We constantly fight with my husband. Why do my husband and I fight all the time? Correct solution

Frequent quarrels in a relationship make both sides of the couple suffer. And not infrequently the thought arises to quit everything so that it finally ends. But it doesn't make sense to change the boat if you can't handle the oars. So, learn to avoid conflicts and make your life happier!

High expectations

Often one of the partners of a love relationship thinks that later he will cope with the shortcomings of his beloved / beloved. However, after unsuccessful attempts, it begins to strain both.

Sometimes it's just enough to start accepting a person for who they are and stop changing them.

Tired of each other

It starts when people spend a lot of time together. Then all interesting topics are reduced to a minimum, there is more silence, disagreement, irritation, etc. That is why psychologists sometimes advise to take a break from each other.

Jealousy

Everything seems suspicious to the jealous: the second half returns from work for a long time, unfamiliar numbers call, too revealing outfit, etc.

Often this can be eradicated by greater openness with such a person and the exclusion of those moments that annoy him so much:

• stop communicating with people of the opposite sex;
• call back unknown numbers together;
• talk on the phone on the way home if you are late, etc.

stress

They can arise in connection with an emergency at work, poor health, misunderstanding with parents, fatigue, lack of sleep, etc. In such cases, there is often unreasonable criticism and a sharper reaction to everything that happens around.

Living with such a person, you just need to be patient and start taking action: give more time to rest, send for treatment, help with business.

Outside Influence

It also happens that others are not happy with your choice, so they try their best to “open your eyes”. While you are defending your loved one in front of them, you still unconsciously begin to pay attention to what they have been talking about so hard. There is irritation and frequent quarrels.

You can eliminate this by forbidding discussion of your partner, or by minimizing communication with strangers.

What to do

Frequent quarrels are, in principle, the norm. This means that people are not indifferent to each other. And if your partner still stays with you, despite the systematic abuse, then this says a lot.

Don't bring up the past

If you have already tried to do this, you probably noticed how you began to react sharply to moments that are somehow connected with the past, although before you lived and did not think about anything.

It is rightly said: the less you know, the better you sleep. Forget about what happened before you and do not be interested in it, and you will not have any jealousy, no “troubles”, or other “headaches”. This person is already with you. What else is needed?

Don't leave questions unresolved

It would seem that sometimes it’s better to just end the quarrel, bringing it to “no” with silence or assent. Indeed, this can be done, and life is much calmer. However, this only applies to cases where you will not return to these situations.

If you would like to subsequently exclude such actions of your partner, then it is worth talking. But this also needs to be done correctly:

• talk about what made you nervous: “It was unpleasant for me when you ...”;
• ask, if possible, not to do this again: “Don’t do this again, please - don’t make me nervous”;
• offer an alternative (what a person should do so that it does not cause you negative emotions).

Important!
Do not forget the proverb "If you like to ride, love to carry sleds." This means that you cannot constantly ask without giving something in return. This can be expressed as gratitude nice words, care, manifestation of tenderness and readiness in response to fulfill the requests of the partner.

Forget the words "You must / must!"

Nobody owes you anything. You are an accomplished person with arms, legs and brains. Even your own parents don't owe you anything. Take it for granted. A person helps - good, no - well, okay, then you can handle it yourself.

A very simple solution is to replace the words "You should / should" with "I would be pleased if you ...". Believe me, the effect will be completely different! A person who did not even want to do something is likely to meet you halfway.

And do not forget about the elementary rules of ethics - use the word "please" more often.

Lower the bar on expectations and demands

Most often, the reason for frequent quarrels in a relationship is that one of the partners demands too much, and the second cannot give it. In this case, it is worth remembering once again that there are no ideal people. Therefore, you do not need to strive to remake a person so that you are comfortable. This is the lot of egoists.

Do you know why in calm couples there are much fewer quarrels than you? Because they do not require that the boots do not constantly get in the way in the hallway - the one who does not like it simply silently removes them himself; they think: if the dishes were not cleaned after dinner, it means that the person did not have the time or mood to do it, well, or he doesn’t bother with it at all.

Don't stop accepting each other

Here are examples of how a person's worldview changes over time:

• The guy is the "soul" of the company. He knows a lot of jokes, is always in good mood, support any conversation. At first, for a girl, he is an attractive and charismatic young man who does not want to reveal his problems in public. Then, when the couple lives together for a long time, the capricious lady begins to perceive his behavior as "show off" and carelessness, which is expressed in the fact that the man does not care about everything. As a result, he begins to annoy her, so she begins to “nag” him.
• The girl is able to fight back, she is bright and obstinate. Her partner is attracted to this, he considers this trait special, he says: “Damn it, my kitty is releasing her claws again!”. In a couple of years life together she becomes for him "a bitch who just wants to tame him."

So why are we... You need to periodically return to those feelings and sensations that you had before - at the first stage of the relationship. At a time when you considered all these shortcomings to be virtues that make you smile and say: “Well, yes, that’s how he is - my beloved person.”

Important!
If you don’t like something in a person, it’s not his fault, but your whim. What annoys you may be attractive to other people.

Learn to fight the right way

So the fight starts. What does each of the interlocutors often do? He starts to defend himself. And not in the most friendly way. Such a conversation almost never leads to anything.

There are ways to make conflict more fruitful. For this you need:

• speak only calmly;
• if you see that the interlocutor is heated, say that you will not talk to him in that tone, it is better to wait until both of you "leave";
• you do not need to prove your opinion, but you need to voice it and back it up with facts, arguments;
• you can’t interrupt your partner, as this is often annoying, which leads to a bad reaction;
• remember: it is better to remain silent than to yell and offend the interlocutor.

Control what is said

Do you like to get excited and say a bunch of nasty things during a quarrel with a girl or a guy? Then don't be surprised when your relationship deteriorates.

The fact is that no matter how you later deny that, they say, it was said from evil, your significant other will remember all those offensive words for a long time.

After this, there is often a cooling towards a person, because we all want to be idolized, not humiliated.

Know how to ask

This point is very important, because, most often, it is here that the “dog is buried”. Take a look at yourself. How do you talk? Would you like to be spoken to in the same way? It is not certain that the answers to these questions will satisfy you.

Know how to admit to yourself if, indeed, there are claims, instructions, etc. from your side.

If this is your case, then remember:

Start communicating with your significant other the way you would like to be communicated with you. See how your relationship will change! And almost immediately, as soon as you start to succeed!

Most importantly, be gentle. No one likes it when there are claims, reproaches, direct criticism, etc. in the conversation.

Here are examples of what was said of the same meaning, but in different words:

- Badly:“How do you cook? Well, there is always a lot of salt! It's impossible to eat!"

Good: May I ask you to add less salt next time? Salt, please, less - so, it seems to me, it will be even tastier!

- Badly:"You're so lazy you can't even babysit!"

Good:"Could you babysit? And I would like to do some things. And by the evening I won’t be so tired, well, you know what I mean ... ”.

Learn to accept rejection. If you received a "no" in response to your request, try to understand the person why he did so. Maybe he doesn't feel well, he promised to meet/help a friend, he's just tired, or he even thinks it's not his responsibility - these are all NORMAL explanations.

If they do not suit you, either put up with it, or try to act cunningly. For example:

1. If the wife stopped taking care of herself, tell her about how beautiful she used to be, especially in that outfit and with such and such a hairstyle, and as soon as she "conjures" herself, admire her appearance give lots of compliments.
2. Also in the case of a man: not everyone considers it normal to help his wife around the house. However, you can also involve him in this. For example, when rolling out dough for dumplings, ask him to help you. You need to base your request on the fact that you are doing so badly, and it’s a little hard for you, and he, so strong and “handy”, will definitely help you make perfect dumplings!

In the end, I would like to wish every reader to start applying these tips in their lives. There is no need to be afraid to make concessions, because this is not a weakness, but a strength, a talent that everyone can acquire!

And one more thing: before you collect things after another quarrel, think about whether you will really be fine without this person? Is there such a weighty reason why a quarrel occurs? Is she worthy of your nerves?

Video: How to quarrel so that you no longer quarrel

Family conflicts are a serious common problem. In such a situation, you should not make decisions under the influence of strong emotions and plunge into stress. The couple needs to go to a psychologist or psychotherapist and get the help they need. Often men refuse to consult a specialist, so this is mostly women's issue: "why do my husband and I constantly swear?". The trouble is that from constant mutual psychological pressure, past feelings are systematically dissolved, only anger, a desire to take revenge and file a divorce remains. This is an extreme measure, which should be resorted to only with the approval of your psychologist. And we will try to figure out what is the cause of family quarrels and how to alleviate the situation.

Family conflicts

Causes of quarrels between husband and wife

essence conflict situation in a clash of interests, personal opinions and needs of two people. Often, swearing in the family is provoked by the same factors, these include radically different ideas about the relationship between a man and a woman in marriage, craving for alcohol by one spouse, real cheating and reasons for doubting fidelity, lack of elementary respect for a partner as a relative and interlocutor, insufficient attention towards children and gaps in education, a tendency to selfishness, a combination of unfavorable living conditions, various spiritual interests. Patience is running out and I want to break off long-term formalized relationships, despite the habit of each other, the past warm feelings, the presence of children and jointly acquired property, when the soul is overwhelmed with unjustified expectations and a lot of unmet needs of a different nature. Anyone can be pissed off if they do not perform their household functions, do not respect the relatives of the second half and openly demonstrate this negativity. Great amount marriages break up due to the inharmonious union of people with incompatible types of temperament. Not all the reasons provoking swearing between loving friend friend by people. In most cases, several factors are at play.

Types of family conflicts

If the spirit of disagreement and confrontation reigns at home, harsh attacks on each other do not stop, the desire to disregard the opinion of the spouse and break off relations grows, you need to force yourself to calm down at one moment. You can relieve stress by understanding that no one in the world owes us anything. It is worth learning to analyze the emerging situations and try to think positively. In order to better understand your problem, it is worth analyzing it in detail, talking with anyone about what really worries you. Detailing our fears and strong experiences helps to realize and overcome them. Any psychologist will confirm this. And now we will designate the main types of family conflicts:

• creative family conflicts;
• destructive family conflicts.

We propose this simple classification in order to be able to predict the outcome of a particular situation by certain criteria. So, in the case of a creative conflict, there are mutual reproaches and some tension, but nevertheless, a pronounced tolerance towards each other is implied. Both partners demonstrate restraint, do not turn to personal insults, do not resort to humiliation of a person. As part of the creative family conflict it is quite possible together to identify the root cause of the current dangerous picture. Given that both spouses are disposed to a constructive dialogue, together they can try to change the hostile relationship. In the best case, especially with the help of a family psychologist, with little effort on the part of both, communication turns into a benevolent niche.

A distinctive feature of destructive conflict is the desire to destroy relationships. In each session of swearing, there are certainly mutual insults, shifting the blame onto the partner, the desire to teach the spouse a lesson and make him uncomfortable. Life in such a relationship is unbearable, since mutual respect gradually disappears from a destructive conflict, marital communication is transformed into an empty and often unpleasant formality. It should be noted that most often destructive conflicts arise and flare up due to women's fault. Unfortunately, the beautiful sub is determined to do it out of spite, take cruel revenge and create various bad situations for the husband who does not want to obey. For men, it is more common to translate conflicts into a constructive key, they tend to seek constructive resolution from negative situations.

Solving the problem of family conflicts

Reasonable approach to a way out of family conflict

Instead of painfully thinking about the question "why my husband and I constantly swear and cannot find mutual language?", you need to look for the strength to move to a fundamentally new level of communication best quality. Of course, the cause must be identified, then this is a complex process that is best entrusted family psychologist. You also need to realize that even in the face of confrontation, you should not use offensive turns of speech and try to devalue your partner. There is no need to strive for a one-time quick solution to all problems at once, it can take a lot of time to restore relations. If you wish, you can find a compromise solution in all everyday situations. Perhaps you should learn to use humor and enjoy life more, swearing will stop by itself. Both spouses should be able to forgive other people's mistakes and admit their mistakes.

A prudent wife will do the right thing and get the desired results if she takes into account a few rules:

• friendly communication with the husband's relatives, especially with the mother;
• giving a man complete freedom in personal affairs without criticizing his social circle;
• willingness to give in if a serious quarrel flares up;
• maintaining an image that suits the husband completely - a beautiful toned body and stylish clothes according to his taste;
• care for the comfort and aesthetic appeal of the home;
• tactful acquaintance with the interests of the husband and sincere enthusiasm for the plans and dreams of the spouse;
• there is no need to force the spouse to have sex, to monitor how and how much time he rests;
• perfectly thought-out diet, consisting of healthy products and delicious dishes;
• fortitude in the face of material difficulties without criticism of the main breadwinner of the family.

Perhaps the conflicts will not completely stop, but they will be minimized if the woman is wise. Undoubtedly, both partners need to learn to give in, study the characteristics of character and be able to adapt to the temperament of the other, not give reasons for jealousy, regularly, and most importantly, qualitatively, perform marital duties. In a harmonious family there will be no place for mutual claims.

Does your life consist of constant quarrels and swearing? We argue with my husband all the time - unfortunately this problem is facing big amount female Day and night, the question torments us, why do we quarrel with my husband so often? Don't remember when last time calmly drinking tea with your spouse? Then take care of your problem, because you will not be able to become truly happy.

Quarrels are a problem faced by many couples.

Try to remember what exactly led to your constant quarrels. Do you remember how your war started? If not, then it can be judged that both spouses are guilty. Even if your husband was wrong, you needed to smooth out the conflict in time. If you just inflated it, then you can say that you are also guilty.

Some people ask: my husband and I are constantly arguing about what to do, but they do not understand that they themselves are developing the conflict further. For example, this is a banal chain of actions. The husband did not come home from work on time, you did not cook dinner, he was offended and decided to teach you a lesson. As a result, everything goes in an eternal circle, like a mechanism.

Regular quarrels and conflicts overshadow any relationship, especially marital

If you do not know what to do, then remember that you cannot change another person. A person can only rethink his behavior in order to change in time. That is why you can only wait or become the main initiator of reconciliation, resigned to the shortcomings of the second half.

Why do my husband and I fight all the time?

If a person says that “we fight with my husband all the time,” then various factors can influence this. This is the birth of a baby, moving to a new place, stressful situations at work, obtaining a loan and other events. As a result, partners will not be as happy as in the first moments after they met. You will be able to cope with the situation only if you carefully work out your relationship with your loved one.

• Habit. Unfortunately, you can quickly get used to quarrels. People are already convinced that all families live in such an atmosphere. A large number of Claims only accumulate, pouring out in a continuous stream. All this turns into a tangled ball in which it is impossible to find the end of the thread. When you realize that you are tired of such a life, start making changes to it.
• The fault of both partners. No need to think that only your partner is to blame for everything. In addition, learn to build logical chains. Otherwise, you will definitely find something to blame your soulmate for.
• Disassemble the claims. If you want to find the answer to the question of how to stop arguing with your husband, try to make a list of what exactly does not suit you. Concentrate on how you would like your relationship to be. Thanks to this, you can talk calmly, listening and understanding each other.

To solve a problem, you need to understand the causes of its occurrence.

These are the main points due to which the family will become strong. Appreciate your relationship, because it is so difficult to meet your true love in our time.

How to stop arguing with your husband?

Some people ask: why do my husband and I constantly swear? The reason is sometimes banal to the point of impossibility - you can not build your conversation correctly. So, here are a few rules that will definitely help you avoid conflict:

• do not try to speak at the same time, because you still will not hear your soulmate;
• if the wife or husband is to blame, do not try to justify yourself, because this angers and annoys even more;
• voice only your desires, and do not load your loved one with your scandals that will infuriate any person;
• ask only what will not irritate and infuriate;
• talk in a calm tone to stop getting angry and annoyed;
• remember that there are no secondary needs, so be able to listen and understand your loved one.

Any conflict must end with reconciliation.

All these tips will help you catch the right wave, which will eliminate the risk of conflict. Even if it's hard for you, don't give up on your goal. In the future, you will be able to live peacefully and amicably.

How to avoid quarrels?

There are some important tips for people who live under the same roof. There is a question: we argue with my husband every day, what should I do? The answer to it can be found if you follow simple rules:

• reset the counters - start living differently right from tomorrow. Don't get mad at each other if something went wrong. Imagine that you just met yesterday. Start the game again, which will significantly reduce the number of quarrels in the family;
• good words and deeds - you should never throw mud at your husband in the company of close friends. Remember that society is the main enemy of relationships. You are together because there is a spark between you. Is it appropriate to say bad things about someone dear to you? Someday these words will reach the ears of the second half, which will not bring anything good;
• simple compliments - probably, people who live under the same roof for a long time rarely compliment each other. Try starting this tradition to see how attitudes change. Even the simplest compliments can cheer up a person, which will discourage quarrel and scandal.

As you can see, everything is very simple and affordable. Thanks to simple advice you will have the opportunity to save your family. Be wiser, because in a relationship a lot depends on the woman.

In some cases, a woman tries to talk, but her husband refuses to make contact. You will make a mistake if you give up and let the situation go with the flow. If suddenly you are determined, then you should act in other ways. These are options for women who value their relationship with their spouse. Any situation should not confuse you.

You may be wondering why your loved one behaves the way they do. Perhaps this is your fault too. If he is not affectionate with you, then the woman should help him shed the negativity when he returns home. Some husbands don't want to get a job, but you don't have to work twice as much. In this case, the second half will not understand that there are problems in your family. Just calmly talk to your spouse and say that he should decide what to do next. He needs to become responsible.

If your husband constantly picks on you, never lock yourself in another room with a pout. Speak words of love to him, regardless of his condition. If suddenly he accidentally offended you, never leave him without lunch or dinner. Also try to tell him about your experiences so that he does not regard you as a secretive woman.

Some women say: we quarrel with my husband every day, there are no changes, everything is tired. However, the above method will provide an opportunity to show that you care about the relationship. If a man does not take any action on his part, then you should take a break to think things through.

Of course, no family life is complete without quarrels and conflicts. But remember that there should not be too many of them. Otherwise, the matter may come to a divorce, since it is very difficult to endure such everyday life.

Reconciliation after a scandal with her husband

A quarrel is something that spoils the mood and makes you think about your future life. But you should stop in time so as not to run into problems in the future. There are several steps to reconciliation with your husband that will give you the opportunity to return to a warm relationship:

• cool your ardor - remember that immediately after a quarrel you are still on edge. Do not rush to immediately put up, because any careless word can cause negative emotions. It is best to wait until you have completely cooled down. In this case, it will be easier for you to choose the right words, tuning in to a calm and sincere conversation;
• find the first words for reconciliation - often a man is in no hurry to take the first step, but this does not mean that you should sit in different rooms and pout at each other. Take the initiative in your own hands. Choose the right words, approach your soulmate and start a conversation. In no case do not focus on the fact that the man himself is to blame. This will provoke a new outbreak of conflict. It's better to say how much you love him and don't want to fight. Perhaps the husband himself will understand how wrong he was;
• if the spouse does not want to put up - many girls who ask themselves the question of why we quarrel with her husband are themselves to blame for the conflicts. Even when they want to make peace, the man categorically refuses to do so. In such a situation, you should not bother him. Soon he will realize that living in quarrels is uncomfortable, so he will come to meet you halfway.

If you ask: we often argue with my husband what to do, carefully read this article. Thanks to useful tips you will understand how to avoid conflicts and how to put up with your loved one!

Popular wisdom says that quarrels in the family are quite common. And so the couple, when they swear, "only amuse themselves."

However, reality does not bring anything comforting when the wife is increasingly visited by the thought: “What should we do if we constantly quarrel with her husband?”.

And if she's thinking about it, that's a good sign. Because even with daily quarrels, a woman does not think about divorce. This means that the purpose of the relationship is to save the marriage, and in this case, finding a solution to the problem is quite realistic!

It does not matter what causes the next showdown, if such tactics have already become a habit. Discord sooner or later will lead to the fact that someday absolutely strangers will be under the same roof.

Swearing is not the worst option. Relationships end when partners become completely indifferent to each other.

And yet, if you constantly swear, you should think about how to return peace to the family! It is much easier to prevent a dispute than to settle it and deal with the disastrous consequences. How to start building peace in the family?

Culprits

Often it is impossible to remember when it all started, and where is the starting point, after which the skirmishes went on incessantly. This suggests that the fault lies with both partners.

Do you remember that your husband is to blame? And what prevented the wife from taking the position of an adult, and not a spoiled child, and not getting involved in the argument?

Perhaps the husband flared up, but the woman could also be a little smarter and try to solve the problem, and not habitually swear at her husband. Otherwise, both are to blame.

The situation becomes more complicated when the spouse acts out of spite: he was late from work - he will sit without dinner, he didn’t call in the afternoon - he went to his mother. A rare man will not reciprocate, and claims will flow like from a cornucopia.

It is necessary to understand that it will not work to change another person without his personal desire. And then not with the help of psychological pressure in the form of scandals and reproaches. If you want to change something in your husband, you will have to consider two options:

• Break up and find more the right man(Is it just that the same situation will not happen again with him?).
• Become the muse of change by inspiring change through your own behavior.

If the spouse is completely satisfied, but in conversations with friends, the phrase “we argue with my husband every day” is increasingly heard, it is worth digging deeper and considering the relationship from a different angle.

Causes of quarrels

Squabbles and misunderstandings most often arise as a result of important events in the life of the family:

• The birth of a child (especially the first child).
• Job change.
• Moving.
• Loan processing, etc.

But they all have a common underlying reason: they deprive the couple of that feeling of happiness that once united them in a marriage union. The negative qualities of the partner emerge, the claims made by raised tone- and all because the spouse did not live up to hopes and expectations.

In most cases, a woman silently waits for her faithful "to understand everything himself", sometimes without even hinting at her desires. And this is the main mistake if the husband is not at least a distant relative of Messing and he does not have the makings of reading other people's thoughts.

Twisting oneself leads to another tangle of claims, which is even more difficult to unravel without prejudice to relationships. And then nothing can be done so as not to constantly swear with her husband, except for a divorce.

It's time to change something!

Such communication gradually becomes a habit - and here is the time to stop and understand that both are to blame and to the same extent. It is required to sort out the reproaches on the shelves, avoiding logical chains in the form: “I don’t do housework, because I plow worse than a horse because of your minimum wage.”

You need to prepare for a serious conversation in advance by writing down all the negativity on a piece of paper in the form of a list. At the same time, it is better to be based on wishes, and not claims, otherwise another conflict will come out. If you don't want to fight with your husband again, try a new strategy:

The selfish "I want" is replaced by the affectionate "I would like to." For example, instead of "don't walk in dirty shoes on the carpet" say "I would like to see the apartment clean and that you respect my work."

A constructive dialogue will give results if it is backed up with additional actions:

1. Show interest in a partner, not only highlighting its positive qualities, but also taking on weaknesses.
2. Learn to be silent and listen, otherwise the script family life under the motto "we constantly quarrel with my husband" will never disappear. You should not throw out a stream of information in the form of gossip on a tired spouse in the evening, it is much more useful to listen to his daily problems.
3. Criticism needs to be spiced up with praise., highlighting the positive and not focusing the question on continuous reproaches. Good deeds are not voiced, but taken for granted, but almost something is wrong - claims are made. With praise, you can slightly idealize your spouse, talking about such features that you would like to see in him.
4. Need to smile more often, because a good-natured mood will not allow a conflict situation to arise, and gloom will provoke it one way or another.

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Support yourself, enjoy life, do what you love - then you will not have a desire to conflict with your husband! And the husband, seeing your good mood and a happy state, will begin to love and support you more!

No one is immune from the difficulties and claims in a relationship. The most important thing is to learn to communicate with respect and love, then you will forget what it is to swear with your husband!

If you like to give advice and help other women, get free coaching training from Irina Udilova, master the most sought-after profession and start earning from 30-150 thousand:

With my husband in a week 10 years. And tomorrow is my birthday. So that I didn’t ask for anything today, he hit me, starting a scandal from scratch. And so every year before the birthday. ...

Christina

We have been living together for 9 years, married for 7. My son is 5 years old, with the birth of a child, I thought everything changes in better side but it's the other way around! I went to sleep in another room to get enough sleep, didn’t help much, I couldn’t even take a shower normally! She put a swing-cradle next to her and washed herself, since you can’t wait for her husband to sit with the child. I managed to cook and clean, but he constantly had complaints. It's not like that for him, it's not that. He began to open his arms. When the child was 2 years old, I left him, filed for divorce (divorced). I exhaled and it became easy! I worked, lived for myself and my son, started dating a man who blew dust off us and everything seems to be fine, new life... BUT my ex did not give rest, cut off the phone, guarded under the windows, then yelled that he would kill me, then roared on his knees that he loved. It went on like this for 1.5 years. We left for another city, he followed us ... he finished it so that he had no strength, he lured his son to him, the son began to throw tantrums about what he wants to dad, etc. I returned to my husband ... The newly inspired love lasted 3-4 months, and everything ... everything is the same ... insults, zero attention, sex once a month, and by the way, everything that I ran away from ... Men do not are changing.

We live a little more than a year, the child is 7 months old. Before that, we had met for a year and to say that we didn’t swear was a lie. But these were other rubbish. I loved and cherished relationships very much ... With the birth of my son, I began to cherish my son more. The pregnancy was full of negativity, a lot of tears, and often, instead of supporting her husband, I heard his reproaches! In sequence. Starting with the fact that if I do everything myself, why get married and up to the fact that I was always in the hospital with a month-old baby (I slept an hour a day), I heard “why are you complaining to me?”. Through scandals, she taught me to count money, help with cooking ... She taught me not to climb up to me with the words "but my mother said" ... All the changes "in front" were given with a fight. But the ego takes it and takes new turns. He was the first to call me names - now I call him names regularly, the first one he sent - for which he was sent repeatedly. I always tried to do everything: cook, clean, wash, and keep up with a restless child. I regret it! It was not necessary to impose on yourself, it was necessary to sleep when there is time! Now I don’t want to cook for him, or intimacy (on a physical level). I've talked about what I want many times. I want attention! I want conversations in an embrace. But out of boredom, he does not talk to me, but calls his mother, friend, sister. His home is not where we are, but where his parents are. And I understand that they are in the first place, unfortunately! The second marriage, but he did not understand anything ...

Write what do you think?

KONSTANTIN STANYUKOVYCH

ADVENTURES OF A SAILOR

True story from the distant past

The maritime stories and stories of the outstanding Russian writer Konstantin Mikhailovich Stanyukovich "843-19 are equally read by beardless young men dreaming of distant voyages, and gray-haired men. The realist writer showed Russian sailors and officers in all their courage and fearlessness, in everything purely Russian, unconscious humanism, in all the purity of a beautiful and honest soul, in all selfless love for the native ship and the Russian fleet - in love that gives birth to the strongest maritime partnership, stormy and combat.
This book tells about the extraordinary adventures of a Russian sailor who, by chance, remained on a foreign American coast without comrades, without money, without a language. The story was out of print for almost four decades.

Dedicated to TOLYA FOKIN

At the end of October 185 *, the Russian military steam clipper Provorny stood on the big San Francisco roadstead. He had already been on a round-the-world voyage for a year, as part of the Pacific squadron, and was sent to San Francisco with a special commission from the admiral.
Small, all black, with a gold strip around, with beautiful lines lines, high spars and a snow-white chimney, the Agile was one of the elegant and foppish ships among several military and many merchant ships that stood on the roads under the flags of various nations.
On one of those wonderful days, sunny, warm and full of invigorating freshness, which are not rare in late autumn in fertile California, about two hours before dinner on the Provorny there was a sailing exercise. The clipper suddenly dressed in all its sails, then just as quickly remained again with bare masts. All this was done at a speed that was amazing even for a pedant sailor of the past, and, of course, in the midst of dead silence, broken only by the abusive shouts of the senior officer in command of the emergency, and the restrained abuse of the boatswains.
Indeed, the sailors worked as if mad, toiling with all their might and without thinking, it seemed that the slightest imprudence, the slightest yawn and a daredevil would fall off the yardarm, fall from a height onto the deck, smash his head and never get up again, otherwise he would fall over board, and it’s good if it’s in calm weather, when rescue is possible.
Looking at this feverishness of work, at these tense frightened faces of overworking people who risked their lives with courage, for no one and for nothing, it was immediately felt and understood that these people were overworking because of fear.
The sailors worked like crazy, not because they wanted to distinguish themselves, but because they were afraid of the officers and mainly of this tall, thin, red-haired lieutenant with excited, gray, small eyes and an elderly, short, fat man with a bulldog face, bordered by black gray sideburns.
Both of them - both the senior officer and the captain - concentrated, with stern faces, stood on the bridge and vigilantly watched the exercise, on which at that moment all their thoughts seemed to be concentrated. From time to time, both of them looked at their watches to check how many minutes this or that maneuver had lasted.
Still the sailors would not strain!
For a year now they had been “hoeing”, as they put it, on the “Agile” and knew perfectly well that for the slightest delay in work, for an oversight, even if it was unwitting, a laconic exclamation awaited them in the service: “To the tank! "- which meant punishment by molting.
In those distant times, strictness still reigned in the fleet, often reaching cruelty.
The captain and senior officer of the Agile, both excellent sailors and by nature not even evil people, nevertheless, according to the views of most sailors of that time, they considered it as if it was their duty to be mercilessly strict with the sailors. And, having hardened their nerves in the service from a young age, they were really merciless, especially the senior officer, sincerely convinced that only harsh punishments it is possible to train a sailor and keep the strict maritime discipline intact.

After several times they set and fastened the sails, the senior officer commanded:
– Marseille to change!
This work, consisting in the fact that it was necessary to remove the sails from the yard and tie in their place others brought from the skipper's cabin, was the "skate" of the senior officer. Needless to say, therefore, how they tried on both Mars. But the mainsailers this time lagged behind the foremarsers: these changed the topsail in eight minutes, and the mainsailers in ten.
A full two minutes difference.
To everyone's surprise, the senior officer did not even curse, but only shook his fist significantly at the main-mars.
- Well, the luptsovka will be healthy today, brothers! - whispered on Mars an elderly and seemingly "desperate" For-Mars Kiryushkin.
Kiryushkin uttered these words with philosophical indifference, which would have seemed somewhat surprising, at least in a person who had no doubts about the impending “bumping”. But he was not called "desperate" for nothing. Often punished for immoderate drunkenness on the shore, he hardened and considered it below his dignity to show fear.
All Mars, who were on Mars, waiting for the command “Down with Mars! ”- they listened to Kiryushkin in gloomy silence, with an air of submissive depression.
Only one young sailor, who had been in the service for only the second year, of small stature, thin and "puny", as the sailors used to say about him, characteristically defining his thin, insufficiently, it seemed, strong, stately figure, suddenly became whiter shirts, and the gaze of his large gray, unusually good-natured eyes rested on Kiryushkin with an expression of horror and fear.
- Will they fight? the sailor asked in fright.
- And you, Chaikin, thought they would give you a glass of vodka! Kiryushkin answered mockingly. - Probably uniformly polished. "Lanky" does not like to joke.
- And everyone?
- Definitely ... So that no one is offended! .. Yes, did you dismiss something from a fright? And also a sailor! Kiryushkin said angrily.
“Chaikin has never been flogged before. He is afraid! someone noticed.
“Maybe, Ivanych, they won’t fight us?”
- I bet they will! Kiryushkin spoke confidently and calmly.
But, looking at the frightened face of the young sailor, he added almost affectionately:
- Don't be discouraged, Chaikin... Don't be! A lot of "lanky" will not prescribe.
At that moment, a command came from the bridge:
- Down with Mars and Salings!
- Now the end of the teaching and polishing will be! - as if pleased with her proximity, Kiryushkin said and, together with the others, began to run down the shrouds.
Indeed, the exercise soon ended, and the senior officer, calling the boatswain, said:
- Mainsailers on the forecastle! Two non-commissioned officers with molts!
- Yes, your honor!
The boatswain moved away from the bridge and, heading for the forecastle, shouted:
- Mainsailers on the forecastle!
And Kiryushkin meanwhile spoke to two non-commissioned officers:
- Have pity on Chaikin, brothers: he is frail.
A minute or two later, in the midst of a gloomy silence that suddenly descended on the clipper, a handful of main-marshers lined up on the forecastle with Kiryushkin on the flank.
Then came the senior officer.
At the sight of this bunch of people, he felt anger towards them, as to the perpetrators of the fact that "Agile", so to speak, "disgraced himself", and with him he, a senior officer, who could be two minutes late with a change of topsail. In his eyes it seemed terrible, and the duty of service demanded that they be punished. But since it was difficult to make out exactly whose fault the hitch was, then everyone should be punished, not excluding the Mars foreman.
Chaikin looked before him in a kind of stupefaction with fear. An expression of horror froze in his big eyes with dilated pupils. From time to time he trembled with his whole frail body. And his white, quivering lips inaudibly whispered the same words:
- Lord Jesus, Holy Mother of God! Lord Jesus, Holy Mother of God!
And memories of a distant village suddenly flashed through his mind, where he felt so good and where he was never flogged and rarely beaten at home. He was always a diligent, hard-working guy. And in the service, it seems, he tries, climbs out of his skin.
The young sailor looked away.
Oh my God, it was good all around!
The sun, dazzling and burning, looked so merrily from above, from the height of the turquoise distant sky, on which there was not a cloud, and flooded with brilliance both the city, sparkling with its houses and greenery on the mountainside under the peaks of the sier, and a large raid with ships and scurrying steamers and boats , and curly green islands, and the deck of the Agile, playing with beams on cannons, on the copper of hatches and bollards, and on Kiryushkin's naked body. The sound of music, cheerful, cheerful, came from a large white double-decker steamer full of passengers, which passed not far away, heading from San Francisco to one of the green islands in the depths of the bay. Snow-white gulls soared in the air and shouted merrily, chasing one after another.
Everything around was alive, rejoicing, sparkling under the hot rays of the sun, and all this was a sharp contrast to the evil, cruel and terrible that was about to happen on the tank of the Agile.
The young sailor felt this, and anguish, aching, terrible anguish seized his heart, which was beating with fear.
And he whispered again:
- Jesus Christ! Holy Mother of God!

Two days later, immediately after dinner, the boatswain whistled into a tune and, bending over the hatch on the living deck, shouted:
- The second watch on the coast! Alive!
But there was nothing to say about "liveness". Rejoiced that they would break ashore and be in a different situation for at least a few hours, the sailors of the second watch hurriedly washed, shaved, put on clean shirts and boots, and took money out of their suitcases.
Kiryushkin thrust the only dollar he had into his pants pocket, anticipating the pleasure of drinking it all away. Chaikin, who did not drink his daily state cup and received money for it, carefully tied an English gold scarf in the corner and, in addition, hid two more dollars in his pocket - all his capital, counting on the shore to buy himself a jersey, two sailor shirts, a knife and some gift, in the form of a handkerchief, for the mother. He was her favorite and had not yet forgotten his mother's caresses, he had not forgotten the boundless grief of the old woman when her Vasyutka was recruited. In former times, the service of a soldier and a sailor was long, twenty-five years, and therefore mothers who parted with their sons-soldiers said goodbye to them forever. There was no one else for Chaikin to store gifts for the village: his wife died a month before he was taken to the service; his father was also dead, two brothers lived in the city, and Chaikin hardly knew them.
Chaikin also counted on walking around the city, looking at people who, according to the stories of old sailors who had previously been in San Francisco, live freely and well, and take a walk in the city garden. One countryman-sailor, who went ashore on the first shift, told Chaikin that it was very good there and the music was playing, and Chaikin, a big fan of listening to music, wanted to visit the garden if he found it. The young sailor still "did not deal with wine." He got drunk after two or three glasses of vodka and, most importantly, he was very afraid to return to the clipper in a drunken state. Although they exacted only from those sailors who got drunk to the point that they had to be lifted from the boat to the clipper on a rope, but still Chaikin was careful. However, he expected to drink a glass or two of beer. And what else is a party!
- Well, Vasya, are you going? - Kiryushkin asked, approaching a young sailor dressed up for the "shore".
- Yes, Ivanovich, it is interesting to go ...
- I'll tell you, Chaikin, you are a sailor in everything uniform, but you are afraid of molting, the spirit in you is cowardly. You should serve on the Golubchik: there is a different situation, there, Vasya, the commander is compassionate. You, in your mind, need to serve with compassionate commanders, that's what. Tomorrow they will tear me away again! - Kiryushkin unexpectedly added with a chuckle.
- For what?
- And for the fact that I'm getting drunk today! That's what!
- You would, Ivanovich, take it easy! said Chaikin, timidly and at the same time cordially, grateful to Kiryushkin for his intercession two days ago.
These sympathetic words of the young sailor, these meek, grateful eyes touched the reckless drunkard. And he, a constant scolder, who spoke kindly to almost no one and was ready to bark at anyone, not only did not get angry at Chaikin's remark and did not scold him, but, on the contrary, his look dark eyes, usually stern, now glowed with tenderness when, lowering his voice, he said:
- That's impossible, Vasya. There is such a reason! And I will lovingly tell you: don’t get used to this very wine, don’t eat it ... Well, and I ...
He did not finish his speech, smiled somehow bitterly, and, again assuming his wacky air, added:
- However, there is nothing to sharpen the fringes. Let's go, Chaikin, up!
When the sailors were ready and placed in front, the senior officer stood in front of the front and said:
- Be at the pier by seven o'clock. At half past seven the longboat will roll off. Whoever is late and returns on a freeboat will receive a hundred molts and will not be released ashore for two months ... Do you hear?
“Listen, your honor! Sailors answered.
“Well, remember, Kiryushkin,” the senior officer continued, coming close to Kiryushkin, “if you get drunk again, I’ll put you on trial ... You will rot in the prison companies ... Don’t forget this, robber!
- Yes, your honor! I will remember! Kiryushkin replied sullenly.
“I won’t regret it this time ...” the senior officer warned again, who, despite Kiryushkin’s desperation, still appreciated the dashing Marsman in him and for the sake of this alone did not put him on trial, so as not to lose such an excellent sailor.
The senior officer did not have the slightest doubt that Kiryushkin would return today in the form of a dead body and that the promise to hand him over to the prison companies would not be carried out.
Having instructed the boatswain of the second watch to make sure that "this beast" at least did not drink away his pants and caps and did not return to the clipper in what his mother gave birth to, the senior officer gave the order to put people on the longboat.
Five minutes later the longboat, full of sailors, rolled off the side. On the launch was a young midshipman, sent ashore to watch the walkers and to collect them on the boat at the appointed time. There were two non-commissioned officers to help the midshipman.