What to do if the husband does not want a second child. Why does the husband not want a second child? What to do? Husband thinks it's enough to have one child

Between spouses there are different problems that require increased responsibility in solving. Among such questions is the number of heirs that should appear in the family.

A woman admits in many situations: her husband does not want a second child. So if husband does not want a second child, psychologist's advice can help solve the problem. The most important thing is not to put pressure on a loved one and avoid conflict situations, showing a desire to save married life.

What could be the reason for the lack of desire for a second heir?

The birth of a child is unlikely to save a broken marriage

The wife may decide to use all sorts of ways to return love and improve the relationship. If feelings pass, the baby will not be able to strengthen the union. This is understood by a man who does not want to rush to make any decision.

A woman should be prepared for the uncertainty of having a child as a man precisely because of the lack of desire to live with a woman. Even if pregnancy occurs and an heir appears, the husband can leave the family.

Do not hope for improvement of the situation with the help of a small person.

Barriers in marriage

Every woman should remember that a happy family is based on mutual love and harmony. Husband and wife should feel happiness in the existing relationship, so that later disputes and conflicts do not develop. If a barrier arises, it can become stronger. In this situation, a man does not want to become a father.

A woman can improve the situation if she tries to adequately assess all the circumstances and understand the true cause of the problem. If you wish, give birth to a baby for yourself, remembering that you must take care of him in any circumstances. Unfortunately, many men do not have the instinct of fatherhood, because they, first of all, strive for a career and material well-being.

If your husband does not want a second child, the advice of a psychologist can help resolve the issue, but be prepared for increased responsibility.

Two kids is a lot

The size of the average urban family has changed. In most cases, people raise only one child. The reasons for this situation are different, but they are all typical. The birth rate of children is declining, as evidenced by official statistics.

A man finds it difficult to endure the emotional alienation and physical changes of his chosen one , understanding that the child needs to be actively looked after, giving him increased attention. For this reason, the husband may be afraid of a feeling of inferiority and deprivation of attention, tenderness, as a result of which he gains confidence that the second child will become superfluous in the family. Psychologists recommend changing your attitude towards your spouse and giving him attention despite the fact that time and effort may not be enough.

Remember the importance of marital love and strive to be close to your soulmate.

One child for two families

This problem appears to be common for men who remarry. The affected persons are the wife of the male father of the child from the former family, as well as the male stepfather. Most likely, none of the two of them will be able to fully enjoy fatherhood, motherhood. Universal advice cannot be given. If a man does not want to become a father for the second time, a woman will not enjoy pregnancy and raising a baby. However a mature and financially secure woman should take the chance to become a mother to realize your purpose.

In this regard, if you are interested in what to do if the husband does not want a second child, carefully study the advice of psychologists and understand that the ideal option is to have a baby for yourself.

The husband does not want a second child: how to find a way out of the situation

How is it desirable to act to save the marriage? What can not be done, wanting to maintain family relationships? Recently, such questions have become relevant.

You can agree on the number of children before marriage. This option is ideal, as it increases the chances of a harmonious family life. Try to have a specific conversation on a topic of interest with the obligatory expression of opinions, and then a discussion.

Remember: manipulation is prohibited. . A woman should not lie to her beloved man who is not ready to increase the family. You should not allow cheating about pregnancy.

Persuasion is a manipulation characterized by persistence. Perseverance and whining cause a negative aftertaste in the husband Therefore, do not count on the optimal result of the lesson.

Decent option - desire to find mutual understanding. You can discuss any issues with your husband and try to understand how best to proceed. Try to understand your soul mate. Talking with the desire to find mutual understanding can be a way out of this situation.

• You can try to explain to your husband how important the birth of a baby is.
• try dispel fears and prejudices men.
• Give an example families in which several friendly kids grow up.
• Get help from influential people for husband, for example, relatives, first child, good friends.

Thinking about the fact that the husband does not want a second child, the advice of a psychologist can be used to your advantage.

Remember: family should be valued and protected.

What to do if the husband does not want children at all - advice from a psychologist

In the process of interviewing young fathers, the following conclusions were drawn: toevery second man had a hard time deciding on a new role as a parent .

At the same time, women themselves often exacerbate the situation, not knowing how to correctly convey their thoughts to their husband, who for some reason cannot, does not want or is afraid to have a child. This problem is overgrown with scandals, misunderstanding, irritation. And in the end, even can reach a divorce.

If the husband does not want a second child, the psychologist's advice boils down to the woman tried to take the place of a loved one, sincerely try to understand his motives. The same applies to men who do not understand how important it is for a woman to realize herself as a mother.

Why is this happening and how to reach mutual understanding on such a complex issue?

Fear of responsibility

Some husbands claim that they are not against having a common child, but not now, but in a few years. So that by that time there was a car, an apartment, an established business - in general, so that the child does not need anything.

What to do: try talk more with your husband about childhood, go to visit friends who are raising children .

Perhaps the faithful will understand that having children is not so scary.

He is not sure that he wants children from you

This is one of the common reasons why a man refuses to become a parent. Listen to what he says, maybe your loved one is unsure of his feelings for you and that in a couple of years you will still be together.

What to do for you: stop talking about procreation until the internal conflict is resolved .

In the same case, when you live with your husband for many years, and only recently he began to react with irritation to thoughts about the child - most likely, you have a rival.

He already has a child from a past relationship

Men are wired differently than women. If for you the birth of a child is proof of love, it is not necessary that your man also looks at procreation. And even more so if he has children from a previous marriage and your husband does not want a second child.

The advice of a psychologist suggests that, most likely, a man is frightened by the thought of sleepless nights and eternal children's crying . May cause and pangs of conscience : after all, children from a previous marriage were left without a father, and the man does not want to move away from them even more.

What to do for you: let your husband know that when a new child appears, he will be able to communicate with his older children in the same way .

If the reason is the reluctance to experience discomfort again, try to prove that the joy of the appearance of a baby is much stronger.

When health does not allow

The topic of infertility in men is very relevant in our time. There is a possibility that he is simply afraid to tell you about it, but at the same time, just like you, he wants to have a baby.

What to do: try have a heart to heart talk with your husband . Explain that you love your husband and want a child from him. Even if there are some health problems that prevent conception, it is easier to solve this problem together. Today, science has stepped far forward and, by contacting a reproductive medicine clinic, a couple can count on real help in this important family matter.

You look at your son and draw in your dreams how your daughter is sitting next to him. As pretty as the first-born, curly, but a girl, because you always dreamed of a daughter. And you catch yourself thinking that if your son has a brother, that's great too! Two children (or even three) is such an exciting happiness! And on this note, your iridescent mood fades, because no matter how you dream, your husband does not share your desire to have another child. How to solve a problem?

Agree on the number of children before marriage

Of course, ideally, a conversation about how many children you both want and can afford should be started even before the wedding. Coincidence in this matter is one of the most important reference points of a harmonious family life. Moreover, the conversation about future children should not take place by the way, over a cup of tea or a glass of champagne, but specifically on this topic, with the expression of opinions from both sides. And if a man grinds his teeth even at the mention of one child, and you dream of a house full of children's voices, then your chances of realizing your dreams and plans are minimal. This is very serious and important, and you should think about whether you have chosen the right man.

Manipulation

On women's forums in the topics “I want a second child, but my husband is against it,” a lot of readers are in favor of conceiving a second child by cunning. “Does he know how to calculate your safe days,” writes N., “put on a transparent robe and tell him that today you can go without a condom.” “Cry to him that the neighbors’ child has died, and it’s too late for them to give birth to another. And if they gave birth 15 years ago, now they wouldn’t be left alone, ”K echoes her. These tips are monstrous - both for men who are not ready for the birth of another family member, and for the women themselves, who are persuaded to lie to their husband. Of course, with the help of various female tricks and tricks, you can easily put your husband to bed, and far from against his will. But think about the mood with which he will perceive the news of an unwanted and, moreover, fraudulent pregnancy? Perhaps you will say that a husband can be persuaded. Let's think about it.

persuasion

I understand persuasion as persistently manipulative permanent whining with arguments: “Look, Petrenko has three wonderful boys, and our Vanya is always alone!”, “We will grow old, Lenochka will leave, and who will give us a glass of water?” This argument is not convincing - usually a woman does not realize how aggressive her stubbornness is in its essence. Whining is a bad helper, aggression even more so. Persuading a husband is a hopeless and thankless task. No, of course, in the end, he can give up, especially if your style of communication with him is directive and dominant. But, tell me, do you understand the underlying reason for his refusal, besides the standard “I don’t want to”? Maybe you should talk frankly and understand what scares your husband so much?

Come to an understanding

Financial instability is the most common argument for men who refuse to become fathers again. And this is so - in our time, in our country it is difficult to be sure of the future, and your man, rather, takes care of his family, refusing to give birth to another baby than selfishness. Or maybe he is just afraid of repeating the experience with the first child, who was often sick? Men are very sensitive to such things, often even more so than women. It is possible that in his mind there is an installation that the family is only a husband, wife and one child for complete happiness. And only the only child in the family can receive full benefits - the attention of parents, quality education, good rest, and by sharing this with another, he will be infringed.

There is another category of men who, having once tasted all the delights of fatherhood, believe that the child has become their competitor, drawing all the attention of his wife to himself. But what can you do if it exists? Let him grow up, someday he will become an adult, and the woman will again become completely owned by him, the man, so the second - no, no way!

It is possible that a man simply fears for the life of his wife and hypothetical child - this happens if the experience of the first birth was traumatic or even life-threatening. This woman, even having been on the verge of life and death, will not stop at a new threat if she really wants to have another child. Men are much more cowardly in this respect. Yes Yes.

Therefore, try to understand him, to hear with your heart, and then there is a possibility that he will listen to your desires and arguments.

Weighty argumentation

What will happen to our child when we are gone? Yes, he will have his own family and children, but after all, having a person close in parental blood is a great happiness! A person must have a brother or sister, because the family may not work out, who to turn to for support, if not to a loved one with whom childhood was passed? Such an argument may well convince a man, if, of course, he is not a complete egoist.

You can also appeal to your husband with the fact that time is passing, we are not getting younger, and if there are chances to give birth to a healthy baby at the age of 30-35-40, then it will become much more difficult to do this later.

If you are afraid of financial difficulties, you can try to carefully study all possible injections into your family budget, including government assistance, your ability to work while on maternity leave, or even vice versa. If your husband’s work is not going well (and this is his only argument against it), and you are quite capable of supporting your family, then why not switch roles – temporarily, of course? He is with the children, and you are in the office. A lot of families find a way out of the situation in this way, without making a tragedy out of it.

But what if it doesn't?

So no. A family is an interaction of partners that involves mutual concessions, and if he does not give in, you will have to do it. The birth of children is too serious and delicate a matter to stomp your foot and do your own thing. Well, and more. If the closest person is deaf to your feelings, then this is an occasion to think about your relationship - is everything in them all right?

Have you faced a similar situation? How, in your opinion, can the conflict be resolved when the husband is categorically against the birth of another baby?

, Comments recording Husband does not want a second child disabled

Good night, I have such a problem - my husband does not want a second child, but I really want to. My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years, we have a 4 year old son. He explains that there is not enough money for upbringing for the first and says that the first child is enough for me, he is not used to it yet, he has not yet fully realized that he is dad. Help me with this problem.

Hello.

Sounds like your husband doesn't want a second child because he's having trouble with his first. In general, this is a very rational position, because the most difficult thing is not to give birth to a child, but to raise him until the very age of 18. There should be enough power for that. Apparently, you and your husband evaluate your strengths differently: you feel that you will pull a second child, but he feels that he cannot, which is why the husband does not want a second child.

However, there may be an opportunity to help him with his current parenting difficulties, and then he may agree with your desire. In the first paragraph, you write about the financial difficulties that the husband notes. Even if he is the main breadwinner in your family, you may need to help him think through the budget in such a way that a second child fits into it.

Maybe you can go to work and save money to have a second child. Maybe you should look for work from home to improve your financial opportunities. Maybe the husband himself can increase his income, but for this he may need your support or more rest, or something else.

The key to solving most marital problems is to talk about them. Sometimes it happens that you don’t even need to change anything, because the spouse finds additional strength when he sees that he is understood, his feelings are shared, and not devalued.

It is not entirely clear what is behind the words of the husband that he did not fully realize that he is a dad, and that his first child is still enough for him. Is it the fact that he gets a lot of pleasure from communicating with the child and is not yet ready to deal with the second? Or he feels that something is not working out for him, he is not completely satisfied with himself as a father, and does not want to increase his stress in this area. Or maybe he himself had two children in his parental family and the second was unhappy or the first was deprived of attention.

It's hard to tell what psychological difficulties lie behind your husband's words without talking to him in detail. But it seems to me that these difficulties can be resolved, since the husband formulates them clearly enough. It is more difficult when it is difficult to understand what a person has for reasons.

Be patient, find answers to the difficulties that the husband speaks of due to the fact that he does not want a second child; ask new questions if it seems to you that your arguments have shaken the husband's opinion, but still he still does not agree. Talk to him about his feelings and difficulties, try to understand him and help him find a solution.

If you can't agree on your own, you can come to my appointment together, or just your husband, or just you, depending on how you feel more comfortable. I receive in person in Moscow and via Skype.

How many women find themselves in this situation! The theme of the husband's unwillingness to have a second child- very often rises on women's forums on the Internet. And when a woman presents this problem, her virtual interlocutors give a variety of advice: from a complete rejection of their own aspirations to deception of their other half. Today we will look at a few typical stories and try to find ways out of these difficult situations.

glue the cup

Lyuba and Viktor have been together for three years. They have a two-year-old Pashka. But all is not well in the family haven. For several months now, the quarrels of the spouses have become almost daily. The word “divorce” slipped through several times ... But Lyuba did not want a divorce! She loved Victor, and they also bought an apartment together and have been paying off the loan so far. And if there is a divorce, then how to share everything? How about Pashka? A lot of questions stood in front of Any. But then an interesting thought came into her head: what if she gives birth to another baby? He and Vitya will again rejoice at the first smiles, steps, words, and there will be no time to quarrel. “Yes, and he will not dare to leave me with two children,” - no, no, and it flashed through Lyuba’s head. Choosing one of the moments of calm, she voiced her desire to give birth to another baby. And this led to another quarrel with a showdown. Victor was categorical: the second child will now be superfluous in their family. And before Any there was a question what to do...

Should I do a second one? child"glue" that should hold the family together? For many women, this option seems to be quite correct. They count on a man's sense of duty, on his decency. They hope that the first toothless smile will melt his heart. Are these hopes justified? Definite answer: NO. A child, neither the first nor the second, cannot (and should not!) Be a means of keeping a man. Hopes for a sense of duty and decency very often remain only hopes. A man, feeling that he was “deceived” in some way, may generally refuse to communicate with a woman and a child. The woman experiences a whole storm of emotions, realizing that the bets are lost. The kid, "not working", becomes unnecessary. And the share of the unloved child unenviable: he will never receive enough warmth and care, he will always doubt his value to other people, and it will be difficult for him to build his own family. Even if a man stays after learning about pregnancy, even if he attaches himself with all his heart to to kid, this will not solve his problems with a woman. After all, something led to a "crack" in the relationship? And this "something" remained unresolved. If you are aware that the desire to have a second child comes from the desire to keep the spouse, hold the family together, stop. Most likely, your spouse does not want to plan a second now, and he is right. You need to first understand the relationship, resolve "acute" issues. Maybe even see a psychologist. And when calm reigns in your harbor again, you both want another successor to the family. And this one child will be a true symbol of new family happiness and tranquility.

When there is no time for persuasion...

For some time now, Polina has been absorbed in the dream of the appearance of a second child. Buying five-year-old Mila clothes and toys, she could not pass by small blouses, caps and sliders. The maternal instinct was so strong that Polina almost felt pregnant. She dreamed of a baby, fully aware of how difficult times await their family. But she was ready for an endless diaper conveyor, and Mila's possible jealousy, and temporary financial difficulties. She talked a lot with her friends who managed to acquire two children, and she understood that she would completely “pull”. She already wanted to start a conversation with her husband about planning, as she realized that she was already pregnant! With eyes glowing with joy, she told the news to her husband, but he was not at all happy ...

This situation is perhaps the most difficult for a woman. Realizing that she is pregnant, the woman realizes that she really wants this baby, she already loves him. And the husband either expresses dissatisfaction, or openly insists on terminating the pregnancy. Sometimes men are so categorical that they say: “either an abortion, or a divorce!”. At this moment, a sharp conflict arises in the mind of a woman: she wants to child, which is already growing in the tummy, and she, more than ever, needs the support of her husband. But she also understands that she can lose her husband and be left with two children if she keeps the pregnancy. What to do? To go on about her husband or keep the pregnancy under the threat of breaking up with him? This is the most difficult choice, and no one but a woman has the right to decide what to do with her. But still, we outline a few guidelines that will help in thinking about the decision. The most important point here is the threat of divorce. And sometimes a woman prefers to have an abortion in order to save the relationship. But an unpleasant surprise awaits many: after a while, the marriage still breaks up. And the woman remains with a sense of guilt before the unborn baby, and with bitterness that even this desperate step did not save the family. Why does abortion provoke divorce? First, having terminated a pregnancy, a woman not only experiences guilt, but also strong rage directed at her husband for insisting on this step. Even if a woman does not show this rage, she lives inside, and corrodes the relationship, like rust. Secondly, a woman losing confidence in her husband, because at such an important moment for her and the whole family, he insisted on an abortion, thus choosing the easiest path for himself and the most difficult for a woman. She begins to wait for the "trick" in other matters. Thirdly, the fact that a man insists on an abortion makes it clear to a woman that he doesn't appreciate her health, and that the value of their love (and child- the fruit of this love), is insignificant for him. Fourth, a woman after an abortion may decreased sexual activity. Often women avoid contact with their husbands. And since sexual relations in marriage are one of the pillars on which it rests, one more support becomes less. Of course, all this provokes conflicts and misunderstandings. Therefore, one should not think that abortion is a guarantee of “saving” a marriage, rather it is a direct path to divorce. You have a serious conversation with your husband (perhaps more than one). What can help a husband to give up the idea of ​​an abortion:

Idea #1:"From the beloved husband of the beloved child I will never kill!" By stating this, you emphasize your attitude towards your husband, and also show how valuable the baby growing in your tummy is to you. It is very important to show a man that you already love child that he is not an abstract “fruit” for you, but a little man.

Idea #2: let your husband know child- a real little man. Show pictures of your ultrasound. Tell me what child still very small, but his heart is already beating. For men, the fetus, especially until the moment of the first shocks, is something abstract, as if not real. Help your husband realize that even before 12 weeks, this is a real little man.

Idea #3: explain that abortions carry complications of varying severity(this is indeed true). These are infections, inflammatory diseases, bleeding, hormonal disorders, subsequent ectopic pregnancies, infertility - this is not a complete list. Is your husband ready to doom you to these diseases? And all this, not counting the psychological distress. ... Polina's husband insisted on an abortion. “You put an end to our family life!” he said. But Polina decided to keep child. "We didn't talk about the pregnancy until 17 or 18 weeks, like it wasn't there," she says. “But then everything gradually improved, and he began to worry along with me. Now I see such a loving and caring father, which I have not seen with my eldest daughter, and I must say that the youngest loves him the most. But I was already 35 years old, and I wanted a second so much that I put my family well-being on the scales. I realized that my husband could really leave. I went against his wishes and insisted on my own. Maybe this is wrong, of course, two children should want, but it was in me, and not in him, that this child. Therefore, at that moment, it was I who made such a responsible decision - to save the baby. There are many such stories with happy endings. Husbands who reacted negatively to the fact of the second pregnancy became gentle and loving fathers. Unfortunately, no one can guarantee that this will be the case. Therefore, try to avoid the situation of an “unexpected” unwanted pregnancy, and even more so do not deceive your husband by saying that you are protected or that “this day is safe”, in the hope that when the pregnancy becomes a fact, the husband will accept it meekly. Try to convince your husband first, and then plan the pregnancy together.

unripe fruit

One of the common reasons men do not want to have a second child This is the so-called "immature paternity syndrome". Their first children are often "accidentally" and they marry for this reason, guided by the firm hand of the future wife, or mother-in-law, or their mother. An "immature" father may also plan for the first child, because he needs it for status (for example, to maintain the image of a respectable father of the family). As fathers, they show themselves reluctantly, communicating with the child only after long prodding, and to the maximum shift the responsibilities of upbringing and care to the wife. When the wife of such a man begins to think about a second child and voices this dream, she may hear in response: “But then I won’t be able to change the car next year (go abroad, buy ski equipment ...)”. For these men, the letter "I" is in the first place.

Just such men are “unripe fruits” and send their wives for an abortion, despite all the arguments that she gives them. It is they who are able to embody the threat of "divorce if child leave it to life. And if they remain in the family where their second will be born child, then they will continue to shift responsibility to the wife (“you yourself wanted this child So bring him up now!”). In general, the fate of the wives of such husbands is unenviable. Is it possible to stimulate an "immature" husband so that he sincerely wants to continue himself in a second child? Is it necessary? Even if he reluctantly agrees, it will be very difficult to wait for help in education from him. He wants to live "for himself" too much, despite his marital status. In general, think a hundred times whether you are ready to educate child virtually alone, with the formal presence of his father by his side. Perhaps it is worth waiting until the husband "grows up", and perhaps this will never happen. Start your new pregnant journey, fully aware that you should rely only on your own strength.

The child as a symbol of change

Often men, even "mature ones", do not want to plan a second child because they are... afraid! None of them will admit it, but in fact it is. What are the most common male fears? First, this fear that he will not be able to "feed" his large family, because, at least for 1.5-2 years, he again becomes the sole breadwinner! Secondly, this fear of being "rejected" again, bye child small Dads remember that when their first child was born, the wife spent almost all her time baby, and she didn't have the time or energy to cook, clean, and have sex. The man remembers this feeling of "abandonment" and does not want it to repeat. Thirdly, this fear of worsening relationship with wife. The vast majority of couples are experiencing a "crisis of the birth of the first child". It lies in the fact that with the birth of the first child, the husband and wife acquire new roles of “father” and “mother”, and mastering these roles is not an easy task. It takes time to understand what it's like to be a parent. And often this period is full of mutual discontent and misunderstanding. But in the mind of a man, the time of birth child strongly associated with memories of quarrels with his wife. And so fear arises: will the same thing happen a second time? Fourth, this fear of losing your wife especially if the first birth was difficult. No, no, and the thought will flash through the male head: what if the birth goes so badly that I have to raise children alone? This fear rarely comes to the surface, into consciousness, but subconsciously it always exists, and it is he who provokes numerous male “excuses”.

Techniques that can help you in a conversation:

Idea #1: count the money. If you can figure out how much money will be spent monthly on diapers and other baby care, and you can show your spouse that this is quite feasible, even if he works alone, then half the job is done! Calculate how much is now monthly spent on family needs: clothes, food, payment of payments. Show him which parts can be temporarily cut in favor of diapers and undershirts. It might be worth it for you!

Idea #2: remind that the second baby will not appear tomorrow. Strangely, when women start talking about planning, this simple thought does not occur to men. But given that pregnancy will not come immediately, the family has some time left! And during this period, you can save up money, slowly renovate the room, and generally get used to the idea that soon the ranks of your family will be replenished with a new member.

Idea #3: remind the husband that many large things (the stroller, the crib and the rest of the dowry) were left over from the elder child, something you can buy with "maternity" or "postpartum" money. Relatives will give something else. So the main thing is the monthly content child, and it is quite feasible with a reasonable approach. And here, as they say, "the world is not without good people." Familiar mothers who have a baby will then be happy to give you little things!

Idea #4:"You are a worthy man!" Using this technique, you emphasize the headship and strength of your husband, as well as your love and respect for him. Marina, when talking with her husband about the birth of a second baby, said: “You know how many friends I have who simply do not want to have children from their husbands! They do not trust them, live with them more out of habit and see them mostly as flaws. I want child from you! I am glad that you are my husband, I love and respect you, so I want more children. This speech allowed Marina's husband to think that fatherhood is a gift of trust from his wife, it is recognition of him as a man and head of the family. And which man would refuse such a thing?

Idea #5:"Love isn't going anywhere!" This is an argument for men who are afraid that with birth child will once again recede into the background. This situation must be discussed in advance. For example, the way Tatyana did it: “Yes, I remember how often I had to eat store-bought dumplings when our first child was born. I remember sometimes you didn't have a fresh shirt because the machine was busy washing diapers. I sometimes lacked the strength to talk to you, and you must have felt lonely. Of course, when the second is born child, the first year will again be difficult. Most of my time will be taken up with his care. But know that my love hasn't gone away. Together we will overcome difficulties! It is important that a man knows that all these domestic troubles, the constant fatigue of his wife is not an indicator of discord in the relationship.

Idea #6:"You are already a father!" This argument is for those men who have experienced the turbulent period of the "crisis of the birth of the first child”, This period of misunderstanding, quarrels and grinding to the role of parents. It must be understood that the birth of the first child often leads to a crisis in the family. And by the time of the birth of the second, all the roles are already familiar, and the spouses have perfectly mastered what it is to be a mother and to be a father. You can and should tell your spouse about this, bringing the good news that there will be no new “redistribution of property”!

Idea #7:"I am well!". To ease a man's fear that something might happen to you or your baby, visit doctors before planning a pregnancy. Make sure you are healthy and ready for this challenging journey. Your own health is the key to the success of the health of the unborn baby. And report the results of the "medical examination" to your husband. Knowing that you are embarking on this path healthy, he will be less worried about your health and your baby.

Ilya, a happy father of two sons, once told me how he did not want the birth of a second child. “Our first-born was two years old when my Katerina started talking about the“ second Lyalya ”. I then could not restrain myself, and very sharply told her that the second was now out of the question. Our Maksimka was a very excitable child until the age of one and a half, he did not sleep well, he was capricious a lot. We were very tired. The wife was engaged practically only in the child. Of course, I understood that this was how it should be, but sometimes it was a shame that she even forgot to ask how my day went. Besides, I was the only earner. We did not need, of course, but there was no extra money either. In general, then the thought of a second child seemed terrible to me. Everything from the beginning again! I clearly wasn't ready." “Although I answered with a categorical “no!”, Katerina did not calm down. Only later did I realize that she had her own wise tactics. For a while, talk about the second stopped, but no, no, and she screwed stories about happy married couples with two children into our conversations. I saw how her eyes burn when she looks at the kids, I heard how she is interested in the issues of jealousy of the elders for the younger ones and how moms and dads cope with two. Gradually, I began to come to the conclusion that people live with two children! And do not live in poverty, and enjoy life! In general, the idea of ​​having a second child ceased to seem terrible to me. And then my wife told me that she went through all the doctors and is completely healthy. She once again said that she really wants "her beloved husband" to become the father of her beloved for the second time. child. And we had a big conversation. We discussed that, in general, we have enough money, all the things from the elder remained, and we are already experienced parents, so we can handle it. And now, after a little over a year, we got a second squeaky lump! When I look at him, I even remember with some shame that at first I did not want him to appear!

If your spouse is against the birth of a second child, do not be discouraged. It is quite possible that this is the very situation when "water wears away a stone." Be patient and take small steps towards your goal. Do not put pressure on a man, do not throw out a storm of discontent on him. If a woman feels an inner need to become a mother, then a man needs to be helped to realize and get used to the idea of ​​becoming a dad again. With a delicate female approach, husbands become more loyal over time, and then with the same impatience they begin to wait for the “two stripes” as their wives. Many dads then say that being a father for the second time is a very special state. If the first time they were too tense, afraid to do something wrong, and as a result they completely abandoned all attempts, then the second time they feel more confident and are able to get great pleasure from communicating with the baby.

It often happens that a conflict can occur in a family on the basis of one of the most important issues for a woman. The question that the time has come to have a second child arises most often when the first one has already grown up and the ladies begin to understand that the years go on and the age is gradually approaching the critical mark for the birth of a child. The situation is not the easiest, and the issue should be studied from all sides. And most importantly, what if the wife wants a second child, but the husband does not?

The financial side of the issue

One of the main fears of men lies precisely in finances, they are simply afraid that they will not pull another child. You can often hear a complaint from women: "I want a second child, but my husband is against it!". This is especially true for those families where the well-being is not at a sufficient level and the appearance of a baby can create a considerable hole in the budget. On the one hand, everything can be understood here. There is an unstable economic situation in the world, financial crisis, unemployment and so on. Also, in any case, the wife will have to go on maternity leave, which means that the financial issue falls entirely on the shoulders of your man. It is possible that he will have to find a second job or at least a part-time job.

Your task now is to analyze the current situation. If you adequately understand that it will be difficult to pull out all family issues, forget about your idea for a while, at least until the situation regarding money matters improves. Consider also such a moment as living space. If you have a one-room or two-room apartment, then the four of you will live in such a room a little cramped.

According to experts, giving birth to a second, or even a third or fourth child, when a husband and wife can barely make ends meet, is a real selfishness on the part of parents. Remember that children are not only the flowers of life, but also a rather expensive pleasure, so the decision should be based not only on the word “I want”, but also evaluated from the side of opportunities. Your responsibility is to ensure that your child has a happy childhood.

Is your husband satisfied?

Why does the husband not want a second child? Such a development of events is also possible: the first child took away from both you and your husband a sufficient amount of strength, both moral and physical. Perhaps he was very restless, had some kind of health problem and rarely let him get enough sleep at night. It is possible that your spouse just wants to live in peace and quiet for a while, replenish his energy balance, spend more time with you, and not constantly think about how to calm a crying baby. Do not blame him for this, such a position is quite understandable and acceptable. Perhaps you need to rest and relax as your first child grows up.

Most likely, your spouse has just begun to understand the happiness of fatherhood and you should not break off your beloved buzz with a second baby, it’s better to wait. If this is your problem, then the only thing that will help you take a step towards resolving the situation is to promise your man that you will not limit him and will not involve him in caring for the child beyond measure. Maybe he will agree to such conditions. But before you make such a promise, think a thousand times: are you ready to put such a responsibility on your fragile shoulders. Will you be able to cope with the baby, housekeeping and the first child alone?

If you have support in the form of a mother or mother-in-law, then it will be much easier to cope with the whole cycle of affairs. If your maternal instinct gets the better of your fear of difficulties, then there is no reason to refuse. The only thing you must understand is that you will not have the right to complain about your spouse. It was your choice.

Does your husband think it's enough to have one child?

Many people, and your husband may be one of them, have clear concepts and established moral principles that may concern the fact that there can be one child in a family. This opinion can be supported by the fact that it is easier to live this way, make plans for the future, it means less responsibility and more free time that you can spend on yourself. This position is especially characteristic of those families where the man was the first and only child in the family. People who did not have brothers and sisters simply cannot understand how wonderful it is when a child has someone to play with, when children have support and support not only in the face of their parents, but also in the face of each other.

A big strong family is always great. On the other hand, there is another side of the coin here. Your man could grow up in a family that was too large, where the younger ones bore the elders, finances were tight, there was not enough parental attention for all the kids, and family relationships did not go well. Since then, your spouse has firmly decided that this will not happen again in his family.

The child is a burden

Another common reason why a man does not want to have a second baby may lie in the fact that he simply cooled down to his wife, and the firstborn turned into a real burden. The only thing that can be done in this situation is to start painstaking work on your own relationships, carefully work on your own and his life principles. If your problem lies precisely in this reason, then it is better to seek help from a specialist who will help you cope with the problem, find common interests, common ground, and also help your husband change his attitude towards children in principle.

The very first thing you should do is talk to your husband. Calmly, reasonably, adequately. Try to do it without screaming, don't give ultimatums, don't throw tantrums, and so on. It certainly won't lead to anything good. Adequately assess the situation, weigh the pros and cons. Prepare your spouse for a conversation, and you can change a lot, because the power is in the word. It already depends on you whether the husband will change his mind or categorically refuse the second child.

My husband does not want a second child, what should I do? Be sure to tell him that the baby will not appear an hour after you make a decision, this takes time. For some reason, many men completely do not take into account the fact that 9 months is a lot, and during this period you can prepare for everything, including mentally.

What arguments can you convince your husband?

You are pregnant with the second, and the husband does not want a child? Try to convince him with the following arguments. Since you already have a child, most of the things from him are probably left over and they are perfect for a newborn, so one item of expenditure can be canceled. It is unlikely that you threw away the stroller, crib, bath, toys and other things necessary for small children. Do not forget to tell your spouse about this, because the presence of such important things will immediately reduce your financial costs for the newborn. If the financial part of the question is not terrible for you, convince him that you will not love him less after the birth of the child. Often men are simply afraid of becoming unnecessary and superfluous in their own family. Your task is to overcome all difficulties together and support each other in difficult times. How did you get on with your firstborn? If the husband still does not want a second child, what to do, the following tips will tell you.

What to do next?

Husband doesn't want a second child? Tips don't help? Yes, it is possible that no persuasion, arguments, psychologists, and so on will help you resolve the situation. Your desire will remain the same, and your husband will not make any concessions. What to do? You can resort to certain female tricks, but do not forget that here the responsibility lies only on your shoulders. You shouldn’t whine to everyone in a row: “I’m constantly crying, my husband doesn’t want a second child,” it’s better to take action from tears.

Husband not sure about you

One of the most important reasons is the lack of confidence in your own lady of the heart. In this case, the birth of a second child can be perceived by the spouse as a way in which the woman only wants to bind him more strongly to herself. Therefore, if you hear a categorical refusal, try to analyze your relationship with him. If you adequately understand that everything is not going as it should, then you will have to prove to your chosen one that you can be relied upon, that you can be trusted.

Uncertainty due to bad experiences of other couples

Often we look at the bad examples of other families and project their experiences onto ourselves. Maybe one of your friends got divorced after having a second child and your husband is just worried that a similar story will happen to you. Men are especially afraid of this if, in other couples, after the breakup, it became difficult for the husband to fully spend time with the children. No matter how critical the situation of another family may seem, try to convey to your spouse that the fate of your family has nothing to do with other people and has nothing to do with what happens to others. After all, you are the masters of your own happiness.

Failed to reach an agreement?

If the issue cannot be resolved by dialogue, you can try to bargain, that is, offer something in return. It often turns out that an adequate conversation between spouses does not work, here you will have to choose a different tactic. The husband may not just not understand his motives, he may in principle refuse to make contact, even if you struggled to explain the importance of the issue that is before you. There are several possible scenarios here. And these options cannot be considered correct, and even more so they are in no way suitable for those families in which trust and mutual understanding reign.

If you build trusting relationships, then nothing good will come of it. When you are already sure that the birth of a second child is a matter of prime necessity and there is no turning back, then you should find a pressure point. For example, your spouse has long been trying to persuade you to quit your job, but you do not agree, now is the time to promise to do it. Thus, you change the opportunity to give birth to a child that your spouse has long dreamed of getting. It can be not only work, but some kind of expensive purchase, a trip. In general, absolutely any concession that you did not agree to before. Such a gesture on your part will enable your husband to realize how strong and responsible your decision is.

If this method also does not work, try to explain that such a categorical unwillingness to find a way out of the situation suggests that your spouse simply does not respect your opinion. Think about whether it is worth maintaining a relationship with a person who does not want to reckon with your opinion in any way. Maybe if the husband understands that he can lose you at any moment, he will agree to your proposals and go forward.