How to punish naughty children. How to choose the right punishment for a child. Choose a punishment depending on age

The process of upbringing is quite complex, since it must occur daily, and its success depends on the sequence and purposefulness of actions in adults. But no matter how hard the parents try to explain to the child the rules and norms of behavior in society from birth, there still comes a moment when he violates them, after which punishment necessarily follows. This is where the problem arises for adults, because not every one of them knows how to punish a child for disobedience correctly, so that this process is effective, and the baby does not do the same in the future. This is a more serious problem than it seems at first glance.

How can a child be punished for disobedience?

First of all, you need to understand that there is a clear prohibition in the process of education, which in no case should be violated - physical punishment unacceptable! No matter what your child has done, you should never use force on him. Even if children become too stubborn, they do all their actions intentionally, while no persuasion works, you still need to look for other ways of punishment, you need to find those words or actions that can affect the child's behavior. It is better to study special literature that will tell you how to properly punish children for disobedience.

You need to stop the wrong actions and actions of the child immediately after you notice them. Before punishing, you need to be absolutely sure that it was your child who committed a specific bad deed, and your actions will be lawful, because otherwise the punishment will have the opposite effect. And then you will begin to think about that, for disobedience, constantly.

Is it always necessary to punish children for disobedience?

Sometimes parents confuse intentional whims with whims due to illness, hunger or thirst, and very often babies behave this way after illness, because they feel weak. This can be expressed as follows: during lunch they want to sleep, and during the daytime sleep they feel a surge of energy. In this case, it is impossible to punish the child, because the change in the daily routine is unintentional. Therefore, you first need to find out what they are trying to achieve before punishing children for disobedience. Komarovsky says: you need to explain to the kids that their whims only upset their parents.

At what age can a child be punished?

Psychologists say that punishing a child under the age of two and a half does not make any sense. The child does not realize what he has done but will think that his parents suddenly stopped loving him, because they forbid him to play the usual games that he played before. Yes, the child understands that this toy is broken or the wall is dirty, but he does not understand that this cannot be done and does not feel guilty for himself, so parents are advised not to punish the child until this age. You don’t need to think about how to punish children for disobedience, you just need to explain to the child the consequences of his behavior each time, for example, that the plate can break if you throw it away, the toy can break and the child will no longer be able to play with it.

At this age, your own example will be effective. Parents can show what actions will please loved ones, and what will upset them.

Only when reaching the age of 2.5-3 years, the child slowly begins to independently control his actions and behavior. But this does not mean that you need to immediately indulge in all serious and punish the baby. And at the specified age, this must be done correctly. First of all, you need to calm down. Under no circumstances should you scream. Try to tell the kid the reason why he is wrong, strictly, but calmly. Literally in a year, the child will already be able to independently distinguish good deeds from bad ones. In the event that you punished him correctly, he will be afraid of your anger, and he will confess everything himself. That's why you need to know how to punish children for disobedience.

Remember also about the peculiarity of three-year-old children to go against their parents, not because they want to annoy you, but because they begin to feel their independence and try to show it.

How to properly punish a three-year-old child

When choosing at this age, consider the fact how much you control your emotions at the moment, whether you can listen to your baby, whether you can give him enough time to analyze the situation.

At the age of three, the child begins to actively take an interest in the world around him. If earlier it was enough for him to simply feel something, now this interest is more global, and the main question is “Why?”. He is not yet able to understand why it is impossible to draw with pencils on the wallpaper or pull the cat's tail.

Rules for punishing children aged 6 to 10 years

At this age, the guys already understand and know what is good and what is bad. However, under certain circumstances, the child may have a desire to rebel, as if declaring their rights. The methods of how to punish a child of 8 years old for disobedience should be the same as for children younger age However, there are also new principles:

Before punishing a child for disobedience (9 years old is the age when punishment should already be), you need to make sure that there are no witnesses, since their presence will humiliate the child, which will lead to even greater persistence.
You can not compare a child with other children, the result of this will not be good behavior but lack of confidence in oneself and one's abilities.
The child should have certain responsibilities at school and at home, but they should not be punishments, for example, you should not punish him with cleaning or homework.
The line of behavior must always be kept to the end, for example, if you decide not to talk to the baby, then you need to maintain such behavior until the child understands what he is to blame for, otherwise he will decide that you will always make concessions and you won't be able to get rid of mistakes.
Do not use the “not” particle, try to explain what needs to be done, and not prohibit it, for example, “You can’t eat with unwashed hands” is better replaced with the phrase “You need to wash your hands before eating.” So the child will understand that he is not forbidden to do anything, but is told how best to act.
Even small offenses need to be punished. Remember that if, after small violations of the order, the child goes unpunished, then each time they will be larger and larger, and it will no longer be possible to stop the fidget.

General rules of punishment

There are certain rules of punishment, the observance of which will help to achieve the desired effect and not spoil the relationship with the child. They do not depend on the age of the baby.

The first rule is that you can't take your anger out on a child. Regardless of the magnitude of the offense, punishment should be a calm and measured action. Only in this way will it have sufficient power. With the breakdown of anger, any punishment becomes unfair, the child will definitely feel it. He does not consider such punishments serious, he will simply be afraid of your cry, he may cry, but he will be sure that you are wrong, which means that he will not change his behavior.

Punishment must necessarily correspond to the act. It should not be too soft or too serious. To do this, you need to carefully analyze the situation, in addition, it is recommended to take into account many factors, for example, a second punishment for a similar offense should be more severe than the previous one. If the child understands his guilt, sincerely repents, then the punishment can be conditional.

In the event that several family members are involved in raising a child at once, they should all adhere to a single opinion about punishment. For example, if dad punishes, and mom constantly regrets, then the child will understand that he can always escape punishment. Therefore, before this, it is better for parents to consult and come to a consensus.

Punishment is a way to show the child the consequences of his bad deeds. It should not be aimed at intimidating the baby, he should realize that this is not the way to do it. Sometimes you don’t need to constantly think about how to punish a child for disobedience (10 years old - when this age is reached, a person can clearly understand the cause-and-effect relationships, which means that the punishment will be effective), but it is better to find out the reasons for such behavior.

What happens if children are not punished?

Many modern parents believe that a child's happy childhood is due to the absence of punishment. They live in the hope that the child will outgrow his bad behavior, with age he will understand everything. An American pediatrician was of the same opinion. He believed that children demand respect, recognition of natural needs, and considered punishment to be violence against the psyche. Thus, responsibility was completely removed from the child. However, such a method of education leads to the fact that parents follow the lead of own child. Yes, it’s easier for the baby to live now, in a world where the mother is responsible for everything, but as they grow older, it becomes much more difficult for such a child to adapt in society.

The main purpose of punishment

Proper punishment allows the child to form an idea of the boundaries of what is permitted, to avoid a selfish, disrespectful attitude towards other people, and also helps the child learn to organize himself. The absence of punishment will lead to the fact that for a certain time the parents will simply accumulate irritation, negative emotions in themselves, which sooner or later will still result in punishment. With a high probability, this will be precisely the use of force, which will become a tragedy for the child.

If the child is not punished, he will not feel cared for, as he is likely to believe that his parents do not care what he does. The indulgence of parents does not lead to a change in behavior, but only to conflicts. Therefore, in the life of a child, there must be certain rules, restrictions and prohibitions.

If there are too many punishments

Equally, the absence of punishment and their excessive amount does not lead to the desired result. In a family where a child is punished too often, there are two ways of personality development. Either he grows up intimidated, anxious, dependent, he does not understand what can and cannot be done. Or the child may not comply with the rules, rebel, as a result of which both the first and second options are observed - this is an example of a person with psychological trauma. It will be difficult for parents to find an approach to a child who is often punished; as a result, there will be difficulties with taking responsibility, self-esteem, and self-realization as a person.

No matter how much parents love their children, sometimes they have to resort to punishment. After all, indulging a child, you run the risk of raising an irresponsible teenager who will believe that everything is permissible for him. The main thing is not to go too far and not harm the child's psyche. How to constructively punish a child?

10 rules for parents

Be consistent. Apply the same discipline to the child when he misbehaves. Do not arbitrarily change the rules of conduct or punishment without a clear reason. Do not ignore the misdeeds of children, even if it is difficult for you to do something about them.
Set clear boundaries. Give your child an idea of how to behave and how not to, from the very beginning. early age by setting clear boundaries.
Match the punishment with the offense. Small pranks or a first-time offense deserve only a warning, but a deliberate disrespect or aggressive behavior will require a serious reaction. Keep in mind that children are not perfect and learn from mistakes, however, they must understand that their bad behavior is unacceptable.
Don't punish too long. The child will lose the connection between the misbehavior and the ban on watching TV if it lasts two weeks. Punishment should be short but effective.
Keep calm. If you are constantly angry and raising your voice at children so often that it has already become a common occurrence, your anger will no longer affect them. It turns out that you will need to shout even louder for them to notice you.
Show a united front with your spouse. Check with husband/wife general rules behavior and punishment for children. The child quickly realizes that one of the parents can forgive him, and begins to manipulate him. Lack of consent can cause problems not only with the offspring, but also in your relationship with your spouse.
Be a positive role model. Never forget that children learn by looking at you. Make an effort to be polite, hardworking, honest, and there may be fewer reasons for punishment.
Don't forget to reward good behavior. Disciplinary action is only part of the educational process. In addition to punishing wrongdoing, spend time rewarding good behavior such as kindness, patience, accuracy, hard work.
Talk about your expectations. It is important that the child knows what you consider good and bad behavior, and also understands what the consequences will be for breaking the rules. If he is old enough, he can choose his own reward for good behavior, if appropriate.
Consider the age and temperament of the child. No two children are exactly alike. Therefore, it is impossible to influence the same disciplinary methods on a three-year-old and seven year old child. If you have a little melancholic growing up, then threats can harm his psychological health.

Ways of constructive and loyal punishment

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Is physical punishment acceptable?

Perhaps, no topic in matters of raising a child causes such heated discussion as physical punishment. Many educators and psychologists unanimously oppose him, believing that spanking only gives rise to fear and resentment towards adults in the child. To avoid spanks and cuffs, children become quirky and learn to lie.

True, one should distinguish between the systematic beating of children with an officer's belt with a buckle and the reaction of adults to the child's dangerous behavior. Surely you could watch how a mother terrified to death spanks her baby, who ran out onto a busy highway and almost fell under the wheels of a car. In such extreme cases, the physical impact usually does not harm the child, as it does not carry humiliation.

How to punish children is up to their parents. The main thing is to do it correctly and constructively. Do not go too far with disciplinary actions, it is better to explain to the child, without shouting and physical punishment, why he behaved incorrectly, and then he will understand you.

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Good behavior should be rewarded and bad behavior should be punished. Parents in this way teach a young person to distinguish between good and evil, form his system of values. But any parenting tools should be chosen wisely. Some forms of punishment work well, while others cripple the child's psyche and turn the child into a withdrawn, fearful person with low self-esteem.

Step 1: Justify and explain

You can't put a child in a corner just like that. If he got angry and broke a plate, turned the porridge over onto a new sweater, or cut his father’s pants into shreds, adults can and should punish the culprit, but before that, they should explain why cartoons or a computer are forbidden to him.

Psychologists recommend exhaling first, counting to ten, and preferably twenty, to calm anger. Little kids don't do anything out of spite. Any transgression is an attempt to understand where the boundaries of the permitted end and the forbidden lands begin. When punishing, parents show the child this very trait, he learns the information and tries not to do it again, but if he has received enough weighty arguments.

Talking with the guilty kid should be strictly, but without screaming. Scold not for the emotions that he experiences, but only for bad deeds. For example, the child got angry and threw a cup of water on the floor. She crashed, leaving a huge puddle on the floor. Mom is hurt and annoyed, I want to hit the baby in the ass to teach a lesson, or scream to throw out the negative. Instead, you need to take a few deep breaths, look at the child and say: “You have the right to be offended (angry), but in our house it is not customary to break dishes (scatter toys). I am punishing you not for your feelings, but for a bad deed.

Step 2: Effective Ways

One of the best recognized method "misdemeanor - consequences." Did the child fight on the playground? Mom immediately takes him home, and on this day he no longer goes out. Knocked over a pot of porridge or soup? The child gets a rag and cleans up after himself, and then washes the floor. Children school age able to sew up a torn shirt or trousers on their own. Let everything be not perfect, but the culprit will learn one of the main rules: he will have to eliminate the consequences of bad behavior or pranks on his own.

Of course, this method does not resemble punishment in the classical sense, but it works much more effectively than slaps and screams. The child will learn to be responsible for his actions and the next time he will think about the possible consequences.

Step 3: Timely Punishment

Parents should respond immediately, not days later. If a child is guilty on Tuesday, there is no point in punishing him on Sunday and not taking him to a picnic. Parents should act according to a strict scheme:

found out that the child was disgraceful;
scolded and punished in accordance with the offense;
forgiven and forgotten.

You can’t remind your daughter or son every day that he had a fight with a neighbor’s boy. Usually children quickly learn such rules, and if this happened a second time, then the culprit has a serious reason for such an act. In such cases, one should not punish, but find out the reason and solve the problem with the help of confidential conversations.

Step 4: Time to think

A child standing in a corner will simply get tired, but is unlikely to draw conclusions. Psychologists recommend using the "Time-out" method. Children should be seated on a chair or sofa, but candy, toys, phones, and other entertainment items should be kept away. The guilty kid should be left alone with his thoughts. Mom necessarily voices the reason why the child is punished, and the words or actions with which he can apologize.

Usually, babies are quite mobile, so they quickly get tired of sitting in one place. It takes 3 minutes for the culprit to realize that he really did something bad. Some mothers use an hourglass for clarity, which they put in front of the child. It seems like an eternity passes for children, so they try to behave well so as not to fall into a chair again.

Reception works with kids from 2 to 5-6 years. The main task of a mother who is just starting to master the Time Out technique is to make sure that the child stays in place. Cranky and overly active children jump off, try to take a toy or phone, but parents must be strict and persistent. If the child gets up from his seat, he is returned back to the chair and the “counter” is reset to zero. Did he have a minute? Now you have to sit for three more, and so on until the child stops resisting.

Tip: The culprit can be seated on a chair or armchair and held so that he does not run away. Shouting or dissolving hands is not advised, such methods only frighten the child. Parents must be persistent and adamant so that the baby understands that they do not play with him, but punish him for bad deeds.

Step 5: Silence

Young children are very attached to mom and dad, crave their constant attention and communication. Psychologists recommend using the method of ignoring instead of physical punishment. Parents of a two-year-old kid after an unreasonable tantrum or antics should refuse to play with him and go about their business. Every time the child comes up, you should explain why mom or dad does not want to read to him or turn on a cartoon.

Children 3-4 years old are recommended to explain not only the reason, but also the way to make amends. With five-year-old kids and schoolchildren, a different technique works. Parents say only once what he is guilty of, and that he should apologize. Then they remain silent and ignore him. You can talk to the child when he asks for forgiveness and promises not to do this again.

Tip: It is necessary to carefully monitor the reaction of the baby and do not forget that the child's psyche is very vulnerable. If the child is really ashamed, he is punished enough. Ignoring should last no more than a day. You can not turn the method of education into a reason for a multi-day boycott.

Step 6: Privileges and Joke Punishments

Today's children have mobile phones, computers, tablets and other things with which they practically do not part. Is the child at fault? Did you deliberately break your mother's ban? No cartoons for three days. Broccoli for dinner instead of cake. The Internet will appear when the deuce is corrected.

Parents must say the exact date when the punishment will end, and keep their word. Psychologists recommend not to stretch the ban for weeks or months. In a child, the absence of a tablet is associated with a bad deed only for the first 2-4 days. Then he begins to think that his parents simply do not love him, so they scoff.

Toddlers who scatter blocks and do not want to clean up, break cars or tear books, you need to pick up toys. It is advisable to put on the upper shelves so that the child sees bunnies and dolls, but cannot reach. Mom is advised not to pay attention to tantrums, to ignore tears and screams. In a calm and strict voice, repeat that the child will receive toys when he promises to clean them up. If he scatters them again and leaves them, then mom will take them.

For some minor offenses, it is advised to punish in a comic form. Did a child run in dirty shoes on a washed floor? Let him return to the threshold, crouches ten times and repeats: “I won’t litter anymore.” And then mom should hand him a rag and make him clean up after himself.

Children who do not want to wash their hands or take dirty dishes to the sink can be encouraged to draw posters. Pictures are then hung in prominent places, and they will serve as a reminder.

Forbidden tricks

Parents are advised not to use old-fashioned ways, like a belt, standing on buckwheat and other ineffective "charms". Beatings lower the self-esteem of children, make them nervous and fearful. Others, on the contrary, learn to solve all problems with their fists: they beat weak classmates, younger brothers and sisters, and then they can raise their hand to their father or mother.

You can not scare children with evil policemen, nurses or boarding schools. When a mother does not keep her promise, the child stops believing in her. She is no longer an authority for the child, so it is not necessary to obey her.

You can not deprive children of food, blackmail or intimidate. Punishment should be alternated with praise for good deeds so that the child sees the difference and can draw his own conclusions.

Raising a full-fledged and independent personality is a laborious and troublesome business. Parents cannot do without punishments, but in order to reduce them, it is necessary to control not only the child, but also themselves.

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How not to punish a child

First of all, you need to understand that there is a clear prohibition in the process of education, which in no case should be violated - physical punishment is unacceptable! No matter what your child has done, you should never use force on him. Even if children become too stubborn, they do all their actions intentionally, while no persuasion works, you still need to look for other ways of punishment, you need to find those words or actions that can affect the child's behavior. It is better to study special literature that will tell you how to properly punish children for disobedience.

Psychologists say that punishing a child under the age of two and a half does not make any sense. The child does not realize that he has done a bad deed, but will think that his parents suddenly stopped loving him, because they forbid him to play the usual games that he played before. Yes, the child understands that this toy is broken or the wall is dirty, but he does not understand that this cannot be done and does not feel guilty for himself, so parents are advised not to punish the child until this age. You don’t need to think about how to punish children for disobedience, you just need to explain to the child the consequences of his behavior each time, for example, that the plate can break if you throw it away, the toy can break and the child will no longer be able to play with it.

At this age, your own example will be effective. Parents can show what actions will please loved ones, and what will upset them.

Remember also about the peculiarity of three-year-old children to go against their parents, not because they want to annoy you, but because they begin to feel their independence and try to show it.

When choosing a punishment for a child at this age, consider the fact how much you control your emotions at the moment, whether you can listen to your baby, whether you can give him enough time to analyze the situation.

At this age, the guys already understand and know what is good and what is bad. However, under certain circumstances, the child may have a desire to rebel, as if declaring their rights. The ways to punish an 8-year-old child for disobedience should be the same as for younger children, but new principles are emerging:

Before punishing a child for disobedience (9 years old is the age when punishment should already be), you need to make sure that there are no witnesses, since their presence will humiliate the child, which will lead to even greater persistence.
You can not compare a child with other children, the result of this will not be good behavior, but self-doubt and self-doubt.
The child should have certain responsibilities at school and at home, but they should not be punishments, for example, you should not punish him with cleaning or homework.
The line of behavior must always be kept to the end, for example, if you decide not to talk to the baby, then you need to maintain such behavior until the child understands what he is to blame for, otherwise he will decide that you will always make concessions and you won't be able to get rid of mistakes.
Do not use the “not” particle, try to explain what needs to be done, and not prohibit it, for example, “You can’t eat with unwashed hands” is better replaced with the phrase “You need to wash your hands before eating.” So the child will understand that he is not forbidden to do anything, but is told how best to act.
Even small offenses need to be punished. Remember that if, after small violations of the order, the child goes unpunished, then each time they will be larger and larger, and it will no longer be possible to stop the fidget.

General rules of punishment

There are certain rules of punishment, the observance of which will help to achieve the desired effect and not spoil the relationship with the child. They do not depend on the age of the baby.

Many modern parents believe that a child's happy childhood is due to the absence of punishment. They live in the hope that the child will outgrow his bad behavior, with age he will understand everything. The American pediatrician B. Spock was of the same opinion. He believed that children demand respect, recognition of natural needs, and considered punishment as violence against the psyche. Thus, responsibility was completely removed from the child. However, this method of education leads to the fact that parents go on about their own child. Yes, it’s easier for the baby to live now, in a world where the mother is responsible for everything, but as they grow older, it becomes much more difficult for such a child to adapt in society.

Equally, the absence of punishment and their excessive amount does not lead to the desired result. In a family where a child is punished too often, there are two ways of personality development. Either he grows up intimidated, anxious, dependent, he does not understand what can and cannot be done. Or the child may not comply with the norms, rebel, resulting in antisocial behavior. Both the first and second options are an example of a person with psychological trauma. It will be difficult for parents to find an approach to a child who is often punished; as a result, there will be difficulties with taking responsibility, self-esteem, and self-realization as a person.

About disciplinary measures in relation to the delinquent child, both newly-made and experienced parents argue and argue. Perhaps the most popular questions are: how to punish a child and is it worth it at all?

Some mothers and fathers use physical force, others ignore their offspring for a long time or put them in a corner, others deprive them of the promised privileges, and still others generally leave serious misconduct without consequences.

Where are the limits of permissible exposure and for what offenses should children be punished? Many psychologists are convinced that it is impossible to raise a child without punishment, but they must take into account his age and the severity of the offense.

Experts advise remembering important rules for raising children, which should be taken into account when choosing the most effective and gentle method of disciplinary action.

A child who is beaten by mothers and fathers for any offense, constantly threatened to be given to Babayka or a terrible wolf, left for several hours in a corner or a dark room, often boycotted for a long time, can, no doubt, be called unfortunate.

Such methods of upbringing in the future will surely backfire with a decrease in self-esteem, a sense of distrust of the world around us, and dislike.

It can be said that such disciplinary methods used by some parents cannot be attributed to education; in fact, this is ordinary cruelty.

However, absolute permissiveness is also not the best way. If a teenager or a younger child has a conviction that everything is permitted to him and nothing will happen to him for this, then there will be no distinction between good and bad deeds.

A very common question of parents is as follows: how to behave if

the child does not obey

A separate article by a child psychologist is devoted to this topic.

It turns out that punishment is still necessary, but this understanding does not protect parents from mistakes. For some reason, grown-up children begin to remember how they were shouted at in front of everyone, slapped undeservedly with a belt or put in a corner “just like that”.

Punishment must be effective, that is, it is important that the adolescent's behavior change in better side and he realized that it was absolutely inadmissible to do so.

Unfortunately, most children do not do something, not because they understand the futility or short-sightedness of their act, but because they are afraid of being caught and appropriate punishment.

An adequate punishment, according to psychologists, has several important tasks, including:

correcting dangerous or unwanted child behavior;
control over previously defined boundaries of what is permitted;
support for parental authority;
compensation for damage caused by the child;
preventing unwanted behavior in the future.

Thus, most experts are inclined to believe that it is still necessary to punish. It remains only to understand at what age to do this, for what and how to "punish" and how to demonstrate to the child that his parents still love him.

As developmental psychology testifies, kids under two years of age cannot grasp the connection between their misbehavior and disciplinary measures from their parents.

For example, Japanese parents generally do not punish children until three years of age. Until this period, crumbs are allowed literally everything. But after the age of 3 years, the life of the child is strictly regulated, including penalties for misconduct.

Despite age-specific features, strict and clear prohibitions should already appear in the life of babies, which, however, should not be supported by corporal punishment. For example, a child should not beat his mother or stick his fingers into the socket.

Children of one or two years old should also not be punished. At this age, it is better for parents to use a simple distraction, transferring the child's attention to another object or phenomenon. It is also necessary to explain the undesirability of this or that behavior, highlighting the words “no” and “impossible” intonation.

At about 3 years old, the child enters a crisis period, so parents are faced with protests, the first tantrums, unwillingness to obey the general rules.

It is not always possible to distract the baby, and the punishment is the termination of the game or the refusal to purchase the required toy.

From three to five years, the first punishments are introduced, since it is during this period that the basic rules and disciplinary measures are established. It is at this age that the child begins to stand in the corner or sit on the chair for the delinquent.

After 6-7 years, corporal punishment should be abolished, if any were used before, so children begin to feel humiliated by these measures. On the contrary, parents should discuss misconduct, explain the motives of human behavior with examples, develop empathy.

For a teenager, it is worth choosing completely different methods of punishment, since teenagers are extremely sensitive to the opinions of others, they are prone to maximalism. As an example - deprivation of privileges or restriction of communication with friends.

Many parents are convinced that their children do not obey because of harmfulness, bad temper or unwillingness to compromise. However, there are actually many motives and prerequisites for "unworthy" children's behavior.

age crisis. Psychologists identify several crisis periods in the life of a child: 1 year, 3 years, 7 years, 11-13 years (approximate dates). At this time in the psyche and physiological development children undergo changes, as a result of which behavior can change for the worse.
Too many bans. With numerous restrictions, the child can protest, seeking greater freedom. To understand how many prohibitions there are in the family, it is worth counting how many times you say the word “no” during the day.
Inconsistency. Some parents behave inconsistently, allowing something today, and tomorrow prohibiting exactly the same action. It is natural that the child is lost in landmarks, commits a misdemeanor, but does not understand why and for what he is being punished.
Mismatch of words and actions. Sometimes children misbehave because parents promise, for example, to punish them for something, but do not keep their word. As a result, the child ignores the instructions of the mother and father and does not take them seriously.
Various household requirements. A similar reason is possible when there is no consensus in the family about prohibitions and permitted actions. For example, the father makes severe demands on the teenager, while the mother, on the contrary, spoils him. In this case, the child may break the "law" on the sly, hoping for the protection of the mother.
Parent disrespect. The child grows up, but the parents continue to treat him as a silly child, refuse to recognize him as a person. It is not surprising that a teenager begins to protest, violate the requirements and prohibitions.
inattention. Often children misbehave just to get parental attention. Their logic is simple: it is better for the mother to punish for a misconduct than not to notice and ignore at all.

Young children are naturally curious, so they often try to figure out what will happen if one or another rule is broken. This also needs to be taken into account.

Experts recommend that adults build a kind of gradation of misconduct and disciplinary measures. This will help to understand what children should not be punished for, and when the imposition of “sanctions” is justified and, moreover, mandatory.

Punishment is permissible if the child intentionally commits a prohibited act. The degree of disciplinary action will depend on the severity of the “crime” committed. For example, stealing money, beating a brother or sister, leaving home willfully.

Before punishment, however, one should identify the motive of the misconduct in order to make sure that such a serious act was committed maliciously, and not out of ignorance, by chance or from good wishes.

for the pursuit of knowledge: jumping in puddles (to check their depth), disassembling objects (even expensive ones) into parts, examining one's own genitals;
for features of age and physiology: inability to go to the potty, for hyperactivity, low level of attention, poor memory, problems with falling asleep;
for illness-related behavior: neuroses, psychiatric diseases;
for natural emotions: rebellion of three-year-olds, envy of other people's things, zealous manifestations of a brother or sister;
for careless actions: got dirty on the street, spilled milk in the kitchen.

Consider a common situation: a child broke a teapot from an expensive service. However, when studying this case, it turned out that the baby was going to make tea and pour a mug of this drink to his beloved mother. Is punishment justified in such a situation?

No, because the act was initially positive, and the child proceeded from the best of intentions. On the contrary, the baby needs to sympathize, support and help, suggesting how to avoid such mistakes in the future.

One can relate to his views in different ways (Dobson is a supporter of physical punishment), but he formulated 6 principles that deserve a separate discussion.

Primarily, you need to set boundaries, and only then demand their observance. Only in this case the child will consider the punishment fair. The conclusion is simple: if the parents have not stipulated the rules, they cannot be demanded.
If the children behave provocatively, need to act decisively. The helpless behavior of parents, the inability to repulse the little "aggressor", the unwillingness to go into conflict is perceived as weakness, as a result of which the authority of an adult is reduced.
Distinguish between willfulness and irresponsibility. If the child forgot about the request or did not understand the requirements, they should not be punished. Children's thinking and memory are not as developed as in adults. So irresponsible behavior requires patience, not punishment.
It is worth demanding only what the child can actually accomplish.. For example, children should not be punished for getting their bed wet or breaking a toy. After all, this is either a feature of development, or a process of cognition, so it is worth treating failures philosophically.
Parents should be guided by love. Before taking disciplinary action, you need to understand the situation, remain calm and remember your warm feelings to the child. Only in this case can parental rigor be justified.
After punishment and exhaustion conflict situation you need to console the teenager and explain the motives for your act. The parent should make peace with the child, tell him that you love him and experience negative emotions because of the need to punish him.

Thus, the rules described by James Dobson are able to reduce the scope for the use of strict "sanction" measures, to lay the foundation for parent-child relationships with love and warm feelings.

Another task of punishment is to help children understand their feelings and actions, as well as to avoid repeating such mistakes in the future.

In order for “retribution” to have a positive effect, it is necessary, regardless of the age of the child, follow some rules.

Follow the sequence. Punishment should follow the same deeds. Also, children's disobedience should not be ignored, even if you have no time or you do not know how to behave in this case.
Consider the severity of the offense. A little pampering or a first-time offense should only deserve a warning. Bad behavior (malicious or intentional) should be followed by a serious reaction.
Limit the duration of punishment. Always communicate the duration of the disciplinary action, otherwise the child will soon lose the relationship between the violation and the restriction, which lasts for a whole month.
act calmly. First of all, calm down, and only then approach the choice of punishment. Otherwise, inadequate measures may be taken.
Coordinate with your spouse. To exclude manipulation, you need to coordinate all the rules, restrictions and punishments with your husband or wife.
Show a positive example. In order for the child to behave correctly, it is necessary to show patterns of the desired behavior. Politeness and honesty are appreciated.
Consider the characteristics of the child. For example, a melancholic person should be punished less severely (or differently) than a sanguine person. The age of the offender should also be taken into account.
Discipline the child in private. This should be praised in public, but the punishment should concern only you and the child. Such solitude is needed so as not to injure children's self-esteem.
Develop a Reconciliation Ritual. It will be useful to develop a special rite that will mark the end of the punishment. For example, you can read a poem, weave little fingers. The last option, by the way, is even good for health.

Another important and relevant information that explains why

don't yell at a child

All parents need to know this!

Punishment - only a small and not the most significant part raising children. It is imperative to reward the child for good deeds, thereby encouraging such character traits as kindness, politeness, hard work.

So, the basic rules for applying disciplinary measures are known. Now it remains to figure out how to properly punish a child and what kind of loyal punishment methods can be included in your parenting arsenal.

Revocation of privileges. This method is especially suitable for teenagers. As a punishment, you can use the restriction of access to a computer or TV.
Correcting what has been done. If your child deliberately painted the tabletop with a felt-tip pen, hand him a rag and detergent Let him correct his wrongdoing.
Time-out. The little “hooligan” is placed in a separate room for a few minutes (one minute for each year). The room should not have toys, a laptop, cartoons.
Apology. If your child offended someone, you need to make him apologize and, if possible, correct the situation. For example, draw a picture instead of a torn picture.
Ignoring. It is more suitable for young children, but this method should not be used too often. Refuse to communicate with a mischievous child, leave the room.
Getting a negative experience. In some situations, you need to allow the child to do what he wants. Naturally, you need to make sure that the child does not harm himself.
Limiting communication with peers. In the case of a serious misconduct, it is worth introducing a “curfew” for a short time, limiting the child’s communication with friends.
Assignment of duties. In response to the misconduct, his parents assign him "community work". This may be an extraordinary washing of dishes, cleaning the living room, etc.

Don't forget one more thing effective method- censure and condemnation. Given the age and severity of the misbehavior, parents talk about why the child's behavior is wrong and what unpleasant feelings it caused.

Knowing how to properly punish a child is really important. However, it must be understood that there are certain taboos in matters of choosing disciplinary measures.

Adult misbehavior can lead to protests, learning difficulties, withdrawal, and unwillingness for children to communicate with their own parents. Resentment can go into the future.

What extremes should be avoided when assigning punishments? Experts advise to abandon a few kinks.

Humiliation. The disciplinary measure chosen must in no way degrade the dignity of the child. That is, one cannot say that he is a fool, stupid, etc.
Harm to health. We are talking not only about spanking, but also about such cruel methods of education as squatting, dousing with cold water, forcing to starve. It is also impossible to put children on their knees in a corner.
Simultaneous Punishment for Multiple Faults. The correct principle is: one "sin" - one punishment. It is best to punish the most serious offense.
public punishment. As already noted, punishment in public causes psychological trauma to a teenager or harms his reputation in the children's team.
Unreasonable denial of punishment. Be consistent: if you have already decided to take action, keep the promise. Otherwise, you risk losing credibility.
delayed punishment. You can’t force a child to wait, to suffer because of the expectation of an inevitable “punishment”, to imagine what awaits him. This is a kind of moral abuse of children.

In addition, restrictions and punishments may not be applied as revenge or as a preventive measure. It is important to approach this process very carefully and thoughtfully. After all, the main task is to improve the behavior of the child, and not to spoil the relationship with him.

Probably, no question of parental methods of upbringing causes such heated discussion as bodily influence on a child. Many experts categorically oppose such a disciplinary measure, but some parents use it anyway.

Usually mothers and fathers give the following argument as an excuse: "My parents beat me, and nothing - I grew up no worse than the rest."

Additionally, numerous Russian sayings and proverbs come to mind that approve of spanking. Like, beat the child while it is placed across the bench ...

However, opponents of physical punishment give other arguments that seem to be more “reinforced concrete”. In addition to the fact that punishing a child with a belt is painful and insulting, one should also remember about the likely results of such a method of education.

So, a consequence of the use of bodily influence can be:

causing injury to a child (due to excessive use of force);
psychological trauma (fears, low self-esteem, social phobia, etc.);
aggressiveness;
the desire to rebel for any reason;
the desire for revenge;
broken parent-child relationship.

Thus, the father's belt is not The best way raising children. Cruelty will definitely make itself felt, even if the problems will not appear now, but in the distant future.

More details about

why not hit a child

and what disastrous consequences parental cruelty can lead to, read the article by a child psychologist.

Many experts are convinced that it is worth distinguishing between cruelty and light physical impact on a child in order to stop unwanted behavior.

As an example, we can cite a situation where a frightened mother in her heart spanks her small child who ran out onto a busy road and almost fell under the wheels of a vehicle. It is believed that such bodily influence does not humiliate children, but attracts attention.

Punishment is an ambiguous method, so there are many opinions and judgments about the possibility and desirability of its use. A brief summary of the above should be made and the most important and useful thoughts.

The perfect child does not exist. A kid is a person who has desires that do not always coincide with the requirements of their parents. The result of this contradiction is punishment.
It makes no sense to punish children under 2-3 years old, because they still do not understand the relationship between their act and parental influence.
Important to consider possible reasons disobedience, sometimes knowledge of the motives leads to the refusal to apply punishment.
You can not punish children for the desire to know the world, for the desire to help or careless actions. But malicious acts must be punished.
All questions regarding disciplinary measures must be agreed with all family members.
It is better to use constructive methods of influencing the child, which should help correct children's behavior.
Physical punishment (if possible), threats, offensive actions should be abandoned. It is necessary to condemn the misconduct, and not the personality of the child.

The question of how to punish a child for disobedience or a serious misconduct should be decided by each parent independently. The most important thing in such a situation is to choose the most constructive method that will help change children's behavior.

However, one should not go too far with disciplinary measures. It is best to explain to the child, without shouting and punishing, why his behavior is wrong and how to behave in a given situation. Parental advice, spoken with respect, will surely be heard by children.

A child whose parents beat him for the slightest offense, threaten to hand him over to an evil uncle, force him to stand in a corner for hours, or arrange silent boycotts, as a rule, is doomed to an unhappy childhood. Such a baby will almost certainly suffer from low self-esteem, distrust of the world, the feeling that he is superfluous and unloved. In fact, such punishment of children has nothing to do with the educational process. This is sheer cruelty.

Not better and the other extreme - complete permissiveness. If a child is sure that he can do anything and he will not get anything for it, then he does not distinguish between good and evil, between his own pleasure and someone else's pain. And strange as it may seem at first glance, such a baby also often feels unnecessary, unloved by his parents.

It is necessary to punish - in some cases, only this method allows the child to feel the boundaries of what is permitted, to maintain parental authority and instill responsibility in him. The question is what should be punished for, how to do it and how to let the child know that you still love him.

In order to understand what is possible and what is not, the child needs to test the strength of the boundaries surrounding him, in particular the limits of parental authority and patience (after all, it is mom and dad who set the first rules in a baby’s life). So childish disobedience is often caused by the desire to know: “What will change in the world if I do this or that?” or “I know that you can’t do this, but maybe, if you really want to, then you can?”

Children whose parents are inconsistent in their demands (for example, yesterday they were allowed to play on the computer for half a day, but today for some reason not) are especially often exploring the boundaries of what is permitted. Such kids simply do not know for sure what they can and cannot do.

It also happens differently. Sometimes the child behaves as if he set out to “get” his parents. In a sense, this is true, although the motives of the baby are different than adults imagine.

“Children (especially preschoolers) don’t do anything out of spite, out of pure desire to hurt another,” notes family psychologist Svetlana Roiz. - Does the child defiantly dig for a long time when you need to quickly get ready for kindergarten, or does he intentionally turn out a bowl of porridge on his sweater? He doesn't do it to offend mom or dad. Often, rebellious behavior is a bungled attempt to get attention.

Unconsciously, the child is guided by this motive: “Let better mom get angry and spank me, then act like she doesn't even notice my existence." If the baby lacks parental warmth and involvement, bad behavior may be the only way to elicit a brightly colored emotional reaction from mom or dad.”

Another reason for children's disobedience is nervous strain. Children today are overwhelmed with an abundance of information. This and all kinds of mugs early development, and aggressive cartoons (computer games). After spending only a few hours in the process of observing virtual monsters, the child becomes hyperexcitable, it is impossible to calm him down and put him to sleep in the evening.

RELATED: How to improve a child's vision: advice from an optometrist

“Children become uncontrollable and aggressive if they play with artificial toys,” says Waldorf educator Valentina Antoshchenko. - I mean not only virtual games (computer, consoles). plastic, plastic toys do not allow the sense of touch to develop fully. The child literally does not feel and does not realize that by hitting a peer or pulling out a tuft of fur from a cat, he hurt them.

Not always soft exhortations and explanations lead to the desired result. Sometimes only through punishment a child can learn certain rules and norms of behavior.

“An important nuance: punishment is a consequence of breaking a rule that the child knew about in advance,” says Svetlana Roiz. - In other words, you can’t punish a kid for stealing a toy from his friend, if you didn’t explain to him before that you can’t take other people’s things without asking. It is important that the parental reaction is adequate to the offense and the age of the child.

For example, until the moment when the baby did not begin to say “I” about himself (usually this happens at 2-2.5 years), he does not correlate the punishment with his personality. The hippocampus (part of the brain), responsible for our biographical memory, begins to work actively only in the third year of life. Only from that time on, the child is able to remember that this or that offense leads to punishment. Of course, this does not mean that the baby should be allowed to fight and pinch. But punishing a two-year-old toddler for this simply does not make sense. Stop the child's hand, gently switch his attention to something else.

“Up to about five years of age, a child’s actions are primarily imitation,” adds Valentina Antoshchenko. - If a three-four-five-year-old kid, for example, pulled money out of your wallet, this does not mean that he stole it. Most likely, he just copies what he saw somewhere. Not necessarily in the family (although most often children "mirror" the behavior of their parents) - perhaps he saw a similar scene on TV or on the street. Just think: where and from whom could the baby borrow such a style of behavior?

The purpose of punishment is to help the child understand himself and the current situation and, if possible, avoid repeating the mistakes made in the future. In order for the punishment to have just such an effect, it is necessary, regardless of the age of the child, to follow a number of rules.

Cold head...

When you punish your son or daughter, you yourself should not seethe emotions. Of course, this rule is not always easy to implement in practice. Methods like "count to ten" and "go to another room and calm down" really work. Deal with yours first own feelings and only after that take any action.

…and a warm heart

In the Slavic tradition, there has long been a rule: when punishing their children with rods, parents mentally placed their heart filled with love in front of the baby. And despite all the non-pedagogical spanking, the children perceived such punishment as fair. In no case do we urge you to use physical measures of influence.

RELATED: 10 questions for a pediatric neurologist

But it’s good if the attitude “with love in the heart” becomes the fundamental motive for any of your actions in relation to the baby (including punishment). It is not simple beautiful words, and the experience of a practicing psychologist is proof of this. “When little children are brought to me for an appointment and it comes to punishments, many crumbs say that the worst thing for them is not a belt, standing in a corner or depriving them of some pleasure, but ... mother’s evil eyes.”

With any punishment, the child must be sure that he is being treated fairly, that he is still loved, and that even if he is punished, he will not be left without parental love.

Ask yourself a couple of questions

Two mini-tests will help you calm down the flurry of emotions and choose the right course of action. If you feel like you're about to snap, pause and ask yourself, “Why am I doing this? From impotence? Fatigue? Annoyance with your husband? The second test: imagine that in the place of your son or daughter: a) someone else's child; b) a significant adult for you - a husband, mother or girlfriend; c) you yourself. Would you allow yourself to do what you are going to do in this case?

Action, not personality

Criticize bad behavior, not the child. Say: "I am punishing you for calling other children bad names." Avoid unflattering characteristics about the personality of a son or daughter (sloven, lazy, bad child).

The child must know why he is being punished.

It should be clearly stated to the baby what exactly led to the punishment. Remember: you can’t punish feelings (for the fact that the child was offended, angry, etc.), because each of us has the right to any experience. Another thing is how we express these feelings. For example, the kid was offended or angry about something and in his hearts threw a plate on the floor. You can say: "I understand that you were offended, but damaging property in our family is not allowed." Do not seek at any cost to appease children's tears. After all, crying is a natural outlet for emotions and stress hormones. And it's good when there is a way out! Psychologist Liz Bourbo says: “Unshed tears can lead to a chronic runny nose and even sinusitis.” In addition, if you do not allow the baby to cry when he wants to, in the future he may have serious problems with the ability to express their true feelings.

Time frame

It is important that the child knows how long the punishment will last. The wording “you won’t get more sweets” or “from now on you won’t watch cartoons” is absolutely unacceptable! The kid may decide that the ban applies to his entire future life - you must admit, this is too harsh and also unrealistic. And then, when after some time you forget about what happened and you yourself treat the baby with a treat or turn on his favorite cartoon, your parental authority in his eyes may be shaken.

Reconciliation ritual

Develop some kind of symbolic action that will mark the end of the sentence. This could be, for example, nursery rhyme: "Peace, make peace, make peace and don't fight anymore!" By the way, it is not without reason that children, reconciled, weave their little fingers: on the little finger there are biologically active points that are directly connected with the heart!

There are taboos in matters of punishment. Whatever the misconduct of the child, in no case do not allow yourself to humiliate or intimidate the baby. It is unacceptable to deprive the baby of satisfaction of his physiological (today you go to bed without dinner) and emotional (I am not talking to you now) needs. Ignoring is generally perhaps the most terrible form of punishment for a child. In this case, the parent seems to be sending the child a message: “You don’t exist for me, you have no place in my life.” You can’t threaten a child: “If you behave badly, I’ll give you to a woman” (the baby perceives this as “I don’t need you”).

The Hungarian writer and psychologist Domokos Varga wrote in his book The Joys of Parental Care: “I would like to warn parents against pre-announced spanking. Still, wherever it went sometimes in hot pursuit to slap a child on the ass, if there was no other way to cope with him. Forcing a child to wait, to suffer, to imagine the very process of punishment again and again is already premeditated cruelty.

Putting the child in a corner is also not the best option. Indeed, in a standing position, the baby is in suspense, which means that he cannot relax and calmly think over his offense and find a way out of the situation. Much more efficient is the Waldorf approach. kindergarten where Valentina Antoshchenko works: “When one of the kids starts to play pranks, I say: “Please, go sit on the sofa in the far corner of the playroom.

And when you calm down, come to me and tell me.” Time passes, the child comes up and says: "I know what needs to be done now." - "What?" - “Apologize” (collect scattered toys, help the nanny clean up spilled soup, etc.). This method allows, on the one hand, to neutralize the naughty, and on the other hand, gives the baby a chance to figure out the situation himself.

Agree, this skill is much more valuable than the habit of acting according to a template invented by someone.

It is better to punish the baby in private. Firstly, it does not injure the self-esteem of the baby. And secondly, if one child is punished in the presence of another, then the little one who is watching what is happening also suffers. He receives an even greater charge of aggression than the guilty one, to whom educational sanctions are applied. Of course, this will affect his psycho-emotional state.

It is always better to agree in advance than to “resolve” an already existing conflict. In order for peace and harmony to always reign in the family, it is necessary to establish certain rules of conduct.

Minimum bans

There shouldn't be too many restrictions. They should concern only those moments that are really important for you in the behavior of children (wash your hands before eating, make your bed in the morning, say hello, do not pick your nose, etc.). Try to provide freedom where possible. The child may well decide for himself what toy he will take with him to the kindergarten and what color blouse he will wear today.

Uniform standards

It is important that you and your husband have the same requirements for a child. And be prepared to hold the boundaries of what is permitted and apply sanctions if they are violated.

One rule for everyone

The rules must be followed by all family members. You can’t demand from a child that he doesn’t eat in front of the TV if you and your husband do it.

Creativity

Together with your child, draw “reminders” on pieces of paper about the most important rules. For example, you can draw a cup with legs heading towards the sink and hang this drawing above the dining table. After eating, it will be enough for you to point to the poster - and the baby will remember that you should take the dirty dishes to the sink.

Flexible system

The rules should be reviewed and adjusted from time to time, because they are not designed to control your life, but to make it easier and more enjoyable!

Photo in text: Depositphotos

Oh, those naughty kids! How many nerves they take away from their parents, how many angry shouts they listen to and how many slaps they receive on their restless priests.

Any mother (and father) wants their child to be “perfect”, behave normally and instantly fulfill “orders” and requests. But these are all dreams, because in reality children not only do not obey their parents, but also try to resist their will.

How to teach to stop the disobedience of the baby "on the vine"? What methods of punishment can be used in the process of education, and which ones should never be used? Finally, how to properly punish a child and is it possible to ensure that he obeys you implicitly?

parenting styles

A child's obedience is the result of the parenting model that is applied to him. Psychologists distinguish:

authoritarian style, loved modern mothers and dads, in which the will of the baby is actively suppressed by the parent;
democratic style, which is to give the child the right to vote and include him in social activities;
mixed style, accompanied by both tightening the "nuts" and loosening them.

Why don't kids listen?

Most parents think that children do not listen to them simply because they do not want to do this or show character. In fact, there are a lot of reasons for disobedience in a child.

They don't understand

First of all, children do not understand if they are loved because they are constantly screaming? What needs to be done so that the mother stops foaming at the mouth, and the father's eye twitches? The kid is lost under the yoke of endless screaming and does not know what to do, because to refuse him for not eating rice porridge is impossible in principle?

They don't like the way they talk

“If you don’t obey, you will understand what will happen!” Isn’t this what children hear when their parents lose their temper? But if a leader lives in a child, he will not take on someone else's authority (especially such a nervous one). Obedience in this sense is contrary to his nature, and it is better to negotiate with such a baby, rather than suppress him.

They have a weak nervous system

It happens that the child is simply unable to take responsibility, because it is easier for him to follow someone, and not decide something on his own. These kids are pretty easy to manage, but relying on them is a matter of fantasy. In addition, these babies need unconditional support and control.

They imitate obedience

Let's call it "payback" for the opportunity to do what you want: the baby pretends to obey, but in reality it turns out that this is completely not the case. The double life that children lead is their model of dealing with uncompromising parents.

You insult or humiliate them

Ask yourself: do you use the more obedient girl next door as an example to your child? If so, then your baby's soul is tormented by constant comparisons and he simply does not want to experience these humiliations.

Giving all their attention to an “important” task and working on it for hours, children annoy their parents, who think that they could do something more necessary at this time. But the child is simply not interested in this state of affairs and will not react to raising your tone on this matter.

They are too obedient

Children who have suppressed emotions are unable to recover on their own. Under parental oppression, they forget about themselves and what it means to rejoice when they want to, or cry when it hurts.

Punishments: Are They Necessary?

What to do if the child does not listen to you? Is it possible to scold him and how exactly? Is it worth it to achieve instant execution of orders or is it better to leave the choice to the child?

Dear parents, it is imperative to punish children, you just need to adequately perceive and put into practice this word - “punishment”. After all, some actions of a child are completely immoral (he not only didn’t eat porridge, but poured it on the head of a passerby) and pose a danger to the lives of others.

Is it all in a row?

With girls, perhaps, in some cases it is worth treating it more gently, but punishing a child - a son is in accordance with the entire severity of the "law".

Choose a punishment depending on age

If you scold a baby who is not yet three years old, it will not bear any fruit. As a result, he will be able to understand only that you do not love him. Yes, he is aware that the toy has broken and the paint has spilled on the tablecloth, but the child does not link this “situation” and “its culprit” together.

2 years and under

If your child is 2-2.5 years old, just explain to him what happened and why you shouldn’t do this. Reproach him and show by your own example how it should have been done.

The fact is that the bad behavior of a child at this age is self-affirmation, a consequence of a lack of attention on the part of parents or “revenge” for the fact that they did not fulfill the promise.

3 years and older

When the baby gets older (3 years or more), you can start raising him, but only without screaming. Try to tell your child about his bad behavior in a calm manner, explain what he is wrong about and what he needs to do so as not to upset you.

After a while, the child will absorb the information received and will easily distinguish bad deeds from good ones.

Correct Punishment Technique

It is impossible to equally punish a child for a spilled compote, a deuce received, or an uncoordinated excommunication from home for several hours. Scolding him for trifles means upsetting the balance of punishment: the child will simply get confused about what is an extremely bad deed and what is a small offense.

Not superfluous, if not to say that it is mandatory, will be the fact of "debriefing": you must understand why he behaved this way. For example, he got a bad grade not because he didn't learn his lesson, but because he recently moved to new school and simply did not have time to adapt to the new teacher and his teaching method.

You need to realize that such stressful situations directly affect the behavior of the child and you, as a parent, should help him quickly solve the problem, and not yell at him or put him in a corner.

What can be the punishment and can it be applied?

The “punishment market” is quite abundant in offers, so you need to clearly understand what methods of raising a child can be used (and when), and which ones should not be resorted to even in the most extreme situations.

A shame

To humiliate the pride of a child and dishonor his personal dignity is the worst scenario. The child will definitely remember public humiliation and in the future his resentment will break out.

"Labels" and name-calling

Under no circumstances should you call a child dirty and offensive words: “stupid”, “clumsy” and even more so “rubbish”. This affects his self-esteem and distances him from his beloved parents by a huge emotional distance.

Ignoring

Very often, the parents of a delinquent child resort to the “ignore” method: they seem to not notice him, do not talk to him and avoid any contact.

It must be understood that such a model of punishment can be effective only when there is a close emotional connection between the baby and his parent, which the child is extremely afraid of losing.

Authoritarian order

The famous standing in the corner, "on the peas" and other types of restriction of freedom. It is best to resort to such punishments when the child has really done things and his actions have led (or may lead) to serious consequences. For example, he got into a fight with another child or climbed onto a high roof from which he could fall.

Restriction of rights

It consists in the fact that parents simply forbid the kid to do what he loves: play a console or sit at a tablet, walk on the street or meet friends.

You can apply this type of punishment if you have agreed in advance with the child on the rules of behavior. It is necessary that the baby understands: if he violates them, punishment will follow.

Deprivation of goodies

This includes depriving the child of all kinds of sweets (ice cream or chocolate), toys (if he scattered them around the house and does not want to clean them up) and going to the cinema. Tell the rules of the “game” in detail so that the baby understands for what misconduct he will be deprived of these pleasures.

verbal punishment

Words can kill - you know that? Therefore, starting to argue with the baby and prove your case, never tell him that you don’t love him anymore, that you are ashamed that you curse the day when he ...

There is probably no need to explain why this type of "punishment" should not be resorted to.

The "correct" word punishment - does it always work?

Ideally, parents want their child to accept harsh conversations with them as punishment. slight increase tones. This is a common situation for those families in which the atmosphere is friendly and calm, and any increase in tone is already perceived by the child as a “red light”.

But if it is customary in the family to speak loudly or swear, then the baby simply will not react to screams. Therefore, it is very important to learn how to talk to him calmly and scold only about really serious violations.

Physical force: in what cases is it justified?

The very last argument in the fight for obedience is the use of force. It should only be used when everything has been tried. available ways to raise a child, but none of them did any good.

When is physical punishment unacceptable?

You need to understand that you cannot physically punish for disobedience:

adolescents (this greatly affects their self-esteem);
children who do not behave quite correctly because they are sick (for example, the baby has enuresis and he described the bed, and you hit him on the pope for this);
babies who are very tired and want to sleep;
a child who has recently experienced trauma.

What can be done instead of punishment?

Count to ten!

Many moms and dads, breaking loose on the baby, reproach themselves for not being able to restrain themselves. After all, there was nothing to punish him for - just think, he just spilled a glass of water! Having come to their senses, the parents are tormented by what happened, but they can no longer change the situation: the butt is stuffed, and the child is standing in the corner and sobbing.

The feeling of guilt makes them make amends for their “misconduct” by buying gifts for the baby, which has an extremely negative effect on the education system.

Best of all, if you see something “terrible” like a spilled glass of water, count to ten. After spending about five seconds on this, you will notice that the anger has gone somewhere, and all the offensive words are “stuck” in your throat and you don’t feel like saying them at all.

Forgive

Sometimes a child should be immediately forgiven for what he has done. But this means that never after that you should not remind him of what you have done (to forgive means to forget).

If you insist that the child himself ask for your forgiveness, remember: he must understand why he is doing this and for what. How will he do next time? If the answer suits you, then you are doing everything right.

Know how to ask for forgiveness yourself, especially if you really were wrong.

Encourage

It is important not only to correctly punish the child, but also to be able to encourage him for good deeds, because it is impossible to endure only “troubles” without feeling the action of the “carrot”. Praise the child whenever he does something right or fulfills your request, even if it is not very difficult.

What methods of punishment do you prefer?

You can:

write out “penal works” to the child: let him remove the garbage, wash the dishes, clean the carpet that he has soiled;
tell him a story about how a little naughty boy did bad deeds and what happened to him;

restrict freedom: put in a corner or sit on a chair;
to deprive him of something good: a game on a laptop or ice cream;
use the method of "self-punishment": let him pour a glass of water on himself;
speak with him strictly or shout a little, but remember about the limits;
look at him angrily;
explain what the kid is wrong about, especially if his offense was committed for the first time.

"Deuce" in behavior

Remember that punishing a baby for bad behavior is not an act of cruelty, but an attempt to achieve an awareness of inevitability. The child must understand that if he does something, he will definitely be punished.

If the child got into a fight

If the kid defended himself in a fight and hit back the offender, you should not scold him much for this. But when the kid got into the showdown first, you should strictly talk to him and find out why this happened.

After all, sometimes even we, adults, are in conflict with other people who do not understand anything other than “power reception”. Perhaps your child was just trying to defend his boundaries. However, you definitely need to explain the rules of conducting a "battle" to him.

What if it's with a girl?

If your son beat a girl, you must explain to him that this should not be done even when she is wrong. After all, for sure, the baby is physically weaker than him and cannot fight back.

And even if the girl is not smaller, and further larger than your son, this is not a reason to use your fists. Explain to the kid that the ability to find verbal arguments and get out of the situation without a fight is a much more civilized way of solving a problem that will be very useful to him in adulthood.

Punishment for cheating

If the child deceived you and you understood this, you should not immediately use a belt or blows to the pope. This will not live up to your expectations, and the baby will most likely just get angry.

It is best to deprive the baby of parental affection for a lie or declare a “short-term boycott” for him. Any child will feel this punishment in full.

If you decide to teach the baby a lesson and limit his freedom, you can simply put the child on a chair. Let him think about his behavior for 10 minutes: believe me, this time is enough for him to get tired and understand what he was wrong about.

Punishment for theft

If the child took something without asking, be sure to talk to him to find out what prompted him to take it. Do not rush to scold the baby for bad behavior, but rather ask what would happen if someone took his favorite toy from him?

Then immediately explain that only the worst people in the world do this, who do not appreciate others and their feelings.

"Bad example

In the same situation, you can show the principle of the commandment "Do not steal" in practice: hide his toy when the baby is distracted from it. When he discovers the loss, say that it has disappeared because he himself takes other people's things without asking.

Can't you see remorse? Secretly take away his toys and things until you notice sincere regret in his eyes about your behavior.

social demonstration

Explain to the child that the children will simply stop playing with him because they will be afraid that he will steal something from them. Then other people will mock him, and in the end he will be put in jail.

The last phrase only applies to raising children over the age of 10. If your child is younger, tell him that if he continues to steal, he will be put in a place where it will be impossible to get out. And only villains will live there, taking things from others without permission. Trust me, he won't like it.