To beat or not to beat a child is the consequences of physical punishment of children. Why shouldn't children be beaten? Arguments of experts and opinions of parents

Ekaterina Morozova

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It is necessary to teach (smack) while it lies across the bench! Parents say, sometimes taking this expression literally. For a long time in Russia, birch rods were part of the educational process - in some families, children were even flogged regularly on Fridays "for prevention." In our time, physical punishment is akin to a medieval execution.

True, for some moms and dads, this question remains open ...

Why parents beat their children - the main reasons why mom and dad resort to physical punishment

Many parents beat their children without even thinking - is it bad, and what could be the consequences. They habitually fulfill their "parental duty", giving the children cuffs to the left and right, and hanging the belt on a stud to intimidate.

What about physical punishment of children?

Physical punishment is considered to be not only the direct use of brute force with the aim of "influencing" the child. In addition to the belt, moms and dads use slippers and towels, hand out cuffs, slap on the buttocks “automatically” and out of habit, put them in a corner, push and shake children, grab their sleeves, pull their hair, force-feed (or vice versa - not fed), long and severely ignored (family boycott), etc.

The list of punishments can be endless. And the goal is always the same hurt, "show the place", demonstrate power.

Most often, statistically, children under 4 years old are punished, who are not yet able to defend themselves, hide, resent the fair “why?”.

Children respond to physical impact with even more bad behavior, which provokes moms and dads to a new surge of punishments. This is how "circulation where two adults are not even able to think about the consequences ...

Is it possible to beat a child or spank at all - all the consequences of physical punishment

Do you have physical punishment pros? Certainly not. Whoever says that sometimes a light "bashing" is more effective than a week of persuasion, and that a stick is definitely needed for a gingerbread - this is not so.

Because every such action has certain consequences ...

• Child's fear of parent , on which he depends (and, despite everything, loves) eventually develops into a neurosis.
• Against the background of already existing neurosis and fear of punishment the child will find it difficult to adapt to society , make friends, and then build personal relationships and careers.
• The self-esteem of a child brought up by such methods is always underestimated. "The right of the strong" the kid remembers for life. He will use the same right himself - at the first opportunity.
• Regular spanking (and other punishments) affects the psyche of the baby, resulting in developmental delay .
• A child who is often punished unable to concentrate on lessons or games with peers. He constantly expects attacks from mom and dad and is internally grouped in anticipation of punishment.
• More than 90% (according to statistics) that a child beaten by parents will treat his children the same way.
• More than 90% of offenders were subjected to domestic violence in childhood. You don't want to raise a maniac, do you? Not to mention individual cases (alas, proven facts) in which some children suddenly begin to enjoy spanking, eventually turning not into hypothetical, but into real masochists with all the ensuing consequences.
• Constantly punished child loses sense of reality , ceases to learn, to solve emerging problems, experiences a constant feeling of guilt, fear, anger and a thirst for revenge.
• With each weighted slap, your child is further and further away from you. The natural bond between baby and parent is broken. There will never be mutual understanding and trust in a family where there is violence. Growing up, a child who does not forget anything will cause a lot of problems for tyrant parents. What can we say about the old age of such parents - their fate is unenviable.
• A humiliated and punished child is catastrophically lonely. He feels forgotten, broken, unnecessary, thrown "to the sidelines of fate." It is in this state that children do stupid things - they go into bad companies start smoking, get involved with drugs, or even take their own life.
• Entering the "educational rage", the parent does not control himself. A child caught under the arm may accidentally be injured. And even incompatible with life, if at the moment of falling from the father's (or mother's) cuff it hits a corner or some sharp object.

Have a conscience, parents - be human! At least wait until the child grows up to the same weight category as you, and then think - to beat or not to beat.

Alternatives to physical punishment - after all, children should not be beaten!

It should be clearly understood that physical punishment is far from a manifestation of the strength of the parent. This is a manifestation of his WEAKNESS. His inability to find mutual language with child. And, in general, the failure of a person as a parent.

Excuses like “he doesn’t understand differently” are just excuses.

In fact, you can always find an alternative to physical punishment ...

• distract the child , to direct his attention to something interesting.
• Engage the child in activities , during which he will not want to be capricious, play pranks, etc.
• Hug a child, tell about your love for him and just spend with him personally at least a couple of hours of your "precious" time. After all, the attention of the baby is so lacking.
• Come up with a new game. For example, who will collect more scattered toys in 2 large baskets. And the reward long tale at night from mom. This is much more effective than any cuff and slap.
• Use (deprive TV, laptop, cancel a trip or trip to the skating rink, etc.).

Ways - the sea! There would be a fantasy, and there would be a parental desire - to find an alternative. And there would be a clear understanding that children should not be beaten under any circumstances!

Have you been in your family life similar situations with physical punishment of a child? And how did you proceed? Share your stories in the comments below!

When we talk about education without punishment, we mean not only physical punishment. We learn to raise children not by punishing them, but by teaching them the rules of behavior and imperceptibly leading them to the right conclusions from the situation. But before you swim, you must at least learn how to stay on the water, right?

The first and main problem of any mother is the desire to hit the child. From this comes any other punishment. What exactly is punishment? The desire to hurt a person for the trouble that he delivers. Physically or mentally. This is a destructive line of behavior. You do not teach the child "If you do this, this will happen, think about what conclusion you can draw." You train him "I told you to do it. Disobedience = pain." Why do mothers complain so often "I didn't want to, but my hand fell off automatically?". Because your reaction of resentment and annoyance comes first. The first impulse is to remove the source of irritation. The child is screaming - it is urgent to shut him up. And the hand has already flown ahead of you. It was the first blow.

What happens next? I'll tell you. If the source of irritation was, for example, a neighbor and you reacted with a blow, you would either get a change or a verbal warning, for example, a threat to write a statement to the police. The discomfort of the scandal would be deposited in your brain and the next time the instinct of self-preservation would stop your first reaction. Are you out of your mind and do not want to get in the eye again? What happens in the case of a child? Usually the child is scared "Mom got angry, she hit me, I'm scared!" and stop doing things that annoy you. Not because he understood that it was not necessary to do this and why it was not necessary. He just doesn't want to see your distorted face again. And does not want to feel a blow instead of caress. But most importantly, it does not give you any returns. He reacts the way you wanted - falls silent. And this key moment. Now there's nothing stopping you next time. Once again. And further. And then the child will not react quickly enough from the first blow and the second one will follow - already stronger. But your brain knows: nothing threatens you, you will not get change, you can beat without risk.

And then you have already entered the rut. You allowed yourself to beat the child and even wonder, “Well, what are you, I don’t really beat him, I just spank him, it’s not scary.” A slap for you is no longer something out of the ordinary, but a common thing. Once or twice a day, why not? "For tone," you chuckle. Then a misdemeanor is committed, for which a slap is not enough. No wonder, because flip flops are for ordinary things, like, "well, sit quietly, mom is busy." And for lipstick on the wallpaper you need something more weighty. I don’t want to figure out why lipstick is on the wallpaper and who didn’t keep track. It is clear that at the age of four you need to understand that your mother’s lipstick, and you can’t draw on the wallpaper. Therefore, flip flops are no longer friendly, but quite tangible. Well, that's the thing.

In a few years, you will be surprised. Why doesn't the child tell me anything? Why did he skip school, is he really not afraid of the belt? The way he talks to me, did I deserve it? Is not it so? If you were replacing parenting with spankings, or worse, if spankings themselves were considered parenting, the consequences will not be long in coming.

But let's not talk about sad things. We want to learn how to be good mothers, don't we? We want to learn how to find a common language with children. We want to become a friend mom, not a barrier mom. So let's take the first step. Let's say "No!" physical punishment in their families.

First, learn the phrase "Any physical punishment is bad." This is a very simple phrase, but very important. You must repeat it constantly. It stuck in our minds that hitting a child is normal. A slap is not a blow. To give on the lips is also not a blow. In general, nothing is a blow, it’s not with our feet that we beat him, after all. Forget excuses. Admit to yourself that you did something wrong.

Now, start correcting your mistakes. It won't be that easy. At first, your hand will twitch nervously all the time. Habit is second nature. But you need to understand the main thing: mistakes can and should be corrected. And even if at first you break down, you can’t give up. Write posters for yourself and hang them around the rooms.

Write down how many times a day you wanted to hit your child - and how many times you actually hit. Write down situations for which you were spanked, and think about how you could solve the problem without hands. Remember, in parenting, the longest path is often the shortest.
Give yourself points, reward yourself for patience and the right decisions.

Face the truth. Don't write or think "I slapped." Say "I hit". Call a spade a spade. It's not bad that you hit a child, but that you are going to do it again and again.

Watch your parents on the playground. How do they look from the outside when they hit their children or yell at them? Do they command respect and love? Or are there other feelings?

Put yourself in the place of a child. Don't tell yourself, "I'm a grown woman in my thirties, I would never lie on the store floor begging for a toy when my mom has no money." Imagine that you are three years old, and you have a very vague idea of ​​what money is, and the desire is so great that you have no strength to fight it.

Mom has the right to be tired and angry. Allow yourself this. Do not endure to the last, tell the child about your feelings: "I'm tired. I'm angry. I have no strength." Speak out your problems out loud, so it will become obvious to you that the problems are yours and it is pointless to beat a child for them. Allow yourself to go to the kitchen, calm down, drink tea, having previously explained to the child where you are going and why.

Prevent problems. You can argue like this: "I will put these wonderful hairpins on the dressing table. The child will understand that they cannot be taken into his mouth, he is already big." Otherwise, "Let me put these hairpins with rhinestones on my table. The kid, of course, is already four years old, but he is unlikely to resist shiny things. I'm sure he can come up with a thousand uses for them, but not a single one will please me" . You ask: Why should I hide everything until old age? Answer: whatever. You can get hairpins in a couple of years, but it’s better to put a chocolate bar away anyway. It's not about disobedience, but about irresistible temptation. And if the temptation threatens with serious losses, and even damage to health, it is better to hide it. Don't put the responsibility on the child. "It's not me that's bad for leaving the orange pills on the table, it's his fault that he ate them."

I heard somewhere a story about a six-year-old boy who pulled his hand from his parent on the road and almost got hit by a car. And a bunch of comments on the topic "not spanked". Oh, girls, if it was all about spanking. In my opinion, on the contrary, they spanked a lot, but they forgot to explain why they spank. If a child knew exactly what happens when a car crashes into a living person, he would hold on to the hand very tightly. They did not explain to the kid, they were carried away by orders.

I hope this article will help you stop punishing your child and start truly educating him.
And I have a little present for you. This is a link to download the book Faber A., ​​Mazlish E. - How to talk so kids will listen and How to listen so kids will talk. And then I know, although many people hear the name of the book, they are too lazy to look for it. Read and come here - we will discuss. http://files.mail.ru/TBPQTB

Live and let others live
But not at the expense of the other;
Always be happy with your
Don't touch anyone else's
Here is the rule, the path is straight
For the happiness of everyone and everyone.
G.R. Derzhavin
"On the birth of Empress Gremislava. L.A. Naryshkin" (1798)

The little girl has recently learned to walk and walks with her mother. She shifts her legs carefully and goes where they carry her. Mom vigilantly watches her daughter and, if she has moved away from her at a considerable distance, she catches up with the baby, picks her up in her arms and with the words "You can't go far from mom!" without anger, but sensitively slaps on the pope until the girl begins to whimper. Are you familiar with this picture?

It is impossible to talk about any physical impact on the child by his parents in isolation from the temperament, mental state and general health of both the parent and the child himself. However, and in isolation from the general cultural level of the family. What is absolutely unacceptable for some people, for others - ordinary, inoffensive and non-offensive manifestations. Therefore, when someone says that it is impossible to beat children, or, on the contrary, "no one has died from a slap on the ass," these are just empty slogans, divorced from life, from specific people and the circumstances of their lives.

How and for what it is impossible to beat children, from what slap, under what circumstances did no one die? Various refinements and additions to these slogans can sometimes radically change and transform the idea they convey. It is impossible to beat children, but is it possible to morally crush them, humiliate and insult them with words? A slap on the butt of a six-year-old boy given in public by his father will not physically kill the child. But any trust in the father for the rest of his life can kill in a child.

In this article, by the word "beat" we do not mean beating a child to an unconscious state, intentionally inflicting injuries on him or any kind of violence associated with pathological condition adult. Why this happens is a topic for another discussion.

How to divide physical manifestations to a child into spontaneous, impulsive and conscious, based on some methodology and rules, or simply tyranny of an adult? Many mothers tell their friends: "We do not beat our child." But can each of these mothers swear that, for example, on some rainy day, she didn’t kick her screaming child in the ass in a wild voice for an unknown reason, when the two of them trudged tired with bags from some shopping trip? Is it possible to separate where "beat the baby" and mom's "I just can't take it anymore" begins?

As for the physical impact on the child by his parents and relatives, there are several opposite opinions of the parents themselves. Each gives his own arguments, which are based mainly on personal experience, acquired at a time when this parent was himself small and defenseless. It is good that many adults remember their childhood and analyze the methods of parenting. Conventionally, these people can be divided into several categories:

• parents who themselves in childhood were never touched, humiliated or insulted, and everything was decided through negotiations or persuasion;
• parents who in childhood were not beaten or beaten lightly, but the children were morally humiliated, insulted, something was achieved from the child by forming in him a sense of guilt and shame;
• parents who in childhood received cuffs and slaps, but only for real offense, and the child agreed with this, while adults did not humiliate or insult him;
• parents who had a difficult childhood and who were beaten (hard and painful and even with a belt), and humiliated, and punished for any reason.

It is easy to guess which of these categories of parents will be categorically against physical impact, and who will believe that there is nothing terrible for the child in the slap. The unacceptability of physical punishment arises if it is identified with humiliation, insult, guilt.

There is nothing terrible in the physical impact itself (if it is not a beating, of course). Life cannot be made refined and completely safe. Each of us is faced (some less often, some more often) with various physical influences between people, ranging from friendly shoving or fighting, ending with self-defense or the protection of one's dignity. Anything can happen in life, and it is impossible to isolate and absolutely exclude physical manifestations, including in the relationship "parents-children". No matter how much mothers discuss the topic “is it possible to physically punish your child” on the forums, there will always be ardent opponents and equally ardent supporters of physical punishment, and no one will convince each other of their truth. And all just because those and others have a diametrically opposed experience and understanding of what physical impact and punishment are. For some, it is identified with the humiliation of the child, while others perceive the physical impact as just a protest of the parent against the child's behavior. And if an adult consciously and thoughtfully relates to his relationship with his child, then he will strive to rid him of the negative experience that he himself once experienced in childhood. Or the parent may not even wonder how to behave with the child, he simply accepts the model of relations that he saw from his own parents in relation to him.

The most controversial category is parents who were beaten very badly in childhood, who lived in destructive families, which left a heavy imprint on their personality. Those who were able to rise above the oppression in which they lived in childhood, and overcome the chaos in their souls, sown by their own parents, will find an unambiguous answer to the question "to beat or not to beat." They won't even lay a finger on their child. Those who could not overcome this relationship model will create an exact copy of it.

Often, mothers spank their child or give him cuffs on the back of the head precisely as an addition to pointing and edifying words. For reinforcement, so to speak. Thus, they are trying to develop a conditioned reflex in the child. If the mother said that one should not go far, then if the prohibition is ignored, the child will be hurt. And in the future, as the mother thinks, the child will have a strong association: "it is impossible" - "it hurts." This is a pedagogical error. It is possible to develop such a conditioned reflex in a child only for a while. A child is not an animal, he should not be trained, but taught. And it is necessary to help him adapt to the environment. Moreover, the reflexes and temperament inherent in the child by nature have a much stronger influence on his behavior than those conditioned reflexes that parents are trying to instill in him.

If a mother does not want to abandon the tactics of developing conditioned reflexes in her child, she will eventually have to increase the dose of physical punishment or supplement it with moral influence (humiliate, frighten, oppress). Will the mother get any acceptable result in changing the behavior of her child from such a struggle? But her child, of course, will receive numerous mental traumas and complexes.

Often in words, the mother declares that she never beats and will never beat her blood. But it so happens that all good intentions fly away like smoke when a mother, in a fit of anger, from fatigue, irritation or any other negative emotions, is unable to resist not to physically affect her child. When she comes to, she begins to feel guilty about the baby. After all, she knows what her baby feels, she herself, perhaps, once experienced all this on herself. Thus, in such scenes, the unconscious attitudes laid down in childhood are realized. After all, the mother understands everything with her mind, but still acts, just like her parents did with her.

It’s good if a mother who wants to change her relationship scenario with her child realizes that often her good intentions and decisions to keep herself within certain limits in critical situations do not always help. It is the tracking of such frequently repeated episodes that can help the mother move from automatic (unconscious) reactions to those manifestations that the mother wants to express in the presence of the child. However, it should also be taken into account that it is impossible to suppress the anger, anger, irritability in oneself for a long time, which every parent experiences from time to time in relation to his child. This internal prohibition negative emotions can lead both to somatic diseases (migraines, chronic fatigue, etc.) and to sudden, seemingly unfounded outbursts of rage and anger with varying degrees of destructive consequences. The child will perceive this as a deep injustice towards him. Therefore, a mother should not suppress her anger and desire to hit her child, but be aware and recognize the right to do so. And it is up to her to beat or not to beat, depending on the situation. It is better, of course, if she chooses "do not beat." There are many ways to translate aggression and destructive energy into something more creative. For example, a mother realizes that she wants to hit her child for something. You can speak aloud your condition and your desires. And you can, for example, wash the dishes, iron the clothes or something else of her choice. Some moms may object: "How am I going to wash the dishes when everything inside me is bubbling and raging from the fact that this tomboy is doing this?" In this case, you can break a couple of plates and wash the rest. And healthy humor, and the realization that there are no ideal children and there are no ideal parents, will help you find a way out for any destructive energy.

Also, every parent should understand that his own life filled with positive, creativity, joy and development will destroy any negativity within the family in general, and in relations with the child in particular.

An intense desire to hit one's own child can often be regarded as a symptom of an internal psychological or emotional disorder and trouble in the person himself.

A family for a child is a small model of society in which he will someday have to live on his own. Relationships in the family are a kind of simulator for the baby. In the family, he can be taught that if someone offends you, angers you or deliberately annoys you, then you can (as a last resort!) hit your offender. There are families where children do not dare to defend themselves against the attacks of adults and older children. And then they can not fight back the offenders in kindergarten, school. The child becomes a potential object for ridicule, insults. And in a critical situation outside the family, the child is completely defenseless against violence. Those. motto: "Children must not be beaten!" elevated to an absolute, can do a disservice in the formation of ways of self-defense in the child himself.

On the other hand, if parents allow themselves to show some form of force in relation to the child, then they should not be offended and taken seriously if the child hits her on the mother's head in response. Thus, he protects his dignity and, therefore, will be able to defend it in communication with other people.

Most effective method to get away from forceful interaction with your child is a transfer of relations from the position of "adult-younger", "educator-student" to the position of friendship and cooperation. This is a difficult path that requires the participation of all family members. But parents who follow this path are unlikely to raise a hand against a little friend who is being overcome. And if he rises, then the child will definitely forgive and understand that his mother is very tired and also upset about something. Anything happens in life...

Discussion

I sometimes spank the child, but without anger, more so that they get through to him when he doesn’t want to hear.

In connection with the topic of this article, I recalled one episode from Carlos Castaneda's book "Journey to Ixtlan".
I will quote it here in full. Another look, as they say...

"Don Juan and I were just sitting and chatting about this and that, and I told him about one of my friends who had serious problems with a nine year old son. For the last four years, the boy lived with his mother, and then his father took him to him and immediately faced the question: what to do with the child? According to my friend, he was completely unable to study at school, because he was not interested in anything, and, moreover, the boy had absolutely no ability to concentrate. Often the child became irritated for no apparent reason, behaved aggressively, and even tried to run away from home several times.

Yes, indeed it is a problem, don Juan chuckled.

I wanted to tell him something else about the "tricks" of the child, but don Juan cut me off.

Enough. It is not for us to judge his actions. Poor baby!

It was said quite sharply and firmly. But then don Juan smiled.

But what is my friend to do? I asked.

The worst thing he can do is force the child to agree, don Juan said.

What do you mean?

In no case should the father scold or spank the boy when he does not do what is required of him, or behaves badly.

Yes, but if you do not show firmness, then how can you teach a child anything?

Have your buddy get the kid spanked by someone else.

Don Juan's suggestion surprised me.

Why, he won't let anyone lay a finger on him!

He certainly liked my reaction. He chuckled and said:

Your friend is not a warrior. If he were a warrior, he would know that in dealing with human beings there can be nothing worse and more useless than direct confrontation.

And what does a warrior do in such cases, don Juan?

A warrior acts strategically.

I still don't understand what you mean by that.

Here's the thing: if your friend were a warrior, he would help his son stop the world.

How?

To do this, he would need personal strength. He must be a magician.

But he's not a magician.

In this case, it is necessary that the picture of the world to which the boy is accustomed change. And in this he can be helped by conventional means. This is not yet stopping the world, but they will probably work just as well.

I asked to explain. Don Juan said:

If I were your friend, I would hire someone to spank the kid. I would have scoured the slums and found there a man of the most terrible appearance.

To scare the baby?

Silly you, just to scare in this case is not enough. The child must be stopped, but the father will not achieve anything if he scolds him or beats him. To stop a person, you need to “press” on him hard. However, at the same time, one himself must remain out of visible connection with the factors and circumstances directly related to this pressure. Only then can the pressure be controlled.

The idea seemed ridiculous to me, but there was something in it.

Don Juan sat with his left arm resting on the box, his chin resting on the palm of his hand. His eyes were closed, but the eyeballs were moving under the lids, as if he was still looking at me. I felt uncomfortable and I said:

Perhaps you can still explain in more detail what to do to my friend?

Let him go to the slums and find the most terrible bastard, only younger and stronger.

Don Juan then laid out a rather strange plan for my friend to follow. It is necessary to make sure that during the next walk with the child, the hired type follows them or waits for them in the agreed place.

At the first offense of his son, the father will give a sign, the tramp will jump out of the ambush, grab the boy and beat him properly.

And then let the father reassure the boy as best he can and help him come to his senses. I think three or four times will be enough to drastically change the boy's attitude to everything that surrounds him. The picture of the world will be different for him.

Wouldn't the fear hurt him? Will not cripple the psyche?

Fear doesn't hurt anyone. If anything cripples our spirit, then it is just constant nit-picking, slaps in the face and instructions on what needs to be done and what not.

When the boy becomes manageable enough, tell your friend one last thing; let him find a way to show his son a dead child. Somewhere in a hospital or morgue. And let the boy touch the corpse. Left hand, anywhere except the abdomen. After that, he will become a different person and will never be able to perceive the world in the same way as before.

And then I realized that all these years don Juan had used a similar tactic against myself. On a different scale, under different circumstances, but with the same basic principle. I asked if that was true, and he confirmed it, saying that from the very beginning he tried to teach me to “stop the world.”

Comment on the article "Why does a mother beat her child?"

Vasya's mom is a good guy, she thinks that he never hits first, i.e. other children who provoke him are to blame, and the only problem is that he cannot adequately calculate the strength of the surrender. Why don't you personally talk to the teacher and clarify the details tête-à-tête?

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Every time I say: if you don’t like something, if you were pushed or hit, ask the child “why did you do that?”; if you are hit and you are offended, go to the teacher, but you don’t need to hit back.

Why does the child steal? The development of vectors laid down by nature directly depends on education. Unfortunately, when discharged from the maternity hospital, along with the baby, parents are not given instructions for use. Preferably a brochure on system-vector psychology, which would help adults correctly determine the child's vector and direct it in the right direction. Letting the baby go free swimming, as well as anchoring, means raising a loser. The sad reality is that...

"What to do, what to do? Dry crackers!" - film "Beware of the car" My child is a thief. From the realization of such a thought, many adults fall into extremes. Liters of valerian drink, discuss the problem with friends, grab the belt, run for a consultation with a psychologist. It's scary to be the parents of a thief. However, instead of solving the problem, new difficulties appear. The child continues to steal, becomes uncontrollable, secretive. Why are the old "old-fashioned" methods, along with the advice of teachers - psychologists ...

I beat my child: (Prehistory: I came late from a school event, I watched TV until late at night the day before (underground). I understood myself, I finally forgave my mother (by the way, she had diabetes). And since then, if angry and angry at the children, then it's easy ...

Why does he call? Many years ago, dad left mom and went to another city to build new life. Mom began to arrange her life. When we hit a child as a punishment or call him names, we do not respect him. We get an answer.

Screaming and hitting the child. I'm lashing out at the baby. Sometimes I can't even stop. For some little thing. He is 12. He doesn’t clean, he doesn’t clean the dishes .. sometimes he scores lessons - I find fault with this - but in such anger ... sometimes I ask why you are silent and crying - he says ...

I was beaten a lot as a child, especially by my mother. And I have such a strong desire not to be like her, not to make my children the same. Why is no one outraged that beating a child is bad, especially since it doesn’t fit in my head - IN THE FACE!!!???

Why? Because mom is too soft and spineless? Hardly. Or because the girl has diabetes? Has it been 4 years? How do they act in such cases? Go and claim your child? What to do? 10/15/2003 7:52:44 pm

He beats mom and dad, most of all goes to the older sister, and on the weekend it turned out that he was ready to knock on the head of any child. Why such a question arose, there was no such thing with the eldest daughter.

There is really an idea to offer him at this moment to peel a pear that hangs in the room. but why is that? (She explained that you can only fight back if there is danger) Dad also explains to him that you can’t beat mom, but so far no results !!

If yours, why are they fighting? And his own irritation was removed and the child thought and ... dad, as they say, was joking. And my IMHO - mom can not be allowed to beat. Under any pretext. distract, punish if nothing helps.

Just one "educational" blow can cause serious health problems. Increasingly, the media are talking about cases when, in the course of “education”, uncontrollable parents cripple or even kill children.

Beating a child by their parents

Often in response to allegations of child abuse parents motivate their actions by the accepted method of education. And they refer to the traditions adopted in the family, according to which disciplinary measures against the offender may involve physical punishment.

They consider torn hair, bruises and bruises to be the norm. However, the law, which has become quite loyal to spanking on the street or at home, is still strict in relation to parents who regularly beat their children.

For beating a minor that caused physical pain, but did not cause health problems, and compulsory community service. Fact family relations is of no importance here.

Beatings are blows inflicted intentionally, causing physical pain.

Forensic medical examiner to prove the fact of beatings can record:

1. bruises (usually on soft tissues);
2. bruising and bruising;
3. superficial abrasions, wounds, hematomas.

Important: Violent actions against children also include tying, restriction of freedom in a cramped enclosed space, prolonged kneeling, especially on peas (there are among supporters of " traditional methods upbringing" and those who use such a barbaric method of punishment).

Differences between parenting with the use of physical force and torture

It is impossible to consider beating education with the use of physical force. Disciplinary measures, which involve the application of punishment in the form of blows for certain offenses, are considered by some to be quite acceptable. Moreover, among the supporters of such methods there are even teachers and law enforcement officers.

It is believed that the child should be clearly aware of what this kind of punishment awaits him for, and not live in constant fear that he will be hit or even beaten.

The effectiveness of this method of education is in great doubt. If the law protects the physical integrity of citizens, then on what basis can it be violated in relation to the smallest Russians?

Doubts are also raised about the usefulness of such a method, which only convinces the child that the one who is stronger is right. Paradox: a slap, a slap, a blow from the boss for an incorrectly performed job will be perceived by any subordinate as an insult at best. But the same subordinate will consider it normal to hit his son for unfulfilled homework or a bad grade.

Supporters of physical punishment, no matter what family values they did not refer, they are simply not able to apply other methods of education, not smart enough and educated enough to build a relationship with a child without hurting him.

The consequences of even one blow can be very deplorable.

• The child withdraws into himself and does everything so that his parents do not find out about his misdeeds.
• There is a growing distrust of the world, the family, the state, which is not able to protect.
• The pain inflicted on a child in a family, in a house where he considered himself safe, makes him realize his own defenselessness before brute force and begin either to learn to respond with aggression to aggression, or to lie, dodge, hide information for which they can be punished, by any, in including illegal methods.

What threatens for beating children?

Many parents believe that the choice of parenting measures is their own business. Whether or not they beat children, no one should be concerned. However, when it comes to cruelty, the law stands up to protect the interests of the child.

All the more, that punishment punishment strife. If suffering mental condition If the child ends up in a hospital bed, punishment awaits the unfortunate “educator”.

What laws govern?

Reasons and motives

Among the reasons why a child or minor is punished physically by parents is often cited family traditions education, inability to cope with other methods of influence, uncontrollability of a son or daughter.

However, most often the root of the problem lies in the incompetence of mothers and fathers, inability to educate or unwillingness to fulfill the duties of raising children. Often they take out evil on children for failures at work, in their personal lives, considering them to be the culprits of all troubles.

Most often, beatings are inflicted on kids who are under 5 years old: the child is obviously helpless, he still does not understand where and how to turn for help, to whom to tell that he is being beaten.

Sometimes such children don’t even know how to speak, or they were told that it’s shameful and forbidden to talk about this with strangers, or juveniles are intimidated and afraid of a more serious punishment if they mention where they get bruises.

As a rule, already at school, where children are in front of many outsiders - peers, teachers, psychologists, it becomes impossible to hide the truth. Toddlers are already able to correctly assess the mood of their parents and the level of threat, run away, hide, call for help.

Bruises and abrasions will certainly attract attention, and the student himself is able to speak frankly with the teacher. That is why the very facts of beating a minor school age become known more often, but there are offenses and crimes against them in families less frequently.

Right to protection

Like every citizen of our country, the child has the right to protection. His interests can be represented by both children's rights commissioners and social educators, teachers, employees of guardianship authorities, departments for minors and the protection of their rights,

No parent should think that the little man born to him completely belongs to him and you can do anything with him.

Both the victim himself and neighbors, school workers may report an offense and demand the intervention of law enforcement agencies in a situation that threatens life and health.

Beating by father

The child perceives punishment by the father for granted, but the fact that the mother, the second native person, considers violence the norm and does not consider it necessary or is simply afraid to report beatings. In this case, the testimonies of witnesses, teachers, whose duties also include the protection of the child, are valuable.

Babysitter Beating

It is not always possible to immediately notice the fact of beatings, and even systematic beatings of the baby by the nanny. The kid will be afraid to say where he got bruises from, the nanny herself can intimidate him, saying that his parents will also be punished for the perfect act.

Important! Parents are obliged to be vigilant, attentive to the appearance of wounds, bruises on the child's body, to thoroughly find out where they came from. Rough treatment of a small child is simply unacceptable.

Conclusion

Or minors should not become the norm in any of the families. Each parent is responsible for the life, mental and physical health of their child.

But society as a whole is responsible for each of the young citizens, so child abuse, beatings and torture should not get away with aggressor parents.