Mother-in-law got it: how to put it in its place? How to get rid of your mother-in-law's influence on your family life? How to separate your husband from your mother-in-law

Despite the fact that the classic character in jokes is the mother-in-law, perhaps the most complex relationships develop between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. For many, the mother-in-law is an imperious, always dissatisfied woman who does not miss the opportunity to devalue and reproach: “You wash with the wrong product, you put the children to bed at the wrong time, you feed your husband with the wrong thing.” Some go further and begin to clean up the daughter-in-law’s house, and some even easily clean out the chests of drawers and closets in the bedroom of their married son. Should we fight this state of affairs with the help of scandals or endure it in silence? Both are meaningless. Let's figure out how to choose an effective strategy and improve relationships with your husband's mother.

Why mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships don't work out

As a rule, the mother-in-law's behavior is explained by jealousy and inability to recognize the fact that he has already grown up. In a certain sense, this is true: an emotional connection that has been formed over the years cannot completely disappear. Therefore, when a son gets married, along with joy, the mother experiences sadness, fear and concern, even if she never interfered with his independence.

“How will my son live further, will the woman he marries hurt him, will she come between me and my son, will she limit our communication, will he cope with all the difficulties without me?” and - perhaps most importantly - “will my child need me, will he reject me for another?” – this anxiety is natural. Normally, you can cope with it if you realize that the son is able to independently manage his life and no longer needs his mother to the extent that he needed it as a child.

Through this awareness, a transformation of relationships occurs, which move from the “parent-child” level to the “adult-adult” level. Otherwise, anxiety goes off scale, and from it suspicion and the need for control and influence on your now adult son are born.

The daughter-in-law, for her part, brings into the family her own way of relating to her own mother and her childhood traumas. One thing multiplied by another sometimes gives unpredictable and unpleasant results.

Mistakes in relationships with mother-in-law

How to win your husband from your mother-in-law? Many women ask this question, not realizing that by doing so they begin to build relationships in terms of struggle - and this is definitely a path to nowhere. To be fair, it must be said that it is often the mother-in-law herself who sets the tone. Phrases like “but I’m your age...”, “I never told my husband...”, “I don’t understand how it’s possible...” and other subtle hints at the daughter-in-law’s inadequacy create a context of superiority and rivalry. The daughter-in-law is not a little girl waiting for moral instruction, so, as a rule, she accepts the challenge. All this leads to common mistakes in relationships with mother-in-law.

Error 1: try to please and behave in accordance with the expectations of the mother-in-law, listening to reproaches

If you follow your mother-in-law's lead and try to please her, you automatically admit that you are not good enough for her son. “You didn’t wash the dishes well” - rub more carefully, “You don’t cook breakfast for your husband” - you get up early in the morning, even if you have a small child and you fell asleep at dawn.

The origins of this behavior are most likely in the incomplete separation from your own mother, which you project onto your mother-in-law. By expecting praise and recognition, you thereby put yourself in the position of a child, and your mother-in-law in the position of a parent who decides for you whether you are doing well or not. This gives a powerful advantage to the mother-in-law in her relationship with her son. In my practice, there was a case when a mother and son debriefed their daughter-in-law, telling her at a family council what and how she was doing wrong. Not surprisingly, this relationship ended in divorce.

Another example: my client did everything to earn the praise of her mother-in-law, and over time, when she came from another city, she began to suffer from migraines. Psychosomatic pain freed her from the need to communicate, but this did not save the situation: the mother-in-law continued in the same spirit, making comments about the sickly appearance of the children and poor-quality food in the refrigerator.

What to do

• Don't try to form a relationship with your mother-in-law overnight. For your husband she is a close person, for you she is a stranger. If you go for rapprochement immediately and quickly, you risk building communication with your mother-in-law through your projections. For example, you should not call your mother-in-law mom and address her as “you” immediately after the wedding, despite the brief acquaintance and awkwardness: this way you maintain a completely unnecessary child-parent context. Treat yourself like an adult, which means respecting your needs. Deepen your relationship at a pace that is comfortable for you and only to the extent that is sufficient for you.
• Do not forget to draw boundaries - do not tolerate intrusion into forbidden territory, say “no” immediately and unambiguously. Remember, marking and protecting borders is your task. If bedroom chests of drawers and wardrobes are taboo for outsiders, the mother-in-law should know about it. If words do not work, move on to sanctions, but remember that they must be adequate and understandable: put locks on the cabinet, and do not limit her communication with the children. In this way, you clearly show what you see as unacceptable behavior, otherwise it is revenge, not protection.
• Don’t let go of sarcastic remarks, don’t overthink things, and don’t behave in accordance with your conjectures. If you hear that “my son is completely thin,” clarify what your mother-in-law means, what she expects from you, and share your opinion about this situation. Such a dialogue may end unexpectedly. For example, my friend’s mother-in-law, in a conversation with her daughter-in-law about how her son was eating, began to cry because she realized that he no longer needed her as a nurse. Over time, this realization prompted her to reconsider her life’s meanings.

Error 2: constantly bicker with your mother-in-law and involve your husband in this fight

If your mother-in-law's criticism pulls the rug out from under your feet and causes severe rejection and anger, most likely you are not confident enough in yourself as a wife and mother. Often, behind a violent reaction lies an unconscious guilt: “I’m probably really doing everything wrong.” To protect yourself from these feelings, you have to quickly push the offender out of your territory - respond with rudeness, that is, protect your boundaries while violating others. Often aggression is passive: they gave the wrong gift, they arrived at the wrong time, they fed the grandson the wrong way. If at the same time you complain to your husband and look for a defender in him, two options are possible. He will resist, and then quarrels are inevitable, or he will take your side - in this case, his communication with his parents may stop altogether.

Finding a balance between contact and protecting boundaries in such a scenario is difficult, so the relationship with the mother-in-law does not develop, but is strangled in the bud. The pay can be high: scandals with the husband, deterioration of relations between grandmother and grandchildren - often up to a complete break.

What to do

• Do not react to value judgments and criticism with aggression. Instead, learn to have a dialogue with your mother-in-law: find out what she means and be interested in her experiences. My friend’s mother-in-law once expressed dissatisfaction because she was late for a meeting with her mother, her husband’s grandmother. The friend sincerely asked why she was so upset. It turned out that the grandmother called her mother-in-law and in the conversation began to rudely condemn her and her grandson, reproaching her for improper upbringing, ingratitude, and the like. The mother-in-law experienced unpleasant emotions that were difficult for her to cope with. After talking, both calmed down, the mother-in-law asked for forgiveness, and the daughter-in-law sympathized.
• Do not involve your husband in sorting out relations with your mother-in-law, otherwise you risk ending up in the Karpman triangle, where the mother-in-law is the aggressor, you are the victim, and the husband is the savior. As you know, the roles in the triangle change, and from a victim you will inevitably turn into an aggressor, and the mother-in-law from an aggressor into a victim. Your husband will find himself between two fires. This scenario leads to a deterioration in relations. Instead, try to resolve all controversial issues yourself, taking responsibility for your role in the “daughter-in-law - mother-in-law” relationship rather than shifting it to your husband.

Relationships between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are often complicated by disagreements.

The mother-in-law's constant interference in her son's family life can greatly ruin his relationship with his wife.

For this reason, daughters-in-law often think about how to put their mother-in-law in her place.

How to be happy in family life? Find out about this from ours.

Psychology of relations between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

True love and mutual respect are found in the relationship between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law quite rare.

Even with outward friendly communication, these women, as a rule, have a large number of complaints against each other.

On the part of the daughter-in-law, a negative attitude towards her mother-in-law may be caused by jealousy, sense of ownership towards her husband or the characteristics of a young woman.

But often a bad attitude is formed in response to the negative behavior of the husband's mother.

The main reasons why a mother-in-law may behave aggressively towards her daughter-in-law:

How to communicate with an energy vampire in the family? they will tell you!

What to do if your husband's mother..?

Daughter-in-law's behavior strategy directly depends on the character traits of the mother-in-law. It is necessary to clearly identify existing problems and develop an action plan.

Energy Vampire

Energy vampires replenish their energy reserves at the expense of their interlocutors. During communication, vampires constantly complain about life, talk about their failures and illnesses. They may do this intentionally or unknowingly.

In most cases, the interlocutors of such people become involved in communication and adopt a negative mood.

The desire to calm the energy vampire or the appearance of irritation in response to his complaints cause a surge of negative energy in the interlocutor. This response gives the vampire strength and stimulation.

The best way out of the situation is to stop this “donation”.

Necessary keep communication with your mother-in-law to a minimum.

If this cannot be done, you should develop a calm attitude towards the situation. It is important to remain calm during communication and not to worry.

Manipulator

Manipulators strive bend others to your will. Most often this is achieved by inducing a feeling of guilt in the “victim”.

With such behavior of the mother-in-law, it is important to be able to recognize situations in which she takes advantage of the current situation to satisfy her interests.

If her manipulations are aimed at her husband, it is important to try to open his eyes to the true motives of his mother’s behavior and teach him not to fall for her tricks.

If the mother-in-law tries to manipulate the daughter-in-law herself, it is necessary take a defensive position and defend your interests in any situation.

Selfish

An egoist always cares only about satisfying your desires and whims.

The interests of other people do not matter to him.

The best way out in such a situation is "mirror" answer.

In response to the selfishness of the mother-in-law, it is necessary to develop a similar attitude towards her.

Never give up your plans to please her requests, never change your mind under her pressure.

A woman treats you badly

Daughters-in-law rarely remain indifferent to the current conflict situation. They worry for the following reasons:

Interferes with children's upbringing

Often the mother-in-law, as a grandmother, strives to raise her son’s children. The lack of a good relationship with the daughter-in-law can provoke constant conflicts regarding the relationship between the grandmother and the children. Main problems:

Turns your spouse against you

Often mothers-in-law try to get rid of their daughter-in-law through their son. They strive to turn a man against his wife, draw attention to themselves and arrange provocations. Recommendations in such situations:

Gets into relationships

The mother-in-law interferes in the relationship, trying to control her son's life. Also, her intervention may have a specific goal - to ruin the relationship between her son and his wife. How to fight7 Recommendations in such situations:

How to properly distribute responsibilities in the family? you will find on our website.

Destroyed the family

Marriage is the union of a man and a woman. If the couple is married, then the reason for the divorce does not lie in the behavior of the mother-in-law. A man, respecting and loving his mother, must behave like the head of the family and protect the interests of his wife and children.

A woman must find the strength to show herself patience, tact and cunning. A poor relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is just one of the many difficulties that spouses can face.

If the mother-in-law was able to destroy the family through her actions, then there was no real intimacy, trust and mutual support between husband and wife.

Thus, they are complicated by a huge number of mutual claims and demands.

Maintaining peace in the family is possible only if all participants make a choice in the relationship competent tactics of behavior. This applies not only to the two women, but also to the reason for their argument - the man.

How to defeat your mother-in-law? Psychology of relationships:

A harmonious relationship between spouses is an incredibly painstaking work in which both partners take part. But what to do if a “third wheel” - the husband’s mother - constantly gets into the relationship? Many women face the same problem: the husband listens to the advice of his mother-in-law, and she, in turn, constantly manipulates her son, interferes in quarrels and conflicts occurring in the family, and often pits her own child against her daughter-in-law. The problem of how to get rid of your mother-in-law is truly global. Very often, conflicts with the husband’s mother become the cause of discord in relationships and even divorce. Even if you are well acquainted with psychology and apply all existing methods of diplomacy, this does not mean at all that you will be able to influence your own mother-in-law. The fact is that there are types of people who are initially tuned to negativity. Any attempts to establish peaceful relations with such a person will lead to nothing. So how to get along with your mother-in-law or how to get your husband away from your mother-in-law? We invite you to talk about this right now!

Psychological background

When getting married, every girl expects that she and her husband will have a friendly and strong family. Unfortunately, sometimes these dreams remain just dreams. The mother-in-law brings nervousness and serious discord into the relationship. Psychology gives the answer: the fact is that many mothers cannot come to terms with the idea that their beloved boy has grown up and is no longer under parental control and care. The mother continues to control her son’s every step, regularly comes to his house with checks, can call dozens of times a day, and demand a minute-by-minute report. Of course, this will irritate the wife.

A man’s excessive attachment to his mother also plays a special role in this. You won't be able to get rid of this problem overnight. The fact is that the dependence of these two people on each other has been formed over many years. Maternal overprotection may have many secret intentions and reasons. When deciding how to get your husband away from your mother-in-law, you will have to fight not with the character of this woman, but with those images and attachments that have long entered the subconscious of the husband and his mother. The fact is that if your spouse had a desire to get rid of his overly annoying mother, he would have done it a long time ago. Your main task is to awaken this desire in him.

Two housewives in one kitchen

The situation is aggravated when the couple lives in the mother-in-law's house. One woman will sooner or later have the desire to take the reins. If a daughter-in-law lives on her mother-in-law’s property, she will have a very hard time, especially if this is her husband’s childhood home, where she is a stranger, albeit a loved one. Of course, it is very difficult to find some kind of universal recipe that will make life easier, but there are a number of rules, following which you can solve the problem of how to get your husband away from your mother-in-law forever!

Non-aggression pact

Many women ask the question: “What should I do if my mother-in-law lives with us and turns her husband against me?” Psychologists say: when you are trying to redo everything in your own way in your husband’s mother’s house, first of all try to think about whether you would like such a situation when someone is in charge of your kitchen? The first rule can be deduced: under no circumstances make rationalization proposals for organizing your mother-in-law’s life. You can either remain silent or admire this woman as a hostess. Under no circumstances complain to your husband’s mother about your significant other’s behavior. In her eyes, you should always be happy with your own husband. The fact is that she can listen to you and sympathize with you, but she will always be on the side of her child. Don’t let your mother-in-law drag you into conflicts and showdowns! Remember, in such a dispute the truth is not born; you can only gain a negative attitude towards each other. Please note: this should in no way look like your defeat or weak character! Just try to switch your mother-in-law’s attention to completely unrelated things during arguments.

No ultimatums

Of course, one can understand the daughter-in-law’s dissatisfaction and irritation due to the fact that the mother-in-law constantly turns her husband against her. However, it is necessary to refrain from scandals and quarrels, and even more so from ultimatums like “Choose: either me or her.” Do not forget that it will be difficult for your spouse to make a decision, because he literally finds himself between two fires. Do not under any circumstances interfere with his meetings with his mother, by doing so you can only worsen an already difficult situation. In this case, in the eyes of your spouse, his relatives and friends, you will appear as a selfish, insensitive and jealous woman. And believe me, in order to convince everyone around you of this, your mother-in-law will not spare any time or effort.

Out of sight, out of mind

The most reliable way to get rid of a monster-in-law is to go far away! In the event that after the wedding you intend to live or already live with this woman under the same roof, there will be absolutely no point in further actions. You won’t get your husband away from your mother-in-law, but she may well do something similar. That is why move: no matter where - to the other end of the city, to another region, or even better to the other end of the country. This way you will have to see your mother-in-law much less often. It is the condition of territorial remoteness, according to psychologists, that makes it possible to resolve the issue of how to get a husband away from his mother-in-law. In your soulmate, the shoots of independence and psychological independence from your mother will emerge. All you have to do is direct events in the direction you want.

The other side of the coin

True, this method may have several disadvantages. For example, it may turn out that your spouse is completely incapable of making decisions; over a long period of time you will have to guide him, babysit him and endure his whims. It is you who will have to replace his mother in all areas of life for some time. Psychologists recommend creating your own rules for your husband instead of your mother’s, which were lost. Of course, at first you will have to make decisions alone, giving your husband only instructions. Of course, this is not the best option, but your spouse will be entirely yours.

It is possible that your chosen one has long wanted to escape from his mother, but was worried that he would lose a number of household amenities. Only by getting rid of his mother's yoke will he be able to understand the superiority of independent life. In the event that the annoying mother continues to bother you, and your husband follows her lead, try to put on a performance: provoke a situation where the interests of your significant other and his mother collide, as they say, “head to head.” For example, if your spouse is going to a football match and has already bought tickets, try to negotiate with your mother-in-law about a visit to her on the same day, promise her that your husband and her son will take her to the dacha or to the clinic that day. Is it possible to refuse your own mother? Such a moment, according to psychologists, will allow you to turn the tide of hostilities with your bad mother-in-law in your direction and push her away from your family.

Night cuckoo

What to do if your mother-in-law interferes with your life? Experts in the field of family relations say: putting your husband before a choice between himself and his own mother is the greatest stupidity. Life between two fires will certainly end in scandals and even depression. You will not be able to separate your husband from his loved one forever, because any child always worries about his parents. Experts recommend prioritizing in bed. Yes, you understood everything correctly: for some time you will have to manipulate your husband through lovemaking. The word “wife” should be associated with passionate nights, and your name should be the key to erotic memories. After this, you will no longer need the advice of a psychologist on how to get your husband away from your mother-in-law. Monologues from your husband’s mother with a negative connotation in your direction will fly in one ear and out the other!

Open dialogue

As long as the presence of your mother-in-law is felt in your life literally at every step, try to talk frankly with your spouse. Explain the current situation to him. This should be done in as calm a tone as possible; the emphasis in such a conversation should be on the fact that he is an adult man. At the same time, it is extremely important not to demonstrate a negative attitude towards his mother. Just gently hint that your mother-in-law is too much in your personal life. The time that your husband spends talking on the phone or visiting her can be made much more interesting and inspiring! Do not swear at your mother-in-law under any circumstances, do not use expressions such as “Your mother is sick of me!” Out of pure principle, your husband can remember how many times his “favorite” mother-in-law annoyed him. This means that the conversation will end with getting personal and a terrible scandal. Instead, clarify that you understand that the mother is worried about her child and wants him to feel good. After this, it is worth bringing up the main argument: explain to your husband that he is an adult and independent man, the head of the family, and should not be allowed to be treated like a helpless baby.

Nobody's perfect

What to do if your mother-in-law is a monster? Is it possible to separate her husband from her? Experts say: her own misdeeds will help you with this! If your relationship with your husband’s mother does not work out, try to make your husband very disappointed in her. The fact is that over many years he had a certain opinion about his mother. If you manage to provoke a sharp deviation from the usual image, it may simply disorient your spouse. He may not accept the new image of his mother and even reject it for a long time.

Reduce communication

Women often complain: “My mother-in-law is turning my husband against me.” What to do in such a situation? Reduce contact between your spouse and his mother. You need to find plausible excuses that will allow you to do this. Of course, sometimes this is very difficult, because many mothers-in-law press for pity, saying that this is the fate of all mothers: to raise a child and become unnecessary, some women begin to reproach their son for selfishness and ingratitude. How many times has your husband heard from his mother: “I gave birth to you, raised you, and now your wife comes first!”? Be steadfast. You can refer to your husband’s busyness at work, his sports activities, or something else. But under no circumstances talk about your spouse’s poor health, in this situation you will never get rid of a bad mother-in-law!

Bitchy mother in law

The most difficult type of mother-in-law is a powerful woman who is used to absolutely everyone obeying her. Most often, such a lady has only one son; of course, she will even control the process of his breathing! It is incredibly difficult to discourage your chosen one from such a mother-in-law. In addition, she simply will not allow you to establish diplomatic relations with her. She will see you only as a servant for her own son. At the same time, she is firmly convinced that you are not a match for her adored child. What to do if such “Armageddon in a skirt” prevents you from leaving to another continent, or at least to the other end of the city? How to deal with your mother-in-law who sees you as an enemy? Psychologists recommend not to let this situation take its course, because the main goal of a despot mother-in-law is your divorce. The thing is that her beloved son is the basis of her existence; she has absolutely no other goals. That is why psychologists recommend trying to find a new meaning in life for this woman. To do this, you need to thoroughly study the interests of your husband’s mother, her dreams and plans. For example, if all her life she has dreamed of growing crocuses and tulips, but instead works, say, as a primary school teacher, give her a small greenhouse, of course, as an addition to a cozy country house. Believe me, all your expenses will pay off triple! It is extremely important to approach this process creatively and in no case deviate from the intended goal.

Let's do it the old fashioned way

Women who find themselves in a difficult situation related to their mother-in-law cannot be envied. Very often they do not have enough strength, imagination, or simply time to understand how to get their husband away from his mother-in-law. In ancient times, it was customary to fight such women with the help of various lapels and conspiracies. Some magical rituals have reached us, after which mother and son cease to be interested in each other. Which ritual to choose? It depends on what kind of relationship there is in your family. The fact is that completely different options are suitable for each case.

For example, a number of conspiracies help to get rid of annoying moralizing, others are aimed at preventing the mother of your other half from interfering in your personal relationships. And sometimes young women want their mother-in-law to completely forget the way to the house. First of all, esotericists recommend performing a ritual that helps improve relationships with your mother-in-law. He stops the swearing and awakens love for his daughter-in-law in the heart of the husband’s mother. In order to perform this ritual, you will need to purchase 7 candles from the temple and bake a cake with your own hands. The best time for this is a full moon or a waxing moon. Around midnight you need to place candles on the floor to create a circle. At exactly 12 o'clock you need to light the candles, place the pie in the middle of the circle and stand in it yourself. After this, you need to read the following text 7 times:

Now I am my own mother, the one who gave birth to my beloved! So that there were no barriers between us, calm reigned and everything went smoothly! I attract the forces of goodness and love to the hearth; an envious enemy will not penetrate there! We must get rid of anger and hatred, and get rid of hostility! I have prepared a delicious pie, when you taste the sweet piece, you will love me and call me your beloved daughter-in-law! From now on and forever you will be like a legitimate mother to me! Candles will help me in the twilight, a love spell, sending it to you! Amen!

These words can be learned, or you can write them by hand on white paper. After this, the candles must burn out completely, the cinders must be wrapped in the paper on which the plot was written, then buried in a place where no one can set foot. And you will have to eat the pie together with your husband’s mother. In the event that the mother-in-law interferes too actively in family affairs, while exerting a strong influence on her son, a conspiracy will help that will allow her to be driven away from home. The ritual is quite simple; you should choose the time for it when the moon is waning. At sunrise, you need to take a handful of salt in your palms and say the following words:

Salted salt, white salt, bulk salt! Help the servant of God (name) get away from my house, so that she can live her life, do her business, and not be interested in mine or her husband’s and not interfere. Help me get rid of her advice and complaints. Protect from anger and hostility. Make her forget the way to our house and stop coming to us! Amen!

You need to repeat this plot nine times in a row, and then scatter salt at the threshold of your mother-in-law’s house. A month later, you need to perform the ritual again. You will see that your mother-in-law will become less interested in her son’s affairs, will find something exciting to do and will stop interfering endlessly in your life!

A harmonious relationship between husband and wife is painstaking work in which both take part. But what to do if a “third wheel” - the husband’s mother - constantly gets into the relationship?

Year after year, many women face the same problem: the husband obeys his mother in everything, the mother-in-law constantly manipulates her son, gets into conflicts and, perhaps, even turns her child against her daughter-in-law.
The problem of how to get a mother-in-law away from her husband is, in fact, global in nature. Often conflicts with mother-in-law become the cause of relationship breakdown and even divorce.

I have been married for about 5 years, after the wedding my husband and I lived with my mother-in-law (she is divorced). After constant conflicts with her (she always meddled in our affairs, even when we quarreled with my husband), I barely persuaded my husband to move to live separately, but six months have passed, and at the slightest problem my husband is going to move in with his mother again. I don’t know what to do, we have a small son. His mother-in-law constantly tells him that she is sad to live alone. I don't want to step on the same rake. But divorce is not a way out of the situation, but I no longer see any other way out of this situation. How to get your mother-in-law away from your husband?

HOW TO GET YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW AWAY FROM YOUR HUSBAND? LET'S LOOK INTO CHILDHOOD...

Anal-visual boys deserve a separate topic for conversation about how to get your mother-in-law away from her husband.

Obedient, flexible. For them, mother is the most important word in the world. The most sacred, the most beloved. Relationships with the mother are of great importance for a child with an anal vector and largely determine future relationships with women. Lack of care and attention on the part of the mother can become the root of serious resentment and the cause of unsuccessful relationships in the future. But overprotection and the suffocating love of a mother are also destructive for such a child.
Often it is the skin-visual mother who grows up with a son with a “good boy” complex. Praise, which is very important for any person with an anal vector, becomes a means of manipulation for his mother. An anal-visual child who really wants to be loved can become dependent on praise and approval if he goes too far all the time. His whole meaning in life begins to boil down to the desire to be good (and good, first of all, for his mother). He is afraid of doing something wrong, afraid of what may cause disapproval from others, afraid of refusing people, of saying “no.” Such a person is easy to “use” for his own selfish interests.

HOW TO GET YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW AWAY FROM YOUR HUSBAND? THERE WAS A SON, BECAME... A HUSBAND

How can I get my mother-in-law away from her husband? After all, the skin-visual mother hits the sickest, constantly presses on pity and plays on the feeling of guilt. To all this is added an innate theatrical talent, and... as soon as the son “gets out of hand” and tries to act on his own, fainting, heart problems, tears and lamentations begin, with the obligatory prediction of his imminent death.

It often happens that an anal-visual son still marries (despite all the mother’s tears). And everything seems to be fine, but this same mother-in-law is constantly interfering with the relationship. She doesn’t want to be left alone (fear of the visual vector), so she asks her son and daughter-in-law to live with her. And then it begins... The daughter-in-law becomes an eternal “scapegoat”: she cooks wrong, washes wrong, and does everything wrong. The mother constantly makes herself known, compares herself with her daughter-in-law, shows all the shortcomings of the second. The daughter-in-law is the main enemy for the skin-visual mother-in-law, because she took her son away and became the reason for the weakening of the emotional connection. “Now you don’t need a mother!” - endless reproaches are poured down on the son, who seems to live between two fires. Harmonious relationships turn into a series of squabbles and scandals, the instigator of most of which is the mother-in-law.

HOW TO GET YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW AWAY FROM YOUR HUSBAND? CHICKEN RUNNAY

Then what should we do? Is it really not possible to make sure that “the wolves are fed and the sheep are safe”? There is, of course, the first step to solving the problem - realizing the reason for such a relationship between a mother and her son. After all, if the husband understands that he is being manipulated, he will stop reacting to emotional blackmail from his mother. How to get your mother-in-law away from your husband? - help her understand herself!

How to get your mother-in-law away from your husband? There are no unsolvable situations. The step to solving any problem is the same: know yourself and others.

The son has long become independent, and his mother is still trying to look after him, calling him, giving advice - alas, the situation is so common that millions of women begin to think about how they can get their mother-in-law away from their husband, so that this woman will finally stop interfering in their lives . Today, a professional psychologist gives advice to women on this topic.

How to get your mother-in-law away from your husband and reduce her influence

“I’m married, no children. My problem is my relationship with my mother-in-law. The fact is that I am very independent, I achieved everything in life myself, I made all life decisions without the participation of my parents - that’s how I was raised.

The husband was raised differently, all decisions in his family are made by his mother, and both he and his older sister are accustomed to “locking up” problems with their mother, who, with tenacity and fighting spirit, rushes into battle and smashes any obstacles in her path, solving any problems with one blow.

And now, when I have my own family, I seem to live independently, separately from my parents and his, I am forced to think about how to get my mother-in-law away from my husband. Out of habit, the husband takes everything “for judgment” to his mother, who, also out of habit, decides with a powerful combat attack.

And all my logical arguments about solving the problem are shattered by her impenetrable “armor” of words: “What are you telling me here, I’ve done this all my life and I’m not going to do it differently.” The relationship with my mother-in-law became unbearable.

The worst thing is that my habit of living independently now interferes with family relationships with my husband. For him, his mother was and remains an indisputable authority, and he motivates everything simply: “She won’t wish me harm - she’s a mother after all!” (some kind of personality cult!)

An attempt to discourage the mother-in-law from her husband and explain to her husband that she sees his current life rather one-sidedly, that she cannot take into account all the nuances, since after all, this is our family life, not hers, that she can make mistakes and draw the wrong conclusions, no which didn’t lead to. He either consults with her and his decision is completely her decision, or he refuses to do anything at all, relying on me. The result is conflicts. Dina Vitkovskaya."

Psychologist Elena Poryvaeva answers how to get your mother-in-law away from her husband:

Alas, this cannot be explained to my mother-in-law. Because she basically won’t want to and won’t be able to understand this. In her understanding, her son will always be a little boy who needs his mother's care and mother's advice.

Perhaps you married a big child so you could remain independent. Because due to our double morality, we often have two extremes: either a macho man who communicates with his wife according to the principle “shut your mouth, woman, when horsemen are talking,” or a man-child who wants to see his wife as a mommy and only for that reason initially ready to listen to her. Of course, there is a “golden mean”, but it must be sought and even created somewhere. And you may have unconsciously preferred one of the extremes.

But now it should be noted that it will be difficult to discourage the mother-in-law from her husband and it is useless to expect such a husband to express his opinion. He simply doesn’t have his own opinion - only his mother’s! In addition, he is completely uncritical of the behavior of his own parent (this condition usually occurs in children from about one to three years old, but in other individuals, as you can see, it sometimes remains for the rest of their lives).

You write that you are trying to teach him. First of all, sorry, it's late. And secondly, as soon as you start teaching and raising him, you immediately cause a natural hostile reaction from your mother-in-law, because you become her rival and competitor - after all, only a mother can raise this child. And you are thus encroaching on her place!

You ask: “How to get your mother-in-law away from her husband and who makes decisions in the family - us or her.” But, excuse me, there is no “we” in your family yet - there is you, your husband and his mother, and your question essentially sounds different - who makes the decisions, you personally or her? That is, you are actually asking your spouse to make a choice between you and your mother. The situation is very dangerous. If only because an infantile boy, being backed up to the wall, will choose his mother only out of a sense of self-defense...

The first option: grab your husband under the arm like a little boy and drag him away from his mother, beyond her reach. That is, in fact, replace the wife’s mother.

The second is divorce.

The third is to become your mother-in-law’s daughter, indulge her in everything and obey her. Then she will stop being afraid of you and begin to love you, but in her own way, just like her son, without giving you any independence.

And the fourth - you mentioned it yourself: learn diplomacy. Don’t shout, excuse me, into trouble, but subtly manipulate the situation.

How to get your mother-in-law away from her future husband

“I’m 28 years old, my boyfriend is a year and a half younger than me, but that’s not the point. We've been together for a year now. We lived in different cities, and I often stayed with him. As a result, my relationship with his mother did not work out, and, despite his crazy love for me, our relationship changed.

I know he loves me and the fact that he respects his mother is important to me, but I constantly feel her influence on our relationship. If earlier she suggested that he leave with me and rent an apartment, now that I live alone, she is offended that he is almost never at home. His mother is a manipulator, I don’t know how to get my mother-in-law away from her future husband and what to do... Alexandra Galuza.”

Psychologist Elena Poryvaeva answers how to get your mother-in-law away from her future husband:

Alexandra, I’m afraid that in this situation your role is that of a passive observer. Interfering in the relationship between your man and his mother is a thankless task. He is almost 27 years old, he is not married and he has a very affectionate relationship with his mother - this already says a lot.

At the very least, I would have a suspicion that this is not the first time that a mother has interfered in her son’s personal life, since most guys at this age are more likely to be “no longer married” than “not yet married.” Not everything, of course, but...

In general, based on the totality of the “symptoms,” it will be difficult to push the mother-in-law away from her husband, because his mother is a manipulator, an owner, who is burdened by the very thought that her “boy” might love someone more than her. Hence your problems with her.

By definition, she will not be able to treat you well, since for her you are a rival who wants to “steal” her “man” from her. The situation is very similar to the love triangle “wife - husband - mistress”.

But “a wife is not a wall,” and in general, in one man’s life there can be many wives, but there can be only one mother. Actually, it is precisely this logic that such mothers operate with. It is curious that they themselves are very afraid of growing old, they do not want grandchildren who will “make them grandmothers,” and the grandchildren who are born are treated either coolly or as the children of their son, and not the children of their son and daughter-in-law.

In short, the most you can do is not to discourage your mother-in-law from her husband, but to talk to your man, explaining to him your concerns. Calmly (but sadly) tell him everything you feel: that you don’t want to come between him and his mother, but you also don’t want his mother to come between you.

Ask him how he sees your future together. In this situation, this question is quite appropriate. And what happens next depends only on your man, on how much he loves you and wants to be with you. And, of course, it depends on how psychologically mature he is. If he is a “mama’s boy,” run away from him before it’s too late.

I remember one “train conversation”: a neighbor in the compartment complained about her mother-in-law, who almost every day, under various pretexts, dragged her son over after work. Either her shelf fell, or she twisted her ankle, or she needed to buy a medicine that was not sold in her pharmacy, or something else.

And so almost every day. The woman no longer knew how to get her mother-in-law away from her husband. After work, the husband went straight to “mom’s”, and came home either very late (mom also fed dinner), or even stayed overnight with her. The situation did not change even after the birth of the child. The husband was still a “son” and remained so.

And all the conversations on the topic “you have your own family; Mom is manipulating you” ended in scandals and the words “Mom always told me that you don’t like her.” I hope you don't find yourself in a similar situation! Good luck to you!