Why does a child have low self-esteem? "Mom, why am I nobody": how to raise a child's self-esteem and make him self-confident. Praise but don't overdo it

“I can't be a footballer. I'm too weak", "I'm so worthless that I can't even study properly at school." If your child often uses such phrases, then he has low self-esteem.

But you are not alone: ​​parents all over the world face this problem. The task of parents is to help the child solve problems with self-esteem in time.

Consider what self-esteem is and how to develop it.

What is self-esteem

In psychology, self-esteem is understood as a subjective assessment of a person. Simply put, self-esteem is what we think about ourselves. Does it matter what children think of themselves? Yes. The child will one day become an adult. And then his self-esteem will play an important role in his life choices.

Self-esteem can be high or low. Children with high self-esteem have a feeling dignity, a positive self-image and self-confidence.

Self-esteem does not determine a child's chances of academic success, but it can affect whether or not they feel happy.

Development of self-esteem in children

In children, self-esteem develops quite early, and parents play a very important role in its development. Since parents have the greatest influence on a child's life, everything they say and do greatly influences his thinking. Let's look at a few ways to develop healthy self-esteem in a child.

• Children who feel loved and accepted by their parents learn to love and accept themselves. When you hug a child and tell him kind words he feels loved. Sometimes just your smile is enough.
• Focus on your child's strengths, not weaknesses. Encourage him to use his talents without feeling embarrassed. At the same time, help your child identify his weaknesses and find ways to correct them.
• Encourage the child to succeed well. But we don't always succeed. Let your child know that sometimes it's okay to lose. Teach him how to deal with failure and explain that success is not a measure of value.
• Developing new skills can inspire a child. Teach your child new skills, even if not of paramount importance (for example, growing plants, cooking, changing a tire in a car, etc.). This will boost his self-esteem.
• Having a choice makes a child feel good. Give your child the opportunity to choose from time to time. It also teaches him responsibility and makes it clear that every choice comes with certain risks. Start small: let your child choose clothes for walking, food, toys, etc. And only after that motivate you to make life decisions on your own.
• When you solve any problem (whether big or small), you feel a sense of accomplishment. Therefore, next time, do not try to solve problems for the child, but teach him to cope with them on his own. This will increase the child's self-confidence and self-esteem.
• Teach your child to take care of themselves and others. Talk to him about the importance healthy lifestyle life and the need to take care of yourself. Teach him to follow the rules of personal hygiene and dress well. This will boost his confidence.
• Children are naturally curious and eager to try new things. If your child shows interest in any activity or sport, don't interfere. Encourage your child to try new things, but warn them of potential difficulties and risks.
• For example, if a child wants to take up martial arts, let him do it. But explain to him that it takes practice and perseverance, which means that he will have to get up early and train every day.

Reward is important, but praise can do more harm than good. Frequent use of the words "wonderful" or "amazing" can backfire on a child. Psychologists say that too frequent praise interferes with the development of independence in a child. Some children are uncomfortable with hearing too much of their own praise, and therefore they may make a special effort to prove that their parents are not entirely right.

Games and activities to develop self-esteem in a child

Praise may not be the key to developing self-esteem and intrinsic motivation in a child. But they can be developed through games. Let's consider some of them.

1. "I"

Does your child love himself? Is he proud of his achievements, or is he just ashamed of his shortcomings?

This simple activity will help you find the answers to these questions.

You will need: chart or drawing paper, old magazines, glue, scissors, felt-tip pens.

How to perform

1. Ask the child to write on a piece of paper words that characterize him. These can be both positive and negative characteristics.

2. Then suggest focusing only on the positive things people have said about the child.

3. Stick a photo of your child in the center of a sheet of paper.

4. Invite the child to fill in the space around his photograph with positive words that characterize him.

5. Place the resulting collage in the child's room. This will enhance his positive self-image.

2. Listchild's life achievement

An effective way to boost a child's self-esteem is to remind him of his successes.

You will need: sheet of paper, pen.

How to perform

1. Give your child paper and a pen.

2. Write on the first sheet of his life achievements. Leave space below so the list can continue.

3. To remind your child that he has great potential, invite him to talk about his achievements every night before bed.

The daily list of achievements reminds the child that he is capable of more and develops his self-confidence.

3. Positive experience

This can be a group activity that can be done with friends or family.

You will need: vase or box, cards, place to play.

How to perform

1. Invite the children to stand in a circle and give them one card at a time.

2. Have the children write their names on cards and put them in a vase. Shuffle the cards.

3. Each child should draw out a card with someone else's name and write on it one positive quality of this person.

4. Collect the cards and place them back in the vase.

5. Return the cards to their owners and let them read what others have written about them.

4. "I'm afraid, but..."

Fear can prevent a person from doing anything. This activity will help the child face their fears.

You will need: paper and pen.

How to perform

1. Ask your child to list their fears on paper. For example, he may be afraid to go to the pool due to being overweight, performing in front of an audience, or asking someone out on a date. Sentences should look like this: "I'm afraid to go to the pool because ...", "I'm afraid to speak in front of people because ...".

2. The second step is to imagine how the child does what he is afraid of. Have him imagine signing up for a pool or performing in front of an audience.

3. Form a habit in the child: every time he writes down his fears, he should write down the possible results if he tries to do it. Together with negative consequences, he should write phrases like: "Even if I get very worried when speaking in public, nothing bad will happen." This will ease the child's fears.

5. Activity for mother and daughter

A mother is the strongest role model in a little girl's life. This activity will help the girl to increase her self-esteem.

You will need: whatman paper, felt-tip pens or markers.

How to perform

1. Make two posters on which write "I" in large three-dimensional letters so that you can enter the text inside.

2. Similarly, make two more posters with the words "My mother" and "My daughter".

3. Give your daughter the posters that say "I" and "My Mom" ​​and invite her to write positive words about herself and you into the outline of the letters. Fill out the other two posters yourself.

4. After that, exchange posters and read what is written on them.

The hardest part of this activity is getting my daughter to write something positive about herself.

6. Responsible duties

The child develops self-esteem, knowing that he is trusted. The best way to do this is to entrust the child with responsible work.

How to perform

1. Make a list of tasks that your child can do (for example, water houseplants, walking the dog, vacuuming the apartment, etc.).

2. Every time a child does a good job, praise him, but don't overdo it. If he makes mistakes, help him correct them, but do not focus on it. This will strengthen the child's self-confidence and improve their self-perception.

7. Visualization

Our negative thoughts can weigh us down so much that we can't imagine anything good. If your child lives just such a period, this lesson will help him.

You will need: a quiet place where the child can relax.

How to perform

1. Find out why the child has a negative attitude towards himself or what he is afraid of.

3. Invite the child to imagine and write down the ideal outcome of an event they are worried about.

4. Then invite the child to close their eyes and imagine how they would feel if this happened.

5. Have him write down how he feels when he visualizes the ideal situation and what he thinks about himself.

8. Changing the internal dialogue

Negative self-talk greatly affects a child's self-confidence. Regardless of what others say, your opinion of yourself is what you truly believe. This activity will help the child change the negative internal dialogue to a positive one.

You will need: paper and pen.

How to perform

1. Divide a sheet of paper into two columns. Write “Negative Beliefs” on one side and “Positive Beliefs” on the other.

2. Have the child write down in the first column all the negative beliefs they have about themselves.

3. Then help him turn his negative beliefs into positive ones. Statements must be clear and appropriate to the child's abilities.

First you can show the child an example. Tell him how you change negative beliefs about yourself into positive ones.

Your child's beliefs about the need to think positively may not work. Children act more based on their feelings than beliefs. Engaging a child in activities that remind him of his abilities is more effective than telling him about positive thinking. Remember that you have a great influence on the child. Use this influence to boost his self-esteem, but don't overdo it.

One way or another, low self-esteem depends on the child's perception of himself, on the environment, on which family he lives in. The problem arises at a time when parents pay little attention to their children, do not praise for good deeds and do not give the opportunity to test their strength.

What is low self-esteem?

Low self esteem is psychological problem, which cannot be ignored. Subsequently, it negatively affects the formation of the child's personality, is expressed in external and internal manifestations. Parents who believe that this is part of the character traits are mistaken.

Low self-esteem

Signs of Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem is manifested in despondency, isolation, resentment. There are distinguishing signs by which you can determine the presence of a problem:

• the child is offended even at the slightest provocation;
• does not believe in his own strength, uses excuses: “I can’t”, “I won’t succeed”;
• avoids communication with peers;
• does not want to take on a new job.

Low self-esteem

Symptoms of an "inferiority complex"

This complex is formed in children from preschool age, and negatively affects the formation of a holistic personality. It is very important to identify signs of "inferiority complex" in time and eradicate them.

Note! You can’t say phrases like: “Nothing will come of you”, “You will never be able to do this”, and the like, all this must be rephrased and given to the child a positive attitude.

Distinctive features:

• Lack of own opinion - relies on the opinion of parents or authoritative others (relatives, teachers, acquaintances), and even if he decides to express his opinion, he refuses to say words when he hears contradictions.
• Fear of communication with peers - flatly refuses to walk with the guys on the playground, it seems to him that he is not good enough for them, feels vulnerable and uninteresting among boys and girls.
• He is afraid to object to adults - he cannot defend himself in conversations with elders, does not rebuff for insults, insults.
• They hurt at school and in the yard - other children do not allow passage, the child is often beaten and offended.

This complex manifests itself in daily interaction with the outside world and in certain situations. Parents should observe, promote friendly family relations, support and praise good deeds.

How to assess the level of self-esteem

This level is a variable value, it changes depending on the environment in which the child lives and with whom the child communicates. Parents need to constantly monitor this indicator. It is not difficult to determine this sign at home; there is always what you need at hand.

Methods for determining self-esteem:

• With the help of the location of the drawing on paper. The drawing will tell about a lot, about fears, experiences, psychological state, perception of reality. It is easy to determine the state in this way, you need to look at the picture, in which part of the sheet it is located. The upper part of the sheet is overestimated, the middle is adequate, the bottom is understated, there is cause for alarm. The color scheme in the drawings speaks of the psychological state. predominance dark colors they talk about a depressive, exciting state, especially if combined with torn, sharp lines.

Method "Ladder"

• Test "Ladder". Suitable for children from three years of age. On a piece of paper, you need to draw a ladder of 10 steps. Having shown it, say that very bad children are on the lowest step, and the best ones are on the top, and ask the child to draw on which step he sees himself. The key to the test: 1-3 steps - greatly underestimated; 4-7 - adequately evaluates himself, but you can’t stop following; 8-10 - indicates an overestimated level. Subsequently, you can ask to draw your friends, so his attitude towards other peers, classmates is revealed.
• "Funny little men" is a simple game that reveals the level of self-awareness and personality assessment. A tree is drawn, on the branches of which ordinary animals are located. Next, a new tree is drawn, and the child is asked where he would sit if he hit the tree. Where would his friends sit? The only drawback of the test is that it shows only the self-perceptions of children in a familiar team.

The real picture can be learned when a trusting relationship develops in a family.

Trust is the key to success in education

How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence in a boy of 7-8 years

Adequate self-esteem is success in all its manifestations: relationships in a team, family formation, at work, etc. At the age of eight, an idea of ​​\u200b\u200bthemselves and others is formed, this is due to a crisis - the child acquires the social status of a student, an external assessment of him is important for him merits.

Important! The more obstacles and difficulties the child has positively overcome, the more self-confident he is.

How to raise a child's self-esteem? Children are future adults who need to be supported in difficult times, praised, approved of their behavior, then they will grow up as self-confident people, successful and active members of society.

A copy of the parents - we start work with ourselves

Children are a reflection of their parents, often they copy exactly their closest relatives. Notes of parental insecurity may well be transmitted to children in the form of anxiety and low self-esteem, self-esteem. It cannot be said that only children need to develop, work on self-development must be carried out by every adult.

How to praise, thank, punish

How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence in a child? Praise can not only improve, but also worsen the situation. Especially if it's false praise or praise that doesn't make sense.

It is possible and necessary to praise, praise "inspires" children and sets them up to become even better, to strive for success.

Praise when:

• expresses own opinion, supported by arguments;
• provides assistance to friends, neighbors, juniors;
• shows an optimistic attitude;
• for courage;
• for the desire to change the world for the better;
• for getting things done.

You need to thank the child to raise his merits and evaluate what is happening. Even adults sometimes need to be a child and be dependent on the younger ones. It is necessary in daily life to be interested in the opinion of children, to thank for the assistance rendered within the limits of their strength.

Raising children is unlikely to do without punishment, but punishment should not be harmful to health or morally humiliate.

Punishment

You need to order correctly:

• without harming health;
• if in doubt, it is better not to punish;
• punishment should not be at the expense of love, you can not deprive warm feelings;
• at one time - one punishment;
• do not take away personal belongings;
• late punishments - it is better not to punish at all than belatedly, otherwise it entails the formation of complexes;
• punishment - forgiveness, so that there is no feeling of eternal guilt;
• cancellation of punishment - if the incident is over, the punishment is canceled.

How to compare with others affects for self-esteem

Children are unique creatures, and each has its own merits. All of them have a different disposition, character, temperament, abilities. Absolutely everyone is talented in something of their own. The task of parents is to identify and reinforce talent, but certainly not to compare their child with others. This adversely affects the psyche and awareness of one's own "I", one's own strengths. If you constantly compare, then low self-esteem, anxiety, isolation are formed. The child may even think that he is not loved because he is not like the others, not worthy.

Comparison with others

Important! You need to love the child for who he is, and help to reveal his talents.

Self-Esteem Exercises

How to increase a child's self-esteem? Simple and practical exercises will help to educate a decisive person with leadership qualities.

• The game "Piggy bank of success." The bottom line: you need to take the box and arrange it with the child, as he likes. In it, he will add his small achievements, which can be written on paper: “beautifully recited the verse”, “performed the language test for five, although he was afraid”, etc. Significantly adding weight to the box will increase confidence. Such a game can be used subsequently to increase self-confidence.
• The game "Complete the sentence" - you will need a ball to conduct it. The rules of this game state that the child needs to throw the ball with the beginning of the phrases: “I can ...”, “I can ...”, “I will learn ...” and the like, and the child completes the sentence each time and throws the ball back. This game helps to realize who he is and what he wants to achieve. Each time, throwing the ball, it is better to repeat the beginning of the sentence several times, so the baby realizes that he once did not know how, but he was able to learn.
• The game "Star of the apartment". For her, it is necessary to make a stand (sheet of paper) in the center with a painted flower with petals, or a sun with rays. Paste a photo of the child in the middle. During the stipulated time (1-2 weeks), adults and children will write down positive qualities and achievements on the petals. Adults themselves will be able to increase the authority of the child. At the end, the poster is removed and given to him himself.

It is necessary to monitor and raise the self-esteem of children not once, but constantly. Adequate assessment of oneself is the basis of a successful person, his career, family well-being and happiness. Trust, understanding and friendly relations- the key to success in educating a self-confident figure.

The development of self-esteem of a preschool child is an important stage in personality development. Parents mistakenly believe that a 5-6-year-old baby is not able to deeply reason about his personality. It is the preschool age that determines the direction, the level of human activity. However, few children are able to evaluate themselves correctly. The formation of opinion is influenced by parents, peers, surrounding adults. The quality of interpersonal relationships creates conditions for the development of an overestimated, adequate, low self-esteem in a preschooler.

Features of the formation of self-esteem

Experts confirm that preschool age is the period when the baby begins to analyze his behavior. There are opportunities to realistically assess their actions, then correlate them with the opinions of others. Under the influence of adult preschool children, they form an idea of ​​their abilities, study social values, and make comparisons between their own actions and the actions of other people. These factors form one or another self-esteem of the child. To help their child, parents need to learn more about what affects the formation of self-esteem:

Signs of high self-esteem

For most children of older preschool age, an overestimated self-esteem is characteristic, which can be explained by the absence of negative criticism. This is especially evident in familiar situations, for example, on a walk, the child behaves like a leader, but at the same time commands the children harshly. It would seem that such behavior has positive features: a preschooler becomes an active participant in competitions, games, contests, strives to achieve success. Feel free to communicate with adults, fully confident in their own abilities. Promotes his ideas, trying to attract attention. Therefore, parents to some extent encourage such behavior of the child. They admire any action of the crumbs, his appearance, mental abilities, forgetting that there are negative features of overestimation:

• conflict;
• lack of ability to perceive criticism;
• exactingness;
• the desire to become a leader at all costs, dominance;
• arrogance;
• restlessness.

What happens when the score is generated incorrectly:

• Children overestimate their abilities, considering themselves exceptional. Getting into the environment of peers, the baby ceases to feel like "the best", becomes "one of the many." Upon realizing this fact, an internal conflict begins. Increased self-esteem may drop sharply.
• Inflated conceit is often the cause of communication problems with peers. Having the makings of a leader, the child is not able to win the respect of peers. Conflicts arise, the preschooler tries to "crush" the children who reject his idealized image. Often uses violence to punish others for their own failures. He tries to devalue the achievements of the other guys, envying other people's successes.
• Overestimation gets in the way learning activities, since the preschooler overestimates mental abilities, often interrupts educators, argues, and denies the poor results of the work performed.
• Communicating within the family, the behavior of such children becomes uncontrollable. They require increased attention, cry because of the refusals of adults. Having received a remark, they show aggression towards family members. Feeling permissive, children refuse to do household chores, put away toys until their demands are met.

Important! Parents need to understand that the appearance of increased self-esteem in a child is a signal to visit a psychologist. It is necessary to correct the behavior in time, otherwise the problem will worsen. Such deviations will negatively affect further maturation.

Low self-esteem of preschoolers

Low self-esteem of children of senior preschool age is rare, being a deviation in the formation of personality. The characteristics of such guys are manifested in behavior:

• very often they are characterized by shyness, isolation, unstable emotional background, for example, they may suddenly burst into tears;
• try to avoid responsible decisions, take a deliberately simple position;
• in public speaking they show lower results than when performing individual work;
• having felt failure, they stop performing any activity;
• they have few friends, as they try to avoid big companies.

Insecure children often have dysfunctional families, low social status. This causes constant ridicule of peers, defines them in the category of outcasts. An incorrect assessment of the personality may arise due to the constant negative environment that the parents themselves create. For example, a mother constantly pulls a crumb, scolds for any mistakes and pranks, doubts his abilities. The kid is sure that if he coped poorly with one task, he will not complete another task either. Children with low self-esteem have the following Problems :

• conflict when communicating with peers;
• have poor personality development;
• they often show anger, hostility.

Important! Adults should remember: senior preschool age is a period when every rude word, unreasonable criticism can have a detrimental effect on socialization. A child needs to be loved, supported, accepted by all his qualities, helped to get rid of the negative ones.

Features of adequate self-esteem

Adequate self-esteem in children develops in the presence of correct self-knowledge. The main characteristics of normal personality development are the ability to admit mistakes, a real assessment of one's own actions. Toddlers with adequate self-knowledge analyze activities, explain the reason for failure. Strive to work together
support friends, show a friendly attitude, easily contact with the guys. Characteristic features of children with adequate self-esteem:

• responsibility;
• the ability to appreciate others;
• confidence;
• adherence to principles;
• defending one's own interests.

Features of behavior with adequate self-esteem:

• Preschoolers can ask adults for help in moments of difficulty, while maintaining confidence.
• Children are able to adequately assess their own behavior, they know how to accept themselves as they are.
• Having made a mistake, they tend to choose a less difficult task. Having received a positive result, they strive to achieve even greater success.

Adequate self-esteem of children of senior preschool age appears due to the correctly chosen model of education. Properly raising parents think about behavior when a small family member is nearby. Thank him for the work done, concentrate on the positive. They allow you to take the initiative, support in times of failure. They do not set impossible goals for him, instead of criticizing, they calmly explain: some things are unacceptable to do. Feeling this attitude, the baby gains confidence, begins to show interest, and successfully completes tasks.

How to praise and punish in order to form adequate self-esteem

How to increase a child's self-esteem? Such a question is puzzled loving parents. Experts recommend making praise and punishment important elements educational process. There is no need to be afraid of punishment, because with the right approach, this is a management method that can subdue, change the thoughts, behavior, and lifestyle of a child. However, when punishment becomes a way of self-affirmation of the parent, the result of education is zero. The use of such ineffective measures as shouting, aggression, physical strength will not help the formation of adequate self-esteem. This distorts the crumbs' idea of ​​normal relationships between people. What can be done to help your child build self-esteem:

1. Have an educational conversation. If the little one is very naughty, it is better to talk, creating a calm environment. This approach will make him understand, analyze actions.
2. Offer to correct the situation yourself. If a preschooler broke, spoiled some thing, you need to give him the opportunity to compensate for the damage. Correction of own mistakes - very useful tool for reflection, making the right decision.
3. Positive attitude. In addition to correcting the situation, an adult should encourage the baby to do things with benefit. For example, by removing scattered things, you can improve the look of the room, perform a small rearrangement.
4. Instead of constant shouting, it is necessary to formulate clear requirements and monitor their implementation.
5. If you still need to punish the child, you need to warn about the punishment.
6. There are more effective ways to persuade a preschooler: involvement in interesting situations, suggestion, play, conversation. The use of such methods eliminates the need for punishment.

7. The use of praise is more effective method education. Many families mistakenly believe that rewards can spoil the baby. The more often a preschooler hears approval, the less often he has to be punished. Praise more, punish less.

Important! Psychologists recommend sticking to the scheme: punished once - praised five times. Children of senior preschool age perceive and assimilate positive information more easily. Growing up, they begin to independently analyze behavior, think about the correctness of actions, and avoid situations that cause dissatisfaction with their parents.

Ways to properly encourage a preschooler:

• you need to praise for the desire, the attempt to achieve a certain result;
• parents should evaluate only actions;
• use small rewards for praise;
• give especially important assignments, emphasizing the significance, children;

How to determine the self-esteem of a preschooler

Diagnostics of self-esteem helps to identify the problems of personality development, self-knowledge of children of senior preschool age. Timely detected deviations of the assessment from the norm are easily corrected. The "Ladder" technique is a well-known method for diagnosing the type of self-esteem of a preschooler. The test helps to reveal the attitude towards oneself, as well as to determine how, in his opinion, others evaluate him. Such testing is quite accessible to parents. It can be played in the form of a game.

To conduct the test, you will need a sheet of paper, a drawn staircase of seven steps, a figurine of a boy or a girl, and a pencil. You need to ask the children to place the figure in front of the step they want to choose. The kids need to say following conditions :

• the first step - the best guys;
• the second was taken by the good guys;
• the third is neither bad nor good;
• fourth - more bad than good;
• fifth - bad;
• sixth - very bad;
• the seventh place was taken by the worst guys.

The chosen step will be an indicator of self-esteem. Interpretation of test results :

1. the first - second step is chosen by children with high self-esteem;
2. the third step speaks of adequate self-esteem;
3. fourth - sixth show an underestimation;
4. seventh - extremely low.

The results of the methodology help to reveal children's internal problems, to correct self-esteem, to develop the ability to correctly assess one's own personality.

In order for a preschooler to adequately assess their own abilities, parents must adhere to the following rules:

A child who is confident in himself achieves a lot in life. It is very important to instill in a child some qualities that will help him survive in this complex world, where competition in the specialist market is very high. It is important not to force the child to learn this or that rule, it is necessary to explain it so that the child understands the essence. It is important not to cram what is asked at school, but to learn to search for information on your own, answer the questions that have arisen, you need to teach the child self-education. But the most important thing is to instill in the baby a sense of respect for himself, faith in his own strength, the notion that the baby can do something better than anyone else.

There are two types of parenting, and parents, as a rule, rarely look for a middle ground. If you constantly pull the child up, say that he will not succeed, do all the work for him, then the baby will sooner or later believe in your words. He will understand that he really will not succeed, especially if he did not succeed the first time. And if the mother patiently invites the child to try again in something important, the child will grow up, and in adulthood he will not be afraid of failure, he will strive for the goal again and again. In this article, we will talk about self-esteem - how it is laid down, how to recognize a child’s low self-esteem in time and what to do about it.

Why does a child have low self-esteem?

Self-esteem is very important in a person's life, and not only in his professional field. A child who is loved by his parents will adequately evaluate his appearance, value his health, dignity and honor. Such a girl in the future will never allow herself to be hit in the family, a boy will not allow humiliation. By cultivating high self-esteem in a child, you help to choose only the best in life, from a profession to a life status. You teach your baby not to be content with little, to achieve more. But in some cases, we ourselves, with our own hands and words, lower the child's self-esteem below the baseboard. Here are a few common mistakes parents who make the baby unsure of themselves and their abilities.

1. "You can not!". It is completely wrong if the mother always tries to do everything for the child. If she opens juice for him, afraid that the baby will spill, she does it for him homework, fearing for the correctness of its implementation, suppresses all aspirations of independence. You need to understand that the child is growing, and the mother will not always be able to be there. There will come a time when the baby will have to move forward on its own. And for this, he must have experience - opening juice, doing homework, choosing a profession, etc.
2. "And Petya is better!" Never compare your child with other children - a neighbor, classmate or older brother. All children are individual, someone succeeds in physical development, someone is successful in studies, but someone just draws well. When you say - "But Masha got an A for the control in mathematics, and you, as usual, brought a C", you humiliate the child. Yes, a triple for test work is unpleasant, but it's not the end of the world. Maybe your son or daughter will become a great artist, why is this mathematics needed at all? Your task is not to achieve high marks, but to help the baby choose a direction in life, push him if necessary, give him the opportunity to choose. And in this parental destiny there is no comparison with other children.
3. "You're a terrible child!" Another common and common mistake is to blame not an act, but a person. Do you know how Israeli mothers treat their children? They tell their children that they are the most intelligent, beautiful and successful. They don't tell the child, "You're bad," they say, "How could you, being so good, do such a bad thing?" Maybe that's why there are so many successful doctors, lawyers, entrepreneurs among the Jews?
4. "Sit down and don't stick your head out - be like everyone else!". A child's self-esteem may fall if the child is recommended a behavior model that has been passed down to us from parents and grandparents. We can say that this is a relic of Soviet times, when everyone was united, and it was a mistake to stand out from the crowd. Today is the time of the strong, enterprising and ambitious. Do not nip in the bud the desires and aspirations of your child. If a boy likes to dance ballroom dancing, do not resist his nature, perhaps he will become a champion in this sport? Believe in your child, encourage his activity in public and private life.
5. Indifference. How often the baby tries to do something himself, and the mother, in the bustle of everyday work, does not notice the painted portrait or says a fleeting “Well done”. You must appreciate the efforts of the child, show interest in his talent, support the baby. After all, you are its main viewer and listener. If the mother remains indifferent, the child's aspirations quickly fade away.
6. Appearance quibbles. It happens that a child's self-esteem can collapse at one moment if you go over the child's appearance. After all, parents are the main people in a child’s life, their words are perceived as unquestioning truth. Do not tell your daughter - “You are getting fat, you need to eat less”, but say “I bought two gym memberships, let's go together?”. Parents' remarks about appearance often develop into serious complexes that pass into adulthood.
7. Too strict. If a child is punished for any reason because of the slightest mistake and oversight, the child will once again be simply afraid to take an extra step in order to prevent another mistake. These children grow up to be insecure adults.

Some parents, having not realized themselves in the past, try to "recoup" on their children. Mom, without becoming a confident businesswoman, tries to raise such a person from her daughter, actively giving her lessons in economics and business planning. It is important to understand that the child is not you, he has completely different talents and preferences. And my daughter gets much more pleasure from dancing in ballet. Ultimately, not allowing your child to do what he loves, you can achieve a deplorable result. The girl will not be able to do business, because she does not like entrepreneurship and does not understand anything about it. And the dream of dancing on the stage of the Bolshoi will remain a dream, because the mother did not attach importance to the girl’s desires in time and did not give the child to study in this direction. The result is an unsettled person with broken wings. It is clear that parents do not wish harm to the child, but in your ambitions, nevertheless, try to listen to the desires of the little person.

Here are some simple tips to help you boost your daughter's or son's self-esteem.

Praise the child! But not for a beautiful figure or a fashionable briefcase, but for deeds. I got a good grade, moved my grandmother across the road, helped a friend, stood up for my sister - all this is worthy of your attention.

1. Share your thoughts. In order for the baby to feel significant and adult, you need to consult with him - about the route of the trip, about the gifts that you will take to your grandmother, etc. Ask your child for their opinion on a particular issue. And let the answer be obvious, let the child decide for himself. And, of course, follow this decision, otherwise the significance of the children's opinion will be lost.
2. Ask for help. Stop telling yourself that the baby is still small and can't do anything. Believe me, a child at the age of 7 can easily wash dishes or sew on a button, and at 12 - cook something simple for dinner. Just trust and understand that the child is growing, he already knows a lot, let the baby demonstrate his abilities.
3. Give it to sports. Many mothers of boys complain that their son cannot fend for himself. It’s not worth raising an aggressor out of a child, but it’s still worth teaching to fight back. To do this, give the child to any sport, better in martial arts. The kid will increase self-esteem, he will understand that he can do a lot. However, in this case, it is necessary to clearly explain to the child that in ordinary life you should not demonstrate your strength and, moreover, beat first.
4. Experience failure together. Many children are very sensitive to losses and failures. It is important to explain to the child that without them it is impossible to win. That any achievement is made up of many attempts and splits. By doing this, you teach your child to be self-confident, to achieve goals, even if previous attempts were unsuccessful.
5. Tell your child that he is smart and talented. When sending your child to school, tell him that he will succeed, he will get an A for the dictation and will definitely pass all the physical education standards. Children at the mental level capture the settings given by their parents. And if you say "You're a failure like your father" and "You won't succeed," don't be surprised that it will happen exactly as you said.
6. Believe in the child. Children are very sensitive to truth and lies. Believe in your child at the competition, even if it seems to you that he is weaker than the rest. Tell the kid that strength is not his main trump card, but he has dexterity and endurance, this will certainly bring victory. Sincerely believe in your child, and he will be able to believe in himself.
7. Help smart. No need to tell the child correct solution tasks, as well as leaving him alone with all the tasks. It is important to find a middle ground and stick to the rule - to help only if the child asks. Give your son the opportunity to independently solve a physics problem or some problem in life. Intervene only if you are asked to.
8. Talk about looks. In many cases, a child's self-esteem suffers because of imperfections in appearance. Often this develops into a serious complex that passes into adulthood. Talk heart to heart with your child - what worries him, perhaps he is even teased by his peers for some kind of shortcoming. Help your child correct the situation, if possible. Crooked teeth can be straightened with braces, protruding ears in a girl can be hidden behind long hairstyles, glasses can be replaced with contact lenses, and excess weight to correct proper nutrition and sports. If the baby is worried about something that cannot be fixed, help him love himself in any form. Convince the boy that short stature is not a problem, all charming Hollywood actors are below average height. Tell a teenage girl that small breasts are not the biggest tragedy in life, on the contrary, a figure with small breasts looks neat and precise. In addition, she will not sag in old age! Look for positive qualities, convince the child that he is really beautiful, even with some of his own characteristics.

These simple tips help you raise a confident and self-confident child.

Praise but don't overdo it!

In pursuit of a strong and strong-willed character of a child, one can mistakenly raise a narcissist who thinks that he is the best. Don't overdo it and don't let it happen. Despite the fact that you praise the child for his actions, you need to put him on the same level as other children. If the child is in a team, you should not single him out and allow what is forbidden to other children. You can give your child compliments, but praise for appearance should not be too frequent. The child must clearly know the boundaries of what is permitted - what is permissible, and for what they can be punished.

The child must understand that he is not the center of the universe and not even the head of the family. He is a child, which means he must listen to the opinions of adults. Ideally, the baby should not be brought up in a family alone, otherwise it will be quite difficult to uproot signs of selfishness from the current personality. Teach your child to respect other people and their needs. Explain to your daughter or son that people should be treated the way he would like to be treated.

The self-esteem of the child is laid in the family. And on this depends the future life of a person, in which he will face large quantity people and situations. It is in our power to prepare the child for the outside world, to convince him of his significance and value. Most successful people have achieved greatness only because they didn't know it was impossible. Love your child, listen to him, give him wings and give him the opportunity to be independent. And then it will shine with all its facets, like a big sparkling diamond!

Video: how to increase a child's self-esteem

Do you not like how the child behaves, or are you afraid to see the uncertainty and failure of the baby in the future? Then you should know what kind of self-esteem your child has and how to increase it.

A full-fledged person who knows how to make decisions, takes into account the opinions of other people, treats failures normally and tries to overcome obstacles, should be brought up from an early age.

How a person will go through life depends on self-confidence and his strength. How to form a normal self-esteem?

Self-confidence levels

If a child has high self-esteem, it can be recognized:

• in self-righteousness;
• in the desire to control other children, pointing out the weakness of each, but not noticing their own shortcomings;
• in an attempt to attract attention;
• in aggression.

Children with high conceit humiliate others, are condescending, impatient in communication, and may interrupt the interlocutor. Commonly used words are "I'm the best."

With low self-esteem, a child is characterized by such behavioral features and character traits:

• anxiety;
• self-doubt;
• fear of being deceived, offended, underestimated;
• incredulity;
• the desire for solitude;
• touchiness;
• indecision;
• attitude to failure;
• fear of not being able to complete a task;
• underestimating your success.

Phrases that characterize an underestimation - "I'm bad", "I can't."

If the child has adequate self-esteem, then this will be expressed:

• faith in one's own strengths;
• the ability to ask for help;
• decision making;
• the ability to admit one's mistake and the desire to correct it.

Children with normal self-esteem know how to accept others for who they are.

The importance of proper praise

To form a full-fledged personality, it is worth approaching education with interest, approving, encouraging and using praise.

But you should know that not in all cases you can praise. These are the situations:

• if the child has not achieved something on his own (without bothering himself physically or mentally);
• it is not allowed to praise for external attractiveness, abilities;
• toys and wardrobe items are not worth praise;
• praise is unacceptable if it is caused by pity;
• do not praise if in this way you want to cause a positive attitude towards yourself.

What can be praised for? Encourage the child's desire to express his "I" and develop. You can improve your self-esteem by:

• if you praise for any little things: grades, victories, and kids 5-6 years old even for the first artistic creations;
• advance praise, which will allow you to evoke faith in your own strengths, using the phrases: “You will succeed!”, “I believe that you will succeed,” etc .;

Punishment rules

In order to form a full-fledged personality with adequate self-esteem, one cannot do without punishments, which must be fair.

Be sure to inform the baby about what he will be punished for and how.

Punishment must be subject to certain rules:

1. Keep Deadlines who will be punished (ban on cycling for 2 days, watching cartoons for a week, etc.).
2. Don't get personal, that is, avoid offensive phrases, do not focus on the individual.
3. Don't mention old mistakes, punishment - now and precisely for this offense, do not stir up the past. Remember: punished means forgiven!
4. There must be a sequence.
5. Punishing, you should not harm your health.
6. When in doubt(whether to punish) should not be punished for preventive purposes.
7. For one offense - one punishment, which can be more or less strict (depending on the fault).
8. You can not deprive parental attention even if you are angry.
9. Don't take the item that is donated.
10. Forgive the child if he did something good(cared for the sick, etc.).

The physical form of punishment is allowed only in the case when there is a threat to health or life (both one's own and another person):

• games with fire;
• fight with the weak;
• another situation is when a child purposefully tests the limits of a parent's patience or harasses children who cannot defend themselves.

It is also necessary to follow the rules for physical punishment:

1. Never be intimidated by the coming punishment, saying “I’ll get the belt now,” etc. It’s better to slap the pope in the heat of the moment than to plan in advance, tormenting the baby with torment and worries that he is about to be hit.
2. No addiction! Don't shout, watch how you express emotions. Physical influence should be a rare method of education.
3. This way of influencing the baby is not suitable that is over 3 years old. For children 7-8 years old, this is simply humiliating, so you will have to choose more effective punishment options.

A good method is punishment by inaction:

put your son or daughter in a corner, but designate the time that he needs to stand there. It is very good if there is a clock in this room. At the end of the specified time, the child can leave the corner and apologize.

Just don't overdo it! Do not leave your baby in a dark closed room. Such punishment will bring harm by causing phobias.

In no case do not define such punishment as reading, lessons, sports exercises!

It is not allowed to punish in the following cases:

• when the baby feels unwell;
• during meals, before going to bed, after sleep, in the game process, when performing errands;
• if there has been a recent mental or physical injury;
• if the child does not cope with fear, the offense is committed due to inattention, mobility, irritability, but efforts were made;
• if the reason why the child did this is not clear;
• if you feel tired, get angry because of your problems;
• you can’t scold for bad marks in the diary if the child showed diligence.

How to boost your child's self-esteem

1. Do not remove the baby from household chores, do not solve any problem for him, but also monitor the load. The task, assignment or request should be within the power of the child.
2. You should not overpraise, but you can’t do without encouragement if there is merit.
3. Choose the appropriate type of punishment and praise.
4. Initiative should be encouraged.
5. Learn to adequately respond to failures by showing by your own example (Do not say “I made disgusting porridge! I will never cook it again!” It’s better to say this: “Porridge failed. But that’s okay. Next time we’ll try not to digest it” ).
6. You can not compare the baby with another child. Comparison is allowed only with oneself.
7. It is necessary to scold for a misconduct, and not for character.
8. By giving a negative assessment, you become the enemy of creativity.
9. It is worth analyzing failures, drawing a conclusion (tell an example of such behavior, how it all ended).
10. Accept your son/daughter as they are.
11. Believe in your teenager's success.
12. Let the child express his own opinion.
13. Have confidential conversations instead of swearing.
14. Give the settings: “We are happy that we have you”, “We love you”, “We believe in you”.
15. Pick up literary works that will teach you how to get out of a difficult situation, help you not to lose heart.

To boost your child's self-esteem, use the following technique:

Ask him for advice and do as he advises you. This will give positive results in the formation of an adequate relationship with oneself.
Allow yourself to “shrink”, express the need for help and protection.
Even at 5 years old, the use of such a technique can give excellent results.

But in order to normalize inflated self-esteem, teach:

• take into account the wishes and opinions of others;
• accept criticism;
• show respect for the feelings of others.

It is worth helping the child if the task is difficult for him. But you should not prohibit and suppress the manifestation of initiative (wash the dishes, wipe the dust), otherwise in the future you will get a lazy person who will not be able to do anything on his own.

Let the child do what he can. At the age of 10, some children already meet representatives of the opposite sex, achieve Olympic success, and you are worried about whether the child will cut off a piece of bread correctly.

Games and tests

With the help of game situations, you can determine the level of self-esteem, as well as influence the formation of an adequate attitude towards yourself.

• Take the Ladder Test(possibly at 3 years old). Draw the steps, explain that the worst, angry, impatient, etc. children are on the bottom, and smart, obedient and caring kids are on the top. Ask where he would be. Let me draw myself on the chosen step. When choosing steps 1-3, it will become clear that your child has low self-esteem, 4-7 - adequate, 7-10 - too high.
• Game "Name". Offer to choose a name for yourself (one that you like). Find out why the child did not choose his own, what he is dissatisfied with. This situation will explain what kind of self-esteem the baby has.
• "Zhmurki". This game allows you to be in a leadership role. The child achieves success, and this will cause positive changes in self-esteem.
• "Mirror". Children reflect facial expressions, gestures and movements (mirror reflection). The “mirror” (child) must guess that they are showing him. Such a game will teach the child openness, looseness.
• Competitive Games in which you can learn to lose and respond correctly to failures.
• "Connecting Threads". The guys sit in a circle and pass the ball, accompanying the action with stories about the person who holds it in his hands.
• "Mood". Sitting in a circle, the guys offer options to cheer up: do a good deed, take care of a pet, read your favorite book. This game can reduce anxiety and also teach you how to make decisions.
• "Losing the situation". Children need to play themselves. The remaining roles are distributed among peers or parents. Situation example:

1. You won a sports competition and your friend came last. How can you help him calm down?
2. You have three bananas. How do you split them into two?
3. Friends started playing the game and you were late. What do you say to play along with them?

A child's self-esteem depends on upbringing. How much you try, how you teach your baby to get out of situations, react and act, and his whole future life will depend.

Video: How to raise a child's self-esteem