he is not as successful as you would like. Well, a person cannot be strong in all areas of life, and we, women, sometimes very often expect and demand from our man that he be perfect everywhere. And sometimes we really don’t notice the strengths of our loved one. We don’t notice how much he does for us.

And also, don’t listen to those who say that this is manipulation and the like. If people have lived happily for several years, they will never tell you that. Such people understand that we all sometimes get tired of each other, we just get tired at work and from life situations, and we simply stop noticing the good in our partner. So what's wrong with periodically writing down some pleasant moments from your life? What’s wrong with concentrating your thoughts on this and, accordingly, thanking your loved one more? Is it better not to write down what you are grateful for, but to do nothing but grumble and criticize? Is it better to constantly bother a man with “how he doesn’t do anything, and again forgot this and that,” etc.?

So don’t listen to those who will say that focusing on the positive and thanking a person for everything he does is manipulation. After all, when you thank Life, the Universe, God, Energy (this is who already believes in what), no one tells you that in this way you are trying to manipulate God or Life. So it is here. You are simply grateful to the person, and so that in the hustle and bustle of the days you don’t forget that you are surrounded by people who are trying, doing something and for whom it is important to hear feedback and feel needed (in this example, a husband, a loved one, a boyfriend) , then it’s better to make such records.

Yes, I now understand how rarely I thank Kostya. He’s trying, doing something, but I “didn’t finish it, I turned it the wrong way, it’s...”. But what a paradox, now I’m listening to you and I understand how much good he does for us, but I won’t even say thank you to him for the evening!! Last night I wanted a bagel, so he got ready and went to the store. I also asked him to stop by the pharmacy on the way. I bought everything, brought it, and do you know what I finally told him? I'm even ashamed now. I asked him why he bought two bagels, I didn’t ask him to do this! Can you imagine?! And this morning I ate that second bagel with such pleasure with tea, and again I didn’t say thank you to Kostya. How upset he must have been about this, although he didn’t show it.

Well, you see, it seems like a trifle, but I think your loved one was not very pleased. And while you are not in the habit of noticing the good and strong in your partner and thanking the person close to you, it is better to take notes and re-read them periodically.
That, in fact, is the whole secret of how my husband magically turned into the most wonderful, strong, caring, successful, and most importantly happy man.

Firstly, I simply began to notice in him everything that was already there at that time. I learned to see that he is already trying, is already doing, is already successful in something. And the less I criticized him and found fault with him, the more I rejoiced at what already existed, the more I admired his achievements that were at that time, the more my husband wanted to continue doing something. And the more contented and happy he became. When you don’t pull a person over every little thing, when you don’t nag him or criticize him, but support and admire him (I’m not saying that you just need to admire, there should be a golden mean in everything), then the person relaxes, he feels that he doesn’t belong here. “they will hit”, they won’t hurt him here, he feels calm and happy.

In the end, it turned out that I accepted the person for who he is, stopped demanding and expecting some “miracles” from him, and he took and began to develop and improve everything that was good at that moment.

Or maybe it just seems to me now, and he has always been like this? But before I didn’t see or appreciate it, but now I enjoy even the smallest little things and it seems to me that our life is a stream of pleasant little things. Anything is possible. And you try to change your attitude, keep similar records, and then share your results with us and our readers. But the most important thing for me after I began to concentrate my thoughts on the positive aspects of my husband was that he became truly happy. He knows that no matter what he does (I’m not talking about any negative actions), I will not nag him or criticize him. If he does it, but not the way I wanted, I will be grateful that he tried and did something at all. If he doesn’t have time, I’ll clarify why he didn’t have time, maybe something happened to the person or he simply didn’t have time. If he creates a “little universal mess” at the moment when he was preparing a surprise for me, then I obviously will not scold him for it. On the contrary, I will be glad that he remembers what is important to me, and even gave me a surprise!

And the rest...can there really be “rest” when there is happiness and satisfaction of a loved one? Can there be anything else when you feel how happy your man is with you, how he rushes home in the evenings and tries to make you happy in return? Could there be anything better than this?

Every person knows that if they believe in him and constantly encourage him, he is ready to move mountains, and there is a feeling that now everything is possible. The desire doubles if the person himself is 100% confident in his abilities.

Editorial sunny7 I decided to ask expert psychologist Alexander Brodsky How to make a man believe in himself:

It is probably quite expected from me, as a psychologist, to say that no one should be forced. How can you make a woman always enjoy communicating with her partner? How to make a child always be joyful? For me, these are similar questions, suggesting one answer - nothing. The point is not that this is not possible in principle, the point is that it cannot be forced. Just like we cannot make a flower grow faster. We can create favorable conditions for it: water, dig, fertilize. But force it - no.

I hope we’ve sorted out the “force” issue and we don’t have to return to this again. Now let's look at another important aspect of "believing in yourself" or, to paraphrase a little, becoming a confident person. But what is confidence? What kind of confident man is he? And what gives him this confidence?

If we are talking here about an unshakable belief in our strength and ability to cope with any life circumstances, then the question arises - is this real? After all, man lives in a world that he did not create. In a world that has its own rules, which a person obeys in any case. And also, in a world that they do not fully understand and have not studied. And this means that at any given moment a person may encounter circumstances that he cannot overcome. How then can he feel such confidence? For example, a successful, wealthy and confident businessman may encounter a bandit who has a knife, and the businessman will be forced to admit his weakness and inability to cope with this situation. A strong and confident fighter, and even armed to the teeth, can withstand a fight against 10 bandits, but capitulates to a small, graceful girl. The macho womanizer easily manages his interactions with the fair sex, but finds himself thrown to the ground when the faucet starts leaking in the house. And this list can go on for a long time.

It turns out that no person can, in principle, be self-confident. Because every person is strong in some ways and weak in others. There are no people who are the best at everything. This means that there are no people who are always confident in themselves in everything. And there is no need to strive for this. This ideal is not achievable. Striving for it will only increase insecurity.

It turns out there is no need to force a man to believe in himself. You need to understand that a man may experience a state of lack of confidence in himself and his strengths, he may be weak and helpless in some ways. And that's okay. This is not a disease that necessarily needs to be treated.

Here another question arises: why then do psychologists vying with each other shout about the problems of uncertainty, low self-esteem and all kinds of psychological help in solving such problems? After all, if you cannot become a self-confident person, then what is the point of such help? Perhaps it’s to stop being insecure. We habitually look at the concepts of confident and unsure as antagonists, as black and white. But this is not necessarily the case. To make it clearer, let's say the same thing, but in other words, replace the term “self-confidence” with the term “self-esteem”. This makes it clearer. When self-esteem is low, it creates various difficulties and inconveniences for a person. Therefore, it makes sense to strive to correct low self-esteem to an adequate level. Not to the point of being overpriced, mind you!

Let's start with the boundaries.

It does not happen that a normal person’s self-esteem is inadequate in everything. Rather, it concerns certain aspects. For example, appearance. A man may consider himself unattractive, and therefore, for example, avoid communicating with the opposite sex. At the same time, I am absolutely confident in advising clients in matters of commercial law. That is, to have an underestimated assessment of one’s appearance and an adequate assessment of one’s professional abilities.

Now the reasons.

The reasons for low self-esteem, in most cases, are negative assessments from significant others. Let there be the same example - a man with low self-esteem about his appearance.

When this man was still a child, his father often told him that he was fat and weak, and real men should be strong and slender, and to confirm his words he lifted some kind of heavy weight. The child, of course, could not lift the weight, which made him feel embarrassed. And outwardly, the child, of course, was different from his athlete father. Since the child was embarrassed by his appearance and inability to lift a weight, when communicating with his peers, he began to avoid moments where this could manifest itself, that is, to avoid all active games and competitions. And since in childhood a boy’s life is full of active games and competitions, such avoidance led to a lack of friends. But since the friends did not disappear immediately overnight, but dropped out over time, at some point, when the boy realized that he had no friends, he could hardly establish a cause-and-effect relationship and understand that this happened because he began to avoid active games and physical activity. At the same time, the lack of friends needs to be explained to yourself somehow. The boy explained this to himself by saying that he was fat and weak, and no one wants to be friends with fat people and weak people. Left without friends, the boy spent more and more time at home, reading books or sitting at the computer. Due to his sluggish lifestyle, he actually gained excess weight. In addition, due to the lack of live communication with peers, normal communication skills were not formed. Therefore, when the guy got into the company of people, he was faced with the fact that people reacted to him differently than to others. People reacted this way because, for example, he laughed very unusually. Because he didn’t know how to laugh the way it’s accepted in society. He, completely unaware that his laughter was special, perceived their reaction as another confirmation of his physical imperfection. As a result, by the time of his wedding (it’s not even clear how he managed to get married), we have a man who has severely low self-esteem about his appearance and communication abilities, and avoids communicating with people. You can go to play the online casino slot machine https://vulkanoriginal-club.com/ using this link.

We have already seen in which specific area adjustment of self-esteem is needed and we know what reasons influenced self-esteem.

What to do about it?

Psychologists in their practice use various ways to help a man believe in himself, depending on the situation and his theoretical views. The purpose of these methods is to bring a person to awareness of his problem. As soon as a person realizes how his problem works, he knows how to fix it. In this case, the whole problem began not with excess weight or physical weakness, but with the formation of an ideal. Remember “...he is fat and weak, but real men should be strong and slim...”! As soon as the guy from our example sees how he believed in this myth, invented by his father or someone else, it doesn’t matter, it immediately becomes clear that all his suffering is made up. More precisely, suffering is quite real, but the cause of suffering is fiction. You can just as easily believe that a good person should have 3 hands and suffer from the fact that you have 2, and so does everyone around you. Having realized the imposed ideal, a person is freed from it. Then there is a gradual rethinking of one’s past life experiences. The guy begins to see how his own decisions, and not excess weight and physical weakness, led him to loneliness. Thus, gradually rethinking his previous, as well as his current life, a person comes to a more adequate self-esteem.

This is how you can help your man cope with low self-esteem. But it seems to me that many will consider such recommendations too cumbersome and professional, more suitable for psychologists. Therefore, I want to give simpler recommendations as an alternative.

So that a person can believe in himself - believe in him! If you manage to do this absolutely sincerely, what is called “one hundred percent,” then your faith will definitely help the person to believe in himself. Perhaps even much more than everything else.

Don't create ideals - ideals often lead to disappointment in yourself and are one of the most common causes of low self-esteem. One of the manifestations of idealization common in our society is the habit of comparison. Unlearn! Deal with what is, not with comparative degrees. Otherwise, without noticing it, you will create eternal dissatisfaction or pride and loneliness in your life. And the man who is next to you perpetuates an inferiority complex.

Accept your partner's individuality and respect it. Each person is individual and has the right to this. No one needs to be remade. Only a person himself can decide to change for himself, and do it in the way that seems right to him.

Love and harmony to you!

There are many reasons for low and self-doubt. Change your character It is possible through long and full-fledged work on yourself.

Even if from an early age a man is not distinguished by courage and willpower, this does not mean that he does not have the opportunity to make himself different.

The main step on the way to achieving the goal is awareness of one's shortcomings and moral readiness for a labor-intensive process. When asked how to become a confident man, psychologists give many valuable recommendations.

A confident woman - what is she like? About this in ours.

A confident man - what is he like?

What does it mean to be confident?

A sign of self-confidence is a person has faith in his own abilities, potential, opportunities and implementation of assigned tasks.

Men with this character trait achieve success in any area of ​​life. They know how to communicate with people around them, are successful with women and can adapt to any circumstances.

Self-confidence can be developed from childhood, but some representatives of the stronger sex have to develop this quality over the years.

Self-confident men The following masculine qualities are inherent:

How to get rid of the fear of fighting? you will find on our website.

How a confident person behaves. Body language analysis:

Causes of low self-esteem

Provoke self-doubt A man can have a huge number of factors.

The reasons for low self-esteem may be due to the nuances of childhood, the atmosphere in which they grew up, relationships with people around them, as well as various traumatic situations.

Determine the factor that changed a man's attitude towards himself, in some cases it is difficult to install yourself.

Possible reasons for low self-esteem in a man can be the following factors:

What is the main cause of self-doubt? Find out from the video:

What methods will help instill self-confidence?

Single method gaining self-confidence does not exist.

Increasing self-esteem is a complex process that involves gradual movement towards the goal.

A man needs constantly work on yourself and set new tasks after completing the previous steps.

You can use a special algorithm of actions. The points of a unique plan must be written down on a sheet and the progress of each stage must be monitored.

Increased self-esteem and gaining self-confidence consists of the following techniques:

1. Changing your social circle(if a man is surrounded by people who constantly point out his shortcomings or allow themselves to be excessively critical of his actions, then it will be extremely difficult to increase self-esteem).
2. New acquaintances(a new social circle is a good opportunity to show your best sides; people around you do not know about past mistakes and weak character traits).
3. Increased intellectual abilities(every day a man should receive new information, you can read books, watch documentaries, study other sources with useful information).
4. Changing your appearance(you should like the reflection in the mirror; to do this, you can try to change your image or wardrobe).
5. Working on your body(you definitely need to go in for sports, you don’t have to sign up for a gym, but at least accustom yourself to morning jogging).
6. Finding harmony with yourself(how a man treats himself is how the people around him treat him, it is important to love yourself and all your shortcomings).

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Books

Among the printed publications you can find many books, after reading which you can learn to improve your self-esteem.

Such sources are compiled in most cases by professional psychologists and published in the format of trainings or practical recommendations.

However, some of them are more fiction, but are no less effective.

Psychology for men:

• E. Robert “Secrets of absolute self-confidence”;
• L. Parfentyeva “100 ways to change your life”;
• V. Levi “The Art of Being Yourself”;
• Osho “Courage”, “Joy”. Happiness that comes from within";
• S. Mamontov “Believe in yourself. Self-confidence training";
• P. Frank “How to become self-confident. Training book";
• Self-Confidence Training by Manuel J. Smith.

Exercises

Men can do most self-esteem exercises on their own at home.

A prerequisite is daily work on yourself.

Gradually you need to master certain stages, which include many steps. First of all, a man needs to find harmony with himself and accept himself as he is.

Self-confidence exercises include developing the following skills:

• the ability to overcome fear in any situation;
• the ability to express one’s opinion regardless of the type of audience;
• the ability to set specific goals and achieve them;
• recording achieved goals (even minor ones);
• getting rid of envy and comparing yourself with other men;
• adequate perception of errors and failures;
• ability to take initiative;
• formation of a positive perception of the world;
• self-understanding (harmony with your mind and body).

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7 ways to raise and improve your self-esteem. Tips for men:

Low self-esteem always has a specific reason.

To change some character traits, it is imperative to identify the factor that provoked indecision in a man.

The most difficult situations are lack of self-confidence, which was a consequence of a difficult childhood, physical or moral abuse, as well as other psychologically traumatic reasons. It’s easier to increase a man’s self-esteem, which has been lowered by temporary factors in his life.

How to give a man confidence? Advice from psychologists:

Low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence can become serious psychological problems, the solution of which It's better to trust the professionals.

A psychologist will be able not only to identify the cause of such conditions, but also to select the best options for solving the problem.

Seeing a doctor should not be delayed if independent attempts to change your character have not led to the desired result.

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