How to be confident in yourself - advice from a psychologist. The Complete Guide to Self Confidence How to Be a Confident Girl

Self-confidence is a quality of any person who wants to achieve success in all areas of his life. Anyone who is confident in himself is successful in work, in his personal life, and in his hobbies. Confident people are not slowed down by constant fear: “What if it doesn’t work out?”, “What will they think of me?”

How to gain self-confidence? Below we will offer some tips that will tell you how to become more confident in yourself. But first, get ready to understand your character, study and analyze your characteristics. After all, self-doubt arises, among other things, due to the fact that a person does not realize or does not see his strengths.

What is important to know to become more confident in yourself

Most people feel self-doubt at certain moments. This is a completely normal reaction to an unfamiliar, unusual situation that you have never encountered before. People don’t want to take a step into the unknown; they try to think through and provide for everything, and that’s normal.

However, for some, this feeling becomes permanent, paralyzing activity. We need to work with this.

First of all, you need to turn on rational thinking. Timidity and constraint often have no basis, relying only on thoughts like “what if...”, “what will people say?..” Don’t think about what they will say about you. Use logic.

Decide on your primary values and goals. A life guide will help you go your own way without being distracted by unnecessary fears. When a person sees the perspective of the most important thing, the rest recedes into the background. He doesn’t think “what if I don’t succeed?” - he does everything to make it work.

Study your life, think about what could lead to such a state. Consider several situations that are scary. What do they have in common? How do they cause disbelief in their abilities? Find the reason on which this self-doubt is based.

So, here are some opportunities to boost your self-confidence.

Self-confidence and self-improvement

Where does self-doubt come from and what does it mean? In most cases, a person either does not see his positive qualities or does not concentrate on them, concentrating on failures and shortcomings. But when he realizes that he has something to respect for, his self-confidence will increase.

Take a blank sheet of paper and write down your strengths. Feel free to write everything you can remember. Do you read English without a dictionary? Are you helping your neighbor carry a heavy bag? Are you a good cook? Do you arrive on time to any meetings? Write everything down, no matter how small it may seem. Then hang the sheet in a prominent place and look at it every morning. As soon as you find a new advantage, sign up with the others.

Do the same work with the shortcomings, just write them down on another sheet. And opposite each one, write down what you can do to eradicate it.

In addition, monitor your sense of self and record moments of indecision. Know when you are in good shape and can act decisively, and when you should not schedule important negotiations.

How to increase your self-confidence now

But what to do if self-doubt is an obstacle right now? Let's say you urgently need to make an important call, contact someone, and there is no time to work on yourself. To get yourself together and gain self-confidence in a short period of time, use these methods.

Raise your head and straighten your shoulders. Self-doubt manifests itself on a physical level - and at the same level it can be corrected. Squeeze your shoulder blades together as if you are squeezing something between them, lift your chin and straighten your back. If possible, do this in front of a mirror. You will see how your posture changes and what a confident person looks like.

Stand in front of the mirror and say: “I will do it. I can do anything. My confidence is enough to achieve my goal.” Repeat this several times until you feel like you believe what you are saying.

Breathe deeply. This calms and oxygenates the brain, helping it function. Confident people think rationally, without giving in to emotions, so use this opportunity to get your mind in order.

Try aromatherapy. Carry with you essential oil- for example, lavender, which calms and puts thoughts in order, or citrus fruits - they refresh and invigorate. Also, in order to bring yourself into a balanced state, rosemary, sandalwood, and sage oils are excellent. Or try different ones and choose an individual one, the smell of which evokes pleasant associations and helps you get in the right frame of mind.

An obvious but effective method is to watch a motivational video or listen to an upbeat, dynamic track. They can be found, for example, in sports communities - people communicate there who, by the nature of their activities, constantly overcome self-doubt.

How to become confident: long-term methods

What can you do to make self-confidence fundamental? A longer and more regular set of actions will be required. Here are some ideas.

Hang in your room a portrait of someone who is definitely not characterized by self-doubt. This could be an actor or TV presenter, a famous public figure, a character in a book, perhaps a friend, relative or colleague. The main thing is a worthy role model that you want to strive for. And remember: even those who seem extremely confident in themselves are characterized by doubts and moments of weakness. The task is not to avoid such moments completely, but to learn to cope with them.

Get a pet. It often helps to become big, strong, omnipotent and irreplaceable for someone. It is not necessary to start with a huge Rottweiler, which requires a special character from the owner - a small hamster or kitten is enough to start with. You will begin to watch your pet grow, and along with it, your self-confidence as an experienced and caring owner will begin to grow.

Keep a diary of your achievements. Every evening, write down three positive events that happened during the day. Have you decided to do something that you have been putting off for a long time? Have you completed an important stage of work? Record this every evening.

Those who use this method note the following advantages:

clearly shows personal progress;
motivates you to new feats - so that in the evening you have something to write down with a feeling of satisfaction;
disciplines. Knowing that in the evening you need to report to someone - even to your own diary - keeps you on your toes;
Regularly re-reading your achievements lifts your spirits and allows you to become self-confident.

Communicate often. With close friends, co-workers or neighbors - start a conversation, maintain communication. Speak first and answer not in monosyllables, but in detail. People who are insecure can find it difficult to both speak and respond. But the more willingly they overcome shyness, the easier it is for them to make new attempts.

Reward yourself. Did you successfully give a presentation at work or talk to your manager about a salary increase? Did you smile at someone you’ve liked for a long time? Have a conversation with an acquaintance whom you usually just say hello to? These are already huge achievements! They deserve to be celebrated. Buy yourself a small present or go to a cafe or cinema. You deserve it.

Learn and gain experience. We are not talking about advanced training courses now, although they are important. Learn from the people around you, adopt useful traits, draw conclusions from different life situations. Sometimes people make mistakes because they are faced with an unfamiliar situation and, out of surprise, are unable to react correctly. There is nothing wrong with this if you use such mistakes as experience for the future.

Do what you're afraid of. Jumping with a parachute if you are afraid of heights is too strong a remedy; such shock therapy is suitable for few people. But looking at the city from at least the sixth floor or taking a ride on the Ferris wheel is something that will help you become more self-confident. Gradually overcoming your fears strengthens both willpower and self-esteem.

Think about what you are afraid of and analyze: what exactly is frightening and overwhelming? Are you afraid of losing ground under your feet, afraid of the unknown, or maybe you are too worried about the opinions of others? Regularly put yourself in situations like this, on the edge of the proverbial comfort zone. Think of it as a kind of simulator for self-confidence: at first it will seem difficult, but then it will grow and strengthen just like muscles in the gym.

Self-confidence training through positive thinking

Where does a complete pessimist get self-confidence? For someone who constantly expects a trick from life and sees the negative in everything? To feel confident in yourself, you need to know that most problems can be solved, and in most cases you can always come to an agreement with others.

Find the source of your strength. This could be a place, a hobby, a pastime that will become an outlet that allows you to escape from doubts and fears about the future. Any place where some strong and joyful event took place and where it is easy to return at any time, or at least a photograph of this place; an activity that turns out well and during which all troubles are forgotten - any outlet is good.

Don’t think badly about yourself, and especially don’t say it out loud. People around us read our self-perception and, as a result, begin to treat us accordingly. If you constantly tell them about your shortcomings and fears, they will become stronger in the idea that they are communicating with an uptight and insecure person, and such a belief will be more difficult to break. And if you convince yourself of your own negative qualities, then self-doubt will only intensify. Don't give her a chance.

Limit communication with pessimists, " energy vampires”, which talk exclusively about how bad everything is. Perhaps they also experience self-doubt, or maybe in this way they want to improve their own well-being. Doesn't matter. You need to develop your confidence, and not feed other people's complexes.

If you cannot avoid communicating with someone who constantly complains - you work together, live nearby - try to abstract yourself: put on headphones, or, if this is not allowed, imagine a protective barrier around you and imagine how complaints collide with it and break without causing harm . The main thing is not to let yourself be drawn into this stream of pessimism.

Seek friendly support from loved one. Family and friends see our positive qualities and will be able to draw our attention to them, even if we do not notice our advantages or do not consider them significant.

And encourage your loved ones to believe in themselves. It is known that the more generously we give, the more we receive. Not to mention the fact that family members invariably expect and appreciate this.

How to be confident in yourself: various psychological tricks

Above we talked about rational methods that can be understood by reason. What do experts in psychological techniques offer? There are several specific methods that nevertheless work.

Try to draw your fears. What color, shape, who or what do they look like? Look into their eyes, get to know them. They will become less scary

Create an anchor. Remember a situation in your life that is full of confidence and stability. Imagine yourself in this state, remembering every detail - those present, events, weather and lighting, sounds, smells... And then, when a solid picture is formed, make some strong, confident gesture that will be an anchor to this state: a clenched fist , any movement symbolizing success and victory, or a short and strong phrase - for example, “Just do it!”

Or better yet, a gesture and a phrase at the same time. Perform this ritual as soon as you need it and feed your anchor - add new energetic situations to the picture of success.

Create an image of your ideal self. When in doubt, imagine what this person would do. Would she really give up? You are not ideal, and you do not have to always act like this fictional character. But comparison with the standard will help you quickly realize that it is not objective reasons that interfere, but exclusively internal doubts.

Simulate the situation you are afraid of and bring it to the point of absurdity. You need to leave work early tomorrow and will have to ask your colleague to switch shifts. You are hesitant: you think that he will definitely refuse, and will also complain to the manager. Now imagine what will happen if you still ask him? What will he do?

The colleague will certainly be outraged to the core. He will bring a huge angry Rottweiler to work, who will fiercely protect his personal space. He will publish it in newspapers and show the story on television. He will report to the police and demand a special forces unit... Imagine everything you can imagine until it becomes funny: of course, such terrible consequences will not happen, in the worst case, the colleague will simply refuse.

Change long-standing habits. Have you decided to become a different, confident person who approaches life differently? What else does this person do differently? Find one of your habits and change it. Of course, you shouldn’t change useful skills that have taken a long time to develop, such as morning exercises. But try doing it with music, or in another place in the apartment, or not in the morning, but in the evening. Or go to a new place for lunch, change your usual route, switch to an unfamiliar style of music.

Self-confidence and personal progress: killing two birds with one stone

Find a foreign language learning partner. Increasingly, a method of improving oral speech is being practiced, such as communicating with a native speaker. There are special forums where you can meet someone from another country and communicate via Skype. You will not only improve your spoken English (or any other language), but also understand how to become self-confident.

It may seem difficult to start - your tongue gets stuck, the simplest phrases fly out of your head, and you look at the webcam stranger... But this person, firstly, expects this and is ready for such a turn, and secondly, he himself is in a similar position. Your language is also foreign to him, which means that the two of you will understand each other’s condition, despite the language barrier.

Play sports. It will strengthen not only muscles, but also willpower. Systematic overcoming of weakness and constant transition to a higher level in development is the most the right remedy. You will observe progress in the mirror, in your well-being, and in the feedback of others. Swimming, jogging, powerlifting or table tennis - choose something familiar or try something new. Start under the guidance of a trainer, he will tell you how to avoid mistakes and which program will be optimal.

Start a blog. Write down everything that comes to mind: the events of the past day, your opinion about a book or movie, plans for the future. Post photos - a cat, a creative process, a landscape on the way to work. Don't worry about the number of followers or their reaction. You do it for your own purposes, and if someone else likes it, great, but if not, that's okay. Just live your life and leave a record of it.

After a few weeks or months, it will be pleasant to return to memories, to some episodes of your pastime. In addition, after some time progress will become noticeable. You will see that you begin to write better, express thoughts more clearly, and select materials more interesting. Look for articles on how to write well and do it like a pro.

Try your hand at creativity. There are many master classes on the Internet - drawing, needlework, modeling, engraving, choose any suitable one - and go! Few people succeed in their first attempt, but there will be a second and a third. And the feeling of a finished thing made with your own hands cannot be compared with anything. Feeling like a creator of something new is exactly what you need to develop self-confidence.

Don’t set goals to produce a masterpiece from the very first attempts - just enjoy the process and realize how something appears before your eyes that was not there before. And then, probably, these attempts will become a new successful hobby.

Do charity work. The world is full of places whose inhabitants are much less fortunate. Orphanages, nursing homes, foster homes for animals - help is always needed. You can provide financial support, you can contact volunteers and ask if they need help with work. You will do the world better, and it will definitely boost your self-confidence.

Self-doubt and its three indicators

How to recognize someone who is not too confident? The general appearance of the “gray mouse” is understandable: a hunted expression on his face, clothes in dark tones... But even those who take care of their appearance are often betrayed by features that manifest themselves on the physical level:

handwriting;
gait;
manner of speech.

When wondering how to be confident, pay attention to your handwriting. Perhaps it is very small? Are the lines even or creeping down? Don’t be afraid to take up more space – even if only on a piece of paper.

Work on your speech style. It has been noticed that self-doubt manifests itself in the way a person speaks: too quickly - as if he is afraid that he might be interrupted and wants to speak out quickly - and not loudly enough so as not to attract unnecessary attention. Take an acting class or just read it out loud, record it, and listen to it.

Speech is an extremely important factor: express thoughts in such a way that the listener realizes that they have weight. Measurement, intonation, timbre of voice, clear diction - having achieved this, people usually become much more confident in themselves.

Watch your gait. Some insecure people walk too fast, as if they want to quickly pass through a dangerous space. Don't make a fuss. Carry your person with dignity. Look in front of you and to the sides, not at your shoes. And remember about posture.

Your body can become a tool for achieving confidence. Use it. Increase your speed: Do household chores or work tasks as quickly as you can (but not in a fussy manner). This will benefit your cause and help you stay on your toes. Avoid sluggish movements and procrastination – do it quickly and clearly and move on!

Self-doubt as a hindrance to business

Do you want to grow professionally, but are you afraid to show your work to the world? Stories or drawings, a portfolio of an IT specialist or a photographer - in any field, beginners, and sometimes even experienced professionals, do not know how to develop self-confidence. Its lack often turns out to be a serious obstacle to growth. Here are some tips on how to gain confidence in yourself as an employee.

Ask for criticism. Even if it turns out to be unpleasant, it is better than worrying about the unknown. You will know where to grow and what to pay attention to. And if professionals give positive feedback, so much the better!

Many people can be intimidated by the idea of being criticized. To prevent outsiders from exacerbating your self-doubt, remember what kind of criticism you should pay attention to:

constructive – one that explains what exactly is wrong and what to pay attention to;
professional - from someone who really understands the subject;
expressed in a respectful manner. Worthy advice is given by those who once started and also went through self-doubt.

Find a mentor. Some professionals want to delegate some of their routine work to less experienced colleagues, while others are willing to give advice to newcomers. Communicate in thematic communities and forums - the more knowledge and life hacks, the higher your self-confidence!

Find someone you can teach yourself something. The advice is the opposite of the previous one, but it works. In any business, there are those who are better and those who are just starting. Perhaps someone else suffers even more from self-doubt. You can help him - just find each other!

Don't be afraid to ask for advice. Some people are afraid of looking stupid by asking others about things that they have long known and studied. But none of us are born experts in a particular field, and there is nothing wrong with wanting to learn new things.

If you are hesitant to ask a question on a completely unknown topic, first study the material on the Internet, read a couple of articles and understand the basic concepts, and then ask about what remains unclear. Professionals respect those who strive to develop and are willing to help if they see that the newcomer sincerely wants to develop.

Go to interviews. It’s not scary if you give yourself the attitude: I’m not here to get my life’s work, I’m here for other purposes. You will show your knowledge, practice business communication, prove yourself as a potential specialist, and maybe even find a new interesting position!

Develop yourself. Gain new knowledge and skills. Attend master classes, study video courses in your specialty and master related topics, subscribe to professional blogs. Draw a diagram - what you already know and what you have yet to learn - and add to it as you gain new knowledge. The right way drive away self-doubt - know that it is not justified. There will always be doubts, but let them not interfere, but push you to grow higher.

Study not only materials in your specialty. You will become a versatile specialist if you also have an understanding of related areas. In addition, even in “unrelated” topics you can find something that will help you look at your specialty from a different angle and draw analogies. Learn more about the world, and you yourself will understand that there is no reason or reason for uncertainty!

How to set goals correctly to become self-confident

Achieving any important goal will help you gain self-confidence. But how to put it correctly so that even stronger self-doubt does not arise? Often people go astray and remain dissatisfied with themselves because they decided to achieve the impossible or did not understand what, why and in what volumes they need.

Set deadlines. They must be intelligent - for example, it is impossible to learn foreign language from scratch to advanced level in two weeks or even two months. But learning all the irregular verbs during this time is more than realistic. When in doubt, seek the answer from professionals.

Set the task as specifically as possible. How do you know that the goal has been achieved? In the case of irregular verbs, everything is easy - their number is known. In this case, the goal will look like “learn 150 verbs, their translations and inflections in a month.” Everything is extremely clear and specific.

Make sure that the task is relevant and important, and also - an important factor - that it will not cause harm. Another good example– training programs planned by day, in which the number of repetitions of the exercise increases every day, and at the end of the period the participant achieves impressive results. You can take such a program as an achievement of a goal: it’s simple - everything has already been thought out and planned. But before you take on such a program, you need to make sure that it will not harm your health.

Write a plan and start implementing it, and when you achieve it, feel free to write it down on your list. Knowing that you know how to achieve your goal and achieve success will definitely help you become more confident.

How to become a confident girl

The same methods apply for girls as for guys. But there are some ways that specifically help representatives of the fair half of humanity become self-confident.

Change the style. A new hairstyle, a different color of lipstick or eye shadow, a brighter and more open dress - all this makes you feel different, relaxed and free.

You should be comfortable with your new look, so don't make drastic changes like cutting off your hair. long hair– even if someone persistently suggests. But don't be afraid to try! Spin in front of the mirror, try yourself in the guise of a popular actress or movie heroine, and then come up with something of your own. Your personality can sparkle with new colors - change more often, try new things, find your unique style.

Use bright colors. Cheerful orange will fill you with energy, green will tell you about your love of life, and every girl knows about the influence of red. You don't like any of them bright colors? Choose a more sophisticated one - turquoise, gold, coral. Favorite gray dress You don’t have to throw it away either, but liven it up with bright shoes, jewelry or a neckerchief.

Don't choose cheap accessories. Your handbag and shoes will add to your awareness of their weight if they are made from genuine leather. You will feel freer when you pay from a beautiful, sophisticated wallet. And if finances don’t allow it, just don’t forget to make sure that your accessories always look impeccable, without stains or frayed edges. But still think about investing in becoming a confident girl. This will add success, and in the end it will be more economical for the budget.

Make friends with cosmetics and perfumes. Use them to highlight your features and smooth out imperfections. You don't have to do full makeup every morning, but light makeup day makeup and a trail of good perfume are tools that eliminate unnecessary worries and help you be confident.

Do not compare yourself with stars - singers, actresses, other public ladies. Remember that behind the picture in glossy magazines is the work of dozens of people: stylists, makeup artists, PR managers... Photoshop masters, not least. Often beautiful Foto- the merit of both the model and the retouching master, and to the question “how to achieve this hair color, such smooth skin?” The correct answer is “using a photo editor.”

People often look for people they want to emulate, and if this helps them become better, that’s only a plus. But don’t despair if you can’t reach the level of famous people - remember how much is hidden behind the scenes.

Use the method from the old movie: repeat in front of the mirror: “I am charming, attractive, confident.” This mindset for success really works.

Don't pay too much attention to the opinions of others. Listen to those you consider to be authorities, who have achieved a lot, always show yourself as best as you can, but do not take every word said to heart, especially from strangers.

Sign up for a dance class. Oriental or Irish, exquisite waltz or fiery salsa - all without exception will improve your posture and figure, provide new skills and interesting acquaintances. Some dances - for example, tribal or flamenco - initially carry the philosophy of female independence and freedom, and in addition, for them you do not need to look for a partner.

But consider also the options for partner dancing - don’t be afraid to seem awkward in front of an experienced dancer: these people, in most cases, are happy to help beginners join their favorite world. You will forget about self-doubt!

Book a photo session with a good photographer. Look through several portfolios, find someone whose style you consider thoughtful and high-quality. Chat with him before taking photos - some photographers prefer to work with experienced and relaxed models, but many know how and love to reveal different characters in their works. You will see yourself in photographs through the eyes of a person with good artistic taste and will understand that you can look interesting and attractive.

Smile more. This is the simplest answer to the question of how to become self-confident, the fastest - and one of the most effective. Show openness and interest to others, and it will definitely come back. Be who you want to see yourself.

How to become a confident communicator

Have a topic of conversation ready. Avoid politics, religion and gossip about mutual friends - there are many other topics besides these. This could be a book read the day before, a TV show watched, a funny incident from life, or new technology. Your hobby can become an extensive topic of conversation - of course, if the interlocutor is also interested in it.

Listen to others, not yourself. When a person is focused on not saying the wrong thing, he doesn't follow the thread of the conversation and can't open up fully. Instead, focus on what the other person is saying. You will gain a reputation as an attentive, grateful listener and will not focus on how not to make a mistake, wasting extra energy on it.

Ask open-ended questions – those that require a detailed answer and cannot be answered with “yes” or “no.” The interlocutor will say more, and you can ask about details or remember something of your own. Show interest in his story and enjoy the conversation.

Be sincere. Those who are confident in themselves are confident in their thoughts and express them boldly. Such people are not afraid of misunderstanding and criticism, because they firmly stand their ground, and also because in the case of justified and constructive criticism, they do not lose anything. And at the same time, don’t let anyone confuse you. You have already decided on your goals and priorities.

Have your principles that you will never give up, and be flexible in what is not essential. Confident people are not afraid to show themselves, so their words do not disagree with their thoughts and life position.

What you need to know to be confident

Doubts are normal. It is impossible to calculate absolutely all the consequences of your actions. Even in ordinary affairs, not to mention new and ambitious ones, surprises happen, and therefore all doubts before starting a new business, meeting or conversation are justified and natural. The goal is not to not experience anxiety, but to do your job despite them. Moreover, most of them are far-fetched and not connected with reality.

The state of confidence is not always stable - it can depend on the environment, health, weather and even time of day. In the morning we are toned and full of energy, but in the evening we have less strength left. Confidence may also decrease due to a quarrel in the family or troubles at work. But this does not mean that you should be led by external factors. Self-confidence means being able to overcome your worries and move forward.

People are self-obsessed. They think first of all about their own affairs and problems. They don't track your failures. Those who have ever given a toast at a holiday will confirm this: having risen from their seats and looking around those present, you can notice that half of them do not even look in the direction of the one who is so worried.

Someone adds wine, someone chooses a tastier piece, and someone put a stain on their shirt and is busy only with it. Life goes on as usual, despite all our worries. It would be a shame to worry about those who don’t even realize it.

Nobody is perfect. You can't always do exactly the right thing. And those around them too, so they do not have the moral right to evaluate and condemn anyone. You are not reduced to the sum of your mistakes and failures. And when any troubles occur, they do not erase our previous achievements. Just as they do not give other people the right to put themselves above the one who made a mistake, because tomorrow they too may find themselves in his place.

This doesn't mean you shouldn't strive for better. Be as good as you can so that in any case you can say: “I did my best.”

What not to do to be confident

And finally – some “bad advice”. Let's start from the opposite: what is important to avoid in order to become self-confident?

Increase confidence with alcohol. Yes, “drinking for courage” is a common solution to the problem. But we all know what consequences this leads to. And then, this is not a solution to the problem, but just doping, or crutches. True confidence is developed from within, from the strength of the spirit, and does not come with chemicals.

Envy. Someone is luckier, and this person has more reasons to feel more confident. But you don't need to compare yourself to him. You don’t know the whole picture - maybe this person is hiding completely different problems. And then, thoughts like “of course, he feels good, he has…” will not give anything, but will only absorb energy. You've probably heard this: it only makes sense to compare yourself to yourself.

True faith in one's own strength comes when the need to follow other people's successes recedes.

Gain confidence at the expense of others. Some people watch other people’s failures in order to gloatingly say “that’s the same, but I wouldn’t allow that!” But this is not the path that will lead to success. It only fuels self-doubt. Why? Because those who watch others too much have neither the energy nor the desire to improve themselves. It seems to them that they are already good against someone else’s background. Of course, this way of thinking has nothing to do with true self-confidence. Don't confuse self-confidence and self-confidence.

Trying to appear better than you really are. All attempts at boasting and inflated self-esteem are very noticeable and, as a rule, do not add positive characteristics. You can always distinguish someone who tries and really strives for the best from someone who puts on a gloss.

Look for those to blame. An authoritarian mother, a demanding father, an unbalanced first teacher - people who lack self-confidence can name many reasons why it is difficult for them to show themselves. But all these reasons are in the past. Adults build their present and future with their own hands.

Those who are confident in themselves do not shift responsibility for their lives to someone else - they themselves can take responsibility for those who are weaker. Your parents didn't teach you how to make decisions? Learn for yourself. Don't know where to start? Try to start by becoming the master of your destiny. You can not only strengthen your spirit, but also become an example for someone.

Afraid of making mistakes. Did something go wrong? It will work out another time. Have you been criticized? You, as an adult and confident person, will take this into account and do better. As you know, only those who do nothing make no mistakes. You do it: you grow above yourself, even if it seems that this is not so.

Go into an imaginary world. Above we gave advice - imagine an ideal self, someone who always succeeds, who is confident in himself and always acts correctly. Some people have a personality that allows them to fantasize, and pictures from an ideal world can significantly displace reality. Always remember that real life is here and now, even if it is not as good as we would like. If you catch yourself daydreaming colorfully, tell yourself: “in an ideal world it would be like this” - and live in the present.

Be overly critical. Don't forget to relax and praise yourself even for those achievements that you consider small. And if you haven’t fully demonstrated yourself the way you thought it was necessary, well, then you try, you fight, and tomorrow a new day will come and bring a new chance to improve everything. You are already doing a lot when you walk this difficult path of strengthening your self-confidence. The main thing is don’t go out of your way and don’t give up!

Article about leadership quality, the quality of a real man is confidence.

About how to develop this quality, how to become confident in yourself, what this will give you, etc. and so on.

Confidence is not given to us at birth (contrary to this opinion). This quality (like many others) needs to be constantly worked on and developed in oneself.

Why do you need to work and produce?

Firstly, because without confidence you can’t go anywhere. I think you understand this yourself! Confidence is necessary for success in any field of activity. Relationships, business, sports, politics, etc. the list goes on and on.
Secondly, because confidence is one of the main qualities that defines a real man.

If you are unsure of yourself = it is your decision, your choice.

To be confident or not is only your choice. Do you understand?

In other words, like everything else in this life. It all depends on you.

If you really have a desire and you want it, you act. If you don’t have a desire - you don’t want and nothing will help you - you are inactive.

An article for those who have a desire and who want to be confident. Who wants to change! Work on yourself. Plow. Upgrade yourself. I have a desire. And you?

Self-confidence begins, first of all, with inner faith in yourself!

If you yourself do not evoke this feeling in yourself, if you yourself do not believe in yourself (although who else if not you?), then how are you going to become a truly confident person? This is where it all begins.

Conclusion: Confidence begins with inner faith in yourself. Believe in yourself!

In everything, no matter what you do, no matter what you say, no matter how you act, you are doomed to success.

If you program yourself to have negative thoughts, nothing will work out for you. If you think that you are a loser and nothing will work out for you, then that’s exactly what will happen.

It all starts with the thoughts in our head (inside us), so keep an eye on them!

Life is a pain, I was born in the wrong country, my girlfriend left me/cheated on me, my salary means nothing, how can I live at all, a lot of problems, why do I need all this, I’m fat, I’m shabby, I have no money, I have nothing, no car, no apartment/house, no girlfriend, etc. and so on.

This is not masculine behavior! Complaining, whining, etc. is weakness, a manifestation of insecurity.

All this needs to be eradicated, weeded out, cut down - instantly in the bud.

Otherwise, all this whining, complaints and other negativity, negative thoughts will depress you, drive you into depression, thereby making you an insecure person!

Conclusion: confident people never complain or whine.

Yes, believe me, I understand perfectly well what really difficult life situations there are. But this is life! Do you understand? That's life! We all have difficulties, problems, failures, failures, stress, mistakes, etc. etc., without this there is no way.

But you must always move forward. No matter how difficult it is, just move forward.

You have to forget about complaining/whining, etc., you just need to move forward, take it and do it while others whine/complain. This is the position of strong, confident, successful individuals.

No matter how difficult, difficult, or bad it is, you must not give up under any circumstances. You need to look for a way out, solve a problem, a way, take it and do it, this is the position of real strong and confident men.

If you whine, cry, and complain about everything, you will remain in one place without changes.

If this has already happened, get out of this hole! After all, if you move forward, despite everything, you will begin to really value yourself, you will become a strong, successful, and, of course, self-confident person.

Tip #3. Don't dwell on failures and the past.

As I already said, we all have difficulties, problems, failures, failures, stress, jambs, etc.

However, there is no need to dwell on this. Only forward and nothing more. Remember?

The more you live in the past, the more opportunities you lose in the future.

Never reproach (criticize) yourself for anything. Don't get hung up.

Draw appropriate conclusions (learn the lesson(s)) and take them into account in the future.

This is the position of strong, confident, successful individuals.

Moreover, don't be afraid to endure and fail (or fail) at anything.

All these failures are an invaluable experience that develops you and makes you stronger and better.

Never, under any circumstances.

This is harmful because... lowers self-esteem.

The fact is that no person will compare himself to someone who is worse than him!

And in life there will always be someone who will be better than you in this or that or in everything.

This is where negative thoughts and envy begin. Alya, he is better than me, he has better car, cooler apartment, more beautiful girl, dresses better, everything is better for him...

As a result, self-esteem falls, something is wrong with me, I’m somehow different, I’m no better, I’m worse, ahhh, as a result, internal insecurity arises.

Nip any negative thoughts in the bud.

So what? Realistically, so what if someone is better? Doesn't it matter?

You are an individual, you have your own life! So live your life. Look after yourself and be yourself and never compare yourself to other people because there is no point in that.

This is the position of weak, insecure individuals.

Self-criticism contributes to the formation of a negative perception of oneself!

When you say something (bad about yourself) = you program yourself to do it.

As I said earlier, we made a mistake, mistakes, messed up, drew appropriate conclusions (learn the lesson(s)) and take them into account in the future, period.

You need to move forward and only forward, no matter what.

Criticism of other people contributes to the formation of an insecure and complex person. Don’t waste your strength, your energy, your time on this, there’s no point in it.

Focus on yourself. For your own purposes. And just move forward.

All this is the position of confident, strong, successful individuals. And be sure to study these articles: “Attitude towards criticism” and “How to respond to insults, negativity, provocations.”

Tip #6. Look after yourself and don't be a pushover.

Start doing things that help you develop a certain lifestyle. Those. do those things that will increase your self-esteem and, as a result, self-confidence.

Start going to the gym or take up some other sport.
Eat well, dress well, take care of yourself, your appearance, your body, and take care of your hygiene.
In general, develop yourself, read books, articles, literature, improve yourself.
Create yourself varied hobbies and so on by analogy

All this will help you love yourself, value yourself, gain self-respect, and of course, confidence.

About clothes, by the way, if you know that you are well, beautifully and expensively dressed, then your self-esteem increases, you feel and behave completely differently.

If you eat well, take care of yourself, your appearance, develop, etc. and so on. then you love yourself and treat yourself with respect. You know your worth!

About goals, by the way, set goals for yourself!!

When you achieve what you want, your self-esteem will skyrocket, rest assured.

Confidence is based on the feeling of victory. When you win (achieve your goal, your goals, desires, etc.) you become more and more confident in yourself.

With every victory you respect yourself more and more, because you set goals for yourself and you achieve them, therefore you are cool. To put it simply 🙂 Study: “Entrepreneurship.”

You see, if your surroundings are drunks, then it is very likely that you will very soon and unnoticed by yourself)) turn into the same drunk.

Another example on our topic. If there are only whiners and losers next to you (surrounding you), then you will turn into the same weirdo. Do you need it?

If you value yourself, you will never waste time on people who are unworthy of you, people who bring nothing to your life, but only waste time on some nonsense, make you weaker, drag you down, torment you, “they give” only negativity, etc. and so on.

It's the same with girls. Don't be fooled by just anyone. I understand that in modern world let's say ladies of easy virtue, but my advice to you: know how to choose.

If you win a beautiful, smart, qualitatively cool girl who knows her worth, your self-esteem will skyrocket. After all, if she is so cool, and you conquered her and she is with you, then you are cool too. Do you understand?

Tip #8. Communicate, make new acquaintances, speak in front of your audience(s).

New acquaintances in real life (in life, not in social networks on the Internet) are:

new impressions
something unusual
new experience, knowledge
this is communication in general
it is overcoming fears, uncertainty, doubts, etc.
it liberates, makes you open, helps you become more confident in yourself.

Performing in front of an audience (s) is generally the highest aerobatics, which is guaranteed to make you more and more confident every time.

Do not be afraid! Don't be shy, etc. for all this is a manifestation of weakness and self-doubt.

Someone's condemnation, opinion, etc. shouldn't worry you. You are a person!

You must have your own opinion, so express it.

Rest assured, there will always be someone who disagrees with you on this or that issue. So what?, this is absolutely normal, just be yourself!

Confident people never pay attention to other people's opinions.
Confident people don't care about other people's opinions.
What other people think about them, what they say about them, etc.

Confident people do not like to prove anything to anyone, such people are purposeful and move forward and only forward, achieving their goals!

Tip #10. Be independent and don't rely on anyone.

The ability to solve your problems is a sign of a strong, truly successful man. Men who are not afraid of responsibility.

He is not afraid to take responsibility for himself, his life, making decisions, etc.

Men who control the situation, not the situation.

Men who do not go with the flow, but choose the direction that is convenient for him.

Tip #11. After a while (I’m adding) = get rid of your fears, break your fears.

Break your fears. Challenge yourself. This really boosts your self-confidence! How to break your fear? => The best way is to “look the emu in the face.”

Yes, it’s scary, but you need to act with inner faith in yourself. With faith in success.

Finally, I recommend you the article: “How much are you worth as a man.” There are a lot of articles and information collected there that will help you develop to a high level!

That's all. Reading all this is not enough - apply your knowledge in practice, work on yourself. Inaction will not bring you anything. There must be constant work on yourself! This is the only way to achieve something. The only way. Good luck and success.

Self-confidence runs like a bright thread through all areas of human life. Success at work, in your personal life and friendly relations. Without self-confidence, it is impossible to socialize safely and self-realize. But what to do if, due to uncertainty, you cannot meet anyone or no longer dream of advancement? career ladder? What to do if you feel your own potential, but cannot release it? You will learn how to believe in yourself from this article.

Self-confidence is a personal and behavioral quality associated with. In addition, confidence is associated with anxiety, aggressiveness and a number of social factors.

E.V. Golovina refers to an individual’s attitude towards uncertainty as confidence. That is, uncertainty is often caused by fear of many future options for the development of a particular event. You can read about how to deal with fear of uncertainty or other fears in the article.

Too much self-confidence is just as dangerous as a lack of it. This is confirmed by the results of the study by E. V. Golovina. The author found that overly self-confident people are different:

negativism (actions in defiance, refusals to do something, putting someone “in their place”);
verbal and indirect (door slamming, stomping) aggression;
infantilism (reactions characteristic of adolescence).

However, the more confident a person is, the more resistant he is to the influence of negative emotions (fear, excitement, indignation). Initiative in communication depends on self-confidence and social courage.

An insecure person is socially timid. Moreover, the more often and the greater the influence of negative emotions (timidity, embarrassment, embarrassment) he is exposed to, the more they affect him. An insecure person has difficulty making decisions or taking action (for example, speaking).

Causes of self-doubt

Uncertainty is more characteristic of an inhibited personality type. Moreover, innate characteristics have less influence than social learning. Typically, insecurity stems from childhood, punishment and reprimand for undesirable behavior.

Notice! Any behavior can be regarded as undesirable depending on subjectivity. The usual “Don’t meddle!” can drown out the child’s curiosity, initiative, and activity, but in the eyes of the mother, develop calmness and obedience in the baby. That is, for the mother in our example, the desire to know everything (“climb”) is undesirable behavior. And for you? Here is an example of subjectivity at its finest. Based on this, first of all, I recommend that you remember your relationship with your parents and evaluate them, your actions and emotions with an adult gaze. Are there any reasons for your uncertainty?

The reason for uncertainty may be:

destructive style family education(intimidation, punishment, excessive demands, ignoring, etc.);
pronounced processes of mental inhibition (features of temperament);
fear in any of its manifestations (for example, fear of uncertainty, fear of being rejected and misunderstood);
low self-esteem;
low motivation to achieve success;
high level of anxiety;
low level of will and self-control;
intrapersonal conflicts;
the contradiction between (what I am, what I want to be, what I can, how I see myself, how others see me).

Like most problems, insecurity is most often based on both biological and social factors. If the former is almost impossible to change, then the influence of the latter can be corrected.

Self Confidence Structure

Self-confidence consists of social courage, intensity of emotions, and the power of influence of experienced emotions. If there is a strong expression of emotions such as anger, then the initiative in communication is more often of a negative nature (outburst of emotions) and is associated with a person’s excitability. If emotions include fear and other inhibiting experiences, then social initiative decreases. The man is timid.

Based on self-confidence, we can distinguish 3 types of people:

Unsure. They are characterized by high excitability and intensity of emotions. They are sometimes aggressive.
Overly self-confident. They do not need contacts, are prone to negativism, have low excitability and expressiveness of emotions (unemotional).
Moderately self-confident. They are emotional and need contact.

Uncertainty typically provokes two patterns of behavior: flight or aggression. Your task is to learn the third form, the socially acceptable one - verbal rational resolution of situations.

Thus, self-confidence is a feeling of internal control. A self-confident person knows what is likely to arise in the near future in his environment, and how to cope with it.

What to do?

First of all, you should understand that self-confidence is an acquired quality. It, of course, depends on innate individual characteristics, but in general it is formed through the influence of society and self-education.

Uncertainty and fears

Uncertainty is usually based on fears. Figure out what you are really afraid of. Find the root of the problem. It is important to get rid of fear. The main principle of struggle is to act.

I will briefly present here the main ways to overcome the most popular fears combined with uncertainty (material borrowed from the work of D. Schwartz “The Art of Thinking Big”).

Drawing: fear due to self-doubt and ways to cope with it

Uncertainty and memory

Sometimes uncertainty is associated with memory costs. That is, doubts arise based on a lack of information about such a situation, and in general are associated with memory. If you turn to the brain with a request to find confirmation of your weakness, failure, awkwardness, or something else, then it will give you many examples from the past. But if you formulate the request differently, ask to show situations where you were at your best, and the brain will give a bunch of positive results for this request.

I suggest you constantly work with your repository of situations and images:

Enter only successful situations there (gratitude from friends, getting a job). Before going to bed, play pleasant thoughts, achievements, gratitude, successes. Even if you witness someone's good deed, write it down in your bank (but not in the context of "Why isn't it me? Oh yeah, I'm too insecure and weak for that"). Just fill your inner piggy bank with positive emotions.
In a difficult situation, take from the piggy bank only pleasant, motivating confirmation of your worth, and not vice versa.

When you dwell on failures, you find yourself in a vicious circle and find yourself on the sidelines of life. Anxiety and feelings of inferiority develop. It becomes more and more difficult for the brain to work, because it becomes more and more polluted.

The deeper and longer negative thoughts live in the brain, the stronger and stronger they become, until they eventually turn into real monsters that poison your life. Just imagine how many such illegals an insecure person has in his head? But why illegal immigrants? You yourself feed them, nurture them, which means everything is legal and voluntary.

I'll tell you one comical way to deal with your monsters. Visualize them, give them names. Draw it on a piece of paper and eradicate it. How is up to you. Use your imagination.

Uncertainty as self-destruction

Look at your insecurities from a different perspective. Don't you think this is self-destructive? This is an ungrateful attitude towards your talent, abilities, potential (and every person has all this). After all, isn't this an insult to the chance to live?

Why are you punishing yourself? Did you answer? Now take action! Yes, there is only one option for overcoming uncertainty - self-development, self-breaking. You will have to consciously go through individually difficult situations, deal with fears, resentments - everything that sits in you and prevents you from moving forward.

Remember where the roots of your insecurities might be? Family, school, first love? Who told you that you don’t deserve to be a self-sufficient person? Do you think that you are ugly, and that makes you insecure? Who told you this? MASS MEDIA? Destructive style parenting? Envious environment? That person who is next to you now?

Finally, think about it: is it your insecurity that you are suffering from? I'm talking about whether, for example, your parents taught you this. Maybe they were so afraid of the world that they inspired the same in you? Try to look at the world with your own eyes, throwing away the usual prism of learned uncertainty.

Exercise “Three reasons to live”

As we have already found out, uncertainty is self-destruction, mental murder, unwillingness to live. I offer you a simple exercise for every day.

Write down three of your own successes (reasons to believe in yourself and live) every day. Whether you like it or not! Once you decide to fight, then fight and win! Nobody promised that it would be easy. Write any little thing. Or consciously do something so you can write it down later.

The next day, re-read the entire list (including all previous days). You won't believe it, but it's all you! This list will get longer every week. I don't think that the person whose achievements you end up with can be considered unworthy. Let's see if you can then be just as insecure about yourself.

How to stop being afraid of social contacts

Remember earlier I said that uncertainty is directly related to social initiative and activity in contacts? So, it’s important. Understand that people have more in common than differences. Your task is to look at people with a different perspective.

You and your opponent are equally respected and significant. Your goal is to discuss mutually important things to achieve common goals. Don't be afraid to ask questions, clarify details, ask to listen to you. But also respond with respect. Often, insecurity arises because one person considers another to be more important. Yes, for example, at work this may be a higher status person. But essentially you have the same problems and interests. There's no point in being afraid. It's the same in any relationship. There is no point in being insecure in front of your partner, much less in front of a stranger.
Do not accept any negative outburst from people towards you. If you didn’t do anything wrong, then the person probably just “took it out” on you. But in fact, he has problems in other relationships, and he himself is not confident in himself. Show understanding and empathy. Praise yourself that you have become a kind of “psychotherapist” for someone.
Be honest and fair. Feeling guilty is one of the most destructive feelings. Criminals, cheaters, liars sooner or later give themselves away. Nothing suppresses self-confidence more than justifiable self-disrespect based on a real incident. Remember “Crime and Punishment” by F. M. Dostoevsky? I think the idea is clear.

The most important principle for overcoming uncertainty in relationships with people is to act confidently. Don't doubt your choice. There is no right and wrong. There are your decisions, experiences and consequences that you must be able to handle.

The psyche follows the body

Do you know from psychology the fact that forcibly evoked emotions (for example, a smile) gradually become real sensations, states, true emotions? The same is true for overcoming self-doubt.

Start meeting people or any meeting with a handshake (hug).
Maintain eye contact.
Confidently and clearly say: “Nice to meet you!” or “Nice to meet you!”

The brain will respond to such confident actions with true self-confidence.

Challenge your insecurities regularly.

Sit in the front row at meetings. Yes, you may be involved in some kind of discussion, they will pay attention to you, look you in the eyes. But this is exactly what we are trying to achieve. I promise that it will only be hard at the beginning. Over time, you will begin to engage in discussions yourself.
Look into the eyes. Don't look away if someone makes contact with you. Averting your eyes is always perceived by your opponent not only as uncertainty, but also as your attempts to hide something, to lie, or not to say anything. To be honest, it took me a long time to teach myself to look people in the eyes. It is not easy. When I first started immersing myself in the world of psychology, I immediately realized that I would have to reshape myself. Probably, my activity stemmed from simple self-knowledge. And the deeper I go into psychology, the more I understand that there is no end to working on myself. In principle, there is no limit to perfection. So, it took me a long time to learn to look into your eyes. It was true torture. But you, dear reader, have no idea how valuable this skill is. You see the interlocutor’s reaction, his emotions. As a rule, to feel confident, you just need to see the answer in the eyes of another, sincere interest.
Keep your back straight, your shoulders back, your head raised, that is, watch your posture. At the same time, walk with fast (but leisurely) large steps. The body and psyche are inextricably linked and interdependent. If you still can’t come to an agreement with your brain, then create an outwardly confident person. Confident people walk into an important meeting without shuffling, slouching, or bowing their heads. They walk clearly and directly, in a hurry to do something meaningful (and not run away from something).
Smile. When you are afraid, when you are unsure, when you are upset, when... Confident and strong people smile, smile widely.
Be active. Express your opinion. When you once again suppress your own potential, then you begin to feel much worse. Comment, make suggestions, express opinions, ask questions. Yes, this is again not easy. You have to force yourself first. Make it a rule to stop keeping silent.
Learn to adequately evaluate your knowledge, skills and abilities and value and respect yourself for it. Regularly improve your skills and develop. I recommend making a written portrait of your skills. Visibility is always useful.
Learn to plan your time. Confident people are distinguished by their ability to use their personal time productively and plan how to spend it. Don't put anything off until later. Break big goals down into many small, easy-to-do tasks. But remember that deviations due to circumstances are always possible. They shouldn't unsettle you.
Take on those tasks that you know you can do. Create situations of success for yourself. You cannot live only by challenging yourself. Sometimes you can build confidence through simple successes.
For last, I saved the most radical and “scary” way to increase self-confidence. I suggest you join some club or circle. For example, theatrical or poetic. The most extreme option is stand-up.

Thus, confidence can be developed through teaching, persuasion and indoctrination. These are three strong points noted back in 1983 by T.D. Kalistratova.

It has been scientifically proven that all people have the skills to behave confidently, they just don’t know how to use them. If you can’t cope on your own, then sign up for assertive behavior training. Today this is a common service. Such trainings allow you to realize and feel mastery over your emotions (no one can regulate your state if you don’t allow it), reveal all the ways and teach you how to deal with them. Due to this, self-confidence increases.

Skills of a confident person

I would like to introduce you to the skills characteristic of a self-confident person, that is, this is what you need to strive for (I took the material of E.V. Golovina as a basis).

Perseverance in your goals and demands. The ability to repeat a request, question, remind yourself.
Adequate attitude to constructive criticism, acceptance of one’s mistakes.
The ability to concentrate on significant information in a conversation, not to pay attention to random “attacks”.
The ability to learn from your own mistakes, but not feel excessive guilt.
The ability to calmly talk about your shortcomings and listen to your partner’s complaints. The ability to discuss together what he wants to hear from you, how to see you.
The ability to be open and talk about your own mistakes and shortcomings. Equally be able to discuss the positive and negative traits of your character and lifestyle.
Give preference to compromises in resolving controversial issues.

Afterword

Uncertainty does not come from the future. Uncertainty grows from the past, and through its prism we see the present. All insecure people once experienced a situation that made them like this. But there is no point in dragging on the past. Find the original source and work through it.

We can talk about old grievances, unfinished relationships, traumas. Lots of things. It's very individual. If you can’t find the root yourself, please go for a personal consultation with a psychologist. Until you tear out and throw away that stone that is tied to your neck, any training to develop confidence, alas, will be ineffective. It’s like a painkiller: it relieves symptoms and seems to allow you to lead a normal life, but the infection continues to fester and grow.

Eradicate old negativity, don’t collect new ones, don’t get hung up on failures (yes, you still can’t do without them, you need to accept it). You may be surprised, but the human brain itself has the power to remove unpleasant memories. So you just need to help your brain work for your benefit.

Literature on the topic

In parting, according to tradition, I recommend reading the book. Today it is B. Tracy’s work “The Power of Self-Confidence.” The book is a practical guide to increasing self-confidence, getting out of your comfort zone, and increasing self-esteem. In the work you will find a detailed description of the phenomenon of self-confidence, recommendations for overcoming uncertainty, and many interesting thoughts.

I hope that the material in my article and Tracy’s work will be useful to you in practice. I wish you success in your rebirth!

Self-confidence is the key to success. Both among girls and in life in general. Often people seem to us to be self-confident almost from birth - as if this is some kind of original trait: either it’s given or it’s not. In most cases, it turns out to be the opposite: it is a learned skill. But how can you raise your self-esteem and gain confidence if you know about your shortcomings and stumble over them? How to cultivate masculinity in yourself? Can a man improve his confidence? We have good news: you can. And all this is achievable. We tell you what a man can do to believe in himself and how to feel better and where to get confidence.

How a man can become more confident and increase self-esteem

How to become confident

Selection of a dating site

How a man can become more confident and increase self-esteem

Self-confidence is one of the most popular things people go to psychologists for. This is such an acute problem that not only psychologists and psychotherapists, but also coaches who do not have a general psychological education and specialize in narrow areas of human problems are now offering to solve it.

People often struggle with this problem on their own for years, while with the help of specialists it sometimes takes only a few months to solve it. This happens because these people are trained to solve such problems. And because from the outside they see many things differently than you do.

Therefore, the main answer to the question “How can a man increase his self-confidence?” — contact a specialist with this question. Practice will be more useful than any theories. But if you come prepared and know in advance some of the issues you'll be faced with, things will go faster.

Let’s lift the veil of secrecy and tell you from a psychological point of view what confidence is, why you need it, why you don’t feel it now, and how to fix it.

What is self-confidence: 10 signs

Observe how a courageous, brave and confident person behaves. Most likely, the picture will look like this:

He's charismatic.
He is comfortable: nothing bothers him.
He's not afraid to joke.
It is not difficult for him to pick up the thread of a conversation and easily join the conversation.
He is not afraid to attract everyone's attention.
In principle, he is not afraid of anything in life in general. When faced with threats, he reacts to them quite calmly and almost never panics.
He reacts to compliments and gifts in such a way that he wants to give them more.
He is not shy about asking for help and provides it himself.
His hesitations and doubts do not prevent him from acting.
He is friendly with people, but knows how to refuse. Both delicate and tough.

Self-confidence looks like different people in different ways, often because it appears in different ways and from different starting points. There is no single formula that will suit everyone. However, it is always calm around these people. They feel like reliable friends and partners; with them you want to relax and become better yourself at the same time.

Why self-confidence is important for men

Let’s say right away that self-confidence is important for a person of any gender. But in our cultural tradition, in our mentality, the place of leader is traditionally given to a man. Nowadays there are more and more active girls, and this is great. But men, unfortunately or fortunately, continue to be expected to be intelligent, strong, self-confident and able to make decisions - .

The norms are shifting. Many cultural stereotypes are being erased, including gender ones. Thanks to millennials, a person’s gender fades into the background both when choosing an activity and when shaping personal qualities. Nowadays no one forces you to be confident or despises you if you are not.

Self-confidence is a personal choice that you can choose not to make and still live happily. But that doesn’t stop it from being an excellent tool for growth and achieving great success. Therefore, many guys are looking for a way to build and develop self-confidence.

Self-confidence helps. In the external sphere, it facilitates acquaintances, allows you to communicate with big amount people, build useful social connections through which you can make a big difference in your life. Ambitions that you want to realize go hand in hand with confidence. It will be much easier to do this with her than without her.

In the internal sphere - that is, exclusively for you - it is no less useful: to know the limits of your capabilities and not be afraid to expand them, to know your strengths and focus on them, not to be afraid of either yourself or the world.

Why am I not confident in myself now?

Someone outsider and stranger will not be able to answer this question. The psychologist will be able to ask leading questions so that you can find the answer yourself. But one part of the answer will most likely be common to everyone: because you haven’t decided it’s possible yet.

Self-confidence is not the ability to always be in control of a situation and never make mistakes. This is such a thorough level of knowledge of your own mind when you begin to use it as a convenient tool. Sometimes a little independent - and at these moments it’s worth watching yourself.

Self-confidence is not the ability to solve any problem with a playful snap of your fingers. Moreover, self-confident people are aware of a much larger number of mistakes they have made. And they guess that there are most likely no fewer of them ahead. They’re just not afraid of failures, because they’ve learned to grow from failures, and not get crushed and never get up again.

Self-confidence is not omniscience or snobbery. It's not something that makes a person better than those around them. This is definitely not a reason to be arrogant, be a scoundrel and not respect anyone but yourself. All of the above rather refers to the pathetic attempt of a very scared person to scare everyone else in order to protect themselves from possible attacks.

Healthy self-confidence - not about omnipotence, bragging and sincerely believing oneself to be the best person on the planet. It is about knowing your capabilities, abilities, and weaknesses. And about the ability to live with all this set.

So why are you not confident in yourself? Most likely because you don't know yourself. Because you have poorly placed your accents and consider yourself not the person that others see you, and the person you most likely are. Because you haven’t understood much yet, and there is no reason to allow yourself such luxury.

Will you feel confident if you find yourself in the pilot's seat without knowing how to fly an airplane? In life, your personality is this plane, behind the wheel of which you will fly for many years. It makes sense to understand the controls.

How to become confident

It's easier to answer this question once you understand what self-confidence is. Following its appearance, self-esteem will creep up, and if life does not become easier, it will definitely pose tasks of a higher level that are more interesting to solve. We promise one thing for sure: it will become more exciting.

This is what a psychologist will most likely advise, among other things, when you come to him in search of own confidence. You are free to try it yourself, you’ll just get a little more bumps and spend a little more time. But you will figure it out on your own and you can confidently praise yourself for it.

So, 20 tips on how to find and gain self-confidence.

Picture her. Register for at least three and start chatting with girls. Pretend to be a confident person in a situation that does not affect your life too much: in a conversation with colleagues, when meeting a new person, at an event where you don’t know anyone. Just for a few minutes or for the evening. Others will likely accept your performance at face value and won't punish you for allowing yourself too much.
Realize your ambitions in an area where you are good. You will even have the opportunity to prove your position - after all, you specifically declare yourself where you understand something.
Be more confident with your friends: you know them and their reactions. If you're really scared, you can warn about the experiment. They are the ones who will either encourage you or stop you as carefully and painlessly as possible if something goes wrong.
Remember that you expect more from yourself than others. You're the one who worries about not achieving enough, not communicating enough, not growing enough, and not being able to do something. Those around you either don’t care at all, or care little.
Build up a bank of compliments. To gain confidence, you need to accept that you are a good person and worth something. Remember compliments and other pleasant reactions. Praise yourself. You can even make this bank tangible by writing down pleasant things and storing these notes in a beautiful box.
Celebrate your own successes. Sometimes you just don't notice them. Ask others to praise you for what they like and celebrate what you have accomplished yourself. Every evening, for example.
Watch your appearance. Change something about your appearance if you don’t like it: style, hairstyle, or even body type. If you are happy with your appearance, it is easier to pay attention to other aspects.
Feel less anxious during conversations. Prepare for them if it's something important. This will help you think less during a conversation about how to avoid being stupid or putting yourself in a worse light. Concentrate on the interlocutor and his words: by showing sincere and genuine interest, you will receive the same in return.
Over the course of a week, write down what goes through your head when you feel insecure. Examine what you really find fault with the most and what causes you frustration.
Make a list of things that always make you happy. From a good song to some shopping, meetings or events. Write at least 33 points of varying difficulty. When you are very tired and need something positive, do something from the list. But don’t run away into something pleasant as soon as you notice that your mood is deteriorating. Figure out what's wrong: it's important. And only then reward yourself.
Learn to make mistakes. Don't think you've been good at it your whole life. Your task is to learn to stop being afraid of failures and falls. Confident people also fall, they are just used to perceiving falls as a useful and even positive experience. Try something safe: you don’t have to give up work first thing. Find that the fear of falling doesn't have to stop you from taking action. And then get used to this feeling.
Don't try to become a hero overnight. Gaining confidence is a long internal process that requires time, effort and change. No one can awaken your confidence in a couple of hours or a day.
Provide supporting support: friends or a psychologist who will be with you along the way. Listen to difficulties, praise for successes, help with decision-making and interpretation of events.
Remember why you started all this. You will have a million reasons to give up. Remember how and why you decided to give yourself confidence, to be open and sociable. Remember the guy who was thinking about how to be more confident with a girl. Compare it with yourself now and enjoy your progress.
Don't listen to those who say you can't handle it.
Don't try to be the best person. Your task is to learn to appreciate yourself for who you are now.
Give yourself “fear hours.” Sit down and concentrate on fear for a couple of hours or as long as you can. Write down what you are afraid of, how, why. Imagine what could happen if you make a mistake. Just be afraid. When you get tired, put it aside. After a couple of days, re-read and rethink what happened then. Some fears will turn out to be unfounded. And it will be easier to work with the rest from a calm state.
Don't be afraid of the people around you. They do not want you harm, even if you decide so for yourself. They are not interested in deliberately making things worse for you - there is already enough to do.
Try to get rid of perfectionism. You are not perfect right now. And you won't be perfect when you gain self-confidence. People around you, even confident ones, are not ideal either. They make mistakes too, and you will continue to make mistakes. There is no ideal. You need to come to terms with this and think about how to make what you got instead of him better and more pleasant.
Surround yourself with confident people and watch them. How and to what do they react? How are priorities set? What do they focus on and pay more attention to? What, on the contrary, is not considered significant? There's a good chance you'll realize something important.

To achieve success in life, it is important to believe in yourself and not be afraid of difficulties. How to become confident? What does it take to develop this valuable quality? Let's try to figure it out and find the answer.

Psychologists say that self-confidence is a person’s belief that he:

able to cope with life situations;
can find a way out of any difficult situation;
knows how to pacify the fears and doubts that rage in the soul.

Many people think about how to become bolder and more self-confident, because they understand that shyness greatly complicates life and interferes with career advancement and communication with the opposite sex.

Looking at successful people, it immediately becomes clear that they know what they want, easily overcome life’s obstacles and achieve heights in any endeavor. It often seems that confidence is an innate feeling that only a select few have. But this is not true. This behavior is the result of self-improvement. The difference is that some people need to work on themselves more, while others need less.

The first rule of how to become more self-confident is to believe in yourself. But this requires reasons. Try to develop in yourself several useful qualities that are characteristic of confident people.

Don’t feel sorry for yourself, this is only characteristic of weak, insecure people.
Learn to respect yourself. Each person is unique, inimitable and has all sorts of talents. Set yourself the task of finding qualities and actions for which you are worth respect, and develop this feeling.
Always maintain perfect appearance and smile often. It is much easier to show strong character and self-confidence if your clothes, makeup and hair are in perfect order. People around you feel positive energy and pay attention to it. This raises self-esteem and gives self-confidence.
Try to realize yourself. You need to find something to do that brings satisfaction and joy. A favorite hobby helps you stand out from the crowd of people and achieve self-realization.
It turns out to cut beautiful dresses, knitting, embroidering? Your work will be admired and this will boost your self-confidence. You can run your own blog, organize a shelter for homeless animals, and play sports. People will definitely appreciate your achievements, and this will help raise self-esteem.

The main thing is don’t be afraid to start new life, change behavioral stereotypes. Stop putting up with the supporting role, and every day will sparkle with bright colors. It's difficult, but possible. Look back and count how many opportunities you missed, how many things you left unfinished, how many meetings you were afraid to attend due to lack of self-confidence. It's never too late to stop being shy. You can always gain courage and develop a sense of self-confidence that will help you gain the respect of others, become brave and live a fulfilling life.

Step-by-step instruction

Psychology books often reveal this information, and they tell you how to become self-confident especially carefully. Many tips bring real benefits and help in working on yourself. For any recommendations to work, it is important to set a goal and not deviate from it. This is the only way to become confident people.

Record your progress

This may seem strange to some, but the method really works. Small successes are difficult to keep in mind; a person is embarrassed to talk about them, so he quickly forgets.

Buy a regular notebook and in the evenings write down in it the achievements you managed to achieve during the day. They don't have to be grandiose. It could be new hairstyle, a good buy in the store, a successful project at work, a new acquaintance.

Periodically re-read a kind of diary to remind yourself of your successes. This gives confidence on a subconscious level. Gradually you will notice that there are more and more achievements. One day you will realize that you have become a more confident person.

Fight your fears

To achieve what you want, you need to overcome obstacles. Children won't be able to learn to walk until they fall a few times and get a few bumps. An athlete will not become an Olympic medalist without sprains and injuries. To gain self-confidence, you need to constantly do things that you fear.

If you're afraid to talk to a guy or smile at him, do it. It's difficult to read a speech in front of a large audience - get over yourself and read it. It's scary to stand out from the gray mass of people - take a risk and stand out.

This will help you find a way to stop being ashamed of yourself and become confident. Patience will be required, as fear is difficult to overcome. But every new achievement will fill you with confidence. You will quickly notice that shyness and discomfort disappear, and you become calmer and braver.

No comparison

Self-confidence often crumbles to dust when a person begins to compare himself to other people. Under no circumstances should this be done. You immediately lower your self-esteem. If a girl is dating an interesting guy and looks stylish and well-groomed, this does not mean that she is a fatal beauty and better than you. You see only the outer shell and don’t know what this lady’s life really is like; perhaps she doubts herself and her strengths in the same way.

People are not alike. This does not mean that some are worse and others are better. We're all just different.

Ignore the failures

Psychologist's advice, books, and Internet resources often talk about how to become more self-confident. These include important rule- don’t dwell on failures. When something doesn't work out, don't beat yourself up about it. Just analyze the mistakes you made and forget about what happened. If you delve into yourself for a long time, scroll through your head different variants developments, next time take important decision it will become much more difficult. Everyone has failures. From them a person learns to achieve success.

Criticism is not always good

Psychologists have long noticed that children who are often criticized grow up insecure people with low self-esteem and who find it difficult to succeed in life.

As an adult, try to avoid communicating with people who speak badly of you and criticize you a lot. Their negative emotions drag them down and significantly reduce their self-esteem. If it doesn't seem to have an effect on you, deep down you are still upset and worried. In such situations, it is better to forget about the trouble and say: “I am becoming calmer, I am confident in myself and in my abilities.”

Change the way you talk

To become more self-confident, it is important to be on an equal footing with other people. Speak clearly, without rushing, and do not show excitement or fear. Don’t be afraid to be active at work, express your opinion, take part in the life of the team.

Develop your speech. This is the main communication tool. If it is inconsistent, start correcting the defects. For example, you can record your voice on a voice recorder, listen to it and try to correct any shortcomings.

Find like-minded people and communicate with them on topics that interest you. Once you are carried away by the conversation, you will forget about uncertainty, your speech will become clear, bright, and over time you will learn to speak like this always.

Praise yourself

How to become a confident person? Praise yourself more often, encourage yourself. There is no need to brag in front of other people, the rules do not allow it good manners. Say that you are great to yourself when you overcome the next obstacle. Think positively. This will help you gain confidence and forget about many complexes.

A self-confident person is identified by an even posture, a sense of humor and an open look. Tell yourself: “Stand up straight, straighten your shoulders, don’t slouch.” Keep your back straight all day and you will feel less stiffness and shyness.

Jokes more, don't hide your sense of humor. Laughter brings people together and allows them to relax. This good way How to become sociable and confident.
An insecure person tends to avoid looking other people in the eye during a conversation. If you have such a habit, eradicate it.
When people doubt your ability to do something, don't get discouraged or withdrawn. Just demand clear answers to why they think this way, and explain to yourself that you will definitely cope.

For a person to become self-confident, it is important not to look for excuses when you don’t want to or are scared to do something. Get rid of this habit and boldly acquire new knowledge, work hard, read, communicate with people, travel. With each new success, self-confidence increases, and the interest in overcoming obstacles increases in order to achieve great achievements.