Guided child 5 years old what to do. A teenager and bad company - what should parents do. Leaders and Followers

Your child is very obedient and reliable, never argues with you, and in the company of children always agrees with the rules of the game of more active comrades. He happily shares his toys, compliments everyone and never comes into conflict, even if he disagrees with something.

Such children are called slaves. In order to understand why the baby has developed such a character trait, one should understand in more detail the reasons that caused it.

Usually, children who are under the overprotection and subordination of their parents, but by temperament, do not find the strength or sufficient motivation to resist such a state of affairs, become followers. Usually phlegmatic, melancholic or sickly, not very active children become followers.

In relationships with peers, guided children automatically transfer their relationship with their parents to relationships in the group. Conformist children often become followers. Sometimes the motive for such behavior may lie in the area of ​​fear of loneliness. The child is afraid that if he does not accept other people's rules of the game, no one will be friends with him.

The result does not leave itself waiting long. Such children are often the target of jokes and banter, as they are unable to fight back. They are teased by various offensive nicknames. In games, they always get the most disadvantageous roles, their opinion in the group is never taken into account, more active children begin to command and push them around.

It is not difficult to model the future of such a child. In everything agreeing with the opinion of the group or the crowd, such people will take on the role of a follower in the future. Obeying their parents, they choose the wrong profession, which they would like to do, the wrong type of activity, and if they are under the influence of their comrades, they often commit anti-social acts.

All this leads to dissatisfaction with their lives, nervous breakdowns in the future. Therefore, it is necessary to correct the behavior of the slave child with early years when passivity has not yet become a dominant character trait.

What do you need to start working with? First of all, explain to the child that his opinion must be defended. Even if the baby does not agree with the opinion of the parents regarding his life or life, he needs to argue, and not unconditionally agree. It is important to develop leadership qualities in the child and the ability to defend their opinion. To do this, in every possible way encourage any independent action of the child: an offer to play a game, go for a walk in a particular place, etc. Never put pressure on the baby with your authority, it is impossible for the child to get the impression that the parents are the last authority, from which only directives come that must be unconditionally followed. It is important that the child understands that parents can make mistakes too.

Teach your child to say "no!" This is a very important ability to refuse a person if for some reason he cannot fulfill the request. It is not necessary to agree on everything even with adult authoritative people. This will help the child in the future not to fall into the "hook" of those comrades who persuade him to try alcohol or drugs, call for illegal actions.

Ability to say “no” when necessary will help the child grow up as a self-sufficient and conscious person who is able to go through life, focusing only on his own goals and ideals, able to achieve his own.

Teach your child to argue and defend their point of view. Start disputes with him on a variety of topics and at the same time yield to him. Consider the opinion of the child, let him put his ideas into practice, because theoretical reasoning alone will be of little use.

Play with the baby in games in which he will act as a leader, managing any part of life. For example, let him be the father of the family, and you be his daughter, that is, in a situation where social roles are changing.

All these measures in combination will correct the child's behavior and will not allow him to be a pawn in the hands of more active friends, will allow him to become more decisive and independent.

“Alena seemed to have been replaced,” a colleague complains about his daughter. - She was a quiet, obedient, domestic girl, dressed modestly, did not conflict with me, studied. Now she has become rude, dresses provocatively, the skirt barely covers her ass, I feel the smell of tobacco from her from time to time. And all the new girlfriends, girls from dysfunctional families, it was they who taught her everything. What to do - I won’t put my mind to it! Of course, the changes that Alenina's mother talks about would not please any parent. What is the reason for this behavior of the "home girl"? And what did her mother miss? What could she do to avoid the pernicious influence on the personality of the child from the "informal leaders"?

Leaders and Followers

Children, like adults, are leaders and followers. What this means does not need to be explained. Of course, all parents want their child to be the leader in the company of peers. Fathers of boys especially insist on this - they are flattered when their son grows up as a “real man”. But - unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately - not all people are born leaders. Fortunately, because to imagine a team, a family, a world, finally, consisting of leaders alone is simply terrible - here it is not far from bloodshed. Is it worth it to be sad if your child is a follower (we are not addressing ambitious dads, but sane parents who want their children to be happy)?

Probably, there are no reasons for sadness after all. Well, in fact, you are not sad, say, because your child was born in the winter, and not in the summer? So the "statement" should be taken for granted. In the end, if we talk about the future of such a child, there are a lot of professions where leadership qualities are not required. This, for example, all creative professions. Well, why should a writer, artist or actor, journalist be a leader? Whom should they lead? Unless, of course, the actor wants to become the chief director of the theater, and the journalist - the chief editor. But a career can be made without pronounced leadership qualities: their absence is compensated by high professionalism, ambition and ambition, enterprise, the ability to make the necessary connections, finally. Another thing is if your child is spineless. Let's talk about this in more detail, because this property of character can lead to very unpleasant consequences. The task of parents is to influence the personality of the child just so that this quality is eradicated.

Convenient baby

Let us recall the words of Alena's mother, which we cited at the beginning: "quiet, obedient, domestic girl", "did not conflict." Mom seemed to complain about the fact that earlier it was easy and convenient with the child, the girl could be controlled. And now Alena tried to show character, get rid of parental influence, perhaps even pressure. But since she does not have character (that is, independence, decision-making skills), she, having ceased to obey her mother, began to obey her friends. If everything goes well for her, if she is lucky and she does not fall into a very bad company, then she will continue to obey her husband, boss, etc. in the same way.

It turns out that what her mother was so happy about should actually be alarming.

If you are used to making decisions for a child, if you answered each of his “I myself” from early childhood: “You can’t. You don’t know how, ”if you chose friends for him, if you constantly repeated that you know better what to do, because you are older, smarter and more experienced, then don’t be surprised if he, having ceased to obey you, begins to obey another person. I would like to hope that this other does not teach him bad things. What if he does teach?

Let kids make mistakes

What to do? The answer is simple - to educate an independent person. May your child not be a leader, may he never reach the top career ladder and will not, say, run for president. But he must have his own point of view on any problem and be able to defend this point of view. If you are a parent of a preschooler, now is the time to start working on this. How? There are several rules that must be strictly followed, even if there is a great temptation to ignore them.

First, never offer a ready-made solution, even in small things. Create situations where the child will have to make a choice. Invite him to decide for himself what kind of porridge he will eat, what clothes he will wear, where will he go walk.

Secondly, do not suppress his initiative. Of course, you want to wash the dishes faster and finally relax, and not wait until the child floods the floor in the kitchen with water and dilutes the dirt in the sink. Stop yourself. Do not tell him: "Don't, better play." Be patient and wait for him to wash everything. Then, when he goes to bed, wash both the dishes and the floor in the kitchen. Not many people, it must be admitted, find the strength to do so. But those who find it, believe me, are rewarded.

Teach him to defend his position. How? First of all, by personal example. Do not ban just like that - Gleb Zheglov could say as an argument: “I said!” You will have to explain any prohibition: “I don’t allow it because ...” they offer to play with a preschooler or junior schoolchild in the game "Cunning Debater". The host puts forward a thesis, suppose: “It’s bad to quarrel because ...” The rest must prove this thesis. Theses, of course, should correlate with the age of the participants in the game.

Work on bugs

Well, what about Alena's mother and other parents who have discovered that their children are ready to obey anyone, including marginal peers?

First, what not to do.

First of all, we want to warn against a very common mistake that can only aggravate the situation. In no case do not forbid a teenager to be friends with those who you do not like - you will cause a backlash. Do not try to say nasty things about these people who are not nice to you - you will not achieve your goal, on the contrary, the child will try to find a counterargument to your every argument, so that these same marginal friends in his own mind will turn into knights without fear and reproach.

Now what to do.

Get to know these friends. No matter how unpleasant you feel, invite them home. Let the child's communication with them take place on your territory.

Talk more with your child, walk, travel. Try to become his friend and interlocutor. This will not happen immediately, it will take time, but if you are patient and persistent, you will take a place in his life, gradually crowding out "bad friends", your influence on the child's personality will be stronger.

Boost his self-esteem. Praise even for trifles, do not humiliate, do not emphasize his shortcomings. Let him gain self-confidence - there will be a chance that over time he will stop being "led" to the cheap tricks of leaders who gather around him a weak-willed and spineless flock.

Teach your child to say no. This skill will be very useful to him in life. Explain that you can step over yourself, your beliefs only in rare cases, which in your life once, twice, and counted. In all other situations, you should not allow yourself to be manipulated.

Yes, and by the way, think - and not change something in yourself? Russian teacher Ushinsky said: "Only a person can educate a person." Pretentious, of course, but essentially true, isn't it?

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Guided child 5 years old what to do

Guided child: what to do?

Guided child: what to do?

Your child is very obedient and reliable, never argues with you, and in the company of children always agrees with the rules of the game of more active comrades. He happily shares his toys, compliments everyone and never comes into conflict, even if he disagrees with something.

Such children are called slaves. In order to understand why the baby has developed such a character trait, one should understand in more detail the reasons that caused it.

Usually, children who are under the overprotection and subordination of their parents, but by temperament, do not find the strength or sufficient motivation to resist such a state of affairs, become followers. Usually phlegmatic, melancholic or sickly, not very active children become followers.

In relationships with peers, guided children automatically transfer their relationship with their parents to relationships in the group. Conformist children often become followers. Sometimes the motive for such behavior may lie in the area of ​​fear of loneliness. The child is afraid that if he does not accept other people's rules of the game, no one will be friends with him.

The result does not leave itself waiting long. Such children are often the target of jokes and banter, as they are unable to fight back. They are teased by various offensive nicknames. In games, they always get the most disadvantageous roles, their opinion in the group is never taken into account, more active children begin to command and push them around.

It is not difficult to model the future of such a child. In everything agreeing with the opinion of the group or the crowd, such people will take on the role of a follower in the future. Obeying their parents, they choose the wrong profession, which they would like to do, the wrong type of activity, and if they are under the influence of their comrades, they often commit anti-social acts.

All this leads to dissatisfaction with their lives, nervous breakdowns in the future. Therefore, it is necessary to correct the behavior of a slave child from an early age, when passivity has not yet become a dominant character trait.

What do you need to start working with? First of all, explain to the child that his opinion must be defended. Even if the baby does not agree with the opinion of the parents regarding his life or life, he needs to argue, and not unconditionally agree. It is important to develop leadership qualities in the child and the ability to defend their opinion. To do this, in every possible way encourage any independent action of the child: an offer to play a game, go for a walk in a particular place, etc. Never put pressure on the baby with your authority, it is impossible for the child to get the impression that the parents are the last authority, from which only directives come that must be unconditionally followed. It is important that the child understands that parents can make mistakes too.

Teach your child to say "no!" This is a very important ability - to refuse a person if for some reason he cannot fulfill the request. It is not necessary to agree on everything even with adult authoritative people. This will help the child in the future not to fall into the "hook" of those comrades who persuade them to try alcohol or drugs, call for illegal actions.

Ability to say “no” when necessary will help the child grow up as a self-sufficient and conscious person who is able to go through life, focusing only on his own goals and ideals, able to achieve his own.

Teach your child to argue and defend their point of view. Start disputes with him on a variety of topics and at the same time yield to him. Consider the opinion of the child, let him put his ideas into practice, because theoretical reasoning alone will be of little use.

Play with the baby in games in which he will act as a leader, managing any part of life. For example, let him be the father of the family, and you be his daughter, that is, in a situation where social roles are changing.

All these measures in combination will correct the child's behavior and will not allow him to be a pawn in the hands of more active friends, will allow him to become more decisive and independent.

modnuesovetu.ru

Guided kid. How can parents prevent this? If parents do not give the child freedom, all decisions are made for him, they do not have confidence in his natural ability to benefit from anything, both from mistakes and trials, his development is closed only around himself, the safest thing for a child is only they themselves, and their advice and instructions are only the most correct, then the slave child lives and grows up with such a position.

Slave child - what to do, how to fix it?

Slave child - what to do, how to fix

Friendship is the union of two or more people who have some similar interests and hobbies, or vice versa, the union of opposite people who are able to complement each other.

Around the age of four, the child is already trying to cooperate and assign roles and tasks in games. By the age of five or six, the baby is not yet striving for self-affirmation.

At this age, something else is important, that is, some kind of common cause, and it does not matter whether it is a simple conversation or a game. The main thing is to be together with the little one.

Right now there is a new feeling of doing something for a friend, a desire for partnership. And we adults know perfectly well that not everything is so colorful outside the house, the baby will meet grief and even disappointment there.

Friendship in no case can be consumer, because its basis is mutual assistance, friendship should benefit everyone, and not just one side. One of the friends should not always be in the role of a lifesaver, a true friend will not be silent if his comrade intends to do something bad or a big mistake.

If your baby does not occupy a leading position in the team, he is a valuable member of the group, as he has his own opinion and has his own view of what is happening. So the leader can show the direction both good and bad.

When a child is a slave, he tries to find his place in a peer group, he tries to fit in with the group, but since he lives in a strong subordination of his mom and dad, he will also take the place of a subordinate in the group.

Other children, alas, are able to recognize a trouble-free child very quickly and use it to their advantage.

For example, in kindergarten, such a child will do those tasks that no one wants, on the playground, play roles that others do not like. When conflict situation, such a child will be pushed around and will support the side of the strongest, despite the fact that the truth may be on the other side.

How can a child learn to distinguish a negative example from a positive one? The child is driven - you need to try to teach to think regardless of what is happening and intrusive from the outside.

To do this, he must - first: be able to set his goals, achieve the tasks that he has outlined, believe in his own strength, be able to say no to those who are trying to take him aside. The second is to give yourself a healthy and realistic assessment.

How to help a child develop leadership qualities or just become a person?

Is your Follower child far from the leader? Do not be upset, because no matter how soft your baby is, impressionable and gentle, developing the qualities of a leader will only benefit him. The main thing is just don’t overdo it, you don’t need to force the baby into what he is not, who he will never be able to become, and most importantly, he doesn’t want to!

The child should be given as much freedom as possible, let him accumulate experience in solving various problems and minor difficulties. Through them, the child learns many skills that will form in him confidence and awareness of his own Self (“I know how to do it”).

If you live in a private house, you can buy a playground and equip a yard for playing, invite children to play with your "master of the situation." For parents of children living in high-rise buildings, we offer to order a playground at an affordable price by collecting money from all over the big yard!

Let your child invite many different friends to visit, among them, someday there will be a kindred spirit for your child, a true friend.

Teach your child to look for differences in the thoughts and actions of different characters, heroes - what they are (courage, envy, devotion, anger), how to treat them and how to react to them. Focus on which friends are real and which are false. When you read, sometimes get distracted and ask, for example: “How are you The Snow Queen? Why is Gerda looking for her little brother?”

In order for the Guided Child to cope with his indecision and insecurity, make up several situations in which courage and firmness are needed, and play them several times.

The child needs to be trained on those moments where he is faced with aggression in his address, where he is forced to do something bad and turn a blind eye to something. Here are some possible situations: You are advised to run across the road in a dangerous place. Explain your position on this matter. Or: your friend is bullying a girl or a younger child. Stop it.

With a child, you need to dream together. Imagine yourself walking around fairy forest and save a little bunny from a gray wolf, and then help him find his family. Imagine how you are in space or at the bottom of the ocean, trying to fight thirst, walking through a hot desert, and so on. It is necessary to use positive associations more often: “imagine yourself strong”, “imagine yourself on a fabulous horse”.

The child needs to be told that people are all different, everyone has their own opinions and preferences, what everyone likes is simply impossible. But we can always be honest with ourselves and with people. Teach your child to correctly express his attitude towards peers, whether it is good or bad, and even to refuse what is unacceptable to him. Speak with conviction, looking the offender straight in the eye.

The child does not need to be scolded and punished for failures and mistakes. Let the mistake be a valuable lesson, not a feeling of guilt.

Parents need to teach the child to always finish the work that has been started. Offer your help to him if something is not working out for him.

To teach a child to be able to laugh at himself, only those parents who know how to laugh at themselves and who take care of the personality of their babies are capable of.

You can play fat aunts, dress up as clowns or shaggy uncles and wait until the child himself wants to take part in this game. When a child who is not confident in himself tells you: “I'm funny, look at me” - then you won!

Parents should welcome any undertakings of their child, support all hobbies and hobbies. Even if they change several times a day, they enrich the worldview of the child, help him in further self-determination.

How to teach a child to trust himself?

Before you say your word and help others to accept themselves and understand, you first need to correctly assess your personality and individuality. The child must understand his value and not sell it for cheap.

The love of parents can help in this child. Let your child feel that they don't have to do anything special so that they can feel your love. Let the child be sure that you love him very much, and this does not depend on whether he is beautiful or not, successful or not at all. Our negative assessments underlie the complexes of children.

Parents need to recognize the child's right to their own opinion. Only the person who has the choice is able to bear responsibility for the decision he has chosen.

And if the slave child did not right move? In no case do not say: “I told you, I warned you”, these words, as it were, imply satisfaction with the failure that has occurred. It’s better to say: “yes, it didn’t turn out quite the way you thought. But you need to think about how everything can be improved.”

The follower child learns to make decisions on his own and sometimes makes mistakes in them, but the main thing is that he himself will learn to correct them, and then it will get better, he will not stop trying and will not be afraid of the consequences. This is the first step towards taking responsibility for your life.

Parents need to recognize the success of the child, even if they expected much more from him. You need to focus on achievements, and you should not get hung up on failures.

Parents need to ask the child if he likes the way they call him. After all, mom and dad very often do not even suspect that with their seemingly “harmless” nickname, they can lower the child’s self-esteem.

You should always try to change negative thoughts into positive ones. Once a child came from a walk upset, dissatisfied with the fact that he had told a rhyme badly, or that he had broken, lost or soiled something - do not scold him. Not all artists sing well, not all historians know mathematics. Try to support the child here too with joy in your voice: “Can't overtake? But how well you jump!” “Not everyone has to be football players, someone has to be an artist!”

The child definitely needs to say words of praise, and not just “well done”, but “what a beautiful tree he painted, smart girl” or “how cleverly you throw the ball”. The slave child must understand that all parental praise is given for any achievement and it is much more valuable. a simple word"clever".

Come up with positive attitudes to do something for yourself and for the child. For example: “I am the bravest”, “I am the kindest”. At the end of the day, you can talk about those things with which you have proven your kindness and courage.

You can play this game: “I boast a little, but it doesn’t mean that I am arrogant.” When a child does something, let him pronounce new pseudonyms: “I am the most skillful artist” or “I am the most accurate ball thrower”.

Your Child needs to be taught so that he is not afraid to do some undertakings. For example, afraid to climb a children's ladder? “Today we can climb just one step and just stand, and tomorrow we will climb one more.

Let your child grow and learn according to their mental, physical and even emotional abilities. Before the child, set more often any feasible tasks that will certainly be successful. Then the child will believe in his own strength, in himself and will try more.

The child should always be listened to carefully. It's a lot of work for mom and dad to get away from TV or housework. Why is this needed? Then, when communicating, people look into each other's eyes, trying to understand the interlocutor's thoughts, motives and feelings.

Recall also your childhood experience. Your personal life examples and stories will be an invaluable experience for the child.

The child is driven - we will completely fix it!

sosed-domosed.ru

My son is driven

Not every child who was led in a peer group falls into bad company. These things are not related to each other at all. And it is better to be a “follower” in a good company than a leader in a bad one. Whether your son becomes a leader or not depends on what opportunities were given to him by the Creator and his parents. If he has a penchant for leadership and he has not been beaten by domineering parents, he has every chance of becoming a leader. And then he himself will decide who and what he should be.

If you mean spinelessness, readiness to obey anyone and everyone who starts to give orders, then this is a completely different problem. It is called " low self-esteem”, which entails an unwillingness to take responsibility.

When a child treats himself as a creature of little value, weak, stupid and unsuccessful, he will readily submit to any guidance, even of very low quality. That is why the Soviet government (like many other authorities) put so much effort into the humiliation and trampling of the human person. Sheep are easy to manage. People are difficult.

Therefore, the most the right way to teach leadership - to increase the child's self-esteem. This is not a quick matter, and it must be treated seriously and responsibly, because self-esteem is the foundation of a person's whole life.

First of all, the child must be treated in such a way that he understands and FEEL that he is loved (see "love languages"). He needs to be praised a lot: with or without reason. Soviet upbringing said that it was not necessary to praise, well, perhaps for a feat, but it was necessary to indicate more what had not yet been done. This supposedly helps a person to become better. And if he just behaves well, then there is nothing to praise for, it should be so. The true goals of such an ideology - see two paragraphs above. Downtrodden people automatically become followers.

Check - why is it unprofitable for your son to be a leader? How do you, his parents, feel about the manifestation of his leadership qualities? To unwillingness to obey instructions, for example? To the desire to do what he thinks is right? In the answers to these questions, you can find the answer to your first question ...

Praise your son, notice any of his successes, even the smallest and most insignificant. Convince him that he is smart, strong, wonderful, talented. Support when he is having a hard time. The main property of a leader is to rise after falling. To teach this, you need understanding and patience, you can’t rush him to “rise”. Learn to criticize without offending, and reduce the number of instructions given to him. Then he will have the opportunity to learn to respect himself and develop as a person.

And even if he decides not to become a leader in his company, he will be the leader of his life, a person who has principles, knows how to set and achieve goals, makes decisions independently and rightfully enjoys the respect of others.

toldot.ru

Not to be led: how to teach a child to have an opinion

Modesty and tact is, of course, good. However, it must be remembered that in order to succeed in life, you need to have your own opinion on various issues, as well as be able to express and defend your point of view. And you need to learn this from childhood. It depends on whether the parents take into account the opinion of their crumbs, whether they allow them to make some decisions on their own, it depends on whether he will have his own opinion in the future or whether he will become a follower.

Well, who is he like? - laments my friend Ira, mother of five-year-old Timofey. - Today, on a walk in the garden, I threw my hat into a puddle. I ask why, he says, Ilya said so. He obeys this Ilya in everything!

How to get rid of such a statement? To do this, it is necessary to instill in the child a sense of self-worth. And the certainty that his own opinion, opinion little man just as important as anyone else's. Even an adult. And also the ability to defend this very opinion.

To begin with, consider whether you are allowing your child to make their own decisions that the family accepts and supports. For example, he chooses where you go on the weekend, he comes up with a scenario for his birthday or expresses his wishes regarding food. Can he choose clothes on his own, decide with whom to play? If all this is difficult for him, it's time to start acting.


So that the child does not grow up as a weak-willed and passive person, psychologists advise parents to adhere to several rules. They are simple, but for some reason they are always forgotten.

1. Do not impose your opinion on the baby and always be interested in his preferences.

If you ask a question what kind of T-shirt (dress) he wants to wear, after receiving the answer, agree with his choice. If you see that the choice is clearly not suitable, explain the reason (reasonably), and offer other options.

By the way, this will help to cope with such a problem as children's whims. For example, a child does not want to go to kindergarten. You ask if he's going to wear a penguin T-shirt or a plaid shirt today. The child switches to the problem of choice, and the hysteria about the kindergarten fades away.

2. Advise, but correctly. Push for a decision, but don't decide for him.

It should be exactly advice, tips, but in no case swearing. Otherwise, the child will have a negative attitude towards parental advice. Yes, yes, in a few years it will be rolling your eyes at the ceiling just at the sound of your voice. Regardless of the quality of the advice.

You can just hint that in this case he does not do the most the best choice and immediately explain why and how he should act in such a situation. But if he insists on his own, then there will be some consequences for which he will have to bear responsibility. And then let the kid decide for himself what is right.

Children's obedience is directly related to sleep

3. Listen to the child - and hear.

Listening is not only hearing the sound of a voice, individual words and whole phrases. It is important to understand the speaker, and not only washed away, but also the child's perception of this topic, his feelings and emotions. Give the child feedback: he must understand that you hear him, you are interested in his opinion. And in no case do not cut it off in mid-sentence: “In short, we do this…”

4. Never answer a child's question with the phrase: "Because I said so!"

Firstly, this formulation does not explain to the child why it is necessary to act this way and not otherwise. Secondly, if he gets used to the fact that only mom (dad) decides everything, what kind of personal opinion can we talk about? He will understand that it is much easier to take a ready-made solution and stupidly follow the instructions.


5. Let me be in charge.

Let the kid "turn on the boss" and decide something for the whole family. In this case, of course, we are not talking about any serious issues or problems. Here we are talking about such things as, for example, a joint walk. Let the child choose where you will go with the whole family for the weekend. So the baby will feel that his opinion is really appreciated and taken into account.

6. Talk with the child on an equal footing - without sarcasm and irony.

Depending on how you talk to your child, when he shares his thoughts with you, tells you about something, it depends on whether he wants to continue doing this. You may think his experiences are silly, but in no case make fun of them. Psychologists also advise not to pat a child on the head or on the shoulder; for children, all this is a pronounced disdain. How to pat a dog on the back of the neck.

Why is all this necessary? Then, in order not to fall under the bad influence in the future. After all, if a child understands that his opinion is not empty sound, which means that he will be able to defend this very opinion later. And it doesn't matter where it will be: in communication with peers, in a school discussion or at work. And most importantly - the baby will not be led, blindly following someone's example.

You don’t need to raise children: 11 commandments of a real dad

Scientists have figured out where leadership qualities come from

My son is in a group of his friends, unfortunately, a follower. I am very afraid that, having matured, he will fall under the influence of "bad company." How to develop a sense of leadership in a child?

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Answered by Zlata Greiber

Not every child who was led in a peer group falls into bad company. These things are not related to each other at all. And it is better to be a “follower” in a good company than a leader in a bad one. Whether your son becomes a leader or not depends on what opportunities were given to him by the Creator and his parents. If he has a penchant for leadership and he has not been beaten by domineering parents, he has every chance of becoming a leader. And then he himself will decide who and what he should be.

If you mean spinelessness, readiness to obey anyone and everyone who starts to give orders, then this is a completely different problem. It's called "low self-esteem," which entails an unwillingness to take responsibility.

When a child treats himself as a being of little value, weak, stupid and unsuccessful, he will readily submit to any guidance, even of very low quality. That is why the Soviet government (like many other authorities) put so much effort into the humiliation and trampling of the human person. Sheep are easy to manage. People are difficult.

Therefore, the surest way to teach leadership is to increase the self-esteem of the child. This is not a quick matter, and it must be taken seriously and responsibly, because self-esteem is the foundation of a person’s whole life.

First of all, the child must be treated in such a way that he understands and FEEL that he is loved (see "love languages"). He needs to be praised a lot: with or without reason. Soviet upbringing said that it was not necessary to praise, well, perhaps for a feat, but it was necessary to indicate more what had not yet been done. This supposedly helps a person to become better. And if he just behaves well, then there is nothing to praise for, as it should be. The true goals of such an ideology - see two paragraphs above. Downtrodden people automatically become followers.

Check - why is it unprofitable for your son to be a leader? How do you, his parents, feel about the manifestation of his leadership qualities? To unwillingness to obey instructions, for example? To the desire to do what he thinks is right? In the answers to these questions, you can find the answer to your first question ...

Praise your son, notice any of his successes, even the smallest and most insignificant. Convince him that he is smart, strong, wonderful, talented. Support when he is having a hard time. The main property of a leader is to rise after falling. To teach this, you need understanding and patience, you can’t rush him to “rise”. Learn to criticize without offending, and reduce the number of instructions given to him. Then he will have the opportunity to learn to respect himself and develop as a person.

And even if he decides not to become a leader in his company, he will be the leader of his life, a person who has principles, knows how to set and achieve goals, makes decisions independently and rightfully enjoys the respect of others.

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