The crisis of the age of three - what should parents do. Child psychologists call the crisis of the age of three the crisis "I myself"

At the age of 1.5 to 2.5 years, the child overcomes a colossal "distance" in development. By the age of 2.5-3, he develops into a personality - the only and unique one, and this three-year-old personality unambiguously begins to declare itself. And then historical events begin to change one after another.
One day we find a nail neatly hammered into our favorite mahogany cabinet, the next day a piece of red fish bought for festive table. Then it may occur to the child to slowly wash his father's soap with soap. mobile phone or draw a Christmas tree for beauty in his passport. Punished for the first, second, third and once again, in half an hour the baby can be caught red-handed when trying to water the flowers on the wallpaper from the watering can or wash the cat in washing machine. Here the thought creeps in from the parents, is he mocking?
Any lull in the nursery begins to seem suspicious to adults, in general, one gets the feeling that you are on the front line, and your "leader of the Redskins" has gone on the warpath.
By the age of 2.5, the child's speech is already well developed. Even those children who do not yet actively express themselves, all the same, quite articulately to the point and out of place, begin to repeat: “I myself!”
These very impulses of independence are especially active when we are late somewhere and absolutely cannot wait until the baby satisfies his, as it seems to us, whim.
In general, the child is constantly in opposition. It does everything the other way around, as if deliberately provoking conflict. It is impossible to feed him, put him to bed, or take him for a walk without a scandal. Increasingly, there are concerts in the store or on the street.
This small but very smart creature understands that it is easier for us to give in than to disgrace ourselves. The level of emotional and intellectual development of his personality allows even blackmailing his parents!
This is especially evident when adapting to kindergarten. Parents do not find a place for themselves after the tantrum that the baby threw in the locker room. At their work, everything falls out of hand, because they are sure that their baby is very ill in the garden, it was not in vain that he sobbed! But it doesn’t even occur to mom, she refuses to believe that when she went out into the street with shaking hands, her son or daughter wipes her tears and (immediately!) Asks what is in the garden for breakfast!
What's happening? We bring up the kid, as always: moderately strict, moderately democratic. Why does the child suddenly cease to reckon with us? Why do unshakable authorities collapse overnight? And the thing is that you are faced with the tip of a psychological iceberg, which is based on the notorious crisis of 3 years.
The tip of the iceberg
The crisis of 3 years is a diagnosis. Just as doctors endure it on the basis of the symptoms characteristic of the disease, so psychologists who study age patterns child development, identified and formulated a group of symptoms of the crisis "I myself".
Negativism. Negative reaction associated with the attitude of one person to another. The child generally refuses to obey the demands of adults. But do not confuse negativism with disobedience.
Stubbornness. Stubbornness and perseverance - different qualities. The first is that the child insists on his decision. The individual makes demands and wants to be reckoned with.
Obstinacy. Close to negativism and stubbornness, but has specific features. Obstinacy is a protest against the order that exists at home.
Willfulness. The child himself wants to do something. In part, his behavior resembles the crisis of the first year, but there the baby strove for physical independence. Here we are talking about deeper things - about independence in one's own intentions, plans.
Adult devaluation. Many parents describe the horror of the family when a mother first hears a "fool" from a child. The baby selects epithets depending on the characteristics of intra-family communication.
Protest riot. It manifests itself in frequent quarrels with adults. “All behavior takes on the features of protest, as if the child is at war with those around him, in constant conflict with them,” Vygotsky wrote about this.
desire for despotism. It occurs more often in families with only one child. The kid shows despotic power in relation to the whole world around him and finds many ways for this.
Pride in achievement. The baby begins to be sensitive to his deeds and actions, acutely experiences successful and unsuccessful actions. Evaluates himself in accordance with the effectiveness in practical matters.
A group of symptoms associated with the imagination. Developed imagination manifests itself in two ways. On the one hand, his development forms the basis of the child's objective activity, he acquires the ability to foresee the result. In addition, during this period, the baby begins to play independently, including writing stories that do not really happen to him, or communicates with an imaginary partner.
On the other hand, imagination can act as a protective function. So a child suddenly begins to brag about non-existent achievements, and a chronically unsuccessful child begins to invent success, to compose more and more new achievements. Second birth
Everything develops in objective activity mental processes. Actions with objects are improved from elementary manipulations to mastering specific functions: eating with a spoon, sweeping with a broom. Gradually, the baby understands that it is not the subject that guides his interest, as it seemed before, but, on the contrary, he subordinates it to his own interests. The child learns to plan his actions with the subject and to anticipate the result. At the same time, he begins to notice the connection between a successful or unsuccessful action and the adult's reaction to it. Through the assessment of parents, relatives, and others, self-awareness and self-esteem are formed in the crumbs. The phenomenon of "I" arises. Now the baby no longer says, for example, "Vasya is good," he says: "I am good." The child becomes aware of himself. And so the crisis of three years in child psychology is often called the second birth.
Speech little man during this period is also actively developing. On a subconscious level, the child feels that a self-respecting person should declare himself, as they say, in a voice. This is what he does to the best of his ability.
For the most part, the baby does not realize what exactly he wants, where he should realize his imperfect skills in order to receive approval and recognition, he begins to get nervous and worry. Outwardly, it looks like a protest. After all, for us adults, the child is still small, but for him he is already big. And the blatantly unfair treatment of him, like a baby, makes him resist and rebel! What to do?
The eternal question. You need to change your attitude towards your child. We will have to admit that he is already big, learn to reckon with him, finally give him the opportunity to realize his claims to independence.
Difficult? Of course, a new achievement will become a good assistant in building new relationships - a role-playing game! In it, a child can be anyone and do anything: cook soup, wash, saw, build, heal, cut, sew, command, educate, drive a car ...
During this period, it makes sense to re-plan the nursery, to revise its design. Play corners should appear in it: a kitchen, a doll house, a workshop, a shop ... They should not just take and appear, but be “played out” by adults together with the child. The kid should see that his game for us adults is a serious matter. In such games, the child will learn to communicate and will realize himself, which he cannot do in real "adult" life.
Society - necessary condition development of a new born personality. In it, under the competent guidance of an adult, a plot game will develop as the main activity of a preschooler, and in it - adequate self-esteem, the ability of a small person to independently build relationships.
In conclusion, I would like to say the following to parents. The crisis of three years is a natural phase of the restructuring of the entire mental life child. The kid strives for self-realization, becomes especially sensitive to how others evaluate his results, he develops a feeling dignity.
If adults do not notice this, they still treat him as a small, inept creature, hurt his pride, limit his initiative and regulate his activity, if they are inattentive to interests, then the course of the crisis is aggravated. The child becomes difficult and intractable, and such behavioral traits can take root in his character for a long time.
If an adult has rebuilt his relationship with a child, then difficulties are easily overcome. In this case, a small person develops respect for himself as a reflection of respect for his deeds on the part of adults.
Good luck!

When the baby is three years old, then obvious changes begin to occur in his behavior and not in better side. He begins to act up about and without it, he can throw a tantrum or refuse to obey. What suddenly happens to an obedient and affectionate baby? Why is he behaving like this? And the reason lies in the "crisis of the age of three", which is experienced by almost every child and his parents. It is very important that adults react correctly to such manifestations of the character of their child and help him overcome this difficult stage in his life.

The crisis of three years of age in all children occurs at different time, but this is approximately the age of two and a half to three and a half years. This period does not last long and is, as it were, a transition or restructuring from younger age in the early stages of adulthood. In boys and girls, the signs of a crisis may manifest themselves in different ways and depend on individual features child and his temperament. Of course, family relationships and upbringing methods also play a role.

The first sign of a crisis is stubbornness. In order not to ask the baby, he will answer: “I don’t want!”, “Don’t!”, “I myself!”. This can begin as early as the age of 1.5-2 years, and end only by the age of four. The most emotional phase appears at the age of three years. During this period, whims and stubbornness can be observed from five to twenty times a day. At the same time, girls are more naughty, and boys are stubborn. Aggravation of signs of a crisis may begin with a visit kindergarten.

A three-year-old child begins to feel like an independent person with his own character and with his own desires. This innovation in the personality of the baby shows the beginning of changes in his life. Becoming occurs in conflicts with adults, and in the knowledge of the new, and in the formation of self-consciousness. The child begins to feel like an adult, and parents and grandmothers lisp with him. The child does not like it, an internal protest appears, which results in whims and stubbornness.

The main signs of the crisis

These signs do not include the child's bad behavior or his desire to harm, they have their own characteristics.

Negativism

This manifestation is selective. The request of mom or dad may not be categorically fulfilled, but the wishes of the rest of the family members are satisfied. Negativism prevents the child from even fulfilling his own desires, not to mention the requests of parents or other adults. He always wants to resist and contradict everything and everyone. Everything that adults offer (even a favorite walk to the park on a swing) the child ignores.

Such negative reactions should not be confused with ordinary disobedience. Disobedient child most often they only negatively relate to parental requests, and he fulfills his own with pleasure.

Impact measures:

command tone in relation to the child is categorically contraindicated;
parents should not insist on their own if the child does not agree with them. It is better to do what the baby wants at this time. “If you don’t want to sleep, it’s fine, go play!” or “If you don’t want to dress outside, don’t, the walk is canceled today!” etc.
a negatively-minded and overly emotional baby should be left alone for a while.

Stubbornness

It is worth noting right away that perseverance and stubbornness are completely different things. Perseverance brings up willpower in a child, the ability to achieve one's goal and bring the work begun to the end in order to get positive result. A persistent kid will fold a pyramid or collect children's puzzles until he succeeds.

A stubborn child has a completely different goal. He wants to achieve his only because he already achieved this once. Once he refused to go to eat when he was called, and now, even if he is hungry, he still will not go because of his stubbornness.

Measures of influence that are suitable only during a crisis:

no need to insist parents on their request or try to convince the baby in different ways;
let the child feel like a "winner";
when refusing to eat, leave the cooked dinner or breakfast on the table and say that the baby can eat when he wants to.

Despotism

Signs of despotism in families with many children and in families with one child are different. IN large family despotism looks like jealousy. The kid tries to attract attention by taking away a toy from a brother or sister, he may even push or hit one of them. And in a family with one child, despotism is the desire that all the requests of the baby be fulfilled unquestioningly, always and instantly. Mom and dad should do whatever their baby wants.

such children need increased attention and affection;
you should not succumb to the manipulation of the child;
parents should behave in such a way that children understand that without their whims and tantrums, you can also get parental attention;
involve the child in household chores in the kitchen, cook a birthday cake together or dinner for dad.

Devaluation of the important and interesting

Everything that your baby was so attached to (for example, a toy, a pet, a book, etc.) begins to irritate him and even causes a negative destructive reaction. A child can easily tear his favorite book, break a typewriter, hit a kitten. In communication with adults, rudeness and antics are manifested, bad words appear in the lexicon.

postpone for this period all types of educational conversations and moralizing;
Divert your child's attention with other activities. For example, draw together, make an appliqué or greeting card. You can read an interesting book or use toys to come up with and show your own fairy tale.
everything that worries parents during this period, convey to your crumbs through role-playing games, transferring educational moments to a toy.

Manifestation of obstinacy of character

This crisis symptom most often manifests itself in those families where parents cannot find mutual language in the upbringing of the child. These disagreements lead to the fact that the baby ceases to obey everyone. His obstinacy manifests itself in everything that adults offer - these are ordinary objects, a request to wash or brush your teeth, an invitation to visit or for a walk.

Impact measures:

use a change of activity as a method of influence at this stage (for example, instead of cleaning your toys, invite your child to play with a constructor or draw). If you do not insist on the immediate execution of your request, then soon the baby will do everything as it should.

Real rebellion

Such a little rebel will constantly be in conflict with everyone and even “fight”. He does not need any significant reason to once again say or shout his “I won’t!” or “I don’t want to!”. A three-year-old kid wants constant attention to himself and the fulfillment of all his whims.

listen calmly to your child;
remain friendly in any situation;
if it concerns the life and health of your child, then you need to insist on your solution to the problem (for example, playing near the roadway, dangerous swings or dangerous objects).

willfulness

Self-will is, in a sense, synonymous with independence. A growing child wants to do everything himself - buy bread in the store, cross the road himself, open the door with a key or turn on the light. Some wishes of this kind cause concern among parents and grandmothers, because "he is still a child."

allow your baby to do those things that do not threaten his health. It is essential to develop independence. At this age, the child, in addition to the manifestation of independence, must also cultivate patience and a desire to achieve a positive result.

What should parents do?

Try to understand that your baby is slowly starting to grow up and wants to be independent. Try to move with him to a new level of relationship.

The duration of the crisis of the age of three also largely depends on the reaction of the parents. You must always remain calm and reasonable in any behavior of your child. Take care of your nerves and do not succumb to the provocations of the baby. Yelling or punishing in this situation will only cause harm.
Restrictions and prohibitions should be reasonable, but permissiveness is not what is needed in this situation. Rules should be strict, but only for really important things and actions. The best way out for children and parents is the "golden mean".
Any attempts at independence that do not pose a danger to the life and health of the child should be encouraged. This applies to washing, cleaning, cooking, repair. Let the baby, to the best of his ability, participate in all household chores with mom and dad.
Every child should have the right to choose. For example, what dress or blouse to wear to kindergarten. You can ask the kid in the store which juice to choose or what color to buy cups. Even such unprincipled situations for parents increase the child's self-esteem and give him confidence.

In order to reduce the number of repetitive whims and tantrums, it is necessary to show as much attention as possible and parental love to your little one. After all, most often such behavior of children is aimed precisely at attracting such a reaction from parents. Listen to the advice of professionals:

No need to try to explain something to a child during a period of emotional outburst. If this happens at home, then just leave the baby alone for a while. If this behavior manifested itself in a crowded place, then switch your baby's attention to a passing bus, a cat running through, or a beautiful flower.
Affective flash can be extinguished with the help of the game. Try to amuse your child with a children's puppet theater or a fun song, a family sports game or an activity with a pet.
Don't forget about preventive measures. Before going to the store or visiting, try to negotiate with your child in advance about possible development events to prevent hysteria. Don't forget to offer something instead of what you can't.

Children's whims and tantrums will be much less if:

Parents themselves will not be annoyed, and will remain calm;
On the part of adults, the baby will receive a sufficient amount of affection and attention;
Adults will be able to determine in time the cause of the "wrong" children's behavior;
Parents will not begin to sort things out with the child until he calms down.

The crisis stage in a child's life will be much easier if the relationship between the child and parents is warm and trusting.

Crisis of 3 years of age: how to communicate with a child during this period (video)

Hello dear readers!

More recently, a cute angel literally did not leave his mother a single step, he was an obedient and docile baby. Today's desperate rebel does not want to peacefully communicate with his parents, bursts into tears with hysteria over every trifle, becomes difficult to control. Bewildered young parents only take their heads, watching these changes in the behavior of their child. What is it? Nothing bad is happening. Your baby has entered a three-year crisis that the whole family needs to go through together.

Age of discovery
Mother Nature endowed all children at birth with a special type of thinking. The little ones are so arranged that for the first three years they absorb the whole life. They absorb various feelings, sensations, words, actions. And they do it without thinking at all, without setting any goals for themselves. In the shortest possible time, babies learn to hold their heads, turn, sit, crawl and walk. They pronounce the first sounds, imitating adults, and then words and phrases. Children understand the meaning of adult speech and learn to speak correctly themselves.
But at the age of three, aimless thinking fades away. The baby feels like an individual, a person. At 3 years old, the baby begins to learn to live in a new way. Now his knowledge of reality occurs through repeated repetition of actions, through thousands of “whys”, to which parents cannot always give the correct answer. The kid strives for an independent study of all individual phenomena and the whole world as a whole, demanding respect for himself.

Difficulties of age
The age of three of the child is the time when the baby breaks the parental umbilical cord, separates from them, well aware of his own "I". This process is painful not only for parents, but especially for their crumbs. From the behavior of mom and dad, their reaction to what is happening will depend on further relations with the baby rebellious for every reason. These relationships are sure to leave an indelible imprint on mental development a toddler, making him in the future a passive contemplator of all events or an active discoverer, an independent fighter who defends his ideas or a timid person who does not dare to say “No” or “Yes” in time.

Self-will, negativism, self-will, protest are manifested at this age. Violent quarrels between the child and parents begin to occur. The kid does not want to hear and does not hear the reasonable arguments and requests of the elders, everything is done the other way around. Psychologists have identified the reasons leading to disobedience in children at the age of three years of crisis.
1. Lack of attention from adults. Three-year-old why is looking for answers to his questions. But parents are busy with work, household chores, phone calls with girlfriends and gatherings with friends. No one pays due attention to the growing cognizer of the surrounding world, does not share the first enthusiastic discoveries. The child approaches his mother and talks about a new friend in kindergarten. But mom has no time to listen to him. The child approaches the father, but the father sends him to the mother. The kid is like a small ball that bounces from one racket to another. The child begins to simply not hear the requests of his parents. They don't want to hear it either!
Parental attitude. Try to devote all your free time to your children, communicate with them, live by their interests, share joy with them, overcome difficult life obstacles together. Don't push the kids away from you. The time will come when you will need their participation, their timely love.
2. Struggle for self-assertion. The child protests against excessive parental care, thereby showing his independence. This happens when parents try to prevent any actions of their child. It is simply much easier for them to do the actions that the child is trying to do on their own. Wash the baby or let him wash himself, feed him with a spoon or give him the opportunity to pick himself with a spoon in a plate for 20 minutes, wash a T-shirt soaked in juice or watch an inept baby do laundry on his own in the bathroom? Such questions arise for every parent when they are going to work or visit. The independence of the little one not only annoys the parents, but also causes a certain anger with the resistance and stubbornness of the baby.
Parental attitude. Help your child become independent. Let him do everything himself. Do not quench these precious desires in your children. You run the risk of raising lazy people and playboys in the family, who until gray hair they will rely on their mother. Water spilled on the floor can be rubbed, a dress smeared with porridge can be washed. You will never be able to make a hardworking person out of an inveterate lazy person.
3. Desire for revenge. Very often, parents punish their child without understanding the reasons for the negative misbehavior. And in vain. It is imperative to find out the reason. Sometimes children are punished for nothing. And this undermines the baby's faith in parental justice and selfless love for him. Unfair punishment, unfulfilled promises, unworthy behavior of the parents themselves undermines faith in justice and causes a desire for revenge on the part of the child.
Parental attitude. Do not punish your children without understanding the essence of the matter. Keep the promises you make to your child. Do not nurture the negative traits of young avengers in kids.
4. Loss of faith in one's own strength and success. It's easy to offend someone who doesn't fight back. Often parents express unflattering and negative, offensive and unfair words to their little one, not suspecting that they are instilling in their child a sense of inferiority. The little man is sure that he will never have good luck and success in his life. He loses confidence in his abilities. Is it really possible to lose faith in success at the age of three? Yes. This will be clearly expressed in kindergarten, school, family life.
Parental attitude. Watch your speech without showing a negative attitude towards the child.

Pay close attention to your baby and his feelings. Help him grow in his natural rhythm according to his personality and age. Your child is your future. And for a good future you need to fight!

- a transitional stage of mental development between early and preschool age. It is characterized by a radical restructuring of the personality structure - the child begins to realize the presence of will (arbitrariness), activity, the ability to make choices, act independently. The crisis is manifested by emotional and behavioral symptoms: negativism, stubbornness, obstinacy, self-will, protest reactions, despotism. Diagnosis is performed by a psychiatrist, psychologist through conversation, observation. At consultations, parents are told about ways to correct the manifestations of the crisis.

General information

Crisis periods of development differ from stable periods in the occurrence of qualitative changes in the psyche, the presence of a conflict between the new needs of the child and established social relations and forms of activity. Signs of a crisis of three years are observed between 2.5 and 3.5 years, the result is the psychological separation of the child from mom, dad, older sisters, brothers. The severity, intensity of symptoms ranges from barely noticeable whims to regular frequent tantrums, constant negativism, resistance to adults. Regardless of the characteristics of the course, the transition period ends with the appearance of neoplasms necessary for further development. proper development- self-awareness, strong-willed qualities, independence.

Causes of the crisis of three years

The child seeks to establish rules, norms, build relationships based on social roles, personal qualities. At the same time, parents retain their previous models of behavior - orientation towards objective activity, limiting the field of opportunities for manifestations of independence. The conflict is accompanied by quarrels with adults. The severity of this period is determined by the combined influence of certain factors:

Authoritarianism. The desire of adults to establish strict norms, the requirement of unconditional submission suppresses the will, independence of the baby. The crisis proceeds with reactions of rebellion, open resistance to parents.
Hyperprotection. Excessive parental care in the conditions of the formation of the child's personality, the increase in independence becomes the cause of negativism, obstinacy, disobedience. The intensity of overprotection directly correlates with the duration and brightness of the crisis.
Family composition. If there are brothers and sisters involved in the upbringing, the crisis usually proceeds more easily. The child has more opportunities, options for building relationships. Siblings are more flexible, change behavior faster.
Temperament. The intensity, stability, ease of occurrence of emotional reactions are partly determined by innate characteristics nervous system. Conflicts provoke a greater response in choleric, melancholic people.
Health status. The severity of emotional and behavioral deviations is determined by the presence of diseases in the child. Sickly children often experience increased dependence on the mother, the development of independence is delayed, the crisis comes later, and proceeds smoothly. In neurological diseases, the imbalance of excitation-inhibition processes is manifested by greater emotional instability, hypertrophy of crisis manifestations.

Pathogenesis

Neoplasms of the crisis are a new level of self-awareness, independence, building social relations, volitional regulation of activity. Positive changes are hidden behind negative symptoms - disobedience, obstinacy, whims, tantrums. The basis of emotional, behavioral disorders is the inconsistency of social circumstances with the changed needs and capabilities of the child. Motivation of actions is now connected not with the content of the situation, but with relationships.

The social position of the baby is being rebuilt, he begins to separate himself from adults not physically, as during the crisis of 1 year, but psychologically. There is an idea of oneself as a person, the image of "I" is formed as a system of desires, needs, will, activity. To test new opportunities, the child opposes his actions to the actions of adults - he argues, is stubborn, refuses. The direction of actions is determined by the personality, and not by the desires of the child, as before.

Three year crisis symptoms

The course of the crisis stage is described by the "seven-star symptoms" (L. S. Vygotsky). At the age of three, the behavior of children is characterized by stubbornness, negativism, self-will, obstinacy, protests, depreciation, despotism. Negativism is a negative response, a refusal caused by a situation of interaction with an adult. Reactions occur selectively to certain people. The difference between negativism and ordinary disobedience is that affect and action are separated: the child wants to perform the proposed activity (go for a walk, listen to a fairy tale), but refuses. Negativism allows you to highlight your own motives, to show independence.

Stubbornness is accompanied by a steady tendency towards the activity chosen by the child. The social aspect is the presentation of demands to an adult, relentless adherence to one's own words, promises. It is important for the baby to remain committed to his decision, regardless of the circumstances (frozen, but does not go home). The difference between stubbornness and perseverance is following the chosen action contrary to one's own desires, the requests of an adult. Obstinacy is a negative tendency against the norms of upbringing, lifestyle, system of relationships. The child shows dissatisfaction with games, daily rituals, ways of spending leisure time, attending kindergarten. With this reaction, he emphasizes his own opinion.

The need to show independence is realized by self-will - a demonstration of the initiative of an action that is inadequate to the possibilities and conditions. The need for respect, recognition of the opinions and desires of the child is realized by protest reactions. The desire to demonstrate will, independence, independence is expressed by provoking conflicts with adults. Frequent quarrels lead to depreciation. The child recognizes the insignificance, unimportance of people, things, activities that he was fond of earlier. He starts swearing, teasing, calling his parents names, breaking his favorite toys. The desire for despotism arises as a need to control others, to rule. Manifested by orders to parents, jealousy, manipulation.

Complications

The crisis is accompanied by changes in relationships, the emotional sphere, and the child's value system. Intense deep experiences form internal and external conflicts. A difficult period can provoke neurotic reactions. Children develop enuresis, night terrors, nightmares, stuttering. The extreme aggravation of the crisis is manifested by hysterical attacks: the child screams, cries, falls to the floor, knocks with his fists, arches. During a tantrum, there is a risk of injury. A protracted crisis leads to the formation of hysterical personality traits - the symptoms become qualities of the child's character.

Diagnostics

In most cases, the crisis passes without the intervention of doctors, adults perceive changes in the child's behavior as a natural stage of development, ending on their own. With severe symptoms, parents seek advice from specialists - a psychologist, a neurologist, a psychiatrist. Diagnosis is made by clinical and physical methods:

Conversation. A clinical survey allows you to find out the anamnesis, the time of onset of symptoms, their frequency, severity, duration. The key markers of the crisis are negativism, stubbornness, obstinacy, self-will.
observation. During the conversation, the specialist observes the behavior of the baby. Most clearly, the symptoms are manifested in the accidental interaction of parents and the child.
Inspection. With hypobulic seizures (tantrums, convulsions), a neurologist conducts a physical examination. Assesses sensitivity, muscle strength, tone, reflexes, coordination of movements. Performs differential diagnosis of crisis with neurological diseases.

Overcoming the negative symptoms of the crisis is faster when changing the attitude towards the matured baby, accepting his new needs and opportunities. Psychologists conduct individual consultations, group lectures, telling parents about the methods of communication, interaction with the child, and organization of pastime. General principles:

With the correct correction of relationships with a growing child, the crisis of three years passes more smoothly, calmly, and ends after a few months. Neoplasms of this stage of development are the psychological emancipation of a child from an adult, the emergence of self-esteem, evaluation of one's own actions. Strong-willed qualities, independence are actively developing, social relations are becoming more complicated. Prevention of the protracted course of the crisis, neurotic and psychopathic complications is to create new conditions for development - building relationships, taking into account the changing needs of the child.

Just yesterday, your baby was so soft and obedient, but today he throws tantrums, is rude for any reason, and categorically refuses to fulfill his mother's requests. What happened to him? Most likely, the child entered the so-called crisis of three years. Agree, it sounds awesome. But how should adults react to such children's behavior and what should parents who are tired of whims do?

In the psychological literature, the crisis of the age of three is called a special, relatively short life period of the child, which is characterized by significant changes in his mental development. The crisis does not necessarily come on the third birthday, average age occurrence - from 2.5 to 3.5 years.

"Do not want! I won't! No need! I'm on my own!"

The period of stubbornness begins at about 1.5 years.

As a rule, this phase ends by 3.5-4 years.

The peak of stubbornness falls on 2.5-3 years.

Boys are more stubborn than girls.

Girls are naughty, more often than boys.

IN crisis period attacks of stubbornness and capriciousness occur in children 5 times a day. Some have up to 19 times.

The crisis is the restructuring of the child, his growing up.

The duration and severity of manifestations of emotional reactions largely depend on the temperament of the child, the family style of upbringing, and the relationship between mother and baby. Psychologists are sure that the more authoritarian relatives behave, the brighter and sharper the crisis manifests itself. By the way, it can intensify with the start of the visit.

If recently parents did not understand how to teach children to be independent, now there is too much of it. Phrases "I myself", "I want/I don't want" heard regularly.

The child is aware of himself as a separate person, with his own desires and needs. This is the most important new formation of this age crisis. Thus, for such a difficult period, not only conflicts with mother and father are characteristic, but also the emergence of a new quality - self-awareness.

And yet, despite the seeming adulthood, the baby does not understand how to get recognition and approval from their parents. Adults continue to treat the child as small and unintelligent, but for him he is already independent and big. And such injustice makes him rebel.

7 main signs of a crisis

In addition to the desire for independence, the crisis of three years has other characteristic symptoms that make it impossible to confuse it with bad behavior and childishness.

1. Negativism

Negativism forces the baby to oppose not only his mother's, but also his own desire. For example, parents offer to go to the zoo, but the baby categorically refuses, although he really wants to see the animals. The fact is that the proposals come from adults.

A distinction must be made between disobedience and negative reactions. Naughty children act in accordance with their desires, which often go against the wishes of their parents. By the way, negativism is often selective: the child does not fulfill requests individual person, most often mothers, and behaves with the rest as before.

Advice:

You should not speak with children in an orderly tone. If the child is negative towards you, give him the opportunity to calm down and move away from excessive emotions. Sometimes asking the other way around helps: "Don't get dressed, we're not going anywhere today".

2. Stubbornness

Stubbornness is often confused with perseverance. However, perseverance is a useful strong-willed quality that allows the little man to achieve the goal, despite the difficulties. For example, to complete the construction of a house of cubes, even if it is falling apart.

Stubbornness is distinguished by the desire of the baby to stand his ground to the end only because he already once demanded it. Let's say you called your son to dinner, but he refuses. You start to convince, and he replies: “I already said that I won’t eat, so I won’t”.

Advice:

Do not try to convince the baby, because you will deprive him of the chance to get out of a difficult situation with dignity. A possible way out is to say that you will leave the food on the table, and he can eat when he is hungry. This method is best used only during a crisis.

3. Despotism

Most often, this symptom occurs in families with an only baby. He tries to force his mother and father to do as he pleases. For example, a daughter demands that her mother be with her all the time. If there are several children in the family, then despotic reactions manifest themselves as jealousy: the baby screams, stomps, pushes, takes away toys from his brother or sister.

Advice:

Don't be manipulated. And at the same time, try to pay more attention to children. They must realize that parental attention can be attracted without scandals and tantrums. Involve the baby in household chores - cook dinner for dad together.

4. Symptom of depreciation

For a child, the value of old attachments disappears - to people, favorite dolls and cars, books, rules of conduct. Suddenly, he begins to break toys, tear books, call names or grimace in front of his grandmother, and say rude things. Moreover, the baby's vocabulary is constantly expanding, replenishing, among other things, with various bad and even indecent words.

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Advice:

Try to distract the children with other toys. Instead of cars, take up the designer, instead of books, choose drawing. Often look at pictures on the topic: how to behave with other people. Just don’t read moralizing, it’s better to play the child’s reactions that disturb you in role-playing games.

5. Obstinacy

This unpleasant symptom of a crisis is impersonal. If negativism concerns a specific adult, then obstinacy is directed at the usual way of life, at all actions and objects that relatives offer the child. Often it is found in families in which there are disagreements on the issue of education between mom and dad, parents and. The kid simply ceases to fulfill any requirements.

Advice:

If the baby does not want to clean up the toys right now, take him to another activity - for example, draw. And after a few minutes, you will find that he himself will begin to put the cars in the basket, without your prompting.

6. Riot

A three-year-old child is trying to prove to adults that his desires are as valuable as their own. Because of this, he goes into conflict for any reason. It seems that the baby is in a state of undeclared "war" with others, protesting against their every decision: "I do not want and I will not!".

Advice:

Try to remain calm, friendly, listen to children's opinions. However, insist on your decision when it comes to the safety of the child: "You can not play with the ball on the roadway!".

7. Willfulness

Self-will is manifested in the fact that children strive for independence, and regardless of the specific situation and their own capabilities. The child wants to independently buy any product in the store, pay at the checkout, cross the road without holding on to his grandmother's hand. It is not surprising that such desires do not cause much enthusiasm in adults.

Advice:

Let your child do what he wants to do. If he fulfills the desired, he will receive invaluable experience, if he fails, he will do it next time. Of course, this only applies to situations that are absolutely safe for children.

Video consultation: Crisis 3 Years, 8 manifestations of the crisis. What parents need to know

What should parents do?

First of all, adults need to understand that children's behavior is not a bad heredity or a harmful character. Your child is already big and wants to become independent. It's time to build a new relationship with him.

React calmly and calmly. It should be remembered that the baby, by his actions, tests the strength of the parent's nerves and seeks weak spots that you can click on. Also, do not scream, break loose on children, and even more so physically punish - harsh methods can aggravate and prolong the course of the crisis ().
Set reasonable limits. No need to clog the life of a small person with all sorts of prohibitions. However, you should not go to the other extreme, otherwise, because of permissiveness, you risk raising a tyrant. Find a “golden mean” - reasonable boundaries that you absolutely cannot cross. For example, it is forbidden to play on the road, walk in cold weather without a hat, skip daytime sleep.
Encourage independence. Everything that does not pose a danger to children's life, the child can try to do, even if several mugs break in the process of learning (). Baby wants to draw on the wallpaper? Attach a piece of paper to the wall and give a few felt-tip pens. Shows genuine interest in the washing machine? A small bowl of warm water and doll clothes will distract you from tricks and whims for a long time.
Give the right to choose. Parental wisdom suggests giving even a three-year-old baby the opportunity to choose from at least two options. For example, do not force it outerwear, but offer to go outside in a green or red jacket :). Of course, you still make serious decisions, but you can give in to unprincipled things.

How to deal with whims and tantrums?

In most cases, the bad behavior of three-year-olds - whims and hysterical reactions - is aimed at attracting parental attention and getting the desired thing. How should a mother behave during the crisis of three years in order to avoid constant tantrums?

During an affective outburst, it is useless to explain something to a baby. It is worth waiting until he calms down. If the tantrum caught in a public place, try to take away from the "public" and distract children's attention. Remember what kind of cat you saw in the yard, how many sparrows were sitting on a branch in front of the house.
Try to smooth out outbursts of anger with the help of the game. The daughter does not want to eat - seat the doll next to her, let the girl feed her. However, soon the toy will get tired of eating alone, so one spoon for the doll, and the second for the baby (watch the video at the end of the article).
To prevent whims and tantrums during a crisis, learn to negotiate with children even before starting any action. For example, before going shopping, agree on the impossibility of buying an expensive toy. Try to explain why you can't buy this machine. And be sure to ask what the baby would like to receive in return, offer your own version of entertainment.

To minimize the manifestation of tantrums and whims, necessary:

remain calm without showing irritation;
provide the child with attention and care;
invite the child to choose a way to solve the problem ( "what would you do in my place?");
find out the reason for such behavior;
postpone the conversation until the end of the scandal.

Some parents, after reading our article, will say that they have not observed such negative manifestations in their three-year-old children. Indeed, sometimes the crisis of three years proceeds without obvious symptoms. However, the main thing in this period is not how it passes, but what it can lead to. A sure sign of the normal development of a child's personality at this age stage is the emergence of such psychological qualities as perseverance, will and self-confidence.

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