It's not the gift that's important, it's the attention. The main thing is not a gift, the main thing is attention! What to give if there is no money? Give a gift for free Not a gift, but attention

It's always nice to receive gifts, but it's much nicer to give them! There are many psychological works, various theories and even teachings about the meaning of gifts and what they symbolize. Any relationship between people and nations has always been preceded by symbols of mutual disposition and understanding. We, unfortunately, have lost this understanding due to the modern worldview, imbued with the spirit of profit and calculation. In all cultures, a gift carries a certain meaning, up to flowers, which also convey a certain message, carry information about the giver. There are many superstitions associated with gifts that we Muslims should not believe. Here, for example, you can’t give a mirror - this is for illness, a watch - for an imminent death, handkerchiefs - for sadness ... naturally, these signs do not find any justification and confirmation in Islam. (Honestly, I was given all this, alhamdulillah, alive and well, and if handkerchiefs brought sadness, just imagine what would happen to all of us after receiving gifts at the end of the month of Ramadan).

An interesting study by the French culturologist Marcel Mauss, entitled "An Essay on the Gift." In his opinion, the gift is not the thing itself, but rather the person who presents it. That is, the gift keeps in itself a particle of the essence of the donor, his spiritual power. Therefore, it should be remembered that when choosing a gift, we kind of give a piece of ourselves, share our energy, those feelings that we experienced when choosing and presenting it.

To make the right gift, you need to think carefully about who you are going to give it to and for what purpose, that is, the first thing, of course, is to understand how correct our intention is. It all starts with intention, because it is it that determines whether the gift will be good for us or whether it can turn bad for us. You can very often hear the question in the store: “Do you want it for yourself or for a gift?”; I used to naively believe that it was only a matter of whether the goods needed to be put in packaging or the package would be enough (since we carry it home anyway), but no ... So I once asked what the difference was, and found out that for a gift you can buy a cake that is stale, “you can’t eat it,” but you can buy a thing, “what difference does it make, the box is beautiful, and then it’s not your problem.” It is completely incomprehensible how, having such intentions and guided by appropriate thoughts, one can give something. In addition, the question "why?" It turns out that a person makes a gift selfishly, having some goals, for example, “cajole”, bribe someone, get something in return, or vice versa - he is forced to give back so that someone does not think and say badly about him . Moreover, if a gift is given to some big “khakim”, then it needs to be more expensive and better, and nonsense is enough for an ordinary person. By the way, referring to an expensive gift, often understood as wine or cognac (obviously, comments about the prohibition of alcohol are superfluous), see how one gift can pave the way for a person to hell.

The correct goals of a Muslim should be the following: to achieve the pleasure of the Almighty by pleasing his brother or sister in religion, to help someone in difficult times, to congratulate on a holiday, to save a person from a forgotten and unpaid debt (because the best thing for us when a debtor fails to pay a debt is donation him this money - thereby forgiveness of his debt). Gifts bring people together, they help to engender warmth and love in our hearts.

It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: O Muslim women, let not a single neighbor neglect (anything to do good) her neighbor, even if (it is only about) a sheep's hoof ”(Sahih al-Bukhari, p. 615, “The Book on the Virtues of Giving and Encouragement to Do so”).

The very feeling of giving fills a person with love and kindness, it makes a person rich, while the offering of a gift with the hope of benefit shows the limitation, inferiority of a person, and self-interest makes a person a beggar. And this moment is very important, because Islam has always appreciated the generosity of a person, true and not expecting anything in return. We are also commanded to do to our brethren what we ourselves would wish for ourselves, to naturally and correctly give to people nice gifts which we ourselves would be happy about. You need to give something useful, pleasant, that will not offend a person, due to age, for example. Never forget to please the poor with gifts, just as you would give your parents. Children need to be given educational gifts (and not vulgar dolls and automata), wives, sisters, mothers and other close women are happy even with a small candy or flower. But still, the best thing that can be given to both children and adults is knowledge of Islam, teaching the main pillars and the correct reading of the Holy Quran, donating books about the biography of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), the Quran itself is an incredibly broad and beautiful gesture , even the time you spend with your loved ones is a very valuable gift.

Our people, having fallen in love with gifts and the rite of giving, are ready to celebrate any holiday, just to get the long-awaited shiny box tied with a wonderful bow. Holidays such as Valentine's Day and many other holidays have nothing to do with Islam, moreover, their celebration is strictly prohibited. To the question “why do you need these holidays?” Even men say that they want to please their wife and children, relatives. It is not difficult to answer all these people, give gifts on Muslim holidays (Eid al-Adha and Eid al-Fitr), and also give gifts and sweets to your family every Friday, the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings) teaches us this, and the day of Ruzman is a weekly holiday of Muslims, which should be given more attention. And there is no need to look for any excuses, admit your laziness, because it is much more convenient to give a couple of gifts a year more than to give something every week. This applies to both husbands and wives, because a wife may not buy something, but for example, cook something especially tasty that the family liked; and the husband can go for a walk with his family after Friday prayers and a festive dinner, this will unite the family and revive our great Sunnah.

The long-awaited month of Ramadan is approaching us, inshallah, therefore the issue of gifts becomes especially relevant, one might say, topical. The celebration of the end of the last month of Ramadan ended for my family with a visit from relatives: saying goodbye to my uncles and handing them the cherished handkerchiefs (which we usually give), I learned that our now deceased, dear mentor Said Afandi (c.s.) did not approve similar gifts, that is, those that are given because it is customary, a kind of “obligation” (widespread in Dagestan). Agree, everyone knows the stories of towels, socks and handkerchiefs, which from year to year wander from one mistress to another, from one package to another. It is clear that these gifts are useless, otherwise they would not be re-gifted, so maybe it is worth refusing gifts that bring neither joy nor benefit to anyone? I really hope that you will celebrate the future holiday of Uraza Bayram without wasting the property of your husbands and fathers on ignorant adherence to adats. Give gifts, but only from the heart, without going into debt and without giving away your last savings for ill-fated towels.

The questions of gifts are all connected, as it were, by a thread, one reminds of the other, and here, along with the question of borrowing money, of course, the topic of gifts for matchmaking pops up. Oh, this sore subject, the month of March is in the yard, everyone is running to the shops for gifts for newly-made brides. Per recent times I ended up in a large cosmetics store a couple of times, it's just hysteria: women in groups of three or four people, with huge baskets in their hands, rush around the store, raking everything that comes their way, accompanying it all with instructions for consultants like: “So , it will be fat for her, you might think we’ll take it from the castle, but we can’t do it really cheap either, they’ll go and look at the price, they’ll say that they squeezed the money, why do I need to swear with my son later ... ”... What can I say, this is at least very ugly, it is disgusting to look at such a sick adherence to everything that petty-bourgeois society has imposed. In addition, this is also a lie, who to deceive, if a person does not want to give, then let him not give, and if there is no money, then you do not need to borrow (a debt that will then have to be repaid for a long time and painfully, water). In the end, our grandmothers did not have before expensive sets of linen and dishes, baskets with so many sweets that could feed many poor people. best gift on matchmaking is the very fact of securing the promise of marriage, since there is no greater joy for young people than entering into legal marriage(not for the sake of gifts because they get married).

To all of the above, it should be added that valuable gifts, that is, those that cannot be eaten, for example, jewelry, dishes, etc., are undesirable to present before marriage. There is great wisdom in this, because if the engagement is suddenly terminated, then the meeting with the return of gifts is very painful for both parties. Unfortunately, there are many such cases when, for example, in addition to jewelry the side of the bride or groom is not returned the rest of the gifts that cost people so much that later they can’t forget it in any way and talk about it at every step.

Since we are talking about the engagement, it will not be superfluous to remind you of the wedding. At the conclusion of marriage, the bride is paid "mahr", a wedding gift, the price of which is desirable not to overpay or underpay (from 34 to 1700 grams of silver). “It should be noted that the identification of mahr with kalym, which is a bride price paid to her family, is erroneous. Because of the outward resemblance to mahr, kalym, which is a relic of ancient customs, was preserved by many peoples even after the adoption of Islam. The mahr belongs only to the wife, and its payment is an obligatory condition for the husband ”(The book“ A Gift to the Newlyweds ”, p. 28, Chapter 5“ Mahr ”). That is, firstly, one should not be confused with one another, and, secondly, one should not overpay by buying kilogram gold chains studded with countless stones. I'm not sure about the correct use of the word "show-off" in the context of the issue of Islam, but still, it's time for us to get rid of this shameful phenomenon that causes people to laugh. We must try to revive the beautiful adats of respect for elders and modesty, and not such mutated remnants.

We all know the expression: "It is not a gift that is dear, attention is dear", let's not forget about it, let's try to make our thoughts pure, then any one, even the most little present will bring, inshallah, great joy and barakat.

The main thing is not a gift, the main thing is attention!

“The most ordinary trifle acquires surprising interest as soon as you begin to hide it from people”

Oscar Wilde

And how many times do we say to ourselves: “Well, next time I will definitely take care of the gifts for the new year / birthday / February 23 and so on and so forth ...

The calendar is full of red dates, a reminder sounds on the phone, but we are so busy with pressing problems that we completely forget about public holidays. And coming to the hero of the occasion (it’s still good if he’s alone), blushing, we dull our eyes and mumble something unintelligible about the blockage at work, our bad memory and that time flies so fast that you don’t have time to notice how summer has ended and autumn leaves are already full of leaves outside the window ...

And most importantly, this is an age-old phrase that defuses the situation: “the main thing is not a gift, the main thing is attention!”. And everything becomes good - the person who did not receive the present smiles stupidly and says something like: “Yes, of course! It’s already good that I didn’t forget and congratulated!”, And you answer him with relief: “Sorry that without a gift, congratulations, I’m glad that you are not angry!”.

But everything would be fine, but only last year a similar dialogue was heard. And you swore that this would not happen again next time. But this is repeated all the time.

Every person at least once in his life justified himself with such words, and not only because he simply forgot about holiday date and that on such days it is customary to give gifts. There are a number of objective reasons, and one of them is the lack of financial resources. You can’t please everyone, someone will shed tears of tenderness, receiving a souvenir as a gift” self made”, and otherwise your skill will not be to your taste. Yes, and "gift recipients" should be divided into categories. Imagine what would happen if we gave our relatives cognac and exclusive pens, and colleagues from work or the boss a fluffy shawl or even more - a set for cutting and sewing. However, what to give is everyone's business, there are no comrades for the taste and color, but nevertheless it is necessary to observe the separation.

And, if it is not possible to buy a gift, you can use your imagination and talents. And it is best to do it collectively: songs, poems, dances - everything is at your disposal and in your power. You just need to try. And in this case, the words about attention will sound more appropriate than ever. And you will not be ashamed, and the recipient of congratulations will be pleased, perhaps even more pleasant than from a simple gift that you can buy, wrap, give ... and that's it, without a soul, it will be just a thing. She will lie and gather dust, or maybe she will be used, but they will not even remember who gave her. And from the “attentive present” there will be a memory and good impressions.

I have one such gift that still makes me remember myself. This story took place in the distant 90s, when some rose from their knees, opening their own business and making fortunes on the dollar in a few days, while others fell down, not knowing where to get money for tomorrow. So, there was New Year and my mother did not know what to give me. After all, small children do not understand what it means when there is no money. They look forward to gifts under the tree and a mountain of sweets, and what was my mother to do?

The chimes struck 12, the President congratulated the Russians on the coming year, wished them all the blessings of life, and perhaps something else, but all this was no longer important. I was looking forward to the rumble gift paper and something unusual, something that is given only for the new year, the only thing that was intended only for me. Under the Christmas tree there was neither a shiny box with a bow, nor a basket with delicious things, nothing ... Only a black kitten turned around the corner, he was so adorable that I didn’t even have time to get upset.

His name is Dementiy (the name was chosen by the whole family as for a child from a directory), for 14 years he has been living with us. He eats only pitted fish and whiskey, drinks from the tap, insistently comes to sleep under the covers. We got it for 2 kopecks, but we would not sell it for any money. Still a member of the family!

Small miracle that each of us can create - that's what can really be called a real gift. The most unusual is always before our eyes, we just do not notice it, we are used to not noticing it. To make a person pleasant, it is not necessary to excel and spend a lot of money. Gifts are a great custom, but it’s not for nothing that they say: “The main thing is not a gift, but attention”!

Be attentive to people and they will be attentive to you!

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