The child went to the potty and suddenly stopped. The main incentive asks for a pot - when should you decisively abandon diapers? We don't judge and we don't make promises

You were so proud of him and your success. And here - on you! I started pissing on the carpet again...

What could be the reason?

- Stress (moving to a new apartment, adapting to kindergarten, the birth of a brother or sister, quarrels of parents ...).

- Intellectual leap. So-called "rollbacks" in physiological processes sometimes accompany intellectual leaps. The child, as it were, returns to the previous stage of development, because he cannot cope with all the processes at once.

- A certain discord in family relations, anger at parents.

- The child was taught to write on command "ps-ps-ps".

What to do?

In all the above cases, there is no need to put pressure on the child, to emphasize the problem. This will only make the situation worse. Try to determine what caused the “rollback”, and treat the baby with understanding. You can talk to your child about what is bothering him. If you managed to find out what worries the baby - try to draw or blind the situation. This will help the child symbolically control what is happening. Gradually start offering the potty again, but don't do it too vigorously. Treats and souvenirs given for "going potty" may speed up the process, but you will ignore what is really happening.

If despite your best efforts, the problem persists, see a child or family therapist.

Ekaterina Rakitina

Dr. Dietrich Bonhoeffer Klinikum, Germany

Reading time: 7 minutes

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Article last updated: 04/21/2019

You were so proud of your child and rejoiced at his success. Now he is already quite an adult, and carefully goes to relieve himself in the right place. But one day, for unknown reasons, suddenly your child stopped asking for a potty. At first, this may seem like a coincidence. But if the situation starts to repeat itself, you have to admit that you have a problem.

Everything can happen in a variety of ways. Some children begin to hide, then showing only wet panties. Other kids can defiantly sit on the potty without doing anything, and then solve their "questions" quietly to the side.

Often, tantrums and inappropriate behavior on the part of the child arise in response to persuasion and any attempts by adults to correct the situation. For many young parents, this problem can be confusing, from which it is difficult to find a way out. In fact, everything is not so scary and the situation can be easily corrected if you understand the reasons for this behavior of the child.

The main reasons why the child stopped going to the potty

It already seemed that all the biggest problems were solved. Your child regularly does his work on the potty, the clothes of the little one remain dry, and the parents do not cease to rejoice at his success. But then suddenly something happens, and you again face the problem of the pot. There are no accidents, and, most likely, you, like many parents, are faced with one of the following reasons:

Experienced stress. The child could be very scared of something, or there was a tense situation in the house, constant conflicts between loved ones. Young children are very sensitive to stressful situations, and this often causes them to forget the acquired skills, including the ability to go to the potty.
The kid began to be afraid of the potty. This reason often occurs in children who are already attending kindergarten. At home, they can go to the potty regularly for quite a long time, and with the start of visiting preschool institutions, they sharply abandon their habits. This is due to the fact that an unfamiliar environment, an unusual pot can cause a feeling of sharp rejection in children. Do not forget about the period of adaptation to new people and circumstances. At home, a sharp rejection of the potty can cause unpleasant sensations of cold or incomprehensible sounds that the baby hears while sitting on it.
Crisis 2-3 years. Our children develop not only physically, but also psychologically. At the age of two or three years, the child changes dramatically in his behavior, and many young parents cannot understand the true reasons for such behavior. In fact, the maturation and development of the nervous system takes place, the child begins to form a perception of himself as a person. This may be accompanied by rebellion and disobedience, a refusal to do the usual things.
Health problems. Poor health may be accompanied by a refusal to use the potty when needed, since such skills require some effort from the baby. A sick child is very often simply not able to cope with such loads.
Physical discomfort when sitting on the potty. You need to carefully monitor how your baby sits in the child seat. Perhaps he is just uncomfortable because the pot has become too small for him.
Too early to teach your child to go to the potty. Sometimes mothers are in such a hurry to develop and educate their child that they can cause the opposite effect in him. Early potty training is a reflex. Reflexes tend to fade over time.

Until the child is psychologically ready to master the process, you can not expect a long and sustainable result from your efforts. Objectively evaluate the capabilities of your crumbs and teach skills according to the age of the baby.

So, after analyzing the situation and sorting out the causes of "wet pants", you can proceed to correct the situation.

What to do to restore acquired skills

The main thing that parents need to understand is that your baby is already not easy in this situation. Therefore, it is worth stocking up on patience and more patience. All sorrows will soon pass, and you will be able to help your child survive troubles without unnecessary stress. Shouting, reproaches or ridicule can only make things worse, and it will be much more difficult to correct the situation later.

The first thing you can do is simply replace the pot. Moreover, it is desirable that the baby participate in his choice. A beautiful, interesting and comfortable potty can make a child want to use it.
If there are problems or conflict situations at home, then adults should protect their child from them. For the child, it is necessary to create a warm and comfortable atmosphere. This will greatly contribute to the development and consolidation of new skills.
If a child boycotts the pot in connection with the start of attending kindergarten, then only time can eliminate such a problem. Be patient and gently unobtrusively continue to offer him to go to the potty. The adaptation period will soon pass, and you will not notice how everything returns to normal.
You can try to plant the baby every twenty to thirty minutes. Sometimes kids get fed up with being interrupted all the time and start going to the potty on their own. As a rule, such a trick works with children older than three years. Smaller peanuts can also throw tantrums.
You can start the process of potty training from the age of one and a half years. The formation of the necessary skills at this age takes much less time. If the child ignores all your attempts for a long period, then it makes sense to turn to specialists. Problems can have deeper roots, and a professional psychologist will help to cope with them.
If your child is full of health, actively growing and developing, and you are only embarrassed by the refusal to go to the potty, then you should not worry about this. Sometimes children take small steps back only to surprise you with a huge leap forward.

I want to say right away that this article will primarily be of interest to mothers who have naughty children in terms of potty training - children who understand everything, but do “their things” in their pants or if your child has stopped asking for a potty.

I also recommend reading the article how to potty train a child and enuresis in children.

The results of the survey conducted on this blog showed that most children are potty trained before a year and a half. But after all, there are quite a lot of children who, even at 2-2.5 and even up to 3 years old, still do not want to ask for a potty.

Reasons why a child does not ask for a potty

What is the reason for this? Surely, the baby feels the lack of discomfort, or discomfort, but knows that mom will quickly fix everything now.

Also, it is not at all uncommon for a child to start asking for a potty, and then stop and the confused mother does not know what to do next. Psychologists do not advise punishing a child in such cases, they say that it is better to wait and silently change the child's clothes - soon he will understand everything himself. This, of course, can be a way out if you see that the baby is really beginning to realize everything and soon everything will be as before.

How to fix the situation?

What to do if the whims of the child regarding the potty dragged on?

Make it clear how it's embarrassing to write panties. In addition, explain to the baby when he is wet again, how bad it is that tights and panties are wet, everything needs to be changed ...
An excellent tool in such cases - changing clothes wet clothes. If the child is not yet able to change clothes himself, you will help him a little, but let him, to the end, participate in the procedure of taking off wet clothes and putting on dry clothes.
Best possible give up diapers.

My observations

The main stimulus in potty training a baby is the feeling of discomfort, not punishment. The sooner the mother refuses disposable diapers, the faster the child is potty trained., the less then the child has whims, he takes it for granted.

I advise young mothers not to wait until the child himself understands that you need to ask for a potty, because this may not happen. After a year, or even earlier, try to wear diapers as little as possible for your baby, better - plant them on a potty, or take interchangeable tights for a walk. In a year, a child is much easier to get used to the potty than at the age of about 2 years, when whims appear, and the desire to do everything in his own way.

Finally, I want to tell you one wonderful, and, in my opinion, the right way to teach a baby to ask for a potty, I read it in a book called “Naughty Children, or How to Learn to Understand Your Child” by A.M. Kravtsova.

The trick is to stop putting the baby in a diaper at some point, let him pee in his pants for a while. At the time when the baby pissed, explain to him that you did "peace-peace" and therefore wet. Of course, you don’t need to scold the child, just change clothes. After some time, the child, even before he makes "peace-peace" will begin to ask for a potty. It's that simple. The only "but", I think, such accustoming is best done in the warm season.

Dr. Komarovsky: how to potty train a child

For many parents, potty training is one of the most important stages in their upbringing and development. And when, finally, the child proudly demonstrates the instilled skill, everyone sighs with relief: the kid has solved another difficult task for himself, the question can be considered closed. However, it also happens that after a while a surprise occurs: the panties are again wet.

When the situation repeats several times in a row, we have to admit: the child has stopped going to the potty. This can manifest itself in different ways: someone obediently sits on the potty and gets up dry, and then silently does his “deeds” somewhere aside.

For some children, attempts by parents to encourage them to do their homework where necessary, causes a sharp protest that borders on hysteria. For inexperienced moms and dads, this may seem like a disaster, but in fact, the problem of abandoning the potty is quite solvable, and in order to deal with it, you first need to find out the reasons.

Some time ago, life seemed wonderful: the pot was regularly visited, and the clothes of the beloved child remained dry, but suddenly “misfires” followed one after another? However, you should know that in such a situation “suddenly” does not happen - most likely, the child stopped asking for a pot for a certain reason. Typically, this behavior can be caused by the following circumstances:

Stressful situation. The kid survived a strong fright, a tense situation developed in the family, conflict relations between the parents. The child is sensitive to psychological discomfort, and this is primarily expressed in forgetting certain skills.
The child is afraid of the potty. If the baby is already going to kindergarten, this happens quite often: an unusual environment, a pot of a different shape or size can cause him a sharp rejection. Add to this the difficulties of the adaptation period - and the reason for the refusal to cope with natural needs "like adults" becomes obvious. As for "home" children, they can be scared away by a cold pot or harsh sounds at the moment when the child was on it.
age crisis. Children grow up, and at the age of 3-4 there is a noticeable restructuring of the nervous system. Such a state can cause rebellion: it happens that a child not only refuses the pot - he may stop eating with a spoon or begin to show aggression.
Feeling unwell. Refusal to go to the potty can also occur after an illness: this skill requires certain physical and volitional efforts, which a sick baby is simply incapable of.
Physical discomfort. It is possible that the child does not sit on the potty just because it has become elementary small for him, and as a result, uncomfortable.
Too early learning to the pot. Strange as it may sound, but many parents, trying to develop their baby as soon as possible, do him more harm than good. By potty training a child before he is psychologically ready, you can form a reflex, not a habit. Reflexes tend to fade, so do not be surprised if a baby who regularly uses the potty for up to a year begins to ignore it after the first birthday: he simply does not understand why this is required.

Thus, if a similar problem arose, it is necessary to carefully analyze the behavior of the baby, his environment and find the very “tipping point” after which the child forgot this useful skill. If the cause is established correctly, the parents will be already halfway to success.

What to do

The most important thing that is required from mom and dad in this situation is understanding, patience, patience and once again patience. The little man is already frightened by this whole situation, and reproaches and shouting from loved ones can aggravate the situation so much that it will be much more difficult to fix everything. Therefore, maximum care, love and attention to the problem - and everything will return to normal in a short time.

First of all, you should start simple: try changing pot . It is possible that the child will find the new one much more interesting and convenient, and the problem will disappear by itself. Otherwise, you should prepare for a more difficult path.

The next important step is creating a cozy, warm, relaxed atmosphere at home . Quiet conversations, calmness and smiles will allow the baby to focus again on learning about the world and the formation of "adult skills". If everything is in order at home, you should pay attention to the psychological state of the child.

The refusal caused by the baby's getting used to the kindergarten can only be corrected by time, but this does not mean that you need to be inactive: you should gently offer him a pot, but without undue coercion - it is important that he understands that this is important and good. Psychologists also advise trying to appeal to the independence of the child: for example, offer him to change clothes on his own or look for clothes himself, but this option is for very patient parents.

Another smart move sit down the baby every 20-30 minutes : there is an opinion that the child, in the end, will get tired of being distracted from games and interesting activities, and he will start going to the potty himself, but this will only work with a child over 3 years old - this will cause violent resistance in a two-year-old stubborn.

Well, if a child in a year and a half refuses to sit on the potty, parents will have to start all over again. The only consolation is that at this age, the formation of a skill takes much less time. However, if the baby does not recognize the pot within 1.5–2 months, it makes sense contact a psychologist - perhaps the problem is much deeper, and the help of a specialist is required.

When a child is healthy, cheerful, and the only problem is the refusal to attend to their needs where it is customary, you should not worry: in the language of psychologists, this is called a “rollback” - a small step back in development. You should know that this is usually followed by a significant breakthrough, and soon the beloved child will again please with dry pants, and parental love and understanding will help to return this skill absolutely painlessly.