Your ex-husband is getting married. The new wife of the ex-husband: what to do and how to react? Relationship "ex-wife - real wife"

The divorce of parents is always a small tragedy for the younger generation. Whatever it was, but the child is very worried about family squabbles. But everything seems to be fine, almost everything has calmed down - the divorce is finalized, the parents live on different barricades.

Sometimes one of the parents can come and visit the child, exchange pleasantries with his ex-wife, take the child to the park or for walks every week. Of course, this is a real idyll, if this is how it always happens. However, it often happens differently: your ex-husband finds himself a new girlfriend for life. I would like to talk about this particular problem that is on the horizon: how to deal with a new wife and what part she is now taking in raising your common child. It is always worth remembering that a new wife is a woman who is always tense already due to the fact that her husband has children from a previous marriage or marriages. Ideally, of course, she will be a little nervous, because in the event of the death of the mother of the child, it is on her shoulders that the burden of raising someone else's child will fall. In the worst case, there will be constant tantrums and burning photographs not of her children. Therefore, it is necessary to find some optimal solution that would help relieve unnecessary stress both from the mother of the children and from the husband's new wife.

What should be done in this case? Now we will give you some practical tips to help you avoid negative consequences your divorce for the child. The first thing you should remember is that you have a child in front of you. This is not an adult and not a girlfriend in front of whom you can cry and tell the whole truth. You need to talk as little as possible about the grounds for dissolution of marriage with your husband. The child does not need to know all the subtleties and details of your family life and relationships. If for you your ex-husband is a huge bundle of shortcomings, then for a child he should be perfect father, and you have no right to destroy this idea with your child. You should also avoid negative comments about your husband's new life partner. If you have agreed on when the father will pick up the child and so on, then never build any scenes of jealousy because of the unwillingness to give the child at least for some time to another family. Even if the new wife accidentally dropped your child from the swing in the garden, or fed chocolate when he is allergic - you should not come up with new excuses. If this happens, then you need to correct this issue with the father of the child, the discussion has not hurt anyone yet. Say directly that you are unhappy that your child is being raised by your ex-husband's new wife while he lies on the couch and watches TV.

If you have kept a good relationship then your ex will understand this will go down the drain. If everything is much worse for you, then in this case you still do not have the right to denigrate the husband’s new wife and him in the eyes of the child. You need to create a positive image of the father, which will remain with the child for life and will not affect the relationship in the future.

After a divorce, children should communicate with their parents. This is an axiom. And all the negative that such communication can bring should be considered, probably, as a payment for a divorce.

Payment for the stupid things that were committed, payment for the inability to save love and family. I already see the objection - what is the fee? It's his fault! Okay, so be it. But did you ever choose it? This means that you take responsibility for your choice.

Responsibility is, of course, an unpleasant thing, it crushes. But you can close your eyes to it. And to make it easier, you can repeat - this is he, this is he ... And this mantra will even work for a while.

Only does not deprive problems. If your husband is very lucky with his new wife, then you should rejoice. For everyone. But usually, each new wife, and the husband (!), Is worse than the previous one or the previous one.

There is such a rule that I didn’t notice ... So, my dears, if your husband is lucky, and he got good wife, and he wants to communicate with the child, you definitely need to talk with his chosen one.

Yes, forget about your resentment, and about more "hot" feelings, if any, in relation to her. Sorry for this harsh truth. You need to talk to her, write to her, it’s whatever you like, but your task is to convey the following to her: - you will not try to return it back (if you don’t, of course);

- the child will not be used to return the ex-husband to the family; - you will never incite the child against her, on the contrary, you will try to explain everything correctly and correctly to the child.

These are the three main thoughts that need to be conveyed to the new wife of the ex-husband. And if she's good normal person, then everything will be easier. The child will see his father, communicate, walk, and visit with them.

It is clear that even the most good woman doubts may torment, but she will not show them. Although they are superfluous, for her own future happiness.

Everything is much worse if your husband, like a calf, was taken away from the family ... The woman who did this will always live with the thought that if he left once, then ... Maybe she can leave her. And first of all, she will try to securely fix it near her.

They will go through a period of adaptation to each other, which is already difficult, especially if they are not 20 years old. Different habits, different outlooks on life… All this will make itself felt.

And if the ex-husband wants to actively communicate with the child during this period, and if the woman on the other side is not distinguished by increased kindness and mercy, everything can end badly.

For you, sometimes I have seen this, everything can come out and not bad. Will be back! To do this, the new wife must begin to be jealous, show irritation and make various claims.

But he didn't dream about it. But to hell with it, the main trouble here is that some children receive serious mental trauma as a result of communicating with the new wife of the pope.

Children feel hostility, they feel that they are not welcome ... No, dad, of course, is happy ... But the second half can ruin everything. Therefore, it makes sense to talk with your husband.

Ask for a pause in his communication with the child, for a while. And if he does not go for it, then do not forget - talk to your new wife, and what to say - I wrote above. It will be better this way.

Ex after divorce married couple can support friendly relations, and can disperse enemies. It all depends on who initiated the divorce and under what circumstances. At the same time, the ex-husband may be actively interested in the life of the ex-wife, and there may be several reasons for this. Next, we will take a closer look at why the ex-husband is interested in the ex-wife.

Habit

Every person gets used to the environment. Therefore, it is difficult for men to adapt after a divorce to a new lifestyle. Now no one meets him after work, cooks food, does not wash clothes and does not give his love and affection. Men only after a divorce begin to truly appreciate their ex-wife. It is difficult for them to get used to loneliness.

This is a common reason why a husband is interested in the life of his ex-wife. In such cases, a man tries to return his ex-wife or find her worthy replacement. If you still have feelings, then you can try to improve the relationship. Otherwise, it is better to avoid meetings and not communicate in order to start a new happy life faster. This applies to both men and women.

Feelings left

Quite often, the reason is in the feelings that a man has left. He cannot forget his ex-wife because he still continues to love her. Therefore everyone tries available means return former relationship. He begins to look for casual meetings with her, calls more often and makes pleasant surprises. In addition, men can also be aggressive towards their ex-wives. In this case, you can return the old relationship or try to avoid the ex-husband. It all depends on the specific situation.

Jealousy

Most men are owners and want a woman to belong only to them. This is a fairly common reason why an ex-husband is interested in my life.

If a woman starts a new romantic relationship after a divorce, then the ex-husband automatically becomes jealous.

He cannot allow his wife to date others. Ex-husband mistakenly believes that after him a woman will not be able to start new life and will not be able to find a new lover. As a result, everything happens in reverse. When a woman is happy, ex-men don't like it and may be aggressive towards her. In this case, by all means, you should avoid meeting with your ex-husband. You need to forget about him and not answer the phone. This is the only way to start a new life.

Children

If after the divorce the children stayed with their mother, then this may also be the reason why the ex-husband is interested in me. If a man loves his children, he will try to give them maximum attention. At the same time, he will be interested in what conditions they live in and whether they have new dad. Therefore, the life of the ex-wife will be under the close attention of her husband. A father who loves his children wants a better future for them, so he is interested in every little thing.

It does not need to forbid the father to see his children. It is worth limiting your communication with your ex-husband. So he will not have a single reason to be interested in your personal life. Meetings and phone calls should be limited. The father should come only to the children and communicate exclusively with them. This will allow you to establish your personal life and push back ex-man to the background.

Psychologist's answer

Every fourth a divorced man in Russia marries his former wife. BUT every third would like to do it. And statistics say that up to 30 percent of divorced men seek help from psychologists and psychotherapists.

The reason for such ordeal of a man once inspired by a new lady is depression and a bitter feeling of loneliness. But why?

There is deep regret for what has been done. True, not immediately. In the first months after a divorce, pronounced depression in men is not observed. Yes, and obsessive memories of the past family life of our eagles, alas, do not haunt. Former wives are simply shocked because their yesterday's husband fluttered out of the warm family nest so easily.

But then, more precisely in the middle of the second year after the divorce, everything begins. Psychologists call this time the “Seventeenth Month Syndrome.” It is after this period that ex-husbands begin to have problems with themselves. Many of them are so confused that they endlessly eat everything, washed down with alcohol. They twitch, fuss, even work ceases to interest them. And the most amazing thing that happens to them is the loss of intimate desires. It is hard to believe this, because the unfaithful dreamed of some vivid sensations, different from ordinary intimacy with his wife. These symptoms also have their reasons.

Yes, everything is simple: a closer acquaintance with a new woman brings not only pleasant moments, but often resentment and disappointment. There are no less of them than the wife did, they criticize, reproach, charge them with exorbitant worries about new family. Yes, and their new women are also unfaithful. Such relationships turn out to be more impulsive than solid, which were with the former wife. They quickly change their ideas about freedom. It turns out that there is nothing unusual in the new chosen one. Very soon, the same ordinary intimacy begins that was with his wife. And most often, the dreams of a divorced man are almost never realized.

And the holiday does not work. Then a man begins to evaluate his previous family life more and more realistically. And what is surprising: the brightest episodes of the previous marriage emerge by themselves. What's next?

And then 65 percent of divorced men will remarry in the next five years. Many of them do not regret the divorce, but they are convinced that the first wife was better. Another 15 percent marry within 5 to 10 years of divorce.

Psychologists have been researching the “seventeenth month syndrome” a lot and have come to the conclusion that at this time most of the divorced think about returning to the family. Another thing is that not all ex-husbands are accepted back. But

or otherwise, two-thirds of men, three years after a divorce, consider their "ex" a more worthy person than a new wife or mistress.

Do husbands return after divorce?

Sometimes after a divorce, not even six months pass, as the ex-husband begins trying to return to his wife. Sometimes people from new families leave for ex-wives: there, all the difficult stages of family life must be passed over again, while in the old family much has been settled long ago and each other's habits have been studied. Only after leaving the family and returning to a single life, many men realize how much they loved their wife and children. “What we have, we don’t keep; what we lose, we cry.” In the male community, returning to a wife is often tacitly disapproved of, it is considered a sign of weakness, so many men do not dare to return, although they suffer from depression and homesickness.

Pavlov's dog

How often do we think about how important the established order of things is for us? Men quickly get used to the way of life established in the family. Next to his wife, it is easier, more understandable for him, he knows what praise will follow, and what can lead to conflict.

The wife becomes the "friend of life" about whom the husband knows almost everything (and who knows him just as well). It is sometimes difficult to refuse a three-course dinner cooked the way a man likes, from traditional walks with his son, and even from his favorite sofa, from which it is so convenient to watch football!

Calculating males

In many cases, a man is connected with a woman not only by a joint feeling, but also by joint property. Then the husband can return because it is expensive to pay for rent, and it was possible to live in the ex-wife's apartment almost for free. And with a joint budget, life was better than on one salary. Whether or not to accept a man who clearly needs to make his own existence easier is up to the ex-wife to decide. Such marriages can last a long time, but often there is no happiness in them. Sometimes, after a divorce, a man is left without a good job and cannot find a similar position. In such cases, sometimes a decision is made to return: for the sake of a good salary, for the sake of connections.

Dispersal field

Some men prefer to live “on two fronts”: they feel good in a new life, but they continue to perceive their former family as a place where you can always return if something goes wrong. They can spend several days a week in the family, take an interest in the personal life of their ex-wife (and even be jealous), promise that they will be back any minute. If the wife still loves her husband, such a life can go on for years. She will try to please him, be "perfect", and he will take it for granted. Most likely, the ex-husband will not return “for good”. Why, if he is already satisfied with everything?

the guest

I still wish my ex a happy birthday. And he me. And he knows that I have no feelings for the former. And recently, the ex-husband found him in classmates and offered friendship. She is married, two children. They talked, what's wrong with that? It is necessary to part when you are not loved, not appreciated, changed. Well, he wonders how his ex is doing ... I'm also curious about how the former are, they are not married.

I have the same garbage, but mine rarely comes in, it infuriates me and now I decided that I can’t stand it, it always slips that if interest hasn’t cooled down, at the same time they parted for a long time not a year or two, and as far as I know very parted badly, and then you see the interest, I moved to a foreign country, left him Good work and his life, interests, and this goat decided to act like that, so you decided to go live and delve into the past, and I want to look to the future.

neteraser

I agree, all normal people go to the pages former time from time to time) If of course there is such an opportunity. Sometimes you come across such bad ones that you don’t want to go in. There are many reasons. Over time, you will become less and less likely to view the page of your ex-husband. But this does not mean that it is necessary to completely get rid of it. Everything is fine, in short.

Andrey Krasavin

Probably wants to compare the degree of well-being of his and her life. Hoping she's a little better...)

Rinat Garifulin

No matter how much you feed a wolf, he will always look into the forest. If he looks into the past all the time, then his interest and strong desires remained there and they haunt him, he cannot control it. It seems to me that there are two options here: 1 to reorient him completely to himself, so that he does not have the desire to look into the past and this is not a matter of one day. 2 talk to him three or four times, posing the question with an edge like tie it up, etc. ... and wait, he will definitely show himself.

T-O-N-J-A

eh…. I admit, I’m also sinful 🙂 why? to make sure I'm doing better than them. too anxious, you have to constantly affirm that everything is fine with me, what I did right choice… maybe somewhere I perceive further life without each other as a competition. maybe there are other sides? but today what I can explain

kristi

but my ex-husband left me with a child 3 years ago for the sake of some kind of hack ... he still comes, but only drunk, and cries that he loves .... but goes to the one for which he left ... such an interesting !!! I'm already so tired of it all.

Your ex-husband - what should connect you with him? Probably, there should be absolutely nothing that should interest you in the personal life of a man with whom you divorced a long time ago.

Sometimes there is interest, because a new wife of an ex-husband appears. Often it just haunts and makes you think about a lot. But it's even worse when she interferes in your life already.

It is necessary to consider the situation from an unstable and unusual side. What should I do if my ex-husband's ex-wife writes letters to me? This question is asked by many women. In fact, there are not many options:

• React to it in some way and do something, but at the same time waste your time pointlessly. It makes no sense for you to even communicate, except perhaps out of interest.
• Respond to the letter and tell about what you are being asked. The option is not the most correct, because this way you will interfere in your personal life. But still, it's up to you.

But what can be in the letters? Now we will consider the most common situations and options for how to get out of them:

1. You may be asked for advice about family life. You'd better not give them, it's their life and you should not be interested in anything. Just ignore the woman in this case.
2. Letter of apology. This also happens, but you should not take everything too personally. Just also ignore the letters.

Jealousy is not needed!

If you're jealous because your ex-husband loves his new wife, it's time for you to go to a psychologist, as this is simply not normal. You must be aware of the fact that after a divorce, a person automatically becomes independent. You cannot control it, it is simply unacceptable. Yes, your ex may love the new woman, there's nothing you can do about it.

And why is the ex-wife interested in her husband's new life? Most likely, this is all the same jealousy that you just need to get rid of. What would you do if your love was interfered with? You would probably get very angry, that's obvious.

Ex-wife of ex-husband writes letters to me

If you broke up, show respect and forget about the person forever, this will allow him to build a new life, without your intervention. Willows, too, will be able to live the way you want, from scratch. You should just understand that by interfering with others, you create the wildest conditions of discomfort for them.

How to react to the new wife of an ex-husband? You do not need to react in any way and make harsh statements. It is enough to respect a person or at least treat him with respect, otherwise nothing is required of you. You don't owe a man, he doesn't owe you anything. Everything is extremely simple and clear.

If you suddenly want to intervene, remember that everything will come back like a boomerang. If you want to build a strong family, nothing will come of it. You will also fail, because someone will definitely interfere with you. Don't wish for others what you wouldn't want to experience for yourself. It is not difficult not to interfere anywhere, but it is difficult to rake up all the consequences later. Think and don't make mistakes.

Hello dear reader! You continue to maintain a relationship with your ex-husband for the sake of the child - do not deprive him of his father! And everything went very well, but until that moment, until she appeared - her husband's new wife. And now you can’t even imagine how you will send your child to visit dad, because there, of course, she is! How to come to terms with the presence of this woman in your life?

The attitude towards the wife of the former spouse depends on many things. By the way, you may not be aware of the reasons your anger or critical attitude. If you and your spouse broke up peacefully and his new passion is absolutely not involved in your breakup, then you may not have any claims against her. However, if it was she who was the “razluchnitsa”, then it’s not easy for you to forget this, and even more so to forgive her ...

Someone considers it an insult that a husband (already ex) has a new woman. “How could it be after me, so good, beautiful and smart, to choose“ this ”? And “someone is offended that the forces invested in the process of turning a “boy” into a real man, have gone nowhere after all, the fruits of these labors are reaped by another who has come to everything ready.

The totality of all these experiences will complicate relations with the new passion of the ex-spouse, and you no longer expect anything good from this woman. But…

Whether you like her or not, you will have to make contact with her, as she will take on the lion's share of the relationship with your child when he is visiting his dad. The father will play with the baby and bury himself in the computer, and "aunt Julia" will feed him help him with his homework, read fairy tales before going to bed.

It doesn't matter how you feel about this woman. The main thing is that she was kind to the child.

Say "thank you" to her?

But it's not easy for you to be grateful to your ex's wife for taking care of the baby. And this can be understood, because she has already taken your place as a wife, and now she is also becoming, in a way, a “second” mother of a baby.

And instead of gratitude, you express only dissatisfaction. You start criticizing her , trying to hide his anxiety: what if she turns out to be a better mother than you, and your child is asked to live with his father ...

Trust me, your ex's wife doesn't want to annoy you by trying to fix things with your child. She does it solely for the sake of her husband! As a result, don't feel indebted to her.

A child is not a toy!

If you have not yet completed the relationship with your ex-spouse, then they, of course, add fuel to the fire. If you want even a little bit to return your husband, you may want to achieve this through the baby.

Remember: children should never be involved in adult games! Don't try to turn a child against his father's wife. It will only make things worse . You should not hope that in this way you will be able to achieve your goal and return the man. And the worst thing is that you can lose the trust of your child!

Communication rules

There are many problems. However, it is still possible to establish relationships with the wife of the ex-husband.

When sending a child to visit his father, write instructions: what he needs to eat, how to treat, what time to put to bed, what to read before bed. It's in your best interest that everything goes smoothly.

Maintain direct contact (for example, by telephone). It is not necessary to convey through the ex-husband that the child should not buy ice cream. Call yourself and tell his wife everything. So he will know that you are friendly to his woman.

Don't try to keep everything under control. One phone call per day is enough to make sure all is well. Three or four is already a demonstration of distrust, and after the seventh, they are unlikely to communicate normally with you at all.

Everything will be fine if you understand two important points.

1. Your ex's wife is not to blame for the fact that you and your husband broke up, so you should not be angry with her.
2. A good relationship with this woman is essential to the well-being of your child.

Well, my dears, have you realized that you should not spoil your relationship with your ex-husband's new wife? After all, your child will suffer from this and life “like a cat with a dog” will not lead to anything good!