Do I need to forgive the betrayal of a guy. Do Men Forgive Cheating - Psychology and Research Statistics. Causes of male adultery

Have you ever wondered what is the hardest thing to forgive? Of course, the betrayal of a loved one is his betrayal. But, unfortunately, no one is immune from this.

What is love? If you think that love is only a cloudless sky, the absence of resentment and the possibility of never asking for forgiveness from each other, then you are deeply mistaken.

Love and forgiveness are inseparable. But, if your husband or young man, for example, forgot to wish your mother a happy birthday, or didn’t buy you a chocolate bar that you asked for all day, then this is one thing. For such things, it is not a sin to forgive.

But, how to forgive the betrayal of a boyfriend or husband? Change is betrayal. Naturally, there is a thought that trust in this person will never return; that the likelihood of re-treason on his part will not disappear.

It makes no sense to convince someone of their own solution to this problem. But, it is possible to save relationships, and perhaps even improve them, after the fact of treason.

To forgive the betrayal of a guy, you need to figure out what is the reason for this act.

If your young man does not belong to the category of "March cats", then betrayal indicates the presence of problems in the relationship. Just like that, a person who loves you and cherishes you will never hurt you like that.

If you are not indifferent to a young man, then you should try to understand the reasons for his betrayal in order to save the relationship.

You need a conversation, thanks to which you can understand what exactly does not suit your man. Don't blame him, don't make things worse. Remember that his fault, of course, is. But, you are also guilty of this, because you did not understand in time that a crack appeared between you.

Couples who have survived infidelity but found the strength to forgive and keep the relationship, often admit that their life together has become much better. After all, it is known that the troubles and troubles that we experience together, supporting each other, bring us even closer. Having forgiven the guy for the betrayal, but, making it clear that you will not survive the second such blow, he will begin to appreciate and love you even more for your trust in him.

To forgive a cheating boyfriend, remember the time when you were infinitely happy. Analyze everything, because you loved this person, he has always been the closest and dearest to you.

You can forgive betrayal, but for this you will need strength and work on your feelings and emotions. When the fact of infidelity becomes known to you, the first thing you feel is anger and a desire to throw out all the angry emotions on the offender. But in order not to regret what you did later, you should give yourself time so that the passions in your soul subside.

When you calm down and are ready to talk with a young man, you should not find out the details of betrayal, no matter how interesting you are. "The less you know the better you sleep".

Try to get the guy to open up to you and tell you why he cheated on you.

After the completed conversation and the repentance of your man, you will still tend to suspect and not trust your partner. This is understandable, but remember that he repented and realized all his guilt. And, since you have made the decision to build and create your relationship from the very beginning, then keep yourself in control.

Constantly reminding him of his betrayal and expressing your resentment will lead to serious quarrels. It is difficult to forget, but to forgive the betrayal of a guy, if a feeling of love has been preserved between you, perhaps on condition that you help each other.

Another difficult psychological moment that a woman experiences after infidelity is sexual problems. Every time you go to bed with your man, you will remember that other woman. This can lead to the fact that you withdraw into yourself, and your emancipation and sense of confidence will disappear.

But, no, unsolvable problems, the support and care of your partner will help you cope with all the difficulties. And, over time, your relationship, which has recently been bursting at the seams, will get stronger and will bring both of you happiness and pleasure.

Is it possible to forgive cheating on a man

Grishkova Marina | Updated: 2017-02-05

So it turns out in life that modern relations between a man and a woman sometimes give a big crack. And the whole reason is the betrayal of a husband, boyfriend or ourselves. In practice, this is the collapse of all relationships. Many of us think so. Let's figure it out together with you in this current situation - is it possible to forgive treason?

Change rarely happens on its own., except when you don't know your partner well and the relationship is short-lived. Here you should not think for a long time - the partner is not interested in you. But if the relationship is long and strong, or even if you are married, then it is quite difficult to solve the problem of infidelity.

Change happens more often because of cold feelings, misunderstandings, due to understatement and lack of need for each other. At first everything is fine, you can not tear yourself away from each other, enjoy the moment spent together, a wonderful and rich sex life.

Over time, feelings cool down, we cease to be interested in the desires and needs of our partner - as some people say “We live together on different sides of the world.” This is where the idea of ​​change comes in. Blaming your man right away is not worth it, perhaps you need to think about the fact that you need to pay more attention to each other.

If he goes to the side, then he is missing something, most likely what You may not have given. It can be sexual fantasies: inferior intimate relationships and its consequences, lack of your support and your feminine warmth. In general, psychologists attribute the betrayal of a man to their polygamy; from birth, they are supposed to “fertilize” each female.

Forgiveness by saying "I forgive" is not the best solution. You will always return in your thoughts to those events and consequences that are associated with treason. If you forgive, then this must be done in your soul, but not in words, otherwise you will suffer all your life. This is difficult to do, it is clear that there will be anger, resentment. Perhaps there will be a desire for revenge, for example, sex with your partner's best friend. You can do this if it will be considered a bargaining chip. But it's better not to. We are all human and we all make mistakes. So your husband or boyfriend stumbled.

Pay attention to whether the partner feels guilty? Often, having committed an irreparable act - treason - a man regrets and subsequently tries not to do this again. In such a situation, you just need to go through this difficult period together. Often after passing this test, the relationship between a man and a woman, and the marriage itself becomes strong, as you can fight each other's weaknesses.

If the partner cheats from time to time and you both know about it, should you endure it? Do you think you are worthy of this humiliation and insult? I think no. Everyone deserves to be happy and you are no exception. Leave it all behind, start a new life and don't be afraid of new relationships. It is very sad to watch women who are trying with all their might to save a relationship or marriage, while her man is completely not interested in this, he is satisfied with a life in which he is looked after, fed and “ironed”, and he has one on the side, and even a couple of comfort women.

Video: how to forgive betrayal and is it worth it

To judge the correctness of your decision - to forgive or not - no one will, it's your life and your relationship. How you decide will determine the future. You should not take hasty actions, file for divorce and do irreparable things. Otherwise, you can regret all your life that they destroyed a joint future. Let it be a pleasant surprise for your beloved, a truly expensive gift - your forgiveness, and your man will appreciate it, he will understand that you are the best thing he has ever had. I hope that everything will be fine with you, you will make the right decision and your relationship will be an example for many couples.

Sources:
How to forgive a cheating boyfriend?
How to forgive a guy's betrayal, is it worth it, and how to live after betrayal
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Is it possible to forgive cheating on a man
Many women do not know whether it is possible to forgive cheating on a guy. Tips on what to do if the husband cheated.
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Nobody is immune from infidelity. And, unfortunately, no matter how wonderful your loved one is, one day you may find out that he has someone on the side.

Is cheating worth it? Let's figure it out.

What can be considered change?

If you ask people about "what is treason", then you can get completely different answers..

For women, most often it begins at the level of feelings, when they first appear. thoughts about other guys or light flirting.

Men mostly say that cheating is directly physical contact, and it is sex (and then, many do not include oral sex or calling a prostitute here).

If we average these values, we can say that cheating is when you are in contact with the opposite sex, counting on intimacy or getting it. But we note again that this is all very individual.

What are the reasons for infidelity?

Do they forgive betrayal?

Everything depends from a specific situation.

Your relationship, its duration and other criteria affect whether your partner will forgive cheating or not.

But according to women's statistics far more likely to give in and forgive their unfaithful husbands.

To forgive or not to forgive betrayal? How to forgive infidelity? Practical Tips:

How to make a wife fall in love with her husband again? Learn about it from ours.

Women's infidelity are much less common, but the question "is it worth it to forgive a wife if she cheated" also worries many?

It is impossible to answer this question unambiguously. It all depends on whether you want to be with her further. And also, can you look into her eyes and not remember the betrayal?

The main thing, no need to cut in haste. Talk to your spouse, find out the reason for the betrayal. Find out if she's remorseful. And then make a decision.

How to survive betrayal and is it worth it to forgive? Video recommendations:

Guys

If a girl cheated, is it necessary to forgive? To answer this question, remember why you are together.

If only habit holds you and in fact the list of complaints is much larger than the list of happy moments, then why continue this?

Most likely, you will continue to torment each other with betrayals or something else.

But if everything is fine with you, and you sincerely do not understand, why did she decide to have an affair on the side, then you need to analyze everything. Do you want to be with her more?

Are you ready to forget about it? Are you both ready to work on your relationship? All these questions will allow you to decide whether to forgive her or not.

Girls

Do I need to forgive a cheating boyfriend?

If you find out that your young man turned out to be unfaithful to you, then try first turn off emotions and take control.

Think about your relationships. What were they? Happy? Or is it still not very good? Maybe you've lost interest in each other?

Talk to a guy. Why did he change? Do you think he will do this again? And can you continue to meet, knowing that he was in the arms of another?

Everyone deserves a second chance, of course. But the main thing is that you do not suffer from this.

Is cheating worth it? Expert opinion:

In what cases can you pardon?

First you need to understand Will you be able to live with it in peace in the future?. Do not hold a grudge, do not be offended and reproach your partner all your life, namely, forgive and move on, not remembering the past.

Even if it takes you some time, but you are sure that you can do it, then it’s worth it to forgive the betrayal.

It makes sense to forgive treason if you have have common children especially if they are small. In this case, it is worth trying and working on yourself. But only if you can be a family, and not just portray it.

Love relationships assume that partners will love only each other. And at first it really does. It is unlikely that one of the partners began a love relationship with a secret thought: “Tomorrow I’ll go change!”. Most relationships begin with affection, interest, and even love. However, then something changes, which is why the girl is faced with a situation where she needs to decide whether to

What will the experts of the site of female psychology site advise? To understand how to proceed, you need to understand the issue in more detail.

Why does a girl become very upset about the act of a guy? After all, if you think about it, if cheating was not considered something bad, then the girls did not leave the guys just because they were cheating on them. There are so-called "advanced" girls who forgive cheating on their boyfriends easily and naturally. However, most of the beauties still adhere to the usual views on what cheating is and how to respond to it.

The betrayal of a loved one becomes the most painful event. Often a girl does not even suspect that her boyfriend is sleeping with someone else. When she finds out about the betrayal, it becomes a serious shock that completely unsettles. At the moment, psychologists do not advise making any serious decisions. While you are restless, unsettled, on emotions, you will definitely not be able to make the right decision for yourself.

What was so dumbfounded by the girl who found out about the betrayal of the guy? The point is that love presupposes that a person is directed exclusively towards the object of his love. And since the guy is having sex with someone else, it means that he does not love his “official” girlfriend.

The girl is also disappointed that she is making efforts to please the guy, pamper him with something, please him, and in the meantime he only uses her actions and still manages to go to the left. She wants to be his only one, but he does not appreciate her efforts, efforts.

Any girl wants to be the only one desired in the life of her boyfriend. If another girl appears, it means that the "official" girl is not so good. It also hurts self-esteem. After all, if a girl is underestimated, then she needs to work on it. The guy wouldn't go left if the girl was perfect for him.

All considered experiences of girls have the right to exist. However, in fact it turns out that other factors become the causes of betrayal.

Reasons for cheating

As soon as the girl finds out about the betrayal, she is invited not to throw tantrums and make scandals, but to be alone for a while to think about what happened. Tantrums and scandals will not give anything useful to a girl. What does she want to see from the side of the guy if she argues with him? He will begin to apologize and ask for forgiveness or say that nothing terrible happened. Surely, the girl is not ready to forgive the guy or to hear his indifferent attitude towards her.

If you found out about the betrayal of a guy, which you have no doubt about, then allow yourself to be alone for a while. Now the guy will definitely annoy and unnerve you, unsettle you with his own words, whatever they may be. Why is it necessary to be alone?

1. To pour tears that just well up in the eyes.
2. To think about what to do next with the relationship.
3. To understand why the betrayal happened.

The girl will probably ask similar questions. To make the right decision for yourself, it is better to think exclusively with your head. As a last resort, you can turn to your girlfriends so that they listen to your “grief”. However, it is important to remember here that it is not your friends who should make the decision for you, but you personally must understand what to do next.

First, decide whether you need to keep the relationship with the guy who cheated on you. Do you personally want to continue the relationship? It is better to make this decision when you have already calmed down and start thinking with a “sober” head.

In any case, you will be interested in the question of what caused the betrayal. It is best to learn about them from the guy himself. However, it is rare when a girl wants to listen to a guy's words about why he cheated on her. Here you can only assume what was wrong in your relationship, because of which the guy went left:

• Problems, scandals. If you have been fighting a lot lately, then this may be the reason why the guy began to seek solace on the side. The stronger sex can rarely endure constant problems and showdown. Often he runs away from love difficulties into the arms of other ladies.
• Polygamy. But rather the guy's inability to be faithful. There is such a category of guys who have not yet enjoyed love joys with the opposite sex, so they continue to walk, even if they have a serious relationship.
• Relationship fatigue. It also happens that guys get tired of their official relationships, so somewhere on a subconscious level they are already ready to destroy them. If a guy wants to leave, but is not ready to admit it, then he will do things that will destroy the relationship.

Of course, guys often refer to the fact that they were "confused by the demon", alcohol played an important role, or a mistress appeared when the couple was in a quarrel. It is better not to believe in such excuses, especially if the guy cheated several times or met with the same mistress. It is impossible to succumb to a demon, to alcohol intoxication several times, or to be emotional due to. If a guy gives such arguments, you should not believe them.

Every girl wants to know why she was cheated on. If there is willpower, then you can directly ask your boyfriend about the reasons. However, one should not trust the words of the stronger sex too much, since he will most likely justify himself, and not talk about what actually prompted him to do the traitorous act.

Narcissistic nature

Special attention should be paid to guys who actually consider themselves Gods, who can do everything, and girls should forgive them for everything. There are a lot of such narcissistic natures in a world where the stronger sex is often praised, saying that the weaker sex must sacrifice for the sake of relationships with them. If you meet a guy who first gives you numerous gifts, makes compliments, while talking about other people in a dismissive tone, then be prepared for the fact that he will soon treat you in this way.

Narcissists love only themselves. They understand that they need to attract first. However, then they show in every possible way what “important birds” they themselves are. Narcissists don't love, respect, or appreciate anyone. The girls they date also soon become the ones the narcissist uses to boost their self-esteem.

When it comes to cheating, narcissists don't see it as illegal. Moreover, narcissists often say that they did nothing wrong by cheating, or that girls should forgive them for such pranks. What a girl should do is up to her. However, psychologists say that narcissists will never be faithful to their partners, even if they are forgiven. They do not consider cheating something bad, so they will cheat on their girls in the future.

Forgive the guy?

So, you found out about the betrayal, which is why you are now faced with the question of whether to forgive the guy. Situations develop in different ways, so each girl should think with her own head. A serious relationship involves the possibility of a person making a mistake and receiving forgiveness. Love can overcome a lot. However, when love is betrayed or it is one-sided, then it becomes difficult to make a decision.

To begin with, the girl needs to be alone with herself in order to decide for herself whether she is ready to continue the relationship with the guy who cheated on her. Is she personally ready to forgive and forget about what happened?

Then you can look at the guy's behavior to understand how forgiven he is:

1. If a guy has committed treason once, while he is very remorseful and sorry, he can be forgiven. If you see that a guy is begging for your forgiveness, doing everything to get you back, running after you, he can be forgiven. The girl should not forgive him quickly. Let him remember how to value his relationship so that he no longer cheats. As soon as you renew your union, the girl needs to forget about cheating. Do not remind your boyfriend about it and do not remember it yourself, so as not to hurt anyone.
2. If the guy coldly asks for forgiveness or doesn't apologize at all, then he doesn't need to be forgiven. In fact, he does not consider his act bad. In fact, he does not consider it necessary to apologize to the girl he hurt. If the guy is not trying to get forgiveness, then you need to break up with him, because he, most likely, will go left again after the resumption of relations.
3. If the guy does not apologize, moreover, continues to meet with his mistress, you definitely need to leave here. Your desire to return will humiliate you, make you worthless and pathetic. In such a situation, the guy will only start using you, continuing to cheat and sometimes not even hiding it.

It is better to leave a cheater than to become a suffering woman who will constantly shed tears and lament because of her partner's betrayals.

Men and women are different in nature. Men tend to move away from love problems, while women create and constantly support them. If constant quarrels have arisen in your relationship, then psychologists advise them to finally resolve and eliminate them. The absence of constant problems will avoid quarrels.

Girls should also remember that they are dating older men, not boys, children. There is no need to patronize, court and constantly criticize, tell them what to do. Treat your partner as a smart and mature person who understands what he is doing and is responsible for it.

Study your boyfriend. Understand what behavior is habitual for him. Then at any moment you can notice changes in him, which may indicate that he is cheating on you.

You have to work hard for the one you love. Spare no effort to ennoble your relationship. However, if a betrayal has occurred, then leave so that the man himself shows how much he appreciates your union with him. Let him do everything after his betrayal to bring you back and ennoble the relationship. And if he does not, then there is no need to return to him.

What do you end up doing after a guy cheats?

If the guy cheated, leave. Allow yourself to be alone, do what you want, think and remember your beloved. If the guy wants to renew the relationship, he will do everything himself. And you just watch and do nothing. It is no longer in your best interest to keep the relationship that your partner has ruined.

The betrayal of a loved one is always a terrible shock for his soulmate. Faced with such a situation, a person experiences a terrible shock, oppressive feelings and unbearable pain from betrayal.

How to live now, is it possible to forgive the betrayal of a loved one, how to accept that he was close not only with you, but also with someone else. Is it possible to forgive betrayal at all, and if so, how long will it take?

Let's try to figure out what is treason, what is its difference from betrayal and how to get rid of the insults caused by treason, with minimal losses for ourselves.

Change is change.
And it doesn't matter if you jump into bed or crawl slowly.
Larisa Andreevna Guzeeva

Treason or betrayal - how to distinguish?

It also happens that they have only recently started dating, but an invisible connection has already been established between them, which determines the need for not only simple communication, but also sexual contact.

This is especially strongly felt at the moment when young people in love begin a life together (in the so-called civil marriage) and they have certain obligations towards each other.

Each of the existing couple is waiting for a certain development of relations. A woman expects that they end in marriage, but the representatives of the stronger sex do not always count on the fact that their civil marriage with her lover will end with official registration in the registry office. And if, in this case, betrayal suddenly occurs on the part of a man, then it can rather be attributed to betrayal.

I distinguish between betrayal and infidelity.
Cheating touches the body, infidelity touches the soul.
Christina Kofta

A woman expects the same behavior from her lover, but it often happens that her expectations are simply not met. Men, for the most part, do not want to change their way of life for the sake of their beloved woman, and for their beloved, these qualities are very unfair. Indeed, why should she sacrifice her life principles for the sake of love, and he will continue to live, as before, without sacrificing anything?

But the whole point is that men are arranged somewhat differently. They are not accustomed to limit themselves in something and lose freedom. The appearance of a new girlfriend and sex with her in the presence of a permanent woman is not taken by men for treason. They argue like this: “What kind of treason is this, I’m not married?”

The woman, on the other hand, interprets the whole situation with betrayal differently: “Yes, we have not formalized our relationship officially, but we are already spiritually close to each other!” And men have their own answer to this: “we change physically, but spiritually we still remain with our beloved.”

Experts in the field of building and maintaining family relationships advise couples to discuss such situations together in order to understand what awaits their relationship in the future. It is likely that the sex that happened to the man on the side was nothing more than a coincidence, and he left the representative of the stronger sex only annoyance and disappointment.

Quite possibly something else. The young man does not see anything reprehensible in sex on the side, and in the future does not exclude the recurrence of such situations. And in this case, the woman, most likely, should decide to terminate the relationship. Alas, this guy could not see in her that one and only beloved, with whom he would be ready to go through life together. Only parting will help save the future peace of both representatives of the couple, and the self-esteem of each of them.

Reasons for cheating on a loved one

1. The need for love, which was formed in childhood, is of a neurotic nature. Some boys in childhood do not receive from their parents the love that they need.

   Suppose that the mother simply did not have enough time to play with her little son, give him more attention, give him maternal affection. The child was in dire need of maternal love, but did not receive it at all or received it, but not enough.

   It is very difficult to solve the problem of parental attention deficit in childhood, so the boy, growing up, transfers it to adulthood and tries to solve it there. It is through betrayal that an adult man tries to get the love that he lacked in childhood.

   Initially, he receives it from one woman, whom he calls his one and only. But then it becomes not enough for him, and he finds himself another lady of the heart. As a result, the representative of the stronger sex receives twice as much tenderness and love, thereby making up for the lack of parental love.

2. Loss of interest and attraction to his beloved. Starting to live with one woman, the representative of the stronger sex at first receives both physical and moral satisfaction from this.

   But over time, there is getting used to the partner, and, as a result, the cooling of relations, the loss of interest in the beloved. The partner is no longer so much attracted to the man, since he cannot surprise her with anything. And at this moment he begins to look for new impressions on the side, trying to plunge into a new wave of emotions and impressions with another woman.

   For men, it is extremely important to constantly be confident in their own strength, sexuality and irresistibility. And if he does not feel this with his former partner, then he will be able to get new emotions and impressions only with a new sexual partner.

3. An overabundance of parental love in childhood.
   Raising boys in childhood is often done not only by mothers, but also by grandmothers. As a result, they receive female attention and love in great excess, and they become addicted to them.

   In adulthood, a man on a subconscious level tries to simulate the same situation that he had in childhood. The attention and love of a wife for such an individual must necessarily intersect with the attention of a mistress.

In modern psychology, there are many methods that can solve such problems that arise in family life. But before deciding to forgive your lover for treason, you should visit a psychologist to find out about the real reasons for the betrayal of a loved one.

Is it worth it to forgive the betrayal of a loved one?

To do this, ask yourself a few questions:

• What will happen to you if the cheater suddenly disappears from your life? How serious will the separation be for you personally, for yours and the child (if any).
• What happens if the traitor still remains a part of your life. Will you be able to maintain the relationship with the cheater at the same level, will you be able to forgive the betrayal and even improve your relationship with your lover? Will you gain something by forgiving the betrayal of an unfaithful spouse?

Try to answer all these questions for yourself, even if you don’t feel like touching painful topics at all. It is advisable to make a list of the pros and cons of forgiving infidelity. This will contribute to making the right decision, based not on emotions, but on logical reasoning. And after compiling this list, it is worth making a decision about forgiveness or not forgiveness of treason.
Decide for yourself if you can live with the person next to you, knowing that he can betray you.

Treason is a whip that hits you only once - at the moment when you found out about everything.
All the following time you cut yourself with it yourself.
Evgeny Panteleev

Even if a person, in your opinion, is very bad, he still has the right to a second chance. It's not as scary as it seems in reality. Paradoxically, it often happens that it is betrayal that further strengthens family ties, making a man and woman happy, and their relationship harmonious.

Stage one: Emotion control

When the betrayal of a beloved man becomes obvious to a woman, many feelings take possession of her, and all of them are negative: pain, resentment, fear. In the early days, a woman is guided by these emotions, which are multiplied by the desire for revenge. Here it is very important to keep your feelings under control. You have to accept the fact that the betrayal has already happened. This event cannot be changed. In no case should you "indulge in all serious": go on a spree, drink yourself unconscious and sleep with any man who wishes it. Yes, it can help for a very short time, and to be more precise, until the morning, but time will pass, emotions subside, and shame for one's behavior can poison life for a long time to come.

You need to distance yourself from the problem, but in such a way as to preserve your dignity. The best way is to go somewhere to rest. If you can’t leave because of work, children, financial reasons and other difficulties, then you should start visiting theaters, cinemas, exhibitions. Art, oddly enough, can make a person forget about pain for a while, turn thoughts in a different direction. It will also help to meet people who are easy to communicate with, and also capable, if necessary, of playing the role of a “diaper-type vest”, and if not, just do not get into the soul once again.

During this period, you should not dwell on the fact of treason, engage in self-digging and curse your husband to the seventh generation. This will not change the situation, there will be no relief, it will only aggravate the pain and resentment. If it’s unbearable, it’s better to cry, roar from the heart, expelling all the negativity from yourself and making room for positive and new life.

Next step: Transformation

Even if a woman always takes care of herself, an additional investment in her image is simply necessary! Indeed, after the betrayal of her husband, a woman is subconsciously tormented by the same questions: “Am I worse than she is? Am I that unattractive and uninteresting? In this case, nothing increases a woman's self-esteem and self-confidence like compliments from other men. You can change your hairstyle, style of clothes, update your wardrobe. The main thing is not to resort to such drastic changes that do not correspond to the character of a woman.

A multi-colored mohawk on the head and a miniskirt will require changes in both character and behavior, and this will require additional vitality, which is already lacking in this situation. Therefore, it will be enough just to improve your image by adding a few bright and spectacular accents to it.

Final stage: Life is the same, but values ​​are different

When emotions subside and the pain dulls, you need to analyze the situation: what caused the betrayal? If the problem is that the beloved man is simply dissolved on his own, and endless romances on the side are the essence of his nature, then the woman needs to draw the appropriate conclusions for herself and avoid relationships with this type of men in the future.

If the reason for the betrayal was the woman’s behavior, her lifestyle, then you need to decide for yourself: either change something in yourself so that the situation does not happen again, or understand that you don’t need to change anything, and the beloved man was not the one for whom it’s worth sacrifice yourself. And it is also necessary to understand that every woman, first of all, must love herself. You need to learn to be selfish from time to time, of course, not to the detriment of the family, children, but so that for some time the whole world lies at the feet of a woman, and she feels like a queen: a little capricious, a little arrogant, but desired and loved.

Revenge for cheating husband

This idea is very bad, because it will bring nothing but even more guilt and devastation from the inside. Having entered into sexual contact with another man, the lady after that will only be tormented by the thoughts “how am I better than my beloved, the same traitor.” Such self-deprecation often causes an irreparable blow to a woman's pride and self-esteem.

Despite the fact that revenge took place, the offender-traitor seemed to be punished, and you proved to everyone and everything that you still retained your attractiveness and sexuality in the eyes of the opposite sex, from now on you will have to live with guilt towards your loved one, constantly looking away when interacting with him.

In general, the situation with betrayal will repeat itself, but now in a mirror image, and now you will have to beg forgiveness from your beloved for betrayal. Think about whether you need such a state of affairs, when inside, in your soul, the fire of resentment at the betrayal of your beloved boyfriend has not yet died out? It is likely that you do not need a second betrayal.

Is there life after the betrayal of a loved one?

It may seem incomprehensible, but experiencing betrayal, the spouses begin to trust each other much more, and the representatives of the weaker sex suddenly begin to feel more confident. You can, of course, say that the past test changed both spouses. And, of course, betrayal was only confirmation that between these two love is really real.

The situation is completely different if your beloved, after betrayal, begins to incredibly annoy you, and your soul is constantly tormented by doubts about whether you can live and communicate in the future with this person.

In this state of affairs, parting would be the best way out, since only with its help you can try to maintain calm and restraint in relation to each other.

For such people, close, family and, moreover, family relationships become impossible, but you can maintain friendship and continue to communicate with each other (for example, for the sake of a child). Moreover, it will be much easier to do this without preserving family relations, but by parting like civilized and adult people.

• What kind of underwear does she wear at home, what does she rest in?

  Every self-respecting lady should know that it is lingerie that makes a woman sexy and attractive in the eyes of a man.

  Most women know about this, but over time there is some relaxation and self-care fades into the background. And absolutely in vain!

• You should carefully look at yourself in the mirror, evaluating with a third-party look.

  How do you look in front of your loved one when there is no need to do makeup and hair when you go out, so to speak, to people?

• How regularly do you maintain your own physical shape? Do you go to the pool or gym?

  If there are no such activities in your life yet, be sure to start doing them. You can even enlist the support of a girlfriend (or girlfriends). This will allow you to combine sports activities that are useful for your figure with friendly communication.

• If there are children in your family, then they should be protected from discussing the impartial relations of adults.

  On the contrary, you should constantly emphasize that you love each other, and, of course, do not have a soul in your children.

What does it mean to survive change?

Can change be avoided in the future?

Even if it seems to you that the betrayal occurred for no apparent reason, then you are deeply mistaken. Perhaps you just missed the moment when family relationships go into a negative direction.

Unfortunately, until now, experts have not been able to find a universal recipe that would help many couples avoid cheating. For each individual case, it is worth looking for a solution to the problem. But how can you recognize the wake-up call that signals that love has begun to crumble?

Despite all the nuances, there are several important levers that will help spouses avoid cheating. True, they should learn how to use them correctly.

1. In family relationships, you should never allow disrespect towards your partner.

Knowing about the weak points, they "hit" each other on the most sick. It seems to many that after reconciliation, all these offensive phrases spoken in the heat of emotions are forgotten. But no, the words, unfortunately, do not return back to their authors, but remain in the soul of those to whom they were addressed.

Alas, respect in this scenario completely disappears, and, as you know, without respect one cannot talk about the harmonious development of relations between lovers. We can say that betrayal becomes the logical conclusion of obsolete love.

2. Appearance must be constantly monitored

When a representative of the weaker sex ceases to take care of herself, then her man, on a subconscious level, begins to look for a more attractive object for courtship on the side. No, love for a spouse, of course, does not go away, but men, as you know, love with their eyes, and they want to see an attractive woman next to them.

3. Do not allow indifference in a relationship

The couple seems to be sure that they have love, but at the same time they have some kind of indifference. What kind of love, in this case, can we talk about in a family where every man is for himself? And in relationships where there is no love, betrayal often becomes a natural phenomenon.

4. Constantly fight for your own love.

Try to look at the situation from a different angle. It is likely that the current crisis will become a new stage in family relations, which will only strengthen them. If you have the strength to forgive your lover (lover) and return your old feelings, then, no doubt, you will be able to find family happiness again.

You suspected your husband of infidelity. Tried different ways to find out the truth. And everything was confirmed. So what to do? How to be now? Psychologist Galina Artemyeva talks about how best to behave when she learns about her husband's infidelity.

Remember the song: “I took off my jacket decisively thrown over, I had enough strength to seem proud, I said to him:“ All the best ”..."

First: do not rush to decisively take off your jacket. Cool down and think. Well, let's think together. It turned out that you lived with a traitor. But you lived! Even quite a long time. And nothing! Well, be patient, cool down. Repeat, repeat to yourself: "Yes, he cheated! Yes, he cheated!" Well - let's repeat a hundred times, until the most ridiculous becomes. (Definitely will, but not so soon!)

Second: let's admit to ourselves that nothing like this has happened yet. Everybody is alive? Alive! Even healthy! There is a place to live, there is something to eat. Already good. Well, an extraneous dirty trick has flown into your life. So now? Shoot yourself? Let's learn to take a hit! Let's rake this dirty trick into a pile and throw it in the trash. And that's it! Forgot. And do not dare to grind in your poor head the words from the husband’s found letter addressed to another: “I love you, you are my only one, my wife is my cross (just think, right? Well, you bastard!), She poisons my life, only with you I'm happy..."

Third: Tell yourself exactly what you want. Do you want everything to return, and be good, calm, peaceful? Is that possible! And it's up to you.

There are things that you cannot afford if you want a peaceful life with your husband: total surveillance and verification, as well as constant inquiring about your mistress and comparing yourself with her. It is completely meaningless, it is finally humiliating and unbearable.

If you want to get divorced, realizing that you are not able to bear the revealed truth, remember one thing: it will not get easier. The pain in any case will be erased by time, but this will not happen soon. Why does everything have to be resolved through divorce? Who will you do better by deciding to break up? Lover - definitely! Yourself? You decide.

Fourth: you can demand from the husband the termination of any relationship with his mistress. If he goes for it and tries to establish a family atmosphere, try not to poison your life with him with reproaches and scandals. After all, he chose you. What else do you need?

Fifth: reconsider your attitude to marital intimacy. Diversify your sex life, in no case do not shy away from sex.

Sixth: distribute responsibilities around the house, let the husband activate his participation in family affairs.

Seventh: clearly discuss the distribution of family funds.

Eighth: if the husband refuses to break up with his mistress, continue her relationship, it makes sense to decide on a breakup warning. Only seriously, not blackmailing, not playing. If the husband understands the seriousness of your decision, if his family is still dear to him, he may end the extramarital relationship.

A lot depends on you. The choice is yours. The main thing is to make a decision with a cool head. Don't let your confused feelings drive you into reckless action.

There are some elementary truths that unwitting (or potential) participants in a love triangle (well, if not a polygon) are simply obliged to learn. You need to know them as well as the rules of the road for the sake of maintaining mental and physical health, ability to work and self-respect.

1. Your idea of ​​a husband is not a husband at all.
2. If you have begun to perceive your husband as an invariable part of the home interior, you should know: it is quite possible that there are places where he plays other roles with pleasure, and at home he lies down after stormy love games, perceiving you as a little thing needed in his household.
3. going out married, you do not acquire a husband for life use.
4. The life of every person, including your legal spouse, belongs primarily to him. Everyone has the right to make a mistake. And to realize this mistake too. It depends on you what exactly your husband will consider a mistake - a marriage relationship with you or a love affair on the side.
5. If you find that your husband is cheating on you, try to keep your sanity first. Determine for yourself honestly and directly what you want in this situation. The options are usually:
   • I want to break off relations immediately and part forever, forgetting him like a bad dream;
   • I want to be together, to forgive everything and that everything be as before;
   • I don’t want to part and I can’t, but I dream of taking revenge on him for the pain he caused;
   • I will stay with him out of principle so that my mistress does not emerge victorious;
   • I need to review the past, understand what my own delusions were, and not let the situation destroy me.

There is no best option, there is an option that suits you best. Choose. But with a clear head, in accordance with the goal you are striving for. So that you don't regret it later.

Just take into account the law of life: nothing destroys us like a thirst for revenge, so options c) and d) can be dangerous for your physical and mental well-being. Revenge on the guilty (if they are guilty) will be carried out, believe me, without your participation. Because evil will return to its creators. But not when you crave it, but much later. You need to relax, thinking about yourself and your own, only yours, tasks and their solutions.

1. Maintain dignity. Having learned about the betrayal, in no case do not try to communicate with your mistress, expose her, collect facts discrediting her everywhere. Be taller. Let at the cost of incredible internal efforts. Not for the sake of a husband or the opinions of strangers about you. For your own sake. To then respect yourself for the strength of mind and firmness of character.
2. If you have found it possible for yourself to remain married to an unfaithful husband, forgive him completely and irrevocably. Do not engage in constant joking, do not reproach, do not remind of the past, do not sting. Otherwise, you will make your husband very, very sorry that he still stayed.

We must be able to show nobility. This is a feat. But if you have consciously decided to save your family, work for the good of its restoration. (Restoring, we note, is always more difficult than destroying.)

1. Do not try to find an immediate replacement for your husband, to repay him with the same coin. Any of us can, if necessary, find a random partner. Only he will not be a consolation. If we were pushed into a dirty puddle, we must quickly get out of it, wash off the dirt and forget. But entering into casual relationships is tantamount to the fact that you will jump from one mud, where you didn’t want to, into another mud, assuring yourself that you are taking revenge on the first puddle.
2. Focus on your health. Women who have deeply experienced the pain of betrayal often fall ill with precisely female diseases - this is how the body reacts to humiliation and resentment. You owe it to yourself to survive, to stay healthy and attractive. Make every effort to be in public, distract from gloomy thoughts.
3. Whatever you decide: to be together or to leave, try to remain friends. This is the most fruitful, wise and true direction of thought and action. Even if at first friendship with a traitor is impossible to imagine.

Men need to understand:

1. Women by nature are arranged completely differently than you. For them, physical intimacy means much more than gymnastic exercises followed by relaxation. In most cases, they involve spiritual strings. Beware of the vibrations of these strings in case of detection of your unscrupulous behavior.
2. If you tell a woman "I love you" just to feel the full emotional return on her part, you are playing a dishonest game, because for her these words are tantamount to an offer to bind your destinies forever.
3. No matter how inspiring you are achievements on the sexual front, do not lose your head. If you are basically satisfied with your marriage, you should respect the feelings of your wife if she finds out. You risk losing a faithful and reliable companion.
4. Adventures on the side quite often end in the same marriage bonds. And complete disappointment in the ardent feeling that forced to destroy the true relationship with the real (so it happens, and some men say) wife.
5. Do not bring a mistress into your family home, there are things that should not be done under any circumstances. This is one of them. If a childishly naive question arises: why, you can answer quite childishly: it will be worse for yourself. The mistress will be furious at the sight of her wife's things, inflamed with such hatred that it will necessarily materialize in one way or another in the form of a series of failures and troubles that will begin to fall on the heads of all members of the family union.
6. Do not devote your mistress to family affairs, children's problems, and the like. Beware: you are giving her the most valuable thing - information that she can use to harm those you love, but she does not. The secret always becomes clear - this is an immutable law. At the very least, don't contribute to it.
7. You are deeply mistaken if you think that, having started an affair on the side, you have finally found a true soul who understands your primordial passion for freedom, adventure, and extreme sports. You would be very surprised if you heard the heartfelt conversations of your freedom-loving and reckless mistress with your friends. Believe me, you would be amazed by the strategy and tactics of the battle for possessing you precisely as a legal spouse, which are worked out over a cup of coffee in a trendy restaurant. You understand: we, women, count time in seconds. We simply cannot afford to be sprayed "just like that." And those who allow themselves to be used as a lightning rod remain completely bankrupt in their personal lives, without a husband, children, and everything that we are supposed to. So understand: they are fighting for you! You are a pawn, not a king!
8. Sorry for this very intimate point of our program. But if you have already entered the field of sexual games, please use an agent that protects against infection. No matter how trustworthy your new chosen one may seem to you, everything happens in life. Tragic cases are not uncommon when HIV-infected people deliberately infect those who trustfully have sexual contact with them without any protection. HIV-infected people sometimes are in a special mental state, believing that life has treated them unfairly, and decide to take revenge on others for their own suffering.
9. Do not tell your mistress about your wife's shortcomings, misunderstandings, and vicious inclinations. You want to pour out your soul. You are looking for sympathy. You yearn to be loved, such a sufferer. You, without noticing it, carried away, exaggerate very much. Of course, you will be loved and pitied. But remember: a woman who loves you may not be able to withstand her overwhelming hatred for your offender (ie, the wife with whom you do not intend to part). And that's when the thunder strikes! The wife will get the most, of course. But you will not be spared by a chain of very unpleasant episodes.
10. Life is a systemic process. As part of the system, we influence each other. Human relationships form feedback loops. Sooner or later, a person experiences the results of what he did to others. Therefore, try not to play too much, so as not to hit yourself at the most inopportune moment.

Discussion

As of March 8, 2018 I also found out about my husband's infidelity. Found myself 12 years younger. For me it was a blow. It turned out he had been cheating on me for a very long time, as far as I managed to find out more than 5 years. We have been married for 33 years. More than a year has passed, and I still cannot forget all this, calm down. He has no faith, all the time it seems that he continues the relationship. There was no remorse on his part, at first he lied that there was nothing with her, just some phone conversations, then when I found out that he had had her for a long time, he simply said, if you can, I'm sorry. Now I can’t watch films where there is treason. Walking with my grandson on the bank of the river, two cars constantly come there (he and she), obviously lovers, everything turns upside down inside me (he is older than her, she is young). Also where? - then a deceived wife. What's happening?! Why do husbands cheat? What do they lack? I ask my husband, what's wrong? The answer is yes. So why?

I had suspicions that my husband was cheating, like many women, the sixth sense. I found out the truth, though not all of it yet. He went to the "bad girls" for oral. How can this be forgiven? - that was the first question. I know that he didn’t have enough of me, but I can’t force myself to do what he wants. I want to leave (and these thoughts were a very long time ago, I didn’t want 2 children to live without a father), but now it’s simply necessary. We used to have frequent quarrels for various reasons, but now I see no reason to endure. The only problem is that I want to leave now, but they won’t let me go from work (I’m a teacher, now it’s the middle of the year). I do not know what to do. I can't stand these 4 months, I can't pretend. And if I say everything, then I will not spend this time with him. I do not know what to do...

Hello, the other day I couldn’t sleep at night, there’s no sleep and that’s it. She began to wind herself up, but if he had another and added “no, he won’t cheat on me, he loves me very much, it’s just cheating.” I got into his phone while he slept peacefully next to me. I opened the first correspondence I came across with some woman. A cursory glance at the content .. result, betrayal on the face. There were intimate photos and talk of them sleeping. At 5 am. She moved from bed to sofa, crying. I learned a little from the correspondence, I did not read everything. It was very painful. He has to get up at 7. I set the alarm clock for the near future, as if it was already time to get up. The alarm clock rang, but the clock is not the right time, he cannot understand what is happening. I try to curb my emotions and say: "tell me." He does not understand. “Tell everything. Who is *name*! Him: “What are you doing? About what? You make up everything for yourself." I repeat everything. Confessed. He said at the moment it was hard for him, stress, quarrels were small and gave up. Been hiding it for over 2 months. She doesn't know about me. I screamed at him through tears until 7 in the morning. He said he loves me very much and does not want to lose me. Tears welled up at the very edge. I always thought that I would not forgive betrayal, but I myself love him and gave him a chance with conditions, stepping over myself and my pride. Left for work. From tantrums and a night without sleep, I passed out on the bed. I woke up at lunchtime, porridge in my head, immediately into tears. I couldn't believe it, I just refused. He wrote that he blocked it everywhere and deleted it. The whole day nothing went into her mouth, she only drank water. To somehow distract myself, I cleaned the whole apartment and cooked dinner. He came. I can't look at him, barely holding back tears. Somehow she ate a little and went to lie on the bed. He thanked me for dinner and, seeing my condition, lay down next to me and hugged me. I started crying. He repented, asked for forgiveness and said how much he loved me, that there was no excuse for him and he could not watch how much it hurt me. Reconciled. Said I needed time to process it all. The next day, she used to ask questions about her, when all sorts of thoughts climbed. I changed the password on my phone. I sort of forgave and try to let go of the situation, but there is no trust and I don’t know what to do. And suddenly he lies again, I doubt the words. It seems to have done the right thing, but it is insanely difficult to forget it and accept ...

Vsera found out that my husband cheated on me. Moreover, he filmed all this, then deleted it, but it remained in the secret folder and I saw it! We've been together for 10 years! I don't know how to live. I want to get a divorce, but the children are small and if I leave him, then financially I will not be able to support the children. I can't even get a job. He says he's remorseful. That it was the first time. He says he is distracted and regrets, but he acts like nothing happened. How can I live on? I want to die, only the children stop me.

A good article, but where do you get the strength to behave correctly when you find out about your husband's infidelity. Much depends on the behavior of the husband.

Lord, how I understand you. On March 8 of this year, I found out about the betrayal of my husband Victor, I was in such shock. At first I thought it was just an affair, he didn’t confess, he denied everything, then I find out her (Lena) phone, ask her how far their relationship has gone, her answer, ask your husband. Again a showdown with him, he again lies to me that he had nothing but conversations with her. Then I find out that he has had it for a long time, from the beginning I learn about 6 months, then about 3 years, then about 5 years, the last that he has had it for more than 6 years. This year we had 33 years of our marriage, I believed him endlessly, the children are already adults, there are grandchildren, everyone who knows us considered us an ideal couple. I still can’t calm down, I’ll never forgive him for this. He lost the respect of the children. What did he lack?! I ask him, weren't you ashamed every day to look into my eyes all these years? His answer struck me that he did not consider this relationship serious, he was not ashamed. With whom I lived all these years, how could I trust this person. He is not going to leave, I arrange him, he says that everything is over with her, he loves me, only that relationship will never be returned. Share the acquired property with him and leave on my own, but why should I take half from our children, because the same Lena will pick him up and take him away, she is 12 years younger than him, he is 59 years old. Here is my story.

22.10.2018 11:25:25, Kotova Irina

I found out about the betrayal after 18 years of marriage. For 18 years, at first, I was a weirdo in a drunken state, when they swore, but then, over time, after grinding the characters and a pound of salt, which they "ate" together, I was sure that they would not betray me!
Outcome. Three months I can not come to my senses. Betrayed, yes, with whom, a former drug addict who does not work anywhere, steals, sleeps with everyone in a row and arranges orgies in a blat-hut with an alcoholic booze. He felt sorry for her, pretty, 10 years younger than me. While I was leaving on a business trip, he went to her to drink and then dragged her to our apartment, to our bed, in his arms he carried. When I arrived, everything was fine, we slept, everything was good in sex, like I missed it)))
I found out. And that's all. It blocks me, I can’t live with a traitor, they wiped my feet on me, they compared me to an antisocial person, I’m just in shock. In our apartment, she smashed everything, broke the bed, tore all his things, slept with his "friend", I don’t feel anything except pain, I look at him and hate him. I know that a reboot is needed, but the button does not work. I can sleep with him by inertia, but it's not the same!!! Stranger. My confidence that it is with him that I will meet old age, that it is with him that we will hang out with our grandchildren, that we will again “fight” with him along with the reality of life, everything has died, or rather, is still dying in agony.
In my case, it was not his sexual betrayal, but the human betrayal that unsettled me.
I won't be able to live with a traitor, and I have to put up with it, put up with the fact that you can't trust anyone. Just move on and never be sure of anything. How long I will come to my senses, time will tell, the cross is put, at the age of 40 I start from scratch in the burnt book of my life.

Hello, give me some advice. I recently found out that my husband has another woman, and moreover, she is pregnant. To my questions about the suspicion that he had another, he refused. I didn't tell him directly about what I know. How to start a conversation? What to say in order to understand for yourself whether you need to save seven or not.

hello. advise a way out of a situation where the husband does not want to get divorced and is unable to leave a three-year relationship with his mistress. I am offered to save a fictitious marriage for the sake of children. I am hurt and incomprehensible by his aggressive denial, recognition, humiliation of me, departures, arrivals ... a feeling of how the enchanted behaves. Married for 18 years, but I didn’t know him like that ... if he has real love, I want to let him go myself, but everyone tells me that he was bewitched))) and if he was bewitched, can he be bewitched)))? I torment him, and he me ... what to do?