How to part with a common-law husband advice from a psychologist. How to divorce your husband without scandals? Psychologist's advice. Opinions of friends and family

The important step of breaking up needs to be considered not only for your own safety, but also because major changes are best made when any efforts made towards maintaining the existing relationship have failed. Many try to part with their husband without a scandal, others prefer to leave the emphasis on the material side and get more benefits - whatever the reasons for choosing a separation, it is better not to do this process, guided solely by emotional outbursts. It is worth considering not only how to part with your husband, but also moral issues regarding the wording of speech, as well as quite everyday questions about where someone will spend the night the next night, how to provide for themselves and what to say to children.

The negative received during the divorce process can have a traumatic effect on the rest of your life, being remembered by pain and taking away the trust of the world. Psychologists give some recommendations on how to calmly part with your husband, causing minimal harm to his and his own psyche. Initially, it is necessary to figure out whether the decision was made correctly by the woman herself, then from the position and understanding that everything is happening, since the necessary words and states must themselves be found. And if there is at least a fraction of regret, then you should not look for options on how to part with your cheating husband, but try to look for common ground and strength for forgiveness, just like tearing family bonds due to bad habits or small shortcomings does not make sense if the stages of talking about what is happening and searching for options for a successful solution have not been passed.

Do not expect a joyful perception of this news, a man does not like when the necessary actions are dictated to him and will resist what is happening with all his might. You know that the spouse has an explosive character - pack and take them out while he is not at home, and spend the conversation on neutral territory. This will ensure that you are protected and able to leave without injury or blackmail. You are afraid that you will be persuaded for a long time, do not want to see men's tears, then show a rigid position from the very first words of the conversation.

You can always collect his things and change the locks, stopping communication on a physical level, the only thing is that you should be careful here so as not to violate legal norms.

Consider options on how to part with your husband in a good way, because this person was dear to you and may still be feeling for you warm feelings. Speak honestly and openly, and do not delay - all the time you need to be spent only to make sure that the decision is correct, and other delays will only aggravate the situation. Be sure to explain to your husband the reasons for leaving, listen to his claims, and possibly suggestions to change the situation. If you initially tune in to a dialogue, then in the end the divorce can pass, bringing a new round of development to the relationship.

Painless

An absolutely painless termination of a relationship is possible when people have become so indifferent to each other that the loss of a partner is comparable to the disappearance of a familiar sofa cushion. In all other cases, painful sensations will be present, and not only in the ex-husband, but also in the woman who decides to end the relationship, since the psyche is forced to completely rebuild in a different way of existence, change habits that have developed over the years and fill the void that appeared after parting.

You can part with your husband and reduce the number of unpleasant experiences if you do everything quickly, as soon as you realize that you are not on your way further. You should not stretch out the confession, speak in hints or try to force your spouse to leave by your actions - this is how the agony continues, bringing neither a resolution to the situation nor the possibility of peaceful communication after. Make sure that an important conversation does not coincide with any significant date, such as a birthday or your engagement, inappropriate and work events, because a corporate party will undermine morale, and will not allow you to be distracted.

Speak honestly, without trying to cheer up your husband and leave him at his best, because after telling how wonderful he is - the question of why, after all, the separation will pulsate in your head constantly and not find an answer. Have pity on yourself, not agreeing to the offer to try everything again, because. where there has already been a decision to end the relationship, there cannot be complete trust, people do not change radically, but the number of claims and unfulfilled expectations can increase significantly. If you want to smooth out unpleasant moments, then strain your memory and find something worth thanking this man for, because you didn’t choose him as your husband for nothing, which means that a lot of good things were done. Talk about the true reasons for the breakup, so you will protect the person from painful reflections in search of their own shortcomings, and over time, you may even hear gratitude for your openness.

stay friends

The possibility of normal communication, divorced former spouses, is necessary in many situations, it becomes especially acute if there is a child or a joint business, as well as any other options that bind life and doom to periodic but constant interaction.

To remain friends with her husband, it is necessary that the separation itself takes place peacefully. Avoid very offensive words, do not use your knowledge of each other's sore spots, avoid blackmail, violence and any anti-human acts. Of course, in the process of discussing a divorce, very interesting details can come up not only about the personality of your own spouse, but also about secret affairs, then the decision on friendship can be reviewed, but initially sit down at the table of calm negotiations.

Do not expect friendly communication immediately after the dissolution of the marriage, because the psyche will naturally perceive the former as a soul mate. Feelings need time to cool down and reformat, so try to live in different neighborhoods, or at least move away for a while if it's not possible to organize a new territory with minimal meetings. Do not call or write at first, you should also not invite to the holidays and congratulate on all kinds of events, it is better to even disappear, and only then gradually appear and build a new communication.

When communication is restored again, make sure that in your interaction there is a minimum of physical contacts, gatherings in cozy cafes with twilight, and even more so in the kitchen and other near-romantic moments. Especially if one of the spouses is still single. The more such warm meetings in your interaction, the higher the chance of ex-spouses turning into real lovers, forced to hide their relationship. If a ex-husband already managed to acquire a new passion, then show respect for her, because friendship cannot be built where it is present.

If he doesn't want

Divorce is difficult to formalize if one of the parties is against such a decision. A husband can make a scandal, involve relatives, blackmail children, or even refuse to give his consent. Legally there is a procedure that allows you to get a divorce even without the consent of the other party, the only thing is that it will take a lot of time and more nerves will be spent, but in the end you get a forced divorce.

To part with a husband, if he does not want to, it is necessary to avoid accusations and pity, excessive gratitude and praise. Your goal is to exclude any polar emotions, so as not to stir up his condition, but to carry out the entire procedure as calmly as possible. In order to properly influence a resisting opponent, it is necessary not only to choose the right wording in advance, but also to rehearse. Listen to how you pronounce key phrases, think over your answers to unexpected questions, and most importantly, the arguments for his insistent offer to stay together.

For communication, it is better to choose a neutral place that allows you to control emotional manifestations (in public we usually control our temper tantrums better), as well as physical obstacles (forced retention). When you understand that you will not be released, advance preparation takes place with the organization of the place where you will live in the future and the removal of things while he is not at home. You may need to enlist the support of a few friends. If nothing helped and he blocked all escape routes, then you can start opposition within the family - flirt with other men, correspond with strangers, use a separate shelf in the refrigerator, a separate tube of toothpaste, buy your own bread, etc. The more there will be a demonstration that you are leaving, even if he does not let go, the faster he will think about the futility of his actions.

If he doesn't love you

The question of parting in the absence of love, on the one hand, is absurd, because why maintain a relationship that does not please one of the participants, on the other hand, it arises very often. During a divorce, ideas may arise that it is possible to live with someone who is cold - this is only a fear of loneliness, and not a desire for a happy life. That is, when the question arises whether it is worth doing this, the answer is unequivocal - yes, it is necessary to divorce someone who does not love you, it remains only to settle other issues that make you hold on to this relationship. For some, these are children, for others, prosperity and the usual standard of living, for which you can endure, but the question is how much is enough mental strength remains.

There is no advice on how to divorce a man who does not love you, because usually there are no problems with this. Without feeling special affection, a person easily agrees to divorce. There is no special need to try to choose the wording either, you just say the reason for the lack of love, it is rather difficult to change it, it is impossible to play or deceive. Difficulties arise only when a man without feelings holds a woman as his wife for the sake of status, profit or domestic convenience, then he is unlikely to easily agree to let you go, but all his behavior will be dictated by consumer interest.

You can break up with your husband if he does not love you by providing him with guarantees of future convenience - these are sites with attendants and a promise to arrange the separation beautifully so that his reputation in business circles does not suffer.

When a man does not love a woman and continues to keep her close against her will and no options for leaving work, then it is quite possible to seek help from law enforcement agencies, since such a situation is interpreted as violence against a person and her freedom. Suitable options are contacting specialized social services to help victims or a simple escape to friends with collected things, and filing a divorce through a forced court.

The breakup of a relationship is always an unpleasant period, especially when it comes to married couple. Before you part with your husband, you should immediately discard the options for going nowhere, and without saying a word. Divorcing a husband, if this is the final decision, should be as peaceful and painless as possible for both.

Analyze plans

Giving in to a momentary impulse of anger or resentment, a woman wants to drop everything right now and leave, filing for divorce tomorrow. Here one should also distinguish between such concepts as financial independence and emotional. If you obviously don’t feel the second one for this man and you definitely want to leave, then what about the first addiction?

Most women in our time, unfortunately, give birth to children earlier than they are approved in life, and they have nowhere to go except for the parental home. Women who understand this are less likely to decide on a divorce. If you have somewhere to go, and you can fully provide for yourself, the situation is much simpler.

Also, the situation is even simpler if the child still has not appeared in your family. Being self-sufficient, capable of providing for yourself, and without responsibility for children, you can only be guided by your feelings for your husband.

If the situation is such that you do not have your own housing and the means to provide it, in addition, in your hands Small child ask for help from loved ones. Before parting with your husband, prepare the material base - then the maintenance of the family will not be a lever in his hands in a dispute.

Making the Right Decision

How to know what you are taking the right decision? Remember, if your spouse abuses alcohol, takes drugs, loses all the money in any way, beats you and treats the child badly - leave without regret. People behave this way all their lives and do not change, no matter how much you would like it.

How to decide on a divorce from your husband? Don't get emotional. Domestic scandals do not signal that it is time to get a divorce, but they say that you do not want to hear each other. If they repeat day after day or end with a beating, leave without hesitation.

The hardest thing for you is to take the first step, and for him to come to terms with your decision. Men are reluctant to break up when they are dumped because it hurts their ego.

But how to divorce a husband without a scandal, if the woman has already finally decided to take this step, and the husband lives on her territory? First, of course, it is worth talking. If the man did not treat your decision with understanding, collect his things in a suitcase and take them to relatives. In any case, you are marrying an adult man, not a child who needs to be educated and explained the meaning of each word.

How to talk about a breakup

The main thing when divorcing a husband is to talk openly and in time with him about it. If a man values ​​​​this relationship, then before dispersing, he will try to fix everything in a good way. Really fix it, even if there were hundreds of empty promises before.

If you want to talk calmly, and he starts blaming you for everything, threatening, screaming, reproaching - just say straight out that nothing can be done with this marriage, take the children, things and leave.

If your friends vying with each other give you advice in which it is easiest to leave without saying a word, do not believe it. After parting, you will regret that you did not say something, and the man will be perplexed about what happened. Whatever it is, such advice should be rejected, as it will simply be dishonest of you.

Deciding on such a conversation, do not get excited and do not scandal. Keep yourself in control and speak calmly, but firmly and confidently, looking into your eyes. Get ready for the fact that after the phrase “Let's break up” and subsequent weighty arguments, the man will not want to let you go. Shouts, reproaches and excessive emotions should not be repeated after him - it is better to save face and leave calmly. You did not come to ask to be released, but to notify him of your decision.

If the conversation goes smoothly, thank the man for accepting your decision with respect and for all the good things in your marriage.

Opinions of friends and family

When a woman finally divorces her husband, she begins to worry about the question of what to do with the gossip that has arisen or even reproaches from the family. Without gossip, believe me, it will not do.

Some women endure tyrants and alcoholics all their lives just because they don’t want to explain themselves to anyone. But no one can force you to explain your decision, think about it.

Of course, you will have to listen to advice, opinions and even regrets, but remember that a person who respects your personality will also respect your decision. And if they tell you that your husband was just a miracle and in general, “you shouldn’t have divorced him, you will regret it” - an almost one hundred percent guarantee that behind your back this person will not discuss you in the best light, and therefore you should not pay attention to his words .

There are also cases when people disagree, but the spouse's parents keep in touch with the daughter-in-law, supporting her decision and opinion. Therefore, do not torture yourself and do not take into account the opinion of society.

Is it possible to regret the decision

When you love a person, it is difficult to part with him in any situation, even if he is categorically wrong in relation to you or the child. Sometimes women completely succumb to this feeling and forgive their spouse absolutely everything, just to be with him.

You should not think that it is easier for wives who have cooled off towards their spouses to part. Having become free, such a woman will think more than once about whether she did the right thing.

Here comes the moment when you should carefully consider the decision before the divorce. If you weighed and hatched your decision for a long time and were one hundred percent sure of it, you should not convince yourself that you need to return and it will be better.

Compare your life together with your husband and the current one. Model your past life, what would you be doing at the moment being married to this person? What did you and he usually do at this hour?

Such a comparison will give you the opportunity to look at the situation as realistically as possible.

And then what

If you find yourself free woman, regretted the divorce, even after thinking it all over hundreds of times, there can be two ways out. There are women who, in principle, cannot exist without a man in the house. We decide what kind of man you need.

If you need an ex-husband, and from the height of time lived in freedom, it seems not so bad, try to change everything, return the family and work on relationships together. The main thing is to figure out whether you need just such a spouse or whether you, in principle, cannot exist unmarried.

If you are still sure that the decision was made correctly, but you still feel longing and cannot get used to the new status, try to take your time. In addition to work, go in for sports, dance, go to the theater with friends, in the end - develop, take care of yourself.

In this case, well-groomed woman and a developing personality attracts new successful and pleasant people into life, among whom you may meet a reliable and loving man.

Love magic cannot last forever. Someone Cohabitation over a long period of time develops into calm love, respect, understanding of the second half. For some, the fading of passion is annoying, and there is a desire to go in search of new experiences. And someone just gets married, marries, but understands that the other half is not the person with whom he dreamed of spending his whole life. Be that as it may, parting is a rather difficult thing both for the one from whom they leave, and for the person who decided to dissolve the marriage. That is why, if you decide to leave your husband, our advice will be useful to you.

1. Think about whether you can provide for yourself new life? When you are considering leaving your husband, it is important to know what you will do after you leave the house you shared. Do you have somewhere to go? Maybe you will go to relatives for the first time - then you need to coordinate this with them. Or find a rented apartment. If you have children, which kindergarten or school will they go to after the divorce? Do you have enough money to support yourself and your children? If you have a plan of action, you can leave your husband. If you understand that there is no opportunity to be financially independent yet, you should wait a bit with your departure and strengthen your financial situation.

2. Be ready to counterattack. The likelihood that a man will very quickly agree to a divorce is not so great. Naturally, a person who loves you may begin to persuade you to stay, to ask you to give him a chance. Or, conversely, he gets angry. In any case, you should be ready to talk. Think over all the arguments for and against in advance. Know how to stop this or that agreement.

3. Don't give in to temptations. He may try to give you affection and care. And it really can work. Yet the husband is not a stranger to you. Once you loved him. But still you decided to get a divorce. And the fact that he will try to do good will not eliminate the problems that led to the decision to dissolve the marriage. Be carefull. It is better not to have a conversation in a shared apartment or favorite cafe. Choose neutral territory.

4. A husband cannot become a friend. If you want to free your life from the influence of this person, you should not settle for any kind of friendship. This means that you will communicate, intersect. There may even be thoughts of reunion. What if one of you has a new pair? It is unlikely that it will do without jealousy, although none of you, in fact, has the right to this after a divorce.

5. Don't blame. Try to leave without reproaches and accusations. It's useless. You can state the problem, tell what led to your decision. But do not switch to accusatory tones and memories of old grievances. Remember that there are always two in a relationship, and some of the blame in a divorce may be on you. Don't get personal.

6. Avoid scandal. Remember that in the memory of a person you will remain the way he will see you at the moment of the greatest flow of emotions. So try to resolve situations calmly, and be remembered by the person you once loved as a balanced woman. The main thing is to mentally tune in to the message of such news. Do not inform about it just in a fit of anger or at an inconvenient moment.

09 Mar 2018

Marselys

Hello. My name is Maria, I am 30 years old. I don't know exactly where to start. I'll start with what I should do. I live in a civil marriage with a man for 7 years. The child is 2 years old. And for more than a year now, I can’t see my husband (as I used to call him). He just pisses me off. I can't see or hear him. It started after the birth of the child. I thought it would pass. Postpartum depression and so on, but no. I offered him to leave, he does not agree. She says she loves me, I don't believe it. Most likely, he does not want to leave, because I am his third wife and our son, he has a third child (the only difference is that we are not officially married). He says that all families are on the 7th year life together experiencing a crisis and it will pass. I do not think so. I can say I hate him. I do not understand how I could become attached to this person. I'm out of my mind. Probably was. And I even think that I didn’t have love, but an emotional attachment. I don’t know what to do: to insist on parting or to endure further. The child loves his father. But despite his age, frequent quarrels affect his mood and behavior. How to influence a husband? How to convince him to leave? I don't like him at all right now. He makes me have sex with him. Let not by force, but psychologically presses. If I refuse, a scandal starts, not paying attention to the fact that the child is sleeping. So far, the agreement is that we have sex once every two weeks. I suggested to him to go "to the left". I don't like it when he touches me.

Mar 10 2018

Marselys

Let's try.

Mar 10 2018

Marselys

He does not agree. I want to leave in a good way, without scandals. I speak calmly. He breaks into a scream. Why did I give birth, he wants to live with a child. I just don’t know what other arguments to give him that we don’t have a family.

Mar 10 2018

He does not agree. I want to leave in a good way, without scandals. I speak calmly. He breaks into a scream.

He makes me have sex with him. Let not by force, but psychologically presses. If I refuse, it starts a scandal, not paying attention to the fact that the child is sleeping

Mar 10 2018

Marselys

He is 37. I already think that I need to find another man and put my husband before the fact that I have another. Only I am afraid that he will not be able to adequately accept it. I don't tell my mom the details. I say everything is fine. I don't want to upset.

You see, he's not some kind of monster. He tries to please me in some things. But I don't need it. Everything about it annoys me. He once cheated on me. Not now. But it doesn't matter to me. He's not interested in me. He cannot understand it. Breaks down. He says that I have someone. Find out, kill.

Mar 10 2018

I already think that I need to find another man and confront my husband with the fact that I have another. Only I'm afraid that he won't be able to adequately accept it.

I don't tell my mom the details. I say everything is fine. I don't want to upset.

Mar 10 2018

Marselys

Even if I step over myself and communicate with him normally (now I almost don’t talk to him, yes or no, and out of necessity), I’m sure nothing will work out for us and my attitude towards him will not change.

Mom lives in another city.

Mar 10 2018

You see, he's not some kind of monster. He tries to please me in some things. But I don't need it.

He once cheated on me. Not now. But it doesn't matter to me. He's not interested in me. He cannot understand it. Breaks down. He says that I have someone. Find out, kill.

Even if I step over myself and communicate with him normally (now I almost don’t talk to him, yes or no, and out of necessity), I’m sure nothing will work out for us and my attitude towards him will not change.

Mar 10 2018

Marselys

I had never had such a close relationship before him. I didn't want to date anyone. I had no idea how someone would touch me. Met friends at a barbecue. He accidentally touched, I felt something familiar.

Why I forgave betrayal I don’t know. When I first found out, I wanted to leave, I packed my things, but he knelt down ... And then I don’t know why I forgave. Now I just realize how stupid I was.

There is nowhere to go at the moment. I don't know if we should take his threats seriously. He says them seriously, but I doubt that he is capable of it. And he threatens only about the fact that I can cheat on him.

Mar 10 2018

Marselys

Even now, when I remember our first years of life together, I don’t understand why I didn’t leave then. I suffered when he did not pick up the phone when he flirted with other girls. But I couldn't live without him.

Mar 10 2018

I don't know if we should take his threats seriously. He says them seriously, but I doubt that he is capable of it. And he threatens only about the fact that I can cheat on him.

Even now, when I remember our first years of life together, I don’t understand why I didn’t leave then. I suffered when he did not pick up the phone when he flirted with other girls. But I couldn't live without him.

Mar 10 2018

Marselys

I can fully provide for myself and the child. He gives me in my hands only for the child the amount that children receive from their first marriages. The amount is small.

No. And at the beginning of the acquaintance, and when I found out about the betrayal, there was an opportunity. Now a child. And for him there must be all the conditions.

I take care of the child myself. Now realizing, apparently, that I can do without him, he began to spend more time with the child and at home in general. And the first year the child, except for me, did not see anyone.

Decree was very difficult. He didn't give any money back then. With a child alone, without sleep and rest. He worked for some time in another city. Visited friends for the weekend. If I reproached him for this, I said that he was working, he was tired and he needed to rest.

Now he says that he was wrong, that he corrected himself, but it doesn’t matter to me anymore. I say it's too late.

Maria. Now I will share with you my thoughts about your situation, I will speak at the level of an assumption. You will tell me what resonates with you from what I said, and what does not, okay?
Everything that happens in your life, alas, is quite natural. And there are several reasons for that. Let me explain.
1. Man develops in seven-year cycles. Each seven-year cycle begins and ends with an age crisis. Within each period there are developmental tasks.
The period from 21 to 28 is a very difficult period. In it we are from the state of "girl ( psychological age) we go into the state of "woman" at the age of 25. Before the age of 25, it makes sense to move away from your parents =
Separate, learn to live independently, stand on your own feet, work out plenty) For from 21 to 28 is the time of active exploration of the space of the adult world. At 28-30 years old, we are only ready for a conscious choice of a partner for creating a family. From 25 to 30, a person’s worldview changes dramatically, including the awareness of who they would like to start a family with. 28-30 years = the period of the maximum number of divorces, in marriages created before 25 ... Because the partner chosen by the girl is not a fact that suits the woman. I will quote you part of my article on this topic.
The most common mistake young girls make is wanting to get married as soon as possible. And often, they don’t really understand why they need it, and among the motives for getting married, you can often hear the following options: I don’t want to live with my parents, I want to become an adult faster, I want to be with my MCH all the time. So everyone says that the first thing to do is to successfully marry, preferably before the age of 25 and give birth, otherwise you will be useless and old-born. Personal and social development at this moment seems secondary, because everything is unbearable to get married)
Why is this wrong? - you ask. I repeat - everything has its time.
At 21, we are ready for a conscious choice of profession, for the beginning of our labor activity, we can already make a meaningful right choice of our direction of social development. From 21 to 25, it is worth completely “separating” from parents - to become an independent adult person, able to support himself and take responsibility for himself and his life. Between the ages of 21 and 28, basic social development takes place, which lays the foundation for your future career success. At the age of 25, we become adults - we move from the role of a girl to a role - a woman. A woman, knowing herself and her essence, is ready to know the essence of male nature. From 25 to 30 years old, the worldview changes a lot. Much of what was significant before is losing its value. The young men who were chosen by the girl cease to be interesting to the woman. The peak of divorces in marriages created before the age of 25 falls on 28-30 years. Among the reasons for divorces is the fact that we are ready for a conscious choice of a partner by the age of 28-30. That is, in fact, at the age of 28, a woman is ready to become a wife - a married bride) At the same time, she has already laid the foundation for her social development. At this age, she is already wiser in choosing a partner, which reduces the number psychological problems in the family, she is already able to wisely combine both work and family. At the same time, if a girl takes care of her health, including "female", then she is capable of natural childbirth healthy children and after 30 and after 40 years.
What do we observe in reality?
Girls, not becoming psychologically adults, not becoming women, often create families with those who are not very suitable for the family. They give birth to one or even two children at once and remember that they want to develop not only in the family. At the same time, the whole picture is complicated by the financial incompetence of both spouses. The girl's wife begins to "nag" her husband, he overstrains or runs away from such a wife. Alternatively, such a family "sits on the neck" of their parents, which also aggravates the relationship in a couple, because parents, being included financially, as a rule, dictate their requirements and desires. It is difficult to solve any family issues due to psychological immaturity-infantility. What do children get in such a family? Not much joyful, actually.
The question arises - why such a family? ...

I hugged you, I can imagine how difficult it was for you ..

Move on.
2.
Each form has its own content, for example, each drink has its own container. As it is not appropriate, pour milk into a coffee cup or coffee into a wine glass.
The relationship between a man and a woman can have many forms that set the appropriate formats of interaction - the rules, the observance of which leads the interaction to the expected result.
In our society, it has long become a moral norm, such a phenomenon as "civil marriage". The name itself is false. A civil marriage is a marriage officially registered by a civil society.
The ritual of marriage - a wedding is the creation of a form - a family, the content of which is Love.
Ritual plays a big role in creating a form in our energy-informational space. The two declare that they want to start a family. It is important that they do this consciously - they understand the essence of the ritual, and take responsibility for their choice. The seal or stamp in the passport is a symbol of the completed ritual, a symbol of the created family form.
The second significant symbol is the rings. Yes, if two people treat the ritual of creating a family unconsciously, thoughtlessly and perceive it simply as a holiday, while not realizing the degree of responsibility for what they have done, then no stamp in the passport will make them happy. For the strain in the passport will not build a relationship for you, that's for sure.
Returning to the so-called civil marriage". In fact, this is nothing more than the cohabitation of two people, united by obtaining mutual benefits, connected by a common life and sexual attraction to each other, in love with each other. There is content in cohabitation, no matter what it is, but there is no form in it that would hold this content.
Let me explain with a metaphor. You have two cups of tea on your table, you accidentally overturn one of them, spill tea on the table. You have no time to clean, you urgently leave for a week, on your own business. Spilled tea will evaporate by the next morning, or even earlier, but tea in a cup will wait for you.
So in relationships, love in cohabitation is like spilled tea, which evaporates very quickly. Spilled tea is a relationship outside the form - outside the glass - this is cohabitation.
In the cohabitation format, it is very difficult to make and follow the rules. To do this, one must initially recognize the form of cohabitation, and this is the most difficult thing. After all, the illusion is so pleasant that between you family relationships, though not legalized, but supposedly family. Especially women tend to deceive themselves, considering themselves married in cohabitation. Men in this format, as a rule, consider themselves free.