Remarriage after divorce, about couples who break up and then get back together. Living together after divorce. Psychologist's recommendation Is it worth it to rest together after a divorce

There are quite a lot of people who have separated, but due to circumstances live together. The reasons for such a strange, at first glance, act may be different, but often it is the lack of separate housing. People are forced to live together until they close the mortgage or sell the common apartment. Living with an ex-husband under the same roof can be a comfortable tandem or a real hell - it all depends on what rules you play by. How to build a relationship with the former, if you have to lead a joint life?

Of course, living with an ex-spouse under the same roof causes emotional stress. Especially if the woman was against divorce and wanted to maintain a relationship with her ex. Daily contact within the same apartment is not an easy test. It is important to find the right line of conduct, otherwise exhausting scandals and reproaches cannot be avoided.

You need to be especially careful in the manifestation of emotions in cases where there are children. They are very sensitive to any clarification of the relationship between their parents. The nervous situation in the house will lead to the fact that the child will become withdrawn and insecure or, conversely, aggressive and quick-tempered.

In order not to completely spoil the relationship, the former spouses need to learn to live together according to the new rules. It is important to solve minor household issues: how to divide the space, who takes out the trash and buys groceries. It is everyday little things that can complicate a complicated relationship and provoke heated quarrels. If you discuss all the issues in advance, living together will be much easier.

Start with a financial question

Living under the same roof incurs shared costs. First of all, agree on how you will pay the bills for the apartment. Try to maintain financial independence as much as possible - this will help make your complicated relationship more transparent.

Don't sleep in the same bed

It is very important to set boundaries, otherwise it is likely that one of the partners will hope for a resumption of relations. Despite the desire to feel desired, keep emotions under control. Sometimes loneliness makes people do rash things that they later regret.

Psychologists say that even if there is an intimate relationship between former spouses, it is better to sleep in different beds. This will help to avoid unfounded claims and protect against deceived expectations.

Respect each other's personal space

It is very difficult for women to accept the fact that the ex now has every right to live his life without providing an account of every step. Respect your partner's privacy. It can be about anything: food, household chemicals or his rooms. Never interfere in his affairs, so as not to completely spoil the relationship with the former.

When people break up, love often turns into hatred. If the ex-spouse behaves unworthily, try not to respond to his provocations. He has one goal - to exalt himself and bring you to emotions. Psychologists say that after the stage of anger comes humility. Do not respond with aggression to his anger - then it will be much more difficult to break this circle. Better find the strength in yourself and give ex time calm down.

If you are the aggressor, try to accept your feelings. Talk to a loved one, throw out emotions on paper, or seek help from a psychologist. But do not pour mud - this will ruin the relationship with the former and harm, first of all, you.

If he has love...

Situations when an ex-husband is not ready to let go of his ex-wife are not uncommon. He can live his life but does not accept free behavior ex-wife. The jealous man arranges interrogations, "suffering" for lost love. Such intricate relationships can bring a lot negative emotions and experiences.

First of all, figure out whether you are really ready to leave or whether you are flattered by such attention, increases self-esteem. Women can keep a man close by manipulation and non-verbal signals. Carefully analyze your behavior, consider whether you are allowing your ex to forget you or giving false hope.

Lay the right foundation

Friendship between exes is rare. But even if you do not become good friends, it is important to lay the right foundation so that further relationships develop harmoniously. Then you can live under the same roof without stinging remarks about each other.

Conduct an internal dialogue, mentally express all the claims to the former - this will help heal the emotional trauma caused by the breakup.

To end a confusing relationship, you need to understand the reasons that led to the disagreement. Only then will it be possible to let go of the past and see a happy future. Sometimes it happens that after introspection, people realize that they parted in vain. They are still attracted to each other, they are not ready to start a new life.

Living together with a former partner gives you the opportunity to look at the situation differently. Small grievances are forgotten and people begin to appreciate the positive qualities of each other.

Psychologists believe that in such a situation one must be extremely careful and not rush to reunite. Perhaps the thaw in relations with the former is just an illusion. Alien and impregnable always attracts - that is why many couples converge again, but make the same mistakes and again suffer from misunderstanding.

You don't have to go out of your way to save a relationship that ended long ago. Take the need to live under the same roof as a temporary inconvenience, a coincidence. Mentally let go of your ex and focus on your life. Be polite, correct and friendly - this is a powerful weapon against anger and aggression. Be happy today - this is the best thing you can do right now!

Getting married after a divorce - what's unusual about that? And if the groom is an ex-husband?

Together after divorce?

People, of course, get married after a divorce again. Very many. But we won't talk about many. We will talk about those who, after a divorce, remarry with old partners. The popular rumor with the well-known expression that “you cannot enter the same river twice”, oddly enough, is right, because if you carefully read Herodotus, then “the one who enters the second time is already washed by other waters ...”.

Sometimes people break up and then find each other to start over. “You can’t see a face face to face, you can see a big one at a distance” - these are not just the lines of a beautiful poem, but also a subtle psychological observation. In the hustle and bustle of everyday affairs, behind petty claims and insults, we are not always able to understand how dear and necessary we are to a loved one.

Together after divorce?

“We constantly tried to remake each other in everything, even in small things,” says Alexander (31, remarriage eight months after the divorce, which has been going on for four years, a son was born). “In the end it became unbearable. We broke up without explanation after an accidental quarrel. I felt at the same time deeply unhappy because I continued to love my wife, and absolutely free from all this.

People grow up, priorities change. And most often - in the direction of preserving the family. Many divorce in haste without analyzing the situation, without trying to save the relationship. Especially frequent are rash divorces at a young age.

After some time, the value of a family and a particular person appears in a completely different light, and people come back to each other to try again. Giving yourself a break and living separately is sometimes just necessary to calmly think and decide what you can take into close person and what to change in yourself. After all, marriage is a building built of compromises, the foundation of which is love.

“We lived together for more than two years when I decided to leave,” says Marina (26 years old, remarried for three years, daughter was born). - The husband paid too much attention to his friends, as they say, "did not work up." The fact of betrayal on his part finally confirmed me in this opinion. But I couldn't stop loving him. And when a year later he offered to try again, I could not refuse. Over time, it became clear that his views on life had changed, he had matured, family and work came to the fore as a means of ensuring family well-being. This time we are officially married. Our daughter is already two years old, and I do not regret what happened to us.

Together after divorce?

And here you are together again. We thought, talked and decided that your love is more important than mutual claims and insults. How much more successful will your family life, depends on what conclusions you have drawn from previous experience. Past problems will lie in wait for you. Now the whole question is how correctly both of you will solve them. Saving a remarriage is as difficult as any other. Be prepared for the fact that more than once it will seem to you that nothing has changed and it was not worth returning.

Together after divorce?

“Only eight months after the divorce, we found the strength to speak sincerely,” says Alexander. We cried as we talked about what had happened and decided to try again. And although we understood a lot and forgave each other, at first we constantly stumbled upon the same rake. Nevertheless, we persevered. Our relationship is changing much more slowly than we expected, but love and a son are stronger than any stamp.

During the time that each of you was in free swimming, you managed to acquire new habits, acquaintances and sexual experience. It will be necessary to accept this new in a loved one. This element of novelty also has its advantages, it makes relationships more interesting, allows you to look at native person on the other side.

Psychologist Olga Kudryavtseva says: “If people after a divorce decide to remarry, they should not assume that the very fact of divorce was a mistake. It simply means that at that time they could not solve their problems otherwise. But only those who clearly understand why the separation happened and what needs to be changed in the relationship have chances for a successful union. A new marriage will be strong and long-lasting if you have forgiven the person for all past grievances and are now ready for an equal relationship.

There is no marriage, but there is sex

From the point of view of sexologists, the attraction of people who were once in close relationships to each other is quite understandable. Sex after a divorce happens much more often than the resumption of relationships. It is physically and psychologically easier for former spouses to be in bed with each other than with a new partner.

Together after divorce?

But psychologists do not recommend such experiments. If people are determined to leave, they just need, especially at first, to feel their “separation”. Joint sex introduces ambiguity into the relationship, especially since everyone evaluates what happened in their own way.

Together after divorce?

I left to come back...

The "leave to return" style is sometimes a conscious choice of one of the members of the couple. The purpose of such an action is to demonstrate to the partner how wrong he was and that without you it will be bad and hard for him. It happens that it works. And it happens exactly the opposite. Left without you, a person can suddenly feel free from obligations and problems and happy from this. And you'll have nowhere to go back to. Therefore, be careful with the methods. Breaking up doesn't always work in a relationship.

There are couples whose life is simply impossible without spectacular antics and violent passions. They can marry and disperse more than once. For them, it's like fueling a relationship. But for most people, a breakup is a deep experience and a lot of stress. Therefore, before making such a decision, think seriously and speak sincerely. Truly loving people will still find a way to joint happiness.

Contrary to popular belief, marriage is not held by habit, not by property acquired over the years, and not even by children, but by an inner need for each other.

By the way, the stars also get divorced. And even get married again!

The famous Hollywood couple of the past years, Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, two years after the divorce (their first marriage began with great love and lasted nine years), got married again, but their re-union did not last more than nine months.

Infamous singer Eminem and his wife Kimberly Mathers (Scott) have known each other since college and divorced for the first time in 2001. In 2006 they got married again. But from the moment of marriage to the day when Eminem filed for divorce, only three months passed.

More than once after the divorce, Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee tried to restore their relationship. Their last attempt to start living together ten years after the divorce came in the summer of 2008.

Yulia Menshova repeated the fate of her parents (Vladimir Menshov and Vera Alentova separated for several years when their daughter was young), breaking up with her husband, actor Igor Gordin, and a few years later successfully resuming their relationship. And the relationship between Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson is generally similar to Santa Barbara. How long will they last this time - generally from the field of "Russian roulette".

You don't know these wedding subtleties yet! >>

American psychologists call divorce the death of a relationship. It really is. A couple who decide on a final separation, as a rule, is not eager to communicate in the future. But in our country, there are cases when former spouses have to lead a life together after a divorce.

Usually the reason for this is the housing issue. Spouses cannot immediately disperse, as there is no way to exchange an apartment, or buy a new one. It happens that relatives of a divorced couple create obstacles to the final separation. Be that as it may, but ex-husband and the wife remain to live under the same roof and are forced to run a joint household. This situation has both positive and negative aspects.

Difficulties of living together after divorce

Of course, this state of affairs is always associated with increased emotional stress. If one of the spouses cannot, then the daily existence under one roof will be filled with scandals, reproaches and exhausting showdowns. Life is in danger of becoming hell.

As noted by the well-known psychologist K. Whitaker, such an environment can also have a negative impact on the younger generation. As you know, this is a separate complex topic. Constant conflicts between parents can negatively affect development small child and even a teenager. In such families, children become anxious or aggressive, they develop fears and insecurities in themselves and others. Such a life can lead to psychological trauma in the child.

Another negative point is the fact that none of the partners has the opportunity to arrange their personal lives. Indeed, in this situation, it is almost impossible to bring home a new passion. Especially if the former second half suffers from jealousy and is aggressive.

positive points.

It happens that a couple realizes that a divorce was a premature step. After the passions subsided, resentment is a thing of the past, the spouses begin to understand that they are still attracted to each other.

In this case, living together after a divorce allows the husband and wife to take a fresh look at their partner. Perhaps after a while they will even forget what made them break off the relationship, and they will be quite sincerely surprised, not understanding.

Psychologists say that in such a situation, care must be taken. It is possible that the revival of past feelings is just an illusion, and after a while you will again feel dissatisfied with each other. Before you get back together, you need to carefully analyze everything and think about how to avoid past mistakes. For example, if a man, looking at a now inaccessible former lover, rediscovers many positive features in her, he should weigh the pros and cons before making attempts.

How to build cohabitation?

If the former spouses are forced to live together for some time, they, first of all, will have to solve domestic issues. The most reasonable option in this case would be to agree on where things will lie, who uses what day washing machine. You can also share food and even dishes. These measures are by no means redundant. Very often, it is household trifles that provoke the most violent quarrels. Having discussed all such issues, you will greatly facilitate your living together in one apartment.

In this case, the former spouses will communicate as neighbors in a communal apartment. If they have no claims to each other, such a life can last for years. But if life together after a divorce develops into a war to the last bullet, and any word of a partner is perceived as a personal insult, it is urgent to disperse.

One of the spouses can rent an apartment or a room or live with friends for a while. In order to maintain your health, both psychological and bodily, no means are a pity.

And remember, even if you don’t feel anything but hostility towards your former soul mate, this is no reason to stoop to petty intrigues and lose self-esteem. And if you are forced to live together, try to maintain the remnants of respect for each other and try to solve this problem together.

Material prepared by: , counseling psychologist (RSUH, Moscow)

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You ask for advice, which is wise, but the decisions are still yours to make. So listen. what they say to you, and let your conscience in this case tell you how to proceed. So that my answer is not chaotic, I will try to divide it into parts.

1. I think that I understand your feelings, not only with the mind, and therefore I sympathize with your pain and torment. And I really want your soul to find solace and peace.

Is happiness possible after divorce?

Well, it's already happened! Something happened that almost never plans in advance. No, of course, there are people who get married for money or some other purpose and then immediately plan a divorce. But what if you are like most normal people, loved, met, lived together, took care of each other and suddenly a divorce!?

In fact, if we look at divorce in terms of statistics, we see a huge divorce rate.

Are there any who are back together after a divorce and are happy together?

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Living together after divorce

Divorce, as a rule, is the collapse of the family and all kinds of relationships. Is it possible after a loud break to continue to maintain good communication and live together in the same territory is a difficult question. But what to do, and how to behave in such a situation, if life throws people new tests and tests? Let's try to figure it out.

Often to cohabitation former spouses are pushed by the same, notorious, housing issue.

Life after divorce

Is there life after? So most often inconsolably ask themselves those who divorced - often with tears, scandal and bad relationship with "formers". In this section I want to talk about quite adult people who divorced or broke up, remaining in a formal marriage, after 15-30 years of marriage.

And the reason is generally one - a midlife crisis, most often in men. After 40 years.

How to live after divorce?

It is clear that not everyone is painfully experiencing parting with her husband. And, as a rule, those who are younger get used to the new status easier and faster and even find many advantages in it. But what about those for whom a gap is like a knife in the back?

No, this does not mean that you need to join the ranks of "divorced women" and buy up all the new albums of Stas Mikhailov ... You see, they already smiled, and this is just one banal joke.

How do you start over after a divorce?

Divorce is always hard. Both for the woman, and for the man. It's hard when someone once loved becomes not only a complete stranger, but also an enemy. After all, it is no secret that most often a divorce is accompanied by unpleasant scenes of the division of jointly acquired property, the “pulling” of children to their side and other things that leave deep, long-lasting wounds in the soul. Many begin with mutual hatred, which they bring into their later life.

Living together after divorce

Definitely - NO. no, of course, what kind of life it will be. then you are tormented by psychologists to run No, it's not worth it. In such a family, the child will not see harmony and love between parents and, accordingly, it will not be possible to learn real feelings.

got divorced then got together after 9 months, lived for another 2 years and I couldn’t stand it - they parted, which I’m extremely happy about, of course, I’m sorry for the time and nerves spent, but now I know for sure there are no former alcoholics and horror-horror liars! and not.