How to live in a family life. How to learn to live happily in a family? One is at the limit, and the other is doing well: the partner is silent

A family, internally soldered by love and happiness,
there is a school of spiritual health, a balanced character,
creative entrepreneurship. In the space of people's life
she is like a blossoming flower.
I.A. Ilyin

There is a very remarkable place in Moscow. Once, my friends and I were walking through the Vodootvodny Canal to Kadashevskaya Embankment along the Luzhkov footbridge. And they saw that several artificial metal trees were installed on the bridge. These miracle plants were completely hung with locks and locks of various shapes and sizes. Starting from very miniature, Chinese, ending with heavy barn. On many locks, male and female names were written, hearts were drawn. It turns out that the newlyweds have a tradition: to hang "locks of love" on the Luzhkov Bridge, and throw the keys into the water. The Patriarchal Bridge across the Moscow River is decorated with the same locks. Moscow "Gormost" first cut the locks, but then, tired of fighting with lovers, installed special trees on the bridges so that the locks would not be hung on the railing.

Of course, such a custom is nothing more than a relic of paganism and primitive superstition, but it shows that all young spouses, of course, dream that their marriage, their joint love will be strong and indestructible, that once they have entered into a family union, they will no longer part never. And for this, it seems, nothing is needed at all: he locked the lock on the “bridge of love”, and threw the key into the river. Ah, if only it were that simple!

By modern standards, I got married very early - at 21. And like all young people, it seemed to me and my wife that everything would go easily and smoothly. What problems can there be? We chose each other, got married, we have love, all the hardest things are already behind us, then only the joy of joint communication and a trouble-free family life awaits us. But how wrong we were! More than once, in a sinful deed, I remembered the words that the apostles said to Christ in response to His instruction on marriage: “If such is the duty of a man to his wife, then it is better not to marry” (Matthew 19: 10). We had to go through considerable difficulties, to learn a lot, before we understood what family life is and how to master this difficult specialty.

And almost everyone follows this path - they fill bumps, learn from mistakes. And all why? We all think, out of youth, out of inexperience, that it is very easy to be a real family man, spouse or wife, and, as a rule, we begin to think about our family life only when serious problems already arise in the family. Family life is an art, no easier than any other. Starting to build your family is like starting a new business, learning a new profession. But, unlike the profession, they don’t teach spouses anywhere, you have to master everything yourself, empirically.

Courses for those who want to start a family or sort out their family life were organized by the Center for the Spiritual Development of Youth at the Danilovsky Monastery in Moscow. These courses are called "The Spiritual Foundations of Family Life and the Education of Children." Fathers and psychologists talk to young people on various topics and answer their questions. Your obedient servant also managed to participate a little in this matter, and I was very pleased with the serious attitude and interest in the family theme among young people. This is a very good undertaking, but it is a pity that only a very small number of people attend these courses. But, thank God, that at least someone understands: creating a family requires great skill and a responsible approach.

There are courses for young mothers, where women are taught how to behave during pregnancy and childbirth and then take care of the baby. But feeding, swaddling, bathing a child, giving him a massage is much easier than building the right relationship with your soul mate, being able to communicate, and then raising children (this is generally a separate and very difficult topic).

But you need to study, and I am very sorry that before marriage I had not read a single special book about the family - then it seemed to me that I already knew everything.

May I not be judged for being too didactic, for I want to set out some family rules: they help me in my family life, and I hope they will help someone else.

In a family, in marriage, one cannot do everything only on a whim, guided, as they say, by the heart and feelings; at least some basics you just need to know. It's good if we saw these principles of family relations in the family of our parents, grandparents, but what if not? If someone grew up in an incomplete family or did not see a good example in the person of their parents? Then there is only one way - to engage in self-education. But those who grew up in a strong friendly family also just need to constantly think about how to improve their family life, make it happier.

What is family? This is a small Church, where we serve God and neighbors, this is also “my house is my fortress” (“my house is my castle”), as they used to say in England in the Middle Ages. And a monastery in the world where we learn humility, patience and obedience and where there is always an incentive for spiritual growth.

I recall an episode from Vladimir Khotinenko's film "Pop", where the priest, father Alexander, says that he and his wife are very different people, with very different characters, and this helps him become better, fight his shortcomings, grind his sharp corners. He jokingly calls his mother "my grindstone."

Speaking of monasteries. In Russia, the monasteries also served as outposts, fortified fortresses. They guarded the borders of the Motherland, and within their walls the surrounding inhabitants could always find protection and help in the event of an attack by enemies. And of course, in every monastery there was a church, and not just one.

If a person has managed to create a family where he is loved, understood and expected, this gives him great protection, even in the most terrible and difficult circumstances of life. Even in separation from the family, the family man feels the help and protection of family ties.

Austrian psychotherapist Viktor Frankl went through all the horror of German concentration camps. And the only thing that helped him survive was faith in God and the idea that he needed to live at all costs in order to meet again with his wife, whom he loved very much. He spoke about his life in the camp in the wonderful book "Say Yes to Life". It describes the psychology of prisoners very well, and many of these people survived only because they knew that somewhere out there, far away, there are relatives, close people who love and are waiting for you, and you need to continue to live in order to see them.

In order for our family to become a temple for us, a fortress that keeps us from all the hardships of life, it is worth working hard.

They talked about family happiness, that happiness is, first of all, the inner state of a person, “the Kingdom of God that has come inside you.” This is the threshold of paradise - the future "Kingdom of Heaven" - which should begin already here, in our soul and in our family. What is our earthly life? Preparation for eternal life. What state of mind a person reaches, with such he will go there. In the family we are not saved separately, here we perform our service: we are saved ourselves and help others to be saved. As St. Gregory the Theologian says, “being one flesh, (spouses) have one soul and with mutual love awaken in each other zeal for piety.” That's why:

Rule 1. Never forget the main thing. In all circumstances of life (and especially in difficult ones), we must remember that we live together not in order to find out who is right and who is wrong, or to re-educate each other, but in order to be saved together. Strive for peace, love and happiness.

Recently, one of the readers left a comment-question after an article about happiness: “Is a happy family possible when one of the spouses is unhappy?” No, my dears, of course, it is impossible, then it will not be family happiness, but something else. My family should be inseparable from me, only then it can be called happy. This is where the following rule comes from:

Rule 2. Family is WE. After 15 years of marriage, I discovered an interesting feature in myself. I no longer perceive myself without my family, separately from it. It already seems to me that my loved ones - my wife, children - have always been with me, almost from birth. Although, of course, I perfectly remember all the events of my childhood and youth, that is, the time when I was not yet a married person.

And it's not just my personal feelings. Other people told me the same thing, by the way, not always happy in family life. Why is it so? Whether we like it or not, we are no longer alone in the family, our life and our spiritual well-being are inseparable from the life of our loved ones. And their well-being depends on ours. If a person tries to live some kind of his own life, separate from the life of the family, then there will be no happiness in the family. In family life, you need to forget the pronoun "I" and, conversely, always remember another word - " we". Everything: having entered into marriage, I am no longer alone and must constantly think about how to make it good not only for me, but also US.

I know several couples where the spouses went down a very dangerous path: seeing that their life together somehow did not work out, they each began to live their own lives, just under one roof, even spending holidays separately. Each of them has found his own, more or less comfortable, niche in hobbies, in work or in something else, hid in it from adversity and somehow continues family existence. This, of course, is not a way out of family problems, but simply a way out of them, which usually ends in the breakup of the family.

And my acquaintances also did not find solace and peace, living an isolated life. All of them, at least, experienced the strongest mental discomfort. Because a family is only alive when we together.

Rule 3. Try to communicate more. Despite being very busy outside the home and doing many things at home, I find And those times for family communication. Communication is the foundation of a good relationship. Now many people are forced to work very hard to feed their families. But, no matter how tired you are at work, no matter how much you want to relax, unwind, switch off in the evening, still find time to talk with loved ones, at least spend it less watching TV, at the computer or long phone calls. You won't regret it. A huge number of married couples broke up simply because the spouses almost stopped communicating.

Archpriest Sylvester's well-known book "Domostroy" can be treated differently, but this monument of ancient Russian literature of the 16th century contains a lot of wise advice, including those related to marital communication. For example, spouses are encouraged to eat food together: “But it’s not good for a husband and wife to have breakfast separately, unless someone is sick; eat and drink always at the right time. A meal is a time when the family got together and it was possible to discuss current affairs. Elsewhere in the Domostroy it is also said: “The master should consult with his wife about all household matters ...” Just about this is another rule.

Rule 4. Discuss pressing issues. Make important decisions together. I was convinced from my own experience that when you “speak out” a problem, discuss it, ask the opinions and advice of others, you always manage to make a more balanced and correct decision, especially when it comes to a matter that is important for the whole family. If you ask for advice, it means you respect it, and this always disposes, serves to strengthen family relations. In addition, the other person sees the problem from a different angle and may notice something that you did not pay attention to. When communicating, you need to discuss not only important matters, but also any issues that interest you.

Rule 5. Respect each other. When I told one woman that you need to respect your husband, she objected to me: her husband does not like this word. He somehow, in response to her words about mutual respect, threw a remark: “What, are we alcoholics or something, to respect each other?” Well, well, a person does not like the word "respect", there is another wonderful word - "revere". And not only the wife should show her husband daily respect as her head, but the husband is also obliged to honor the spouse, treat her with care - as a more fragile, tender, weak being. Honor in it the priceless image of God and appreciate it as a gift given by God Himself. And, of course, children should honor their parents, and parents should treat their children with respect.

Do we want our loved ones to treat us well, respect us, listen to our words? Let us ourselves be the first to give them an example of such an attitude. As they say in the same Domostroy, to teach by "exemplary instruction."

Rule 6. Do not try to remake, re-educate your soul mate. To be able to see the good, bright sides of your loved ones and your family life. Women (and even men) often come to me who are very dissatisfied with the behavior of their loved ones and their family life in general. I will not give specific examples here, I will better analyze them later, when we get to the questions and answers. As a rule, all these people see their life as hopeless, gloomy and devoid of any joy. In their loved ones, they also no longer notice anything good. After listening to their long stories, I usually try to find out by leading questions: what is still good, positive left in their family life? And then, again with their help, I help paint a completely different picture. And it turns out that the people around them are very good, and there are a lot of bright, pleasant moments in life, you just need to be able to see it all. Sometimes it turns out to help people take a fresh look at their family situation. It is very important to see the positive aspects of your loved ones and try to change not the people themselves, but the attitude towards them and with them.

Rule 7. Do not give vent to anger and other negative emotions. An angry person is always wrong. Anyone understands that irritability, anger, quarrels destroy good relationships. But anger also does not solve any problem. Because in anger it is almost impossible for a person to make the right decision: his mind is clouded. “During anger one should neither speak nor act,” said Pythagoras. And all serious conversations should be conducted only in a calm state of mind.

Misunderstandings, insults should not be “salted”, but should be able to discuss, calmly and without irritation. We are all different, and contradictions in marriage are inevitable, but when spouses look for a solution together with love, without anger, you can always come to an agreement and compromise.

As for other negative emotions - despondency, melancholy, sadness, and others, it should be remembered that in marriage they poison life not only for ourselves, but for our entire family. Not only are we personally tormented by these passions, but our relatives and friends suffer because of us. And at least for their sake, you need to fight with your passions.

Rule 8. Please your family more often. This rule is in contrast to the previous one - about anger, irritation and melancholy. The modern layman is surrounded by negative, frightening information: murders, accidents, disasters, just a mess in the country ... And it's good if we get positive emotions in the family. Is it really difficult at least a couple of times a day to tell each other something good, to share pleasant impressions? A word of affection, gratitude, said in the morning, can improve your mood for the whole day. Mother and I agreed to thank each other even for the most ordinary things: washed dishes, food bought at the market, or a swept floor. And, I must say, simple words of gratitude, spoken several times a day, have a very beneficial effect on the atmosphere in the family. Some wise man said: “Joy experienced together is doubled, and grief already becomes half of grief.”

Rule 9. In every family, each member, as a rule, has his own responsibilities. Of course, these duties must be performed well, but there are times when the help of loved ones is required. And the authority of even the most venerable academician will not fall if he helps his wife: he vacuums the carpet while she prepares dinner for the arrival of guests. If there is no mutual assistance in the family, it may turn out, as in one oriental parable. Husband and wife strictly assigned responsibilities. The wife is responsible for everything inside the house, and the husband for everything outside the house. And when a fire broke out in the house, the husband did not run to help his wife, and the house burned to the ground.

Mutual help also consists in prayer. “Pray for one another…” (James 5:16), says the Apostle James.

Here are some principles of a good family life. Someone, after reading all this, of course, can say: “The most important thing in marriage is love, but where is it here? One continuous rules, instructions, recipes. And love is here in every paragraph. Because it just manifests itself in overcoming selfishness, in mutual respect, in the desire for communication, indulgence and forgiveness of shortcomings, in the fight against one's passions for the sake of loved ones. And without love, or at least the desire for it, it will be unbearably difficult to fulfill these rules, and on the contrary, for those who love, they will not be a burden, but a help.

(To be continued.)

For some reason, it is considered old-fashioned to create a long marriage. Modern people believe that living with one partner for a long time is unacceptable, since it is necessary to renew their feelings of falling in love by searching for a new object of adoration. However, many psychologists argue that it is married couples who have lived with one spouse all their lives that can be safely called a “happy family”. In addition, they live longer than those who are single or those who are in constant search for new romantic sensations.

Why exactly?

The secret is simple - the ability of two people who know how to keep a family together, communicate, forgive insults and hear each other throughout the entire time they live together. Any, even negative, moment can be resolved positively. You just need to learn to hear the interlocutor - this is the key to family happiness.

If a quarrel with a loved one is approaching, people should switch to some positive emotions. It is advisable to change the situation - take a walk, go to the cinema, just do something interesting together. These are the rules of a happy family life.

The key to a good marriage is frequent memories associated with romantic events of the past, the indispensable mention of them in conversations - this is something without which a happy family life is impossible. An even more reliable way is to have fun together regularly.

Problem resolution

How does a strong family appear, how to save a family? When the turbulent emotions subside a little, then only you can calmly talk about the impending family problem. The result of such a conversation will certainly be positive. You should not change the character of your partner, it is better to change yourself - this is the key to a happy marriage.

Setting the goal of “changing a person”, the partner will make sure that this is a thankless task. That is why it is important to try to change your attitude towards the shortcomings of a loved one. Meeting before the wedding, we already notice the unpleasant sides of the partner, but do not take any drastic actions to change them. You do not need to do this after marriage. You should accept a partner with his strengths and weaknesses that you are already familiar with - only this can further strengthen relationships and understand how to maintain peace in the family. Sometimes close people, immediately after painting, begin to prepare for attacks from a loved one in order to somehow cut them off. Parents sometimes set up such actions in family relationships, so it is important for a partner who does not know how to improve relationships, appreciate marriage, show his desire only for a positive result.

The key to family happiness is to be grateful to your loved one. If a loved one makes attempts, even unsuccessful ones, to perform some pleasant actions, to find family joys, you should definitely find words of gratitude. After all, this is precisely the creation of what is called a “happy family”.

Gratitude should be expressed both for the repaired faucet and for going to the grocery store. When it is the responsibility of one of the family members, it should still be noticed and appreciated by the partner.

Compliment each other

This will not only help save the marriage for many years, but also understand how to improve relationships. Be sure to compliment your loved ones. Always emphasize how you like the appearance or character of a loved one. By saying delightful words to your partner, you give a positive and a boost of energy - such are the secrets of a happy marriage. Inspired by warm and affectionate words, he is capable of great deeds and romantic deeds. Surely a loved one will appreciate a candlelit dinner, a small gift, an SMS with a declaration of love or a night walk.

Be sure to surprise and delight yourself and your loved ones, hug, kiss your partner - this guarantees strong relationships both spiritually and in their physical manifestation, without which a happy marriage is impossible - sex.

When considering how to save a family, remember that any abuse is evil. It kills the naturalness of intimate relationships and romantic love. The strongest family, inside which jealousy has settled, will not last long. It is necessary to believe in a partner, without giving him any reason to doubt himself - such a guarantee of family happiness.

Wellbeing Secrets

How to keep peace in the family? It is categorically impossible to try to somehow create or change a loved one. It is much more productive to change your own attitude towards the shortcomings inherent in him. It will always be pleasant for a partner to realize that you appreciate his parental qualities, professionalism in everyday activities. The loved one must constantly feel that he is admired. Sometimes spouses expect that their family happiness will certainly come after acquiring a home, a car, getting a well-paid job, completing their education. By no means! A happy family should be satisfied with the existing well-being, striving to improve it. Family happiness is absolutely impossible when there is misunderstanding between partners. Most often it concerns financial stability.

Those who want to understand how to improve relationships and return family joys should try to do periodically unexpected things:

in the clothes of a loved one to leave a note with a love confession,
give flowers, meeting after work,
organize an unexpected, not previously agreed upon romantic dinner,
send an SMS with a hint of intimacy.

Be sure to support your partner in all his professional and personal intentions. This is especially important when he is sick, weak or prone to sadness. Strive to overcome everyday and professional difficulties together. A happy marriage is somewhat similar to sailing around the world on a fragile vessel: as soon as one begins to rock it, the second must strive to maintain balance, because otherwise both will sink.

Family happiness is achievable only in a situation where spouses see life the same way, have similar interests, and know how to improve relationships.

To create a happy marriage and maintain family happiness, you must always maintain those feelings with which a strong family begins. Starting a relationship, everyone strives to do attractive and very amazing things, showing himself to a partner. Only later do we begin to understand what kind of person is near us, with whom we will have to share family joys and sorrows. This is quite natural, only a mature relationship portends a happy marriage.

Often after marriage, one of the partners calms down: it seems to him that there is no longer any need to make efforts to please his beloved. This is not true - only that family is strong in which partners strive daily to be attractive to each other. Naturally, it is difficult to always keep your appearance young and attractive: age is merciless. However, family joys help to stay in good condition for a long time. A happy family is a constant movement.

Conclusion

Remember that a strong family is one in which spouses communicate. Only taking care of your partner becomes a guarantee that you will have a happy family, which is not bypassed by everyday family joys. Forget about selfishness, take care of your loved one the way you would like to be taken care of. A strong family is a delicate matter. Often marriages break up because of a momentary hobby of one of the partners, which becomes a mistake. As soon as you feel danger, say “no” to the temptation.

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There are legends that somewhere far, far away there are families living in peace and harmony: their children are obedient, mothers and fathers do not swear, mothers-in-law adore daughters-in-law, and sons-in-law love mothers-in-law. But for the most part, we are all ordinary people, and our loved ones are far from the fabulous ideal. However, there are secrets, which can help you achieve, if not universal harmony, then at least family understanding. Agree, this is something.

website I have collected for you 15 main rules of behavior in the family, which it would be good for everyone to know. After all, we all dream of a house where there will be no quarrels and disagreements.

1. Don't peek into someone else's phone

Looking at thematic family forums, you can be very surprised: dozens of people share ways shadowing for the second half - they discuss how to discreetly check the husband's phone or read the wife's private messages on social networks. It seems that this question really worries a lot of people.

It seems that we have begun to forget that a happy family life is built on trust and mutual respect of all parties. If you don’t care how your relationship will develop after you get into your spouse’s personal correspondence, then go ahead. If you find something, you will have to tell your spouse about it (few people can live with such knowledge), and then admit that you rummaged around in his things. Usually such a confession causes two things: either a flood of apologies, or aggression. In any case, it will be possible to forget about normal relations, because both options are bad.

No matter how apologetic your spouse is, you will no longer be able to trust him. His apologies will always be not enough for you, it will seem that he is hiding something. Most likely, it will be so, it will just be better to hide it. The second option means that your partner has not valued the relationship for a long time. You will have to leave or accept. Therefore, do not meddle in other people's correspondence, but try to increase your partner's love.

2. Have an hour without gadgets

Probably, everyone has situations when, after a busy day, they really want to come home and just play their favorite computer game, read the news on the Internet or watch a couple of episodes of a new series. As a result, family evenings have become really quiet: moms, dads, grandmas and kids are sitting with their gadgets.

But listen, life is passing by and we no longer know how the children are doing and what's new with the mother-in-law. Try to enter the evening an hour without gadgets, and you will be surprised: there is something to talk about with household members. You can play board games, have a reading aloud evening or just chat - this is how real family closeness is maintained.

3. Don't bring work home

One way or another, our professional activity is a significant part of life. And no matter how much your favorite work absorbs you, no matter how great the temptation to escape there from everyday affairs, you should not do this, or at least you should not do it often.

Say what you like, but joint activities can unite any team, and if you are a family, then a common hobby will turn you into a real team. Now a healthy lifestyle is very popular - a great occasion for all family members to learn to ride a bicycle, rollerblade or scooter. If you are not a sports fan, then glue model aircraft, go to the movies, bake, embroider or paint, family team building is a great thing.

Joint activities help parents to look at their children in a new way, and children, in turn, get to know their parents better. The time spent together is priceless, especially if it takes place in a joyful and relaxed atmosphere. However, here you should not go too far - in choosing a common hobby, you need to listen to all family members and find a balance between your interests and the hobbies of your relatives, do not demand from children what they cannot do simply because of their age, and also remain patient and calm .

5. Live apart from your parents

No matter how much we love the wife’s or husband’s mother, it’s better to live apart. Many couples who have recently started a family believe that married life away from their parents preserves relationships within the entire clan. Not only does independent living create the necessary intimacy of marriage, it inspires the newlyweds for personal growth and development.

However, it is necessary to take into account all circumstances, after all, elderly relatives often need guardianship and care. Aging parents need to know that they are important and loved. Keep in touch: call mom and dad, go somewhere together and never refuse help and support. In any case, whether you live under the same roof or separately, separation from a large family is a necessary condition the formation of a full-fledged and happy unit of society.

6. Don't force your spouse to share your passions

There is an opinion that spouses should be inseparable and it is necessary to share all the hobbies of your other half. How often do we see guys languishing outside the locker rooms of malls, waiting for their lover to finish trying on her 10th skirt? And what about women who heroically endure all the hardships of fishing? There are many examples. Let's just admit that some people can't stand long shopping trips, camping, or going to the theater. It is unlikely that aversion to shopping or travel means dislike for you. Nothing personal, just preference.

Children grow up more responsible and self-confident if they have a voice and can participate in family life on an equal basis with adults. Communication with children is often reduced to a minimum: parents give orders, and children obey (or disobey - as you're lucky). Moms and dads often confuse upbringing and edification, preferring to hammer sets of postulates and dogmas into children's heads instead of communicating on an equal footing. However, the simplest heart-to-heart conversation contributes to the formation of trusting relationships. Isn't this the ideal family that many aspire to?

Scientists at the University of California found that the brains of children who plan their own time, set their own goals on a daily basis and evaluate the results of the work done, have higher levels of work in the prefrontal cortex. These skills help kids avoid self-discipline issues and distractions.

8. Grandmother's participation in upbringing is good.

Family lunches and dinners are gradually becoming a thing of the past, in conditions of constant lack of time it is difficult to allocate half an hour for evening gatherings at the table. However, psychologists unanimously say that the family should spend at least 20 minutes at the common table every day. Sharing meals can raise children's progress, reduce the likelihood of eating disorders in girls and significantly reduce rates of depression in all family members. But the main bonus from evening gatherings is, of course, communication.

However, lunches and dinners should not be strict and formal - laugh, joke and chat (but not with your mouth full, of course). Humor brings people together like nothing else.

10. Stop fighting for money

Unfortunately, the world is such that you can't go anywhere without money. And unresolved financial disputes are among the top three causes of divorce. The burden of domestic conflicts interferes with family happiness, but all problems are solvable.

What to do? You will have to agree on the financial side of the marriage while still “on the shore”. Simply put, someone earns more and help around the house from him is insignificant, while someone, on the contrary, devotes most of his time to the family hearth. And not necessarily this second will be a woman, in recent years there has been a growing trend for men to actively participate in the household and raising children. The main thing is that there is no need to demand that the main breadwinner of the family perform equal duties around the house. Is it fair?

11. Help your spouse with parenting

First comes love, then marriage, and then children are born and... chaos begins. Parenthood is a natural continuation of marriage, but statistics show that after the birth of their first child, 69% of spouses are not satisfied with their family life.

This happens not only because of financial disagreements and stress, but also because parents see their responsibilities differently. Dads get tired at work, and moms want help from them. Of course, most dads still love their children and want spend time with them. But exactly until mom intervenes.

“You don’t hold it like that, you don’t do it that way, this is not the right jacket, you need to put on another one. You don't have to go outside today, it's going to rain. We'll buy other pants, I don't like these." And few dads can say: "I will do as I decide." Needless to say, such command quickly kills the desire to do something with the child, except for five-minute hugs? Therefore, if you want help from dad, not under pressure, but sincerely, let him do his part of the duties as he wants. After all, if you weren't there, do you think your child would have died with him? Hardly.

12. Don't discuss your spouse with anyone.

Who should not talk about family problems:

Parents. Of course, for many, mom is the best friend. But parents love so much that they are unlikely to ever forgive those who offended their children. And you will forgive your negligent spouse, perhaps even during the conversation, and your mother will remember for a very long time.
Colleagues. Surely colleagues are not eager to know all the details of your personal life. Working relationships should remain politely neutral.

Not every family can boast that there are no quarrels and disagreements in it. Unfortunately, this is part of family life. And some parents can’t even imagine a showdown without loud screams and swearing - such are the Italian passions. However, it must be remembered that squabbling in front of your own children is an evil that must be avoided.

The stress of parents affects the well-being of children - this has long been proven by psychologists. Loud screams, accusations and family drama are not meant for children's ears. The house should be an indestructible fortress, a stronghold of tranquility, where you want to return. Moreover, children often feel their guilt for disagreements between parents.

15. Chat with friends

Don't focus on your family, connect with friends, neighbors, and co-workers. Friendship occupies a very special place in a person's life - there is no benefit from true friendship, it can begin or end at any moment, and we simply have no legal obligations towards friends. Only in the company of old friends can you be yourself, relax and not worry about the obligations that bind us in everyday life. A friend can give practical advice and help out in trouble.

Having created a family, do not seek to end old friendships. Just be part of something bigger than your little cell of society. The main thing is that this communication brings only positive emotions, and friends are positive people.

Do you have your own secrets of a happy family life? Share them in the comments.

How to learn to live happily in a couple?

How to learn to increase and maintain potency for many years of family life?

I had to observe for many years married couples and their destinies.

How differently husbands and wives behave! And how does this affect the future quality of their family relationships!

I will tell you about one married couple - Sasha and Lena. Lena and I worked together, made friends, consulted about raising children, met with families.

Lena's husband is a very affectionate person. Arriving home, he first duty gently kisses his wife, gently looking into her eyes. Volodya's son adopted his father's habit and also, upon meeting, gently looks into his mother's eyes and kisses her.

Tenderness and affection - a prerequisite for success
in family.

Sasha told us at family gatherings how important it is for a man to feel responsible for a child - how he will grow up. It is important that already in the parental family the son learns to respect and affectionately treat a woman, then he will be able to give happiness to his wife. And he turned out to be right.

Lena told after the marriage of their son that the young are literally dissolved in each other. More than ten years have passed since their wedding, and they have already given birth to their two sons, but they are still in love with each other.

Regular intimacy is of great importance in maintaining potency.

After all, one cannot demand serious results from an athlete if he trains once a month.

Lena told me that in the first month she and Sasha did not succeed, and she remained a virgin. It even went as far as visiting the doctor! (This is now a lot of different specialists in the field of family relations, but before it was possible to come only to a urologist). The urologist correctly told them that family life must be learned. Lena and Sasha began to look for those rare books that could only be obtained. And the problem was eventually solved! Sasha became a first-class husband, he was glad that he could deliver an orgasm to his wife, he even recited Pushkin's poems by heart about how happy a wife is in the arms of such a skilled husband!

But after all, not all men and women are prepared to overcome this sore point with time and creativity. There are also men who, after the first unsuccessful intimacy, broke their lives, considering themselves inferior, consoled themselves with non-traditional types of satisfaction.

This is a tragic mistake! How many such broken destinies because of ignorance and ignorance!

A woman is like a unique musical instrument, and it takes time and knowledge to learn how to play it. If a student is first admitted to a musical instrument, what will he play? "Dog Waltz"! And even if the wife, out of the kindness of her soul, praises her husband for the "dog waltz", the husband needs to continue to improve.
After all, the lack of an orgasm in a woman can lead to severe gynecological and nervous diseases. And the lack of an orgasm in a man can lead to nervous breakdowns and prostate adenoma.
Poor proximity leadsto the subsequent cooling in relations.Even living under the same roof, a couple can switch to “loneliness together”, when everyone is immersed in their own interests.

Cooling in proximity - as a rule - a consequence of the fact that a man did not consider it necessary to master his "musical instrument" - a woman, his wife, agreed with the role of a clumsy!

As if work and money are more important?? !

(Remember the song:

"First of all, first of all

Aircraft!

Well, what about the girls?

And then the girls!

The people called it "the song of the impotent").

I will never forget Sasha's words to his wife: "I, Lenochka, go home from work every day and think what kind words I will say to you."

Do you think Lena will exchange her husband for some other man?

Yes, she will fight for his health and life until victory and regale her husband with her culinary delights!

And Lena has already proved this many times over her long family life!

Here are some qualities that strengthen family relationships:

TENDERNESS, SINCERE LOVE, RELIABILITY, RESPONSIBILITY, PARTICIPATION IN COMMON FAMILY CARE, ABILITY TO GIVE AND RECEIVE ORGASM.

Blessed are the men and women who have mastered these skills! They confidently lead their family ship to the Bay of Joy.

“I want a family” - this desire sooner or later arises in the minds of almost all people. But is married life really that good, or is it better to stay single? If you still create a family, then how to prepare for this serious step? The publication will answer these questions.

Single life or family life?

For some, a bachelor's life is real bliss and freedom, for others it is only longing and fetters. Some people dream of finding peace and family comfort as soon as possible, while someone, on the contrary, strives not to tie themselves in marriage for a longer time. In most cases, the bachelor life attracts men, both young and mature. They can sincerely enjoy a free life until they feel the need to find a family.

Women, by their nature, tend to create comfort and home. They perceive the absence of a family in a negative way, especially if it has been absent for a long time. Therefore, it is quite normal if thoughts like “Will I get married” arise in a girl’s head. A rare woman will be sincerely glad of a bachelor life. Usually these include those who already have experience of marriage, and not the most successful. Therefore, they do not want to live together with the opposite sex or try to postpone this moment as long as possible.

That is, everyone chooses for himself how to live: free or married. Single life has its pros and cons. About them further and will be discussed.

Advantages of single life

The basis of a bachelor's life is freedom in all its forms and manifestations. Non-family people very fiercely protect her from encroachments of the opposite sex. The ability to do whatever you want in a single life is a major positive. The remaining pluses only follow from the concept of freedom.

This is a lot of free time, which you can dispose of only at your discretion.
The ability to manage finances the way you want.
Free choice of friends, which does not depend on the sympathies of the chosen one.
Gastronomic preferences are not controlled by anyone.
A varied sex life due to the constant change of sexual partners.
The dwelling can be furnished as you like, relying only on your vision of the interior.
You choose how and when to clean.
No need to adapt to someone, try to negotiate and seek compromises.
A bachelor has low responsibility: you feed, provide for and answer only for your loved one.
More opportunities to build a successful career that will bring high prosperity.
Less stress. No matter how good the relationship is, family life is a constant test of nerves for strength. Nobody bothers Bobyl to rest, sleep, and does not drip on the brain.

The positives are quite impressive. It is understandable why bachelors say: "I don't want a family." But there is a significant nuance here. All the charms of a carefree life can be fully experienced only from the age of 25-28. As a rule, by this age, both women and men live separately from their parents, become financially independent and sufficiently prepared to independently resolve domestic issues.

Disadvantages of single life

Usually, awareness of the negative aspects of a single life comes at those moments when a person is oversaturated with personal freedom. Then he begins to understand: "I want a family and children." Moreover, single life has its downsides.

Lack of psychological and physical support. A bachelor can rely in everything only on his own strength. This negative moment is especially acute when help is required for health reasons.
Independent housekeeping. This is the performance of traditionally female and male duties. Cleaning the apartment, cooking, moving heavy and bulky items, repairing plumbing, electrics, and so on.
Inconsistent sexual relations. Free people regularly have to look for a new partner, which can have a bad effect on libido. If the connections are random and unprotected, then there is a high probability of health problems.
Low social activity. Most bachelors aspire to nothing. The exception is self-care. It doesn't compare to how a married man or a married woman behaves. They help their extended family, start a garden or a dacha, go with their children to various interesting places where they communicate with new people. It makes purposeful and very developing.

Of course, one cannot categorically state that family life is a panacea for everyone, and bachelor life is selfish and immoral. A person should listen only to his feelings and act in accordance with them. It is silly to start a family just for the reason that it is due to age or all the acquaintances have already married. The decision to end the bachelor life must be conscious and sincere. Only in this case will it be comfortable in marriage.

Why can't you start a family?

What problems can you face? It happens that a person comes to the conclusion: “I want to get married / get married”, but for some reason cannot achieve this goal. Why it happens? This can be explained by the following facts.

The most important reason is to create an ideal image of a partner. Moreover, a person may not even realize that he is not true. Everyone wants to be paired with smart, beautiful, rich, caring and so on. This is an abstract person with a certain set of traits and qualities that simply may not exist in reality. You need to descend from heaven and not wait for a prince or princess.

The second most popular reason is the lack of motivation and true desire. Yes, a person can say: “I want a family”, but in reality it is not so. He is simply based on the norms of society and what he sees around a lot of married couples. Therefore, it would seem that he also wants to become like that, although in fact there is no real desire. This situation often happens to women. Seeing how acquaintances create families, they begin to complain: “Will I get married someday?”

A bachelor can be hindered by his past. For example, there was already love in his life, but it ended in parting, although the feelings remained. Since then, other applicants are not recognized at all and are not considered for the role of a life partner.

Very often, some unfinished business or career interferes with starting a family. There is so much to do in life! Earn enough money, buy a car, an apartment, have time to travel. And this, of course, requires money and free time. Once these goals are achieved, it will be possible to start a family and children. So many people argue and risk not being in time.

Some people are prevented from creating a serious relationship by complexes, self-doubt, weakness of character and vulnerability. These subconscious qualities are programmed for an unsuccessful life in which there is no family happiness. In accordance with this, a person builds his behavior.

Sooner or later you start to think about how to start a family and what you need to do to get there. This will be discussed further.

Ask yourself questions

First of all, you should ask yourself why so far it has not been possible to start a family. You have to be completely honest with yourself and answer the question honestly. For clarity, the reasons can be written out on a piece of paper. For example, it can be fears, complexes or problems in the search.

It is also worth considering why you want to start a family. That is, you need to understand what exactly you expect from a relationship in marriage. All options that come to mind can be written down on a piece of paper. Answers in the style of “because relatives are pressing” or “it’s time for age” are an indicator of unpreparedness for a serious relationship. It's just a desire to conform to public opinion. If the intentions are sincere, then you need to try to eliminate the reasons why you can’t start a family. What step will be next?

love yourself

Some say: “I want to get married / get married”, but at the same time they do not like themselves. Who will love a man who does not love himself? If there are any complexes that interfere with starting a family, then you need to work with them. If there are problems in communicating with the opposite sex, then you need to attend psychological trainings. The figure can be adjusted with the help of sports and diets. Lack of repair or cooking skills will help correct the corresponding courses. That is, any problem can be solved.

Some are embarrassed by their appearance, although often this complex is far-fetched. But even if there are some problems with this, then it is worth taking a closer look at happy married couples. Not all of them have perfect looks. So that's not the point. A family is created with the person whose qualities correspond to their own expectations and values.

Revise the value system

Of course, one desire “I want a good family” will not be enough. It's just emotions. You need to be ready to get married. And this is the maturity of the individual. To create a family, you must have a certain system of values. If it is different, then it will have to be revised in order for the relationship to be successful. What to pay attention to before

Know how to express your feelings. This can be done not only with words, but with touches and glances. It is also important to confirm your love in deeds, and not just talk about it. The partner must feel that he is loved and important for his chosen one.
The ability to emotionally empathize with a partner. In marriage, it is important to be an empathic person. After all, who, if not a spouse, will provide support. It is necessary not only to listen about problems, but also to listen to them.
Consider the other person's opinion. In general, spouses are equal in rights. Everyone has their own desires and responsibilities. This must be taken into account when planning family life. A woman is not required to be a housekeeper, and a man is not required to be a "purse". All roles are assigned by mutual agreement. Household issues should be discussed in advance and a decision should be made jointly.
Be responsible. Starting a family is at least taking care of one more person. Therefore, you need to learn to be responsible not only for yourself, but also for him. You will also have to treat money differently. It will be necessary to plan the family budget, keep records of earnings and expenses, deny yourself something in order to have enough funds for more important things. It is very important that both spouses share responsibility for two, and not just someone pulling the strap.

Decide on the criteria for the chosen one

It is important to understand what kind of person you want to see next to you until the end of your days. To do this, you can make a list of preferred qualities. Appearance doesn't matter. It is necessary to indicate age, character traits, interests, skills and other features. Something without which it is impossible to build long-term relationships.

There is no need to hope that there will be a person who fully meets all the criteria. It is better to rank the list and, when choosing, rely only on the most significant qualities. For example, for someone it is very important that the partner loves children, and someone appreciates the similarity of hobbies. Everyone has their own preferences. Of course, the second half must also want to live in marriage. Otherwise, the statement “I want a family, get married (marry)” will simply be meaningless.

Search for a chosen one

You can’t dream of starting a family and not leaving the house anywhere. Spouse (s) will not fall from the ceiling. If there are only loners in the social circle, then you will have to make new acquaintances. You can visit restaurants, interest clubs, sports sections, theaters, city events and so on. But you don’t need to “go hunting” and each time hope that you will meet the same one. It is important to keep a sober mind and just enjoy life. For some, special dating sites will be the way out. They can significantly reduce the search time for the chosen one. But this method has its drawbacks. On the Internet, people often embellish their virtues and behave differently than in real life.

Don't rush things

When the search is completed, there is no need to rush and immediately stun the chosen one: “I want a family, let's go to the registry office as soon as possible!” This will only scare away, even if the person is not against marriage. Let the relationship develop gradually. Moreover, during this time you can get to know all the advantages and disadvantages of a potential spouse. You can think about a wedding only with full confidence that there is love, respect and compatibility. These are the foundations of family life, without which in any way.

Discuss family life

When the proposal is made, it is important to discuss with the partner all the nuances that are associated with cohabitation. In the future, this will help to avoid misunderstandings and major quarrels. It is worth deciding who will perform what duties, how finances will be distributed, how to raise children, what family traditions must be observed, and so on. You can discuss everything to the smallest detail, what comes to mind.

Preparing for family life is not at all a wedding celebration, outfits, a restaurant and a beautiful photo session. You need to learn to get along together, be responsible for others and respect your partner. Only in this case can you get a strong and happy family.