How to understand an ex-husband. How does a man behave when he wants to return? How to understand if a man will return

It is almost impossible to build harmonious relationships without quarrels and partings, and therefore many couples have to endure short-term separations. "What are the signs that he will return?" - a frequent question among women who do not want to interrupt a harmonious relationship.

The first signs of the return of the man

Signs that a man will return are very different. Usually, if a representative of the stronger sex wants to resurrect a relationship, he begins to get in touch with a woman. At first it looks unobtrusive and is an elementary correspondence, but gradually the beloved begins to look for meetings, and all this ends with a new round of romance.

Another sign that a man wants to resurrect a relationship is his friendly relations with a partner. If the guy is not sure that the romance should be ended completely and irrevocably, he tries to maintain a normal relationship with his passion. Moreover, former lovers communicate very often, a man consults with his girlfriend on various issues and is always ready to help. Sometimes such friendly communication does not result in anything else, but almost always it means that the man is not ready to end the love affair.

Sometimes men try to arouse jealousy and possessive interest on the part of their partner. That's why they try to appear before ex-girlfriend with a new lover. Also, a man can deliberately spread a rumor about his new romance through mutual friends. Thus, with the help of elementary jealousy, a person will try to awaken feelings in his partner, resurrecting her love.

Many girls pay attention to the fact that before the resurrection of a relationship, a lover often begins to appear in common companies. The guy is literally looking for a meeting, he wants to contact the girl as much as possible. As a result, they cross paths all the time at work or at mutual friends' parties. Sooner or later, such regular contacts will lead to the fact that people will begin to communicate better, building bridges for continuing relationships. Here everything will depend on the girl, because despite the fact that the stronger sex almost always takes the first step, men always expect responses from the partner, and without them they will not initiate further contact.

Very often, men who want to secretly resurrect a relationship begin to behave aggressively. In particular, they are rude to former lovers, trying to attract their attention and resurrect at least some feelings in their hearts.

How to behave if a man wants to return to a relationship?

Of course, one desire of the stronger sex is not enough to resurrect feelings, because here the consent of both parties is necessary. The girl herself should think about whether she wants the resurrection of the relationship, and whether she is embarrassed by the fact that the man can again disappear from her life.

If his return is received with joy, then proceed with caution. Firstly, you should not completely reject contacts with a man, but you should not communicate with him too much either. The representative of the stronger sex must understand that the girl has other interests and plans. Secondly, it is worth behaving with your lover a little coldly and detached. In this case, an incredible desire will awaken in a man to win a partner, to become part of her life again. Thirdly, the girl should also play a little on jealousy, perhaps appear in a common company with another man.

It is very important here that the representative of the stronger sex understands that a vacant place next to a woman will not always be free. As soon as he realizes that his beloved can be happy with someone else, he will definitely try to resurrect the relationship. There is no way to do without a serious heart-to-heart conversation. If people have already parted several times, then the woman should discuss her claims, try to emphasize that this resurrection of the relationship will be final.

In the first stages after the next resurrection of a relationship, a man will behave almost perfectly, flooding his partner with gifts and making amends. During this period, a woman should do everything possible to emphasize the integrity and harmony of the relationship. When the second half understands how important this relationship is for him, the desire to disappear and destroy feelings will no longer arise. Of course, it is impossible to glue broken relationships forever, but sometimes the feelings of partners are so strong that people simply cannot leave.

If the relationship broke up due to treason and assault, then it is not worth restoring them. The fact is that after reconciliation, the partners will have to forget about all the insults, and it is impossible to get rid of the memories of such a betrayal.

Sometimes, after a breakup, a man most of all dreams of resurrecting a relationship, but he cannot admit it to himself. A wise woman will always notice changes in the behavior of a former lover, indicating his feelings.

Instruction

First you need to remember that men disappear from your life from time to time. That is their nature. The reason for this phenomenon is the desire to arouse the jealousy of your beloved in order to once again be convinced of her love and increase your sense of self-worth. That is why it is necessary to find out what is the reason for this situation. Perhaps not so long ago you had a fight, or your relationship just stabilized, and the young man just wants a little freedom. Maybe he only needs to spend time with his friends several times a week, without you. In any case, before drawing conclusions, it is necessary to carefully analyze the situation, taking into account all the details.

Often, men tend to say rash words to their soul mates. That is why, if during a quarrel you hear the phrase “I don’t love you”, you should not blindly and unconditionally believe this. Most likely, this phrase was said only in a fit of anger, but in fact he does not think so. If he didn't have feelings for you, he would have left a long time ago.

If in your relationship there has been no warmth, affection and support for a long time, you should think about whether there are feelings between you. Of course, if your passion has just cooled down a little over the years, you can try to “rekindle” it again, but if it simply doesn’t exist, you shouldn’t try anymore. Yes, parting is not so easy, but sometimes this is the only way out of this situation. Just remember that nothing happens by chance in your life. Behind any parting there will surely be new meeting.

Before looking for an answer to the question "is a man", you need to analyze your behavior. Maybe you spend too much time at work, pay little attention to your beloved. Do not forget that a woman by nature tends to dramatize. From a small insignificant quarrel, they can inflate a big problem, make a molehill out of a fly. Of course, any event can cause people to move away, but this does not mean that your relationship is over. In any case, remember that if a man decides to leave, he will definitely inform you about it in a calm atmosphere.

You can understand one thing: when a man leaves forever, he will not contact you, will not answer your calls and messages, maybe even change his phone number and place of residence. Most likely, he will ask his friends not to tell you anything about his existence, he will simply disappear. The new relationship of your lover can also let you know that you will never be together again.

Hi friends! In this article I want to tell you about how to return ex-husband without resorting to violence) Ie. your loved one will ask you to return to him. Do you want to know how?

Of course you do! So...

He slammed the door and went on a free voyage, leaving you with nothing? Bitter and hard, but do not think that life ends there.

How to behave in order to return the sweetheart?

Let's talk about the reasons for the divorce, about your desire to return it, sort out the mistakes and consider tips for restoring the relationship.

Each of us gets used to his chosen one.

Now you are free. It seems that there is no need to defend one's innocence, there is no need to collect dirty socks around the house and drag responsibility for two - but the soul is empty as ever.

Or another situation: you were afraid of every quarrel and now you wake up lonely. You howl from longing, go to fortune-tellers, call him and spy on his page on the social network. Even if he often beat you up or, even worse, slowly destroyed your self-esteem.

In the first case, you are kept by the habit of the previous arrangement of life. You remember the old moments, which, if not ideal, then certainly stable. Are you scared to start over from scratch?

In the second option, you should think about whether your feelings are a love addiction? This state can be understood as love, but it is not fully.

In this case, you must visit a good psychologist to understand yourself.

Children are a separate story. It's hard to let go even unloved person if there is a child.

Should I keep the past?

Indeed, is it necessary to return the husband? Are there significant reasons for this?

Remember the reasons for your disagreements

Maybe the roads parted a long time ago, and the gap was the only acceptable option?
Or between you now and then aggression broke out?
Your option (reason) for divorce

Don't try to answer this question right now. Give yourself time to weigh the pros and cons, so as not to be led by impulses that can be fatal.

To begin with, you must understand that sadness and loneliness are completely normal feelings during loss. Do not give up these states, but also allow yourself to doubt the expediency of reconnecting.

So. Your action plan.

How to get your loved one back after a divorce?

If you have made a final decision, listen to the recommendations below.

Understand yourself

First, take a calm look at your marriage. Evaluate all the events thoughtfully, without offense and accusations: you need to find the exact reason for the breakup.

To do this, remember what specifically annoyed your husband, try to patch up annoying gaps. So you will learn to bypass painful questions or completely reduce them to nothing.

As a final touch, evaluate how much you are willing to change for the sake of reuniting with a young man. If this requires the abandonment of desires, aspirations and worldview - perhaps he is just a stranger.

If the initiative is yours

What to do if you are not thrown, but yourself? Try to bring the faithful to the conversation. Just don't try to do it intrusively - it's better to make an appointment on neutral territory, where you can dot the i's.

Moreover, wait at least a week for his resentment to dull. He's probably thinking about how he'll fight you back.

The conversation should be calm and unobtrusive. Remember that pushiness is an unspoken sense of possessiveness that will play a bad joke on you.

Listen to him, do not interrupt and do not try to prove your case. Accept his point of view, then express yours in a benevolent tone. It is possible that you will be able to forgive each other and start over.

With a mistress

Perhaps this is the most difficult situation for an abandoned wife - if he already has another. First things first, no matter how it hurts, recognize his right to freedom. As well as your own: let's know that you are not going to become an alternate airfield.

The best place to start is with a conversation. Let your ex-husband know that you only want to find out the negative aspects of marriage to the end. I hope you know that blackmail and pleading will only drive you apart.

The new passion cannot be criticized. You should not straightforwardly take the former away from his mistress.

It is best to pretend that you calmly accept this fact, and in general the world has not converged on it like a wedge. At the same time, do not pretend to be her role: hint at a noble, friendly relationship.

Invite him to joint events: walks with children, spending time with relatives, etc. Such a warm and neutral attitude will make him think about the correctness of his act.

But don't forget yourself! A man is not the meaning of your life. In your free time, do a hobby, surround yourself with fans and emphasize in every possible way.

Lack of feelings

You don't have to wait for him to leave. Even if he does not want you as a woman, this is a wake-up call.

Unfortunately, one thing can be said here: you cannot return feelings by force. Especially if the young man got married and left for another family.

It is necessary to bring the husband to a frank conversation. Having understood each other, disperse without unnecessary complaints and insults.

Sometimes it takes time to understand love. Give it to your lover. And take care of yourself: become the one he once proposed to.

He will ask you to come back

I am sure that this course can significantly help in your business. And, most likely, the former himself will come running to your house.

Conclusion

Human relationships are complex and multifaceted. We forget how dear to each other, and then we think how to return love.

It's not too late to go forward native person to rebuild relationships. Or at least understand the thoughts of those with whom they shared life and feelings, let go without hatred and empty hope.

Maybe start over from scratch. But this is a completely different story, and in order not to miss it, subscribe to new blog articles. A little lower there are social buttons. networks and for someone (including me) it will be very useful if you click on them. Thank you)

Love and take care of each other!

Always with you, Sasha Bogdanova

Today you are sure that you are doing everything right. I am convinced that people like you do not leave. You have no doubt that he is yours forever, the only one in the world who is able to listen, understand, sympathize, reassure, support, protect. It's today, and tomorrow... he can leave.

Marriage is a long voyage in a cramped cabin. And it's natural that nerves sometimes fail.

Maybe the reason was a banal trifle - finding out who the real Winner of Eurovision 2011 is, or discussing the family budget, but now - the man left. Just don't panic! Could it be that you no longer need it? Maybe you are just not yet able to understand that his departure is yours. Take a breath, think while there is time. But, if there is still something to fight for, then remember that, most likely, you will have a chance to fix everything. Because husbands most often come back.

After his departure, you "tear your hair" and are tormented by questions:

why did this happen to me?
Is he better with her than with me?
will he come back or not?

Why did he leave? It is possible and necessary to analyze your life with him, look for the reasons in yourself, in him, in your own ... Such an analysis will not hurt. Sooner or later, life makes everyone look back at the past years, experience the bitter feeling of parting with youth, with love. There is a need to rethink your priorities.

Comment on the article "Husband left. Will he return or not?"

“You won’t enter the same river twice” ... I have a situation, but I want my husband to take into account only with my daughter. All that happened in the past, I can’t be just his wife, I want everything to be honest. Just in the future I can make another man's happiness...
If it doesn’t work out, then let me exhaust happiness in this world, it’s all the same that it’s useless to renew it ... this is not the right person, not mine ...
To live on an animal habit, to have sex without respect, and pity, in principle, I could, but I don’t want to lie to myself.

02/20/2011 09:00:55 am

or return or not: 50% to 50%.

02/19/2011 20:18:00, sympathizer

Total 8 messages .

The husband returned from his mistress to the family - how to behave: advice from a psychologist

At that moment, when the husband returned to the family from his mistress, qualified advice a psychologist on how to behave as a woman-wife can become a saving "straw" for a disintegrating marriage. After all, to maintain composure and choose the best tactics of behavior when the heart is “torn” from resentment, and emotions are overwhelmed is not an easy task.

The husband returned to the family as a friend, father, breadwinner

A person can forgive a lot by giving this measure - forgiveness - in response to the offense inflicted. Something like this happens when a woman reunites with an ex-husband who ended the marriage because of another woman. Children, when they are in the family, also feel the change. How can they all live?

Come up with a legend for small child. Tell me that dad was leaving for work, to a distant country, on a difficult task.

Tell the older children the truth. They will understand everything.

Discuss again how expenses will be made, who will pick up children from kindergarten who is shopping. In other words, share the responsibilities. So life will quickly return to its former course.

Do not interfere with any communication of the husband with the children. Do not blackmail children's love for parents, it is the same for both.

Don't rush things. If everyone discussed and forgave each other, soon the relationship will be fully restored.

The husband returned to the family but continues to communicate with his mistress

The situation is painful for the wife, former or present. What to do, what psychologists advise when the husband returned from his mistress to the family, but the relationship with her is not over. How to alleviate your psycho-emotional state?

Determine why, for what reason you let the traitor into the house. What role do you assign him? Often a woman is afraid of losing a source of well-being for her children, as well as the absence of a significant - again, for children - a man.
Having established the cause, realize whether you can accept the situation without loss for your own psychosomatic health. Understatement, uncertainty are not useful and not needed.
If, upon returning, a conversation took place in which you and your husband set boundaries for penetrating everyone’s personal life, the conditions living together, do not return to this conversation again and again.
It is customary for lawyers to draw up a contract for different cases life. Also, a certain psychological contract can be drawn up between the spouses. Literally. On the paper. You prescribe the conditions of your life. Emotionally, this "document" will give some confidence.
Don't be afraid to act "somehow wrong." You have suffered and continue to feel hurt. I want to cry - cry. I want to swear - swear. If only not with children.
The husband allows himself not to hide the vice of adultery. You should not imitate, take revenge, especially by the same method, starting a relationship with another man. In the future, analyzing your actions, you will have to experience the bitterness of regret, repentance from your revenge, devoid of true feelings of attachment to its object. And the husband can not be returned in this way. So is it worth testing yourself and fate?

Most likely, a woman who lets a traitor into the house has an inexhaustible supply of patience. She realizes that former relationship do not return. Whatever their real status, spouses build qualitatively different relationships, not always positively colored, and sometimes fragile, like glass.

So, if you asked the higher powers for patience in order to survive the betrayal of your husband, the situation could be transformed in such a way that you will receive patience (and endurance) while living side by side with an unfaithful husband.

Husband returned home to become a husband again

Congratulate yourself if you are happy. Exhale with relief if you have been waiting for this for a long time. And build a new family.

Do not remember the one that separated you. Except in your own thoughts. And the worst thing you can do is compare yourself to her. That is, you can compare yourself without speaking about it out loud. After all, you spent more than one night thinking about why your spouse preferred another woman.

If she is younger, do some intensive self-care. If more educated, raise your own level of education. Slim - lose weight. Be patient - learn this gift. So you will become calmer and gain something good. But do not chase after a complete imitation of the image of a homeowner.

And the most important thing. The reasons for his departure once from the family, at this stage, are most likely completely obvious to you. So don't repeat the same mistakes. You have gained invaluable experience, passed the test, gained new knowledge. It will help you become wiser.

Manipulator. You can't run away

"Where is the comma?" - you ask. Answer: put it where you want. But only after you read this post and learn about manipulative men.

Relationships are serious business. Everyone has their own. People meet, meet, live together. Not without quarrels and scandals, where without it, but they are quite happy and satisfied. Sometimes they diverge. Sometimes they become close again. All this - normal course relations.

But there is one facet that is very difficult morally and psychologically - these are relationships built on manipulation. Such relationships 100% break the psyche of the victim, in our case, a woman who lives or even just communicates with the manipulator.

Why? Because you, dear girls, are completely losing yourself as a person, as a woman, as a mother. You do not have your own desires and aspirations. You lose loved ones and friends, often - work. You have only one "light in the window" - your man. And you turn into something amorphous and boring (forgive me for such offensive words, but this is true). You are completely destroyed at the end of such a relationship and find yourself with self-esteem below the plinth, appearance, exceeding your real age by five years and completely inert to life.

And it's not easy to get out of this state, believe me. I had experience living with such a manipulator. It’s a long story, so I’ll just share my experience: I’ll teach you how to recognize it, tell you what to do and how not to let yourself be broken.

Define the manipulator

Public opinion: A manipulator is such an aggressive macho who is sure that there are only two opinions - his and the wrong one. In case of resistance, she can also raise her hand so that the woman understands who is in charge in the pair.

Actually. A manipulator is most often a calm, sweet person who skillfully plays on your feelings of pity, responsibility, love, and conscience. In his hands you are a puppet, a puppet on strings. Do you remember Makarevich's: "Puppets are pulled by the strings, they have smiles on their faces"? Yes, it's you. Do not be indignant at once, but finish reading, and then analyze. And then throw slippers and rotten tomatoes at me if I'm wrong.

Manipulations can be a wagon and a small cart, starting from: “Darling, I really want to spend this evening with you. Don't date your friends (mother, colleague) today" to: "I know what kind of music you listen to. Only limited people listen to this kind of music. Whatever the wording, the manipulator has one goal - to make you fulfill HIS, and not YOUR desire.

Come on, quickly strain your brains and remember whose wishes are always fulfilled? Not yours? Are you doing what you want or not? Here's something. You are already a victim. Start the fight.

Intuition helps a lot in determining the manipulator. In women, it is much more developed than in men, we just, for some reason, always dismiss it. Listen to yourself. If you, when communicating with a man, have at least some vague feeling that not everything is going smoothly here, then everything is really not going smoothly here!

Manipulation options and solutions

There are incredibly many of them, you can’t describe everything in a short article, but I tried to highlight the most basic ones.

Option one. Seems like a concern

At first, of course, everything will seem very romantic. He cares so much about me! He loves me so much, he is ready to spend all the time with me! Oh, he opened my eyes to my girlfriends! They just don't want my happiness! He chooses my clothes! He tells me how to cut my hair and what manicure to do! Blah blah blah.

My good ones, don't you think such concern is excessive? You can consult with him on what color to dye your hair or whether to insert a diamond into your tooth, but it's up to you to decide.

And if you received a negative, offended silence or the words “you always do everything your own way” in response to your independent decision, then this is the number one bell.

Words he usually uses:

Why do you need this?

You don't need this.

I don't think it's necessary.

Now I will tell you the best way to do it.

How to react: Make it clear that you care about his opinion, but you have the right to decide for yourself how long a skirt you wear or when to arrange a session with girlfriends. And in no case do not let yourself be drawn into an argument, quarrel or mutual recriminations! He is just waiting for this to prick you more painfully! “Calm and only calm!”, as the positive person Carlson said.

Option two. Feelings of guilt, resentment, fear

When the manipulator realizes that you have swallowed the bait and firmly sat on the hook, he will begin to press harder, trample, using the methods of humiliation, insults and intimidation. “Something hurts my heart. If you go away and leave me in this state, then you are heartless!" And you, the savior, once again miss a workout or a meeting with friends in order to take care of the unfortunate little man, who simply cannot do without you for a couple of hours.

Or, as one manipulative American husband did to keep his wife under control: he laid out books and articles from newspapers around the house, where the husband kills his wife, cleaned his gun every night and sharpened knives. To say that the wife was in a panic is to say nothing. He was imprisoned for psychological abuse, but it's there, in America. We do not provide for such actions in the laws of punishment. As they say, "when you are killed, then come and write a statement."

Girls, my dears, this is all aimed at suggesting to you that something is wrong with you. Inspire a sense of guilt, appeal to conscience, convince that it is simply impossible to communicate with you normally, because you are inadequate. Whatever happens, the manipulator will turn the situation around so that it is you, not him, who will be to blame.

If your man often uses words such as:

Of course, I'm wrong, but YOU are much more wrong ...

Do you remember two months ago...

Yes, that's who you are!

If it weren't for you... then I would...

Think! This is the second call. After such words, you inevitably begin to engage in self-blame, you feel bad, sad, hurt, and the manipulator watches and smiles inwardly, realizing that you are reacting as he needs.

A little later, he will condescend to you, if he wants, and come to console you. And then you will say to yourself that “he is so good, I did it wrong and that's why we had a fight. I will be more attentive to HIS wishes and requests.”

Congratulations! You are already fully online!

If you are constantly gnawed by feelings of guilt or resentment. If you always think about how and what HE will say, then you are communicating with a manipulator. It is a fact.

How to react: No way. That is absolutely. Silence and calm. In no case do not enter into an argument and do not try to prove that you are not a horse. Will not help. And ruin your nerves for one or two. And still be guilty!

Option three. Sense of responsibility

A manipulator will never take responsibility for anything in a relationship! This is a given. This is a priori. Never! You are always responsible for everything that happens. When you try to figure out what is wrong in your relationship, he will play up, translate the conversation, ask counter questions, but he will never answer directly. He will listen to you and pretend to agree with your decision. Make it look! He is a puppeteer, and he needs you to think that you are the one who decides everything. Is there such a thing in your relationship? This is call number three.

What do you think?

I totally agree with you.

Think and decide what you want.

No, it's not like that at all...

How to react: If a man does not want to talk about your relationship, shifts responsibility on you, then you simply do not take it. Step back and say that if you can’t decide together, then there’s nothing to talk about at all.

And leave, girls. Leave for good. No, not even that. RUN, BABY, RUN. No regrets, no regrets. Without yearning for good moments, which, by the way, you yourself invented and painted in bright colors.

If a man does not talk about relationships, he does not see them. He doesn't want a future. But you are comfortable with him. For self-assertion. For a sense of power. For a sense of personal superiority. And for nothing else. There is no smell of love here.

Unfortunately, the format of the article does not allow you to more fully describe everything that a manipulator can (and does!) With you, but if you are interested in this topic, write in the comments, I will definitely continue it and tell you about how to start living again after such debilitating relationships, how to restore your self-esteem and become happy again. There is experience!

Yes, such a creature is difficult to recognize. But you can.

How to behave with your husband

“A young wife must not forget that she is not alone now. Relationships are destroyed by indifference, when a man returns home, but they don’t meet him, no one rejoices at him. By the way, that's why men get dogs. Or lovers...

Men don't take hints. Problems begin when a woman's fantasies begin to drastically differ from reality.

For example, a woman is waiting at home for her husband, who, on his way home from work, will drop into a flower shop and bring her a huge bouquet of roses. But he doesn't. How are events developing further?

The woman, of course, takes offense and sits, sighing nervously. The husband tries to find out what happened. But the wife thinks that he himself should guess. But he doesn't realize. There is a scandal here and the whole evening is ruined.

- Strange, but it is better not to discuss serious issues with a hungry husband.

- A man himself should decide how it will be better for him and a woman should not do it for him. He is an adult and lived before that without a wife all these years. So let him decide what to wear, where to go, etc. With her decision, which was imposed, a woman infringes on the freedom of her husband. And men don't like it. Therefore, before deciding something, a woman should think about whether it is her problem?

You can't force a man. There are women who demand the fulfillment of their desires, if not yesterday, then this very second. And it does not matter to her at all, the man is tired and does not care about his plans. Drop everything and do as your wife asks. Maybe a man will fulfill all the requirements, but up to a certain point. And at that very moment it will explode.

- A wife should not be a bore. The constant lamentations about a broken cistern, a leaky faucet, and an uncleaned Christmas tree nothing good will come of it. Women are naturally very cunning, so why not use your gift?

- You don't need to reach out. A man began to do something in the house, a woman should go to another room and not go in with her advice if she doesn’t want to receive an answer: “do it yourself if you don’t like it!”

- Can't be manipulated. It happens in a fit of anger, the wife says that she will go to her mother, her friend and begins to pack things. In the process of packing her things, she thinks that he will come now, but he does not go. It must have been like that with every one. There are two options for resolving the situation. First - the husband himself will come and ask not to leave. The second - the woman will go to her mother, and the man will not stop her just because he thinks: since she decided so, let her go.

- No matter how insulting it may be, one should not stoop to dirty insults during a quarrel. Sooner or later, you will have to put up with it, and offensive words will be remembered for a long time, and in the next conflict, resentment will manifest itself with renewed vigor. And each time it will be more difficult to put up, conflicts will become more protracted.

“Husband should not be denied sex. He also got married in order to have stable sexual relations. Health problems need to be addressed with a doctor and the husband should be aware of them. Well, if a woman simply does not enjoy intimacy with her husband, then let her turn to a sex therapist.

And in no case should you use sex to achieve some of your goals and achieve concessions with it. Such manipulations are unlikely to lead to something good. Many women stepped on this rake.

- Do not poison your husband's life with your jealousy and suspicious questions. Even worse is quietly checking your phone and rummaging through your pockets. And if not a single clue is found, thoughts of a carefully hidden crime come into my head.

All problems can be solved by talking about them. In almost a hundred percent of cases, this rule works. There are two exceptions to the remaining percentage. In the first case, you need to change your attitude to the situation. For example, almost every woman simply hates when men's socks are scattered around the apartment, and nags her husband for this, scolds, takes offense. But if a man has no other shortcomings, let him have at least one and he is not so terrible as women think. The second case is extreme. Get divorced if the attitude to the current situation cannot be changed.

How to behave with your husband? The question is strictly individual, but these tips should not be neglected.

Why do men leave

People fall in love and get tied up serious relationship. As a rule, everything starts out great: flowers, sweets, kisses, going to restaurants. The couple cannot imagine existence without each other. But there comes a turning point, and everything ends. Lovers lose the thread that connected them, and cease to understand whether they need this relationship.

Often a man becomes the initiator of the gap. There can be many reasons for a breakup. For example, a woman does not suit him in bed, she does not cook well or is too imposed, she ceases to take care of herself or take care of her missus. Some representatives of the stronger sex leave simply because they are tired of being with the same chosen one, it seems to them that they will find something better on the side. And some go straight to other women.

Why do men return

After the departure of lovers, women try to forget about them and start new life. They meet new men and form new relationships. And everything would be fine, but often the former suddenly burst into their lives and turn everything upside down.

Why do men do this? The reasons can be completely different:

The man realized his mistake. If the reasons for leaving your beloved were not so specific, the representative of the stronger sex can quickly realize that he messed up firewood. Perhaps he entered into a relationship with another lady and compared her to his ex, who won in all respects.

The man felt alone. Perhaps he dreamed of remaining a bachelor, but the cherished freedom did not bring him anything good, except for complete loneliness. Where should a man go in this case, if not to an abandoned bride?

The man could not forget his beloved. Having parted for any reason, many people realize that they have lost true love.

The man wants revenge. If the couple broke up, to put it mildly, not as friends, the former can return only to ruin the life of his offender. Perhaps he saw that his woman is happy without him, and is trying to establish a relationship with her, so that he can hurt her again. Unfortunately, there are such "cadres".

Should you go back to your ex?

It is not so important why the man decided to return, the main thing is to understand whether it is worth letting him do it. People say that a broken bowl cannot be glued together. Most of the time these words are true. Moreover, it is necessary to think about this for women who have already found a new soul mate.

Alcoholism is a terrible scourge of modern times, and this trouble can visit almost any family. And addiction creeps up unnoticed. If at first alcohol is drunk only occasionally, in order to relax, relieve stress, then over time this hobby becomes rampant and becomes the main goal of the drinker. Friends and family members fade into the background.

At the same time, the drinking person does not even understand that he turns the life of his household into a real hell. Relatives are faced with the topical question of how to behave with an alcoholic in order to restructure his thinking and set the desire to be treated for alcoholism? Psychologists say that the ability to conduct dialogues with an addict is a real science that needs to be learned.

The main thing that should be understood by women who are destined to become wives of alcohol addicts is that it is not necessary to live for the well-being of a drinking husband. You can't babysit an adult. Namely, such tactics are sometimes chosen by women. What are their main mistakes?

excessive guardianship of the drinker;
lack of conversations concerning the problem of drunkenness;
removal from their shoulders of all responsibility and duties at home.

A woman sometimes becomes a “man” herself, starting to earn money, dragging all the problems on her shoulders. Hiding his misfortune from the neighbors, and never reproaching the eternally drunk spouse, while trying to quietly and independently pull the reveler out of the next drinking bout.

The illiterate behavior of a woman with a drinking husband will sooner or later provoke severe depression, chronic fatigue and thoughts of suicide in her.

If you turn into a nanny with a drinking husband, then very soon the behavior of an alcoholic in the family will become dominant. Everything will revolve around his desire and even the next bottle of alcohol will be purchased on time. In this case, of course, the desire that the husband parted with drunkenness will forever remain only at the level of a dream. Women make the same mistakes when there is an alcoholic son in the family.

The guilt that beloved men cannot overcome addiction, in this case, falls on the shoulders of a woman. Their boundless patience exacerbates the problem, especially when they begin to consider such an abnormal state of affairs habitual, writing down the drunkenness of a husband or son on their heavy karma.

Psychologists advise to radically change your attitude towards drinking relatives and, above all, to change behavioral tactics. Only in this case, you can correct the situation and get hope for the recovery of your beloved men. For a competent relationship with drunkards, it should be understood that it is absolutely impossible to indulge them. On the contrary, it is necessary to act with strict and unconditional methods.

How to behave

Women who have to live with alcoholic family members need to remember the main thing - the addict must realize that his addiction is becoming a big problem. And first of all, for himself and also for the rest of the family.

And for the spouse to understand this, it is necessary to understand how to communicate with an alcoholic. Psychologists advise the following:

Stop solving their problems for the drinkers. Let the person be aware of the consequences of drinking. That is, you should not shield him in front of the management, helping to invent versions of non-attendance at work due to drunkenness.
Don't give a hangover. Let the drunkard survive all the unpleasant symptoms of withdrawal. Otherwise, a hangover runs the risk of provoking another long drunken state.
Do not give empty threats and do not promise to do what is a priori impossible, thus trying to influence the behavior of the drinker. An alcohol-addicted man often resembles a little unreasonable child with his behavior. If at least once he does not fulfill his own threats, the drunkard will realize that these are just empty words, and he will calmly continue his drinking lifestyle.
Refrain from drinking alcohol on your own. If a husband or son drinks heavily, a woman (mother, spouse) will have to forget about alcohol. Otherwise, drinking men will no longer perceive her as an authority.
You can't react with aggression. Arrange for the next binges of beating dishes, screaming, scenes, tantrums. Remember that a person who is in a drunken state can become inadequate, not in control of his own actions. And bright aggression from a woman can become a catalyst for insanity. It could end up pretty sad.

For women, one simple piece of advice should be adopted. Conversations with alcohol-addicted family members should be based on reasoning and logic, but not on emotions.. You should be able to recognize provocations and not follow the lead of the addicts, trusting empty promises.

When communicating with a drinking son or husband, it is necessary to conduct a conversation as objectively as possible, based on logical, understandable reasoning.

Drunkards should be made clear that in the event of another breakdown by a woman, the most radical measures will be taken, up to and including calling narcologists and compulsory treatment. A psychologist, discussing how to behave with an alcoholic during a binge, gives the following helpful tips. They should be known and used.

Do not hide the fact of drunkenness

Let everyone know about this problem: colleagues, subordinates, neighbors, relatives, bosses. This can affect the consciousness of a person (if it still remains) and significantly reduce the number of drunken states. When a man returns home after another drinking bout, do not be shy and smooth this situation.

It is necessary to awaken the conscience of the drunkard. When a person becomes ashamed of his behavior in front of others, this becomes a weighty argument in favor of the idea of treatment.

Know and always remember that it is possible to deal with the binges of a close man only in harsh ways, sometimes even mercilessly. If a person does not want to be dishonored, if he still values his position and name, the next time he will think about whether it is worth plunging into a drunken pool or taking up treatment and coping with alcohol addiction once and for all.

Deprive the drinker of free time

Life in the same family with a drinking man should become rich and not lazy. You should try and deprive the drunkard of free time. After all, it is the presence of idleness that sometimes becomes the start of a new drunken state.. A woman needs to learn not only to have interesting and entertaining conversations, but also to contribute to family life something new and exciting.

When choosing an exciting activity for a drinking son or spouse, you should not pursue your interests and impose an activity that obviously will not attract a man.

In this case, memory will help. After all, life with a person did not begin from the moment of his passion for alcohol. It should be remembered that he was once interested. Moreover, the woman will have to get carried away with this occupation herself. Not only to revive a long-forgotten interest, but also to share it completely. In this case, you can attract non-drinking friends or colleagues.

After all, when a person is constantly among a sober social circle, the number of drunkenness is significantly reduced. Especially if the circle of interesting and necessary acquaintances not only does not welcome alcoholism, but also despises this way of life. Being among sober faces will make it easier for the drinker to get rid of their own addiction.

Make you think

The fact that a drunken husband can lose his wife, and a drunkard son can lose his mother's disposition. This is a rather radical method, but sometimes it becomes the most successful. The spouse should be made clear that other men who lead a sober lifestyle earn much more (after all, they do not have to spend money on vodka, but work time for binge drinking and withdrawal).

It is necessary to get the drinking spouse to understand that sooner or later the wife will get tired of such an existence. And she will simply go to another, more successful and teetotaler. With regard to the son, one should awaken in him the realization that if the mother turns away from him, he will be useless to anyone, without a livelihood, delicious mother's dinners. To be on the sidelines of a life that risks ending too soon.

How to behave during periods of sobriety

Sooner or later, but any binge ends. And there is a period of brief calm. It is this time that becomes the most favorable for a heart-to-heart talk with a drunkard.. But it is necessary to conduct conversations wisely, namely:

do not interrupt;

be able to listen to a person;

do not praise for the fact that he is not drinking now;

give significant, important arguments;

speak in a calm tone that inspires confidence;

try not to touch on past “drunken” behavior at all.

It's time for the woman who fights for safety family relations and the health of loved ones becomes the most important and responsible. You should throw all your strength into ensuring that the drunkard realizes that he has a deadly problem and agrees to treatment.

How not to lose trust

Own behavior when communicating with loved ones, a woman needs to carefully consider and constantly control herself. This is necessary so as not to lose trusting relationship(if they still exist).

It is the trust of drinking family members that can play a decisive role in their future and make them open their eyes to their problem.

All the behavior of a woman, her communication should be built in such a way that a person after a binge does not feel humiliated and does not turn away. You can lose trust in just a minute, but it’s not always possible to regain it. To do this, it is worth arming yourself with the following advice from a psychologist:

you should not ask questions about whether you drank or didn’t drink, where you were, with whom you talked;
do not take a drop of alcohol in your mouth, preferring soft drinks;
you can’t sniff (sniff) a person who has come home to find traces of alcohol consumption;
it is categorically not recommended to recall past events, a person’s behavior during drinking parties, quarrels with him and the nuances of “drunk” events;
giving up holidays or visiting celebrations is a bad idea (communication and a change of scenery during this period of remission will only benefit the drinker).

The main thing a woman needs to know is that all her efforts are aimed only at the future. The memory of past binges should be irrevocably left in the past and forgotten about.

Remember that it is extremely difficult and difficult to cope with such a disaster alone. Therefore, you should purchase support as soon as possible. more of people. And you should not drop everything and run away to your mother at the first breakdown of your spouse, or put your son in complete disregard. For competent communication with a drunken alcoholic, you need to remember about constant vigilance, otherwise there is a high probability of a quick breakdown and leaving for another drunken state.

Therefore, under no pretext should a man be allowed to visit alone, for gatherings. You should put aside all your own affairs and become his accompanist in this case. It is necessary to direct all efforts to ensure that the drinker understands that sobriety is not some kind of achievement, but an ordinary reality, the norm of life. Otherwise, in the sober moments of life, an alcoholic will expect a special attitude towards himself, and drunkenness will remain the norm for him.

Summing up what has been said

With a competent approach and skillful behavior, a smart woman is able to transform a constantly drunk man into an "occasional drinker." And to make sure that if he begins to drink in the future, then without going into long bouts. It is possible and necessary to fight alcoholism. Especially if the closest and dearest people drink too much.

Every effort should be made, directing them to pull the relatives out of the drunken pool, in which many people have already perished. And soon the drinker himself will understand that maintaining a healthy (sober) lifestyle is much better than constantly drinking. Indeed, in addition to family comfort, both career and health itself will go uphill.