How to quarrel with a man correctly, advice from a psychologist. Advice from a psychologist: how to properly resolve family quarrels. Z - solution

Any woman is capable of “sculpting” her husband into whatever she wants, as if from melting plasticine. And nature has provided the most effective tools for this - affection, tenderness and love. True, not everyone has the strength or desire to use these tools. As a result, it is impossible to avoid a quarrel with her husband.

Quarrels happen in any family, but it is not them that lead to the collapse of the family boat, but the behavior in their process. How to quarrel with your spouse correctly and what absolutely should not be done?

How to quarrel with your husband correctly: taboos in quarrels that should not be broken

How to avoid mistakes that could cost you many years of marriage? To begin with, remember what is taboo in quarrels .

Rules that you absolutely must not break

You can't criticize your other half. Men's pride is more vulnerable than women's. If you feel like it’s about to slip out of your mouth - “You’re always ruining everything!”, “Where are your hands coming from!”, “You can’t even fix the faucet!”, “Dressed up like a clown again!”, “Yes.” You’re not capable of anything at all!” etc. – count to 10, calm down and forget these words that are offensive to your husband. A man who is proud grows wings, but a man who is always criticized loses all desires, including the desire to return home. Read also:
Women's "things", like rolling eyes, snorting, unkind ridicule, boorish “shots” etc. - this is an expression of contempt that affects a man like a bull - a red rag.
Dead silence, icy silence and slamming doors - they will not punish the “unscrupulous” husband and will not make him think. In most cases, everything will be exactly the opposite.
Never do not allow yourself to quarrel with your spouse in front of strangers (and loved ones too) people.
A categorical taboo on insults and humiliation of male dignity. This is even the most ideal man won't be able to stand it.
Never remember old grievances and do not compare your husband with other men.
Do not sort things out if both of you (or one of you) are in intoxicated .
Never end a fight by slamming the door or a week of silence.

Basic rules of quarrel: how to swear correctly?

Compare male and female psychology- a thankless task. The cause of a quarrel is often a simple misunderstanding. The husband gets angry because of his wife’s coldness, the wife because he doesn’t understand her, and in the end all the accumulated problems mercilessly fall out on each other.

But family means patience and a lot of daily work. And someone must give in. If the spouse is a wise woman, she will be able to resolve or prevent conflict in a timely manner.

What do you need to remember about quarrels?

Preventing a quarrel is easier than dealing with its consequences . If you feel like a storm is about to break out and a stream of claims will splash out on you, let your spouse let off steam. Don’t defend yourself, don’t attack, restrain the hurtful words bursting out in response – listen calmly and respond reasonably.
If you have complaints against your husband, then the worst option is to present them during a quarrel. . You cannot accumulate dissatisfaction within yourself, otherwise it will cover your family like a snowball. But, as we know, problems must be solved as they accumulate. Got a problem? Solve it right away - calmly, without shouting, without mistrust, attacks and contempt. Perhaps your problem is a figment of your imagination. Since you live with this person, does that mean you trust him? And if you trust, then there is no need to follow the path of maximum resistance.
Family life is about constant compromises. Without them it is impossible to coexist peacefully. Therefore, resolve any issues (whether ideological differences or others) reasonedly, delving into his point of view and explaining the advantages of yours. And don’t be afraid to speak directly - men don’t like hints and, as a rule, don’t understand. An example is a holiday gift. A man will most likely ignore the phrase “Oh, what beautiful earrings,” but the phrase “I want those!” will be accepted as a guide to action. And then there will be no such problem as resentment against your husband for his inattention.
If a quarrel cannot be avoided, remember - never say words you might regret later , and don’t hit the “sore spots.” Keep your emotions in check. You can throw out negativity and burn off negative feelings in other ways (sports, manual labor etc.).
You choose a constructive form of dialogue – offer options for changing the situation, but do not blame your spouse for what happened. Firstly, it is meaningless (what happened happened, it’s already the past), and secondly, reproaches are a step back in a relationship.
Don't know how to express complaints without emotion? Write them down on paper.
Use the delayed start method "(as in a slow cooker). Postpone the showdown for an hour (day, week). When you cool down and calmly think about the situation, it is quite possible that there will be nothing left to find out - the problem will exhaust itself.
Look for the problem within yourself. Don't blame all the sins of the world on your spouse. If there is a quarrel in the family, then both are always to blame. Try to understand your husband - what exactly is he dissatisfied with. Maybe you really should change something about yourself?
If you feel that the quarrel has dragged on - take the first step towards . Even if you refuse to admit your guilt, give your spouse the opportunity to emphasize your status as a man who is always right. Let him think that it is. It’s not for nothing that there is a popular phrase “a man is the head, a wife is the neck.” Rotate this “head” where you need it.
A man should always feel that you love him . Even during a quarrel. You are one, don't forget that. Read:
Don’t use “you”, speak from your “I”. Not “it’s your fault, you didn’t do it, you didn’t call...”, but “it’s unpleasant for me, I don’t understand, I’m worried...”.
Humor is the best assistant in any tense situation . Not sarcasm, not irony, not mockery! Namely humor. He extinguishes any quarrels.
Learn to stop on time , admit you are wrong and ask for forgiveness.
Tell him the same thing for the tenth time, but he doesn’t hear you? Change tactics or end the conversation .

Remember: your spouse is not your property. He is a man with his own ideas about this life, and he is a man. You love children the way they were born, right? Love your husband as he is.

The ideal formula for marriage is to treat your spouse as a friend. If your friend is angry, nervous, screaming, you don’t send him back with a list of failures and failures in your relationship? No. You will calm him down, feed him and tell him that everything will be fine. A husband should be a friend too who will be understood and reassured.

Well, we had a fight, sorted it out, apologized to each other and everything was fine. Life continues to flow as usual. And if not? What if the resentment has grown into a real snowball and is about to turn into an avalanche and destroy everything that stands in the way? How to act in such a situation if the relationship is still dear to you and you would like to preserve it? First of all, it is necessary to get rid of grievances. Read how to do this in the article “The Power of Forgiveness. How to become happy and how to maintain love in the family." And secondly, learn to quarrel correctly and swear correctly.

Swearing and quarreling correctly is also an art. And now I will try to prove this to you.

Let's first figure out what are the main reasons why we are offended by our other halves?

Didn't call . Horror! Really, how could he? You're all on your nerves, waiting for the call, worrying, but he doesn't give a damn! Well, how can you not get offended and start a scandal?

Okay, calm down. Let's let off some steam and let's think about it adequately. If a person is not initially predisposed to calling you three or four times during the day and one phone call is enough for him to find out if everything is okay, then it is simply pointless to demand more from him. Well, he doesn’t like this chatter on the phone. He is more pleased to see you in person and communicate in real life than on the other end of the phone. You must either accept this feature or realize that if you really need multiple phone calls, then you will have a hard time with this person. Then you yourself need to somehow restructure yourself rather than strain the man: “Well, call me. Why did not you call?" And so on. He may call at first, but it will be through force. And, in the end, he will get tired of playing the role of the “eternal telephone operator.”

It’s another matter if at a particular stage he really showed activity, asked how you were doing several times a day, and then abruptly stopped doing this. Of course, the question arises: why? What's happened. And we turn on the artillery of calls, SMS, terrorizing our loved one with our attention. Of course, it’s worth finding out the reason for the cooling, but you need to act not forcefully, but delicately and diplomatically.

Everything should be dosed and in moderation. Too much is fraught not only with a quarrel, but also with disgust. A notification on his phone that another SMS has arrived from you may, in the end, cause aggression and irritation in him.

The reasons why a person did not call can be very different: tired, a hard and nervous day, a desire to be alone, very busy at work. If these are one-time cases that have not turned into excuses and the system, then there is no need to panic. If a person thinks about you and wants to hear, he will rehabilitate himself in any case and call you the next day. And if he is more preoccupied with himself, then at least they drank or didn’t drink for not calling, this will not help the situation, but will only quickly bring the relationship to naught. Understanding and patience are what will help avoid a quarrel. And remember, you are a woman, but not a hunter, read about it.

Doesn't fulfill your requests . It's also a shame. But why doesn't it work? Maybe the man doesn’t even realize how important something is to you. After all, you must admit that even though the stronger sex is called such, they are not oracles to read our thoughts and desires. And you immediately start swearing and quarreling, but why? It doesn’t matter here whether you quarrel correctly or not. The reason is different.

It is important to really make it clear how much a particular issue concerns you and you care about it. Methodically, drop by drop, you can achieve good results. But not by shouting, coercion or swearing. And it doesn’t matter whether you swear and quarrel correctly or not. This applies to many things: household chores, walking the dog, buying flowers...

Jealousy. What a reason for insults and quarrels! However, it can be justified or not. If your man is a reveler, a womanizer, and you have repeatedly caught him in the act, so to speak, then the conversation here is not about how to quarrel properly, but about the fact that maybe it’s better to break up. About whether you even need such a relationship when a man does not value what he has and is not afraid of losing you.

If jealousy is a part of your nature, where constant suspiciousness, suspicion, and mistrust are present in your character, then this is a minus, most likely for you.

Where have you been? Why so late? What is this, hair? I know you're cheating on me! These questions irritate a man to the point of pain. And if at first he makes excuses, tries to explain that, for example, the phone ran out, met an acquaintance, got stuck in a traffic jam, and so on, then later this terror will only get on your nerves.

Don't be offended, but you are the provocateur. That irritant that makes you want to run far away. Who will enjoy being in the radiation zone and experience eternal discomfort? Even if the wire is still de-energized, where is the guarantee that you won’t get an electric shock in a moment? No, it's better to stay away from this place. So you become such a live wire for your man.

Suspiciousness, eternal grievances, suspicions - that's all it is, jealousy. That worm that eats you from the inside and systematically brings discord into relationships. The vaccine against it can only be trust, a sense of tact, self-confidence and an adequate assessment of the situation. Rashid Kirranov’s amazing book “How to become self-confident in 3 months” will help you develop self-confidence - I recommend it.

When everything is boiling in the soul and the mind is clouded, actions and words are far from the norm. It’s unlikely that anyone would want to live with a nervous, jealous, hysterical woman. Only maybe a masochist or henpecked. Do you need one?

Coarseness . It’s not even worth dwelling on this issue for a long time. Rudeness must be stopped immediately. Moreover, it is firm and without brittleness. A person who allows unflattering words addressed to you does not in itself evoke respect and the title of a real man. There is no point in smoothing out the conflict here. As well as endure and think that he will change and everything will be fine. Will not be. You either have respect or you don't. And allowing someone to wipe their feet on you or responding with rudeness to rudeness is no longer a relationship, but sparring. But a man and a woman are not two boxers fighting each other. Ideally, these are two allies who support each other, care and try not to hurt their other half.

But still, what to do if the conflict is already inevitable and the mechanism called a quarrel has been launched? Everything is boiling inside of you, you want to tell your partner everything you think about him. At this moment, words sometimes fly out of your mouth that you may not have even thought about. But...they have already been said....... Just a minute. So you live with livestock? Or did you just call him that because you had to say something? Only the word is not a sparrow, you can’t catch it anymore. And even if after a while the conflict can be resolved, then the person’s memory still remains those statements with which you called him. Slowly but surely, resentment accumulates, only to spill out later like a tsunami. Therefore, before you say anything, think about whether you will regret what you said. You can, of course, apologize later, but as they say, a feeling remains. Words are like a dagger; they can hurt even more painfully than receiving physical injuries. This is a wound that aches and causes discomfort to a person. I recommend that you read a series of articles by Anastasia Gai about how to get rid of anger and aggression and how to swear and quarrel correctly. Read the first part.

Some of my friends are very temperamental people and cannot manage in their family without scandals. It even turns them on in some way. However, nevertheless, they never stoop to insults and humiliations towards each other. Yes, they scream and break dishes - that’s their thing. But calling each other names is a no-no. It's taboo. A taboo that should be present in every family.

And let there be calm after the storm, but there are different storms. There are waves that hit the rocks and calmed down. And there are those who bring destruction with them. Words spoken in the heat of the moment can be the kind of waves that destroy the good attitude towards you that was originally there. Moderate this element within you. After all, it’s so easy to break, but very difficult to glue: the cracks will still be visible.

There are also people who, during quarrels, prefer not to shout, but...to be offended. They got offended and retreated into themselves...for a long time. Maybe silence is golden, but not in this case. How can a person know what you are offended by if you are silent? You pout like a turkey and don’t speak, nevertheless showing with all your appearance that you are dissatisfied. The problem must be discussed, discussed, solutions and compromises must be sought. But! Calmly, at the level of negotiations. Explain to your partner what you don’t like and that he should try not to do that again. Playing the silent game is the privilege of children, but not adults.

I would also like to give an example of one fairy tale: “The Kingdom of Crooked Mirrors.” Remember, at the end the main character looked at herself from the outside and made the necessary conclusions. So maybe we adults should look at ourselves from the outside more often? After all, it’s not just our partner who always does everything wrong and makes us emotional. We are not angels either and we may be wrong. Of course, it is difficult to even see a log in your own eye, let alone a speck of dust in the eyes of another. But this is the art of relationships: to be demanding, first of all, of yourself. Think about what you say, what you do and how pleasant or unpleasant it will be for your person. It’s very easy to be a “chainsaw” and break relationships, just like a toy house. But what will remain? A pile of rubble... So maybe it’s worth being relationship builders, not destroyers. And for this you will need absolutely simple materials: loyalty to each other, understanding, patience, diplomacy and acceptance of a person as he is.

You also need to be able to swear. Let minor quarrels be only a reason for stormy and passionate reconciliations, like a fresh breeze. The draft that flew in ventilated the space and flew away. But not like a hurricane, after which there is nothing left but ruins and broken hearts.

Sincerely, Mila Alexandrova.

She promised to tell her friends how to quarrel properly.

It is possible and necessary to quarrel, and even if it were impossible, it would still be impossible not to quarrel.

When something goes wrong, you are not understood, promises are broken or your rights are encroached upon, aggression, which is completely healthy and normal, appears by itself, and it needs to be put somewhere. And ideally, it should be directed constructively to improve the state of affairs.

I mean, look. Aggression is formed for a reason and you don’t need to just get rid of it. It appears to correct the situation that causes pain and therefore aggression (protecting oneself from the fact that pain is caused) must be directed to the address, but in such a way that it does not destroy anything unnecessary, but simply eliminates the cause of the pain (this is ideal) . If the situation is corrected, there is no more aggression. Of course, there are all sorts of neglected cases when the situation cannot be corrected in any way (useless aggression), there is more aggression than necessary (inappropriate aggression), and most importantly, both look at the situation so differently that aggression cannot be used constructively (conflict of interest). We will also analyze these complicated and complex cases, but let's start with the simple ones for now.

In a relatively simple case, a person has done something that you don’t like, aggression has appeared, which performs a protective function, and it needs to be directed at giving a kick to show the person - there is no need to do this, please, do more, otherwise I will kick and be dissatisfied with you, But we want to build mutually pleasant relationships.

What is the most important, irreparable mistake people often make?

They find each other's most vulnerable and weak points and hit them. This is a rule of war, but this is a coffin for close relationships.

Now please read the most important rule family life(yes, yes, I’m not afraid of this loud statement)

1. Look for each other’s weak points so that you never even touch each other.

If you want to have a family with a person, or just a normal relationship, you must try to understand where his weak points are, so that in a situation of conflict you never touch these places. Even by accident! Not that it's intentional.

Sounds somewhat paradoxical, doesn't it?

Close people open up to each other quite quickly, observe each other in such intimate situations that they early begin to know or at least feel each other’s weakest points. Both men and especially women. And as soon as the first major quarrel occurs, both happily use their finds. It is for you! Received! Ah well? Well, get it too. Often men lose to women in a verbal battle and then use their fists. But this is already a completely sad outcome, we won’t even analyze it yet. This is trash.

For now, we will only talk about verbal attacks on weak points and personal vulnerabilities. You need to know them so as not to accidentally hit them.

If you want to have a family or just a couple, remember this. Firstly, don’t try to avoid quarrels in general, you won’t be able to avoid them anyway, a quarrel will simply take you by surprise, and aggression will accumulate and become uncontrollable. friend, hit the well-pumped areas. This is second. And thirdly, never hit each other in areas associated with sexuality - this is taboo!

90% of all defaults, especially sexual ones, when people want to stay together, they have a lot in common, but it is impossible to have sex with each other, are associated with the fact that the images of each other have long ceased to be sexual, and this is attention! - consequences of verbal abuse. The reasons for the quarrels have long been forgotten, the problems have been solved or they have given up on them, but the anti-sexual images of each other remain.

Therefore, the second rule for family life is:

2. Never hurt each other’s sexual advantages in quarrels.

But this does not mean simply not saying to each other “impotent!” or "frigid fool!" - No. This goes without saying, but not saying it is not enough.

Every person has a conscious or not so conscious image of sexual self-identification. This is what kind of lover he is, why ladies like him (or vice versa, men, as a mistress), why he is attractive in sex, what he is like from this side. When this persona is activated, a person connects a sexual resource, simply - he wants sex, he is not averse to thinking about it or doing it. So, with wives (and husbands), such a person (their own!) most often dries up and dies in the second or third year of life. The image of oneself in the eyes of this husband-wife becomes completely unsexual. It is very difficult to present your image as sexy.

And here is the paradox. Sometimes it happens that a husband can still somehow imagine his wife sexy and even imagines it, but she no longer sees herself in his eyes. She usually can’t even imagine her husband as sexy, but most importantly, she can’t imagine herself with him. In the eyes of a colleague who secretly looks at her and blushes - yes, maybe (and him), in the eyes of a random guy who stared at her on the subway and opened his mouth - very much (and him), but in the eyes of her husband - no, although kill her. And not only because he often looks at her sourly, and this sour look of his is already recorded in her brain as “the look of my husband,” but also because he destroyed her sexual self-identification in their common field in verbal squabbles and showdowns. And his - in hers, because it is connected.

About the fields it is difficult and important, I will write about it in the book. You can read Levin or Perls for now. But is it at least intuitively clear what we’re talking about?

A person has many personas, and the persona depends on the sphere where he rotates. Here a woman came here, here she is a teacher, a cool lady, serious. She came here - here is a group of friends, she laughs, behaves like a boy, this is a friend zone, and even if a friend is in love with her, she cannot perceive him as a man, he is her friend and she is sorry that their fields do not match, he is for her - friend, she is not for him. She comes home and then... a relative, yes, a dear person, even a sweetheart, but a lover? - No. There has been nothing like this for my husband for a long time. Although it happened before. She came and right from the door began to feel what a sexy voice he had, how hot and uneven his breath was, what muscles were under his shirt, what an intoxicating smell, she felt, yeah, that’s why she got married. But not now. The voice is the same, the muscles are almost the same, the smell seems to be the same, the breathing is much smoother, but you could return it to how it was... if you wanted. But I don't want to at all. Therefore - a routine kiss on the cheek and that’s it. And if she suddenly remembers a colleague or a stunned guy on the subway, imagines how they wanted her, how they languished, probably, or watches a movie about love, imagines it and she wants it, she can hug her husband in the hope that something can still happen between them, basically. But he hastily kisses her hand, with which she hugs his neck, frees himself and says that he is wildly tired today. Sound familiar?

So, there is no need to destroy each other’s sexual identification. To do this, you need to see and understand very well how each of you ideally imagines yourself in sex, how he imagines himself as a lover, when his sexual resource is maximally connected, when he is “on fire” with it. You need to understand this image, feel and remember it. Recreating it is ideal, but the main thing is not to destroy it or destroy it. The general features of such images are similar for many (men are typically masculine, women are typically feminine), there are also individual properties, and knowing them is having a key to your partner that others do not have.

But for now it is enough to understand at least the basic, typical taboos:

1) Never portray a man as cowardly and pathetic. Or leave this man right away. As a man, he will soon be useless to you. Yes, strong self-esteem can and will endure, but for the woman a man loves, he is especially vulnerable. Why would you chop (or saw day after day) the branch on which you yourself are sitting?

Call him rubbish, an animal, well, a scumbag (not for any nonsense, otherwise he will be offended and think that you are an idiot, but for something downright terrible, terrible) or a bastard, if he is absolutely torn apart, but not a weakling, a whiner, a coward, a nonentity, a fool and an impotent. Don't humiliate him. Do not show your disgust, contempt, only resentment and anger. Learn to swear in such a way as to throw out aggression and indicate dissatisfaction, but also strengthen love at the same time. This is a difficult skill, but it can be mastered if desired.

2) Don’t portray a woman’s image as rude, overweight and outwardly disgusting. Never! Forget the word cellulite and all words that suggest looseness. A woman wants you as long as she feels firm and toned in your eyes. Something like a beautiful ripe fruit or flower. If not, if you have broken this image, her desire begins to fade away. And she will represent another man, fictional or real, or none. Many women live in frustration for years and think nothing about sex. It’s a pity that there are almost no sparkling and light women among such women, and most of them are heavy and dull bores.

Sexual energy works like a ruff, cleanses everything and makes a person light and open to spontaneity. That's why it's useful, in general. This is its function.

That is, a woman must support and paint (with words, thoughts, attitudes) the image of a man as brave and strong, yes, and so... magnetically sexy. You can criticize the ethical system, insensitivity, well, you act dishonestly, treat me badly, you are cruel beyond measure, inattentive, all that. This also has a depressing effect on some neurotics, but not on most men. That is, it works, of course, but as it should, and, as they say, it doesn’t hit you in the balls, and sometimes even on the contrary - it stimulates a little, after the fact.

And a man must support and draw (also in words, mental images, which are necessarily conveyed non-verbally and through his attitude) the image of a woman as attractive, appetizing to him, graceful (not a clumsy kneader) and also, yes, sexy, if he ever has sex with her in principle I still want it. And this is especially important in quarrels. Scolding, shaming, but at the same time raising sexual self-esteem is one of the most important skills for life together. A man who knows how to quarrel like that is the god of love.

Remember! In quarrels, images penetrate the subconscious fastest and most deeply. A person is vulnerable and you are literally programming him to be attracted to you or rejected.

Women get frustrated quickly, keep in mind. Much faster than men. Once - that's all. And then you can at least complain that she is too lazy to give a blowjob and kiss, and during sex she asks “how long?” For a frustrated woman, having sex is torture. And often your own “filthy tongue” and your stupid “ingenuity” are to blame for her frustration; you have long guessed what is most offensive to her and therefore you hit the target, right? Well done!

Well, the fact that you don’t want her is often to blame for her filthy tongue, this is also true, alas.

No matter how strong and invulnerable self-esteem may be, close relationships are a zone where people are relaxed and open, that’s their point. Therefore, it is very important to take care of each other even in quarrels. More precisely, especially in quarrels. In good moments in life, everything is usually fine.

And to you (those who are in my group! No need - in a personal message) I offer problems that you love so much. Give phrases that will express anger and pain, but at the same time will not hurt, and even raise sexual self-esteem

1) women

2) men

But remember, we are talking about a quarrel. That is, not about flirtatious slaps and bites, not about a pseudo-quarrel, but about a quarrel. That is, I really got tired of it and need to yell at him (and her). Well, let’s say I asked you to clean up after yourself a hundred times, and again. Or he warned her a hundred times not to touch anything on the table, and again she got everything mixed up. And so on. That is, the reason is really such that you want to yell so that in future it will be discouraging.

But at the same time, I don’t want to make myself either impotent or frigid.

What can we say?

AP. I'll complicate the task.

Let's get some more phrases that destroy sexual self-esteem. For the same reasons.

And phrases that express anger, but raise sexual self-esteem. OK?

All people quarrel. When women quarrel, there is nothing special about it. We are the same, we speak the same language and subconsciously understand each other. And if we don’t understand right away, then we eventually come to mutual understanding. Because they are the same.

But in quarrels with men, everything is much more complicated. As you know, men not only speak a different language, but they also decipher ours completely wrong. That is why it is very important to learn how to argue correctly.

But first, it’s worth understanding what the causes of conflicts are. Because knowing “where the legs come from”, you can, if not avoid quarrels, but reduce their number to a minimum.

Causes of conflicts

Mutual misunderstanding, due to the difference in perception of the surrounding world. Women perceive everything that happens with the help of their feelings, and men with the help of their mind. Sometimes a man's worldview is called physical.

Excessive requirements partners to each other or the discrepancy between reality and expectations. This is due to the fact that everyone has their own ideas about relationships, living together, mutual assistance and other things in which both partners participate.

The presence of significant personal flaws from a partner, disrespect from a partner, insults, actions and words that offend feelings self-esteem.

Lack of romance or a boring, monotonous life, lack of interesting leisure time together. The lack of strong emotions is often the cause of conflicts.

Incompatibility of interests. You want to watch melodrama, but he wants to watch football. Everyone probably knows how the quarrel develops further.

When the conflict is at its height

Don't forget that a quarrel is a natural process. But, despite this, you should not go beyond certain limits. The word is not a sparrow, so sometimes you have to pay for a long time for some words. To come out of a conflict as friends, but at the same time with self-esteem, you need to know how to quarrel with a man correctly:

Rule #1

Under no circumstances should you humiliate or offend your partner. He is yours close person, you know his weak points. It is worth remembering that he did not trust you so that you would then hit the same places.

Rule #2

Never compare your partner with other men or criticize his parents. These are some of the most painful points for absolutely any man.

Rule #3

There is no point in trying to win. To get out of a quarrel good relations, it is necessary to ensure that no one is left humiliated or a loser. Your victory is his defeat. Therefore, there is no need to discuss who is to blame. You should immediately look for what caused the misunderstanding and how to resolve it.

Rule #4

It is foolish to hope that the conflict will resolve on its own. Therefore, you should not demonstratively leave the house, lock yourself in a room, or do any other actions to “leave”. If you feel like you need to take a breath, peacefully offer it to your man. Anyway, a little respite will do good. But “leaving” can lead to a disagreement that will last several days, or even weeks.

Rule #5

Learn to admit your mistakes. If you feel that you are wrong, you do not need to defend any of your rights to the last. Find strength in yourself and admit your mistakes. The man will be immensely grateful to you for such an outcome of the quarrel.

Exists a few secrets, how to calm down your ardor and come out of the conflict as friends. For example, in old Russian intelligent families there was an interesting custom. As soon as the spouses began to quarrel, they switched from a friendly “you” to a coldly official “you”. This treatment cooled the ardor a little and made it possible not to resort to base insults.

Another secret to managing a quarrel is even simpler, and also fun. During a quarrel, as soon as you feel it’s time to make peace, go to the bathroom. Go to the tap and take some water into your mouth. Look at yourself in the mirror, carefully and calmly, and... start making a face! Gradually, the ardor will subside and it will be much easier to make reconciliation. You can even go out to your partner with water in your mouth, then you definitely won’t be able to say any more nasty things to him and maybe you’ll even make him laugh.