What do our bad habits say about us? Why does a child chew pens, notebooks, nails...? What to do if a child chews his hands
Ever since school, have you been chewing on caps and every time you apologize to a colleague after “sharpening” her next pen? Or maybe you just can’t control the urge to put things in order everywhere, and you automatically line up cosmetic jars in neat rows on your friend’s dressing table, and then meet her indignant gaze? Whatever you say, habit is truly second nature, and getting rid of another “I” that interferes with a normal life can be very difficult. However, before you get rid of something, you need to understand the reasons for its appearance, says psychologist Oksana Alberti.
We repeat the same action every day, sometimes without realizing it. We often encounter the disapproval of others, quarrel with loved ones, if our habits are completely harmful, for example, smoking or a passion for alcoholic drinks. But here’s what’s surprising: no matter how hard we try to get rid of them, habits don’t go away. In addition to damaged relationships with relatives and friends, we also experience internal discomfort that prevents us from living. “Most habits are signals from our subconscious. If you know how to read them, you can understand about a person even what he does not understand about himself. You can also understand what he knows about himself, how he lived and lives, how he built himself. This requires desire, attention and a little knowledge,”- says the psychologist. That is why we took on a very interesting, but difficult task - to find out what certain people say about us. bad habits.
Habit of biting nails
Needless to say, a person with bitten nails looks repulsive? For many men, neat female fingers are a fetish, and therefore you should not expect increased attention to your person if, instead of nails, you only have something vaguely resembling them. “The habit of biting nails speaks of internal tension, unconscious anxiety. As a rule, it is associated with low self-esteem and lack of self-love. In addition, by gnawing our hands and making them ugly, we unconsciously punish ourselves for not being worthy of love.”— the expert comments.
Habit of chewing pen caps
Firstly, every time you bring a pen to your mouth, remember that it may be dirty, and then problems will begin for you not only on a psychological, but also on a physiological level. And secondly, such a habit will most likely negatively affect your reputation at work. Oksana Alberti is sure that a person who chews a pen is perceived by others as an unbalanced type: “This habit speaks of the internal anxiety and tension of its owner. And one more thing: as you know, any elongated oblong object in our unconscious is a phallic symbol. The habit of constantly sucking or gnawing on something like this is an unconscious way of receiving pleasure through the mouth (oral). This may indicate a high degree of subconscious concentration on erotic pleasures.”
The habit of dirtying your pen cap will certainly negatively affect your reputation at work.
Smoking and alcohol addiction
According to the psychologist, the role of physiological dependence in this case is greatly exaggerated, and talking about physiology is just a way to justify one’s own reluctance to give up a harmful addiction: “Smoking and alcohol give us additional pleasure, give us a feeling of an influx of energy, and pump up our senses. They also play the role of some psychological« painkillers» . People engaged in active intellectual activity often smoke - they need it to slow down their actively working consciousness.”
Habit of overeating
Unfortunately, some people cannot stop not only with alcohol, but also with food. They eat until the button on their jeans pops off and they feel sick. As a result - excess weight, dissatisfaction with oneself and an uncontrollable desire to eat away the grief that I created for myself. “The root of most of our bad habits is the desire for additional pleasure. Food is a powerful pleasure. In addition, in our subconscious, food and sex feel very similar. When we lack love, we try to compensate with sex. When we lack love and sex, we compensate with food,”- Oksana Alberti explains.
Fanatical love of order
Such people are called neaties - they restore order everywhere, even where they are not asked to do so. This sometimes really irritates those around you, since such behavior takes the form of mania, rather than a healthy craving for cleanliness. “This habit speaks of a person’s craving for the ideal, and it can prevent you from feeling comfortable if someone violates your ideal order. The more you want to hold on to something perfect, the more often it will be violated, because perfect does not exist in the world. And the stronger your desire, the greater the trauma for you will be the violation of this ideal. For example, you will constantly quarrel with those who rearrange things on your desk, and you will simply become unbearable for your colleagues,”— the expert comments.
Habit of asking again
Surely you sometimes ask your interlocutor for the end of a phrase, although you heard it perfectly well. Many people are interested in why this happens. Oksana Alberti answers: “Most likely, this refers to echolalia - an uncontrolled repetition of the last phrase heard. This phenomenon in adults may be a symptom of developing schizophrenia or other mental illnesses. In this case, it is better to contact a specialist.”
Habit of picking at something
If you are haunted by a healing wound, nail polish, or a pimple that has appeared and you definitely want to pick them out, then most likely you need to work on achieving inner harmony. “This habit is akin to biting nails - it speaks of anxiety and dissatisfaction. Also about subconscious idealism - you want everything to be somehow ideal, but most importantly, not as it is now. For example, you touch undried nail polish - this is a subconscious desire for it to dry as quickly as possible and quickly make you perfectly beautiful. It’s the same with the sore.—this indicates a constant internal rush", explains the psychologist.
Habit of cracking fingers
According to Oksana Alberti's observations, men crack their knuckles more often than women. “Such a habit speaks of inner self-doubt,” adds the psychologist.
Habit of biting cheeks and lips
Those who constantly bite the inside of their cheeks and lips are familiar with the problem of unpleasant ulcers in the mouth, but this is not the only difficulty, says the psychologist. “The mouth is a place through which we receive many sensual pleasures, not only from delicious food, but also erotic ones. Unconsciously injuring yourself in the mouth area is punishing yourself for being too internally focused on these pleasures.”
Habit of tearing off labels
Previously, those who constantly tore off labels from everywhere (from packages of shampoo, jars of cream and various pickles) were said to be lacking sex, but Oksana Alberti has a different opinion on this matter: “Once again we are talking about idealism and perfectionism. In our subconscious, a smooth and clean surface looks more perfect.”
If a child chews pens and pencils... Many parents face the problem of chewed pens and eaten pencils. And, of course, every adult understands that it is not very healthy for a child to put dirty objects in his mouth. In addition, such an activity can be quite dangerous. A piece may break off from a pen or pencil and injure the child’s oral cavity. internal organs and even block the windpipe. Why does a child chew pencils and pens? First you need to determine the reasons for this unpleasant and unsafe habit. The first step is to pay attention to psychological state child. Does he have stress or overexertion? Is he in conflict with his teacher, other adults or friends? Or maybe it’s you who sometimes behave incorrectly? However, you need to understand that children are quite quick-witted. If your child continues to chew on pens for a long time, then his nervous tension may be stronger than you think. Talk to him, his teachers, his friends. Just don't turn into a fanatical detective. Gently let your child know that you are open to dialogue and are always happy to help. If you are absolutely sure that your child is not experiencing any stress, then the problem takes on a slightly different character. Most likely, the child is kinesthetic, that is, his condition depends on tactile sensations. Kinesthetic learners often fiddle with keychains, pieces of paper, keys and other objects in their hands. This is fine. This is not a disease and it is impossible to get rid of it. The man was born this way. How to stop your child from chewing on pens and pencils? If we return to the problem of “rodents”, it becomes clear that eliminating a bad habit will be difficult, but possible. Together with your child, try to understand exactly what process he is trying to stimulate when he chews writing objects: concentration, attention, memorization. It is even possible that he chews his pen during any mental work. Then you should come up with another, less dangerous and unpleasant habit for these processes. One option would be to twist a wire or paperclip in your hands. This will not attract the teacher's attention, but at the same time will allow the child to satisfy his need to feed his thinking processes. At home, you can squeeze a ball in your hands, sort out beads, roll cotton balls, tear a piece of paper. Finally, it is important to note that you must protect your child and help him cope with any difficulties. Therefore, you should not be too strict. Don't force your child to change right now. Remember that everything happens gradually, and that's right!
Children are little treasures that constantly make our lives exciting and amazing. There comes a time in the life of every parent when... This event is very significant not only for parents, but also for the child. Many say that the children are very relaxed about this event and are doing well in their first year of school. True, this is not entirely true. A child who begins to study in first grade experiences a lot of worries. He is nervous about interacting with his peers, about his appearance, due to an unclear task and other little things. In this regard, a protective reaction to the nerves is developed, which manifests itself in the fact that the child chews pens and pencils.
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What needs to be done to stop a child from chewing hands?
Some say that this habit can be weaned off by a simple and calm conversation with your parents. Others suggest punishing the child and hitting him on the hands as soon as he starts doing this. The first and second methods are incorrect. Because this model of behavior will only provoke the child to do this action again. A child should be weaned using very simple but effective methods.
The first method is to rub the child's hand with pepper or another substance that causes an unpleasant sensation and itching. Therefore, with this method, the child should stop putting the pen in his mouth as he will associate it with trouble. This method works if the child is not aware of this action.
The second method is to purchase special medical plasticine or chewing gum, which consists of resin. And when the child begins to put his hand in his mouth, you should offer him to chew plasticine in return. This will not only wean the child from this habit, but will also prevent the child’s chewing system, since chewing resin strengthens the teeth.
The third method also has a medical nature. The essence of it is to purchase a special toothpaste. When brushing teeth, this paste will stimulate the nerve endings in such a way that the child will not want to take the pen and chew it.
Remember that if your child starts chewing on a pen, this is not normal and he has problems. The child cannot cope with his nerves and emotions. Therefore, if you notice this immediately, take precautions, as this habit harms the teeth and affects the further development of the child.
Tags: Children, Psychosomatics, Child psychologist, Children's psychotherapist
Why does a child under 4 fight?
As a rule, mothers say: “You can’t fight!” or pronounce messages that are similar in meaning, thereby prohibiting the expression of anger and aggressiveness that arose in response to the violation of the child’s boundaries. But as Can they are not taught to express, which can subsequently lead to deep neurosis, and the child will not learn to perceive himself holistically.
It is important to teach your child to express anger and irritation constructively while remaining in contact with others. For example: “I’m angry at you for taking my toy away. Do not do that". The options “beat the pillow”, “tear the sheet”, etc. briefly relieve the tension that has arisen, but do not teach how to resolve conflict situations.
You can forbid a child to fight, then his anger will turn into psychosomatics or other deviant behavior. It is very important to pay attention to the child’s reaction type and patiently teach express different feelings , so that he, having matured and faced with any violation of his own boundaries, can immediately calmly express dissatisfaction, and not continue an unfinished dialogue within himself, lash out at loved ones (“pillow”), or develop an illness in himself.
A child aged 3.5 years is a reflection of the relationship between parents. If there is a lot of anger, irritation, resentment, and guilt in the husband-wife space, then the child will be impatient in showing his own aggression, expressing it for himself and for his parents. In such cases, it is very difficult, almost impossible, to teach a child constructive interaction without changing the parents’ relationship with each other.
“Why does a child chew pens, notebooks, nails...?”
Many parents suggest purchasing beautiful hands or smearing them with mustard...
The child bites himself, notebooks, pens... INSTEAD of biting another. In his immediate environment there is a significant person who exerts, albeit unconsciously, excessive pressure on the child. The child is not able to resist this pressure due to age characteristics and family rules.
Experiencing both pressure and the inability to show irritation, the child begins to blame himself instead of expressing his grievances to another. In psychotherapy, this mechanism of interrupting contact is called retroflection, that is, a sharp turn of feelings towards oneself. This can manifest itself in nail biting, hair pulling, skin scratching, finger wringing, etc. At the same time, while remaining “decent” for society, he calms and supports himself. Chewing pencils and pens is the most common way of such self-support.
What to do?
Determine who is the constant irritant. Realize the level of pressure and control exerted on the child and try to reduce it. This alone will make significant changes in the child's behavior. Train yourself to ask questions: “What was interesting in your life today?” instead of “What grades did you get?” and “What did you have for lunch?”
Allow the child to express irritation and resentment in a demanding form, teaching him to clearly express his needs.
Thus, chewing pens, pencils, and nails is an often ignored, but by no means harmless problem that requires special attention parents.
For those who want to learn more about the relationship between mother and child, we recommend reading:
- Winnicott D. Small children and their mothers.
- Winnicott D. Piggle.
- Winnicott D. Conversation with parents.
- Furmanov I. Children's aggressiveness.
- Klein M. On observing the behavior of infants.
- Bowlby D. Attachment theory - especially.
- Miller A. Drama of a gifted child.
IN school years, many watched as classmates every now and then “touched” to the tip of a pen or pencil. It seems that no one is particularly hungry, however, thinking about the next example, or thinking about a new creative masterpiece in literature, half the class literally turns into beavers, diligently gnawing the ends of school supplies.
So, Is chewing pens and pencils a bad habit? Of course yes. The main evidence for this is: school supplies contain many chemical elements that are harmful to health; a school habit often develops into a “beaver” addiction. IN modern life, this bad habit can bring a lot of negativity and trouble at work, or just in a public place. That is why it is better to get rid of this habit and the sooner the better.
Let's consider several options for getting rid of this childish, but no less harmful habit. By the way, scientists who studied this habit came to the conclusion that the “beaver” habit begins in childhood. Its very existence is explained by the fact that in infancy, every child chews something. The latter is done subconsciously - thus, children scratch their gums at the time of the growth of their first baby teeth.
Very often, sweets help get rid of “beaver” habits. They lull the body's need to put something in its mouth. Yes, the main thing is that if you want to “heal” this problem, then use only caramel, or even better, lollipops. Lastly, they will also help you get rid of tobacco addiction, if you smoke and want to get rid of the habit of poisoning your lungs.
Perhaps the most effective remedy– correctly, that is, eat fully and on time. Breakfast and lunch are a must. Don't forget, if you chew, school supplies, then you cause the same harm when you chew gum (that's another topic). A full stomach often saves you from sometimes unknowingly gnawing on something.
If none of the above options helped you, you should try another, one might say radical, method. Perhaps the most effective thing is to lubricate/soak the tips of all pencils and pens that you use with some bitter, but not odorous, substance. Yes, and be careful not to harm yourself even more, or simply get poisoned. Believe me, the first time you try to chew the bitter tip of a pencil or pen, you will instantly and for a long time lose the desire to remain a “beaver”.
There is one more thing, however, that only applies to pencils. As an option, you can buy pencils with an eraser inserted into the tip. Believe me, more soft material, you won’t want to chew. And if you start gnawing on it, then spitting out microparticles of the eraser, you won’t want to gnaw it again.
But if we return to the pens again, we can remember another way to get rid of the habit that we are considering. Try to buy a pen not for 5 or 35 rubles, but more expensive. If possible, get yourself a gold-plated pen or something similar. Tested many times, those who like to chew will not bite a business-class handle. A person feels that he needs to match the level of his accessories, and the bad habit goes away by itself.
