Fell in love at 16. Teenage love. The psychology of guys - how to understand them

Last time we talked to you about the childhood love that comes to our babies before puberty. Today I propose to discuss teenage love, try to figure out what it is, how to properly respond to the feelings of your child and help him cope with them.

Puberty is such a complex and mysterious stage of development in the life of adolescents. At the age of 12-16, our children experience a strong love, becoming more distracted, apathetic, their mood changes at the speed of sound, academic performance decreases. And it is the parents in this situation who should take on the role of wise mentors in order to help their children survive this difficult time. After all, who knows in advance, what if your teenager met his fate?

You should not take the news of falling in love as a global tragedy and throw tantrums about this with wringing hands, fainting and terrible thoughts like: “Oh, it’s too early for him to fall in love, he should only have studies in his head.” Remember yourself at this age, your experiences, throwing, fear to confess to your parents, horror at the thought that someone else besides you will find out about your feeling. Remembered? And what was it like for you? If you are lucky and your parents have supported you, do the same with your child. And if in adolescence you were unlucky, and the adults just brushed you off, giving you a slap along the way and punishing (as I did) - you should not do the same. The opinion that “I managed and survived, and, therefore, you can” can be fatal for your child. Unfortunately, the thought of suicide due to unrequited love and misunderstanding with parents visits teenagers quite often, just to brush it off and not pay attention. If you see that something is wrong with the child, try to have a heart-to-heart talk with him, frankly.

If the child fell in love, then the time has come.

You will have to come to terms with this - the child has grown. He has grown so much that he is already ready to love and receive love. And if you set limits: it’s too early for you or he (she) is not a couple for you, you will lose the confidence of a teenager. What to do, how to act? Let's turn to psychologists for help, what they will advise.

1. To begin with, you should not elevate yourself above a teenager and crush with your parental authority - this will provoke a desire to act contrary to you.

2. Your child must understand that you are with him, that his problems are your problems, his experiences are your experiences, and that you understand him perfectly.

3. Do not make fun of his feelings - they are too important for teenagers, and your ridicule can hurt him, moving him away from you.

4. Try to choose a calm form of communication so that there is no irritation, mutual aggression - the children are so confused by the feelings that have arisen, and then the closest relatives and friends make scandals.

5. No one excludes the fact that the chosen one or chosen one of your child does not quite correspond to your parental plans - however, it is not for you to choose, at least in the most acute period falling in love, you certainly will not do anything. You should not make fun of his sympathy, speaking unflatteringly and derogatoryly, it is better to find kind, affectionate words - it is easy to lose a child's trust, it is difficult to return.

6. Super-caring parents will immediately try to give a lecture on the topic of early sexual activity, its dangers, diseases and consequences. Undoubtedly, sex education adolescents are necessary, the main thing is not to overdo it and not provoke excessive interest in that very “forbidden fruit”.

7. To have a clear idea of ​​​​the object of adoration for your child - invite him to visit. What will it give you? You will personally get acquainted, make your own, objective, opinion about him. And it is better to let them see each other at your home, in front of your eyes, than somewhere along the doorways. Just don't "strangle" the young lovers with excessive guardianship, give them a little freedom of action.

8. Choose a good moment and tell us about your first love, about your experiences, how and how it all ended, what experience you gained.

9. Do not prevent a teenager from making decisions on his own, to consider his object of sympathy better, even if he is disappointed in him - this will be his decision, not yours.

And how to communicate with him, in love?

A teenager in love does not fully understand what is happening to him: hormones are seething, the mood is either up or down, then I love, then I hate. Definitely, he needs your support: you are older, you are more experienced, after all, you have already been through this. And the young Romeo and Juliet, who so much want to be adults, are still on the path of gaining experience and your valuable advice, truthful answers to questions, openness and a desire to help will be very helpful.

When a child is in love, he wants to be better, look more beautiful and neat. It's time to teach your offspring how to properly arrange things in the closet, how to take care of yourself, a reminder of hygiene will not be superfluous. You can go shopping together and pick up a few new things for the child, beautiful accessories for the girl. In short, take an active part in the transformation of the child. Your offspring will definitely not hear lectures about deteriorating studies, but neat conversations on this topic are still worth holding. Try to convey to him that a quality education is a great start for the future and love in this matter is not a hindrance, but rather a great helper. Help plan the day so that homework enough time was given.

Of course, it’s easy to give advice and you can write anything you want, but let’s talk honestly with parents. Answer me a question: are you afraid of falling in love with your teenager? Why? What exactly is the source of anxiety? Fear that your child may face unrequited love? What will suffer and do a lot of stupid things in such a state? Or do you personally do not want to worry about this too?

In any case, whatever your answers, remember that this is your child, but not property. And he grows, his problems and difficulties also acquire a more adult character. Whether you like it or not, he's in love. And it is in your power to help him cope with this avalanche of emotions that are still incomprehensible, let the child feel that you are with him, you are there and will always help. Throw your fears, parental jealousy out of your head - they are not your helpers. Our children are worthy of respect, they do not need prohibitions and limits, they need our support and love.

Romeo and Juliet are the other side of love.

Let's talk a little about bad habits. Above, I have already cited as an example the advice of a psychologist that it is better to personally get to know the object of adoration of your child. And if you notice that something is wrong with the chosen one - do not rush to immediately put him out the door. Better then talk with your teenager and try to find out in more detail who his chosen one is, from which family. The age of 14-16 years is a time of experiments, when yesterday's children try to imitate adults: they try to smoke, get acquainted with alcohol, alas, but also with drugs. And here it is important not to miss the moment when a teenager from being interested becomes addicted.

Sports, all kinds of hobby groups, sections - this is the distraction that will help you protect your teenager from an early acquaintance with adult life. Scolding, punishing, and even more so to beat - it makes no sense. As I wrote above, this can provoke an action “contrary to”. Conversations that are even better supported by relevant literature will be more effective.

Due to misunderstandings with my parents, I started smoking at the age of 13, and by the age of 15 I got acquainted with alcohol. All this was done in spite of parental prohibitions: don't go, don't walk, stay at home and learn your lessons. It is a miracle that with such behavior I did not get into bad company, but finished school decently and was able to enter a university and get a higher education.

The first sexual experience is also acquired at this age: someone learns to kiss, and someone acquires a sexual partner. And here it is worth reminding you that conversations with your children about sex education should be started from early childhood, presenting information in accordance with the age of your child. A teenager who knows where and how children come from, what sex is and what the consequences can be is unlikely to want full-fledged intimacy at this age.

Let's summarize.

Love is, of course, always beautiful! This is a feeling that elevates a person, motivating him to do things that were not previously characteristic of him. This is such a set of emotions that cannot be described in one sentence, but without this feeling, human life is not perfect. And when our children fall in love, you should not interfere with them by creating an obstacle course on the way to the object of your sympathy. Help them, so young and inexperienced, teach them to respect their chosen ones, to appreciate, to be sensitive and attentive, caring.

Remember Dear Parents that now you are helping your child learn to love and how closely and sincerely you will take part in his life depends on how he will build relationships with the opposite sex in adulthood.

It is not easy for young people at the age of 16 to cope with the identification of their own personality and find their place in life. Adjusting to the world around you can be very painful, but it is an integral part of growing up and must be experienced. How a teenager behaves at 16 depends on how he experienced crisis periods 13-14 years old. Successful overcoming of the middle period teen crisis allows you to survive the test of sixteen years and the next seventeen.

For teenagers, 16 years is not just a difficult age, but a time to manifest themselves in the world as an independent person. Young people strive to put their knowledge into practice, it is natural that they want to gain some financial independence and become independent. Parents need to realize that their child is almost an adult and has the right to self-expression.

The inner world of a young man acquires depth, an interest in philosophical and spiritual issues, the problem of life and death is manifested.

If the personality of a teenager develops in the right direction, he tries to take care of loved ones, to provide patronage. A positive character trait is responsibility for one's actions and the desire for self-improvement. In order for development to go in this direction, parents should make a lot of efforts to raise children in a more early age.

emotionality in this age period becomes more restrained, the tendency to impulsive actions and aggression decreases. It becomes easier for parents to establish mutual understanding and contact with their child. This advantage must be taken advantage of.

Behavioral problems in boys aged 16

At the age of 16, the problems of a teenager boy are that the desire for independence and independence often contradicts the parents' ideas about the child's behavior. There is no guy who would not like to have his own pocket money at the age of 16, which gives a certain level of freedom. Another thing is that boys, in whom they have brought up a sense of responsibility and independence, strive to earn money themselves, and infantile young men will beg for them from their parents.

The mother of a 16-year-old son should accept the fact of growing up, giving him a range of freedom, while not forgetting about duties. Numerous prohibitions will lead to the fact that the guy can become a weak-willed person or show disobedience in an open form with aggression. In this case, even if you do everything right, you can get the opposite result. Boys at this age are stubborn, persistent in achieving their goals. To figure out how to raise a boy, you should master the basics of the psychology of adolescence and bring parental wisdom to the rescue.

Guys who have turned 16 attach particular importance to relationships with the surrounding sex, so mom should take care of visiting sports sections. Top boys feel much more confident in communicating with girls and do not suffer from an inferiority complex. A teenager should look slim, fit and athletic to achieve inner harmony.

It is very important for a mother to communicate correctly with a teenager who considers himself an adult guy, since the laid foundations of male behavior will help her son to fully express himself in the future.

Problems of behavior of girls in adolescence

The upbringing of a daughter provides for the development in her of tact, morality and a sense of responsibility for her own destiny. Parents need to remember that the formation of the female hormonal background and the growth of the skeleton ends in a girl at this age.

The peculiarity of physiological processes causes interest in love and relationships with young men. Mom will have to talk with her daughter on the topic of gender relations, otherwise she will draw information from other sources. The girl should be warned about the consequences of the early onset of sexual activity, the mother in this matter can become a better adviser than her friends.

How to properly educate a girl, so as not to lose her trust and avoid problems with excessive freedom, the parent should decide, taking into account the characteristics of the character and type of personality of the daughter. Trusting relationship give the girl the opportunity to develop harmoniously and not receive cruel life lessons.

Rules for communicating with a teenager 16 years old

Advice to parents about education allows you to take into account the psychology of a teenager and get around the sharp corners that are fraught with the relationship of fathers and children at the age of sixteen.

Listen more than talk

Reality shows the disappointing fact of the decline in the authority of parents at this age. Reading lectures and criticizing behavior will lead to inevitable conflicts and distrust. A parent needs to learn to listen to his child, who is full of ideas and opinions about the world around him. Having received interested listeners in the person of dad and mom, a teenager will sooner or later listen to their advice or even ask them.

Trust and freedom along with the control of friends and hobbies

The child should be given the opportunity to choose his friends, but at the same time he should be protected from the danger of falling under adverse influence. The desire for independence sometimes leads to the desire to try substances that pose a direct threat to health and life. The direct duty of parents is to warn against fatal deeds.

Support hobbies and develop interests

A young man, busy with interests and hobbies, spends much less time on the street in a dubious company. Parents should not impose their opinion on hobbies on a teenager, as it may contradict the natural inclinations and talents of a son or daughter.

Visiting circles and sections contributes to the harmonious development of the personality and does not allow spending significant time at the computer.

Teach to learn

Young men and women should be taught that in order to succeed in life, they must constantly learn. This process should become an integral part of personal growth. Teenagers need to learn that the important thing in learning is consistency and repetition.

Allow mistakes and correct mistakes

Life is a complex process that involves making mistakes. Nobody can avoid them. Wisdom consists in taking the lessons of the past and turning it into your own. personal experience. Proper awareness of the past will allow you not to step on the same rake in the future.

Convince: parents and the house will always understand and forgive

A teenager should know for sure that the parental home for a child is the most reliable place in the world. Parents should instill in the child a sense of security, such a person will be free from complexes and fears. A teenager should know that life's difficulties and problems can be solved with the help of kind and wise mentors.

No wonder people say - "little children - little troubles." As your yesterday's baby grows, more and more chores and problems appear. Just yesterday, mom was looking for answers to questions related to raising a baby. And today she is feverishly looking for any information about such a phenomenon as the manifestation of love in adolescents of 14 years old, and sometimes even younger.

No matter how parents deny the fact that their child has grown up, and no matter how they drive away the thought of a possible love of teenagers, and even more so about teenage sex, almost no one can avoid this. Don't believe? And try to strain your memory and remember yourself at this age. Surely, you will remember your first love - so pure and bright, when it seemed that this love was forever. And the chosen one or the chosen one seemed the most ideal people in the world.

So why do parents, having heard that their child has also encountered his first love, refuse to believe in this fact and take it for granted? Often, parents begin to prove to their child that he is still too small for love, that this is not love at all, without listening to any persuasions and exhortations of their child. But that's not the worst thing parents can do.

A much bigger mistake, which is quite common, is to make fun of a child's feelings. The consequences of such a line of parental behavior can be the saddest. Moreover, the loss of mutual understanding and contact between parents and their child is far from the worst option. Sometimes, to our great regret, a desperate teenager in love may even try to make a suicide attempt. Especially if this very first love turns out to be unrequited.

Also, very often the chosen one or the chosen one of your child becomes a reason for disagreement. In almost all cases, it has happened for a long time, but their parents do not like the choice of children at all. Those parents who turn out to be a little wiser than the rest prefer to keep all criticism about the choice of a son or daughter to themselves. However, alas, most often parents at an emotional input, without particularly choosing words and expressions, tell the child everything they think about his soulmate.

As a result, a difficult, tense psychological situation reigns in the house - the parents have endless conversations in the spirit of “mother did not raise a berry for him,” the child snaps. Agree - not the most rosy prospect. And in order not to be in such an unpleasant situation, parents must be fully armed.

After all, it often happens that all parental discontent and worries turn out to be absolutely justified. Unfortunately, no matter how parents want it, the social circle of modern teenagers is quite large, and includes not only positive boys and girls.

And for some reason, very often teenagers choose their soul mates from the so-called antipodes - people who are completely opposite to themselves. Look around - for sure, you will remember several couples in which the partners, at first glance, seem completely unsuitable for each other. The boy is an excellent student, a university student, dating a poorly educated and rather dissolute high school student. Or, on the contrary, a girl - a member of the Komsomol, a pioneer and just a beauty, doomed to the first fool, and a hooligan of the yard.

Sometimes their friendships and relationships are completely innocent, and do absolutely no harm to a teenager. However, not always, unfortunately. How many times have teenagers, trying to be like their soul mate, started smoking, tasting alcohol, and even drugs. But this is far from full list of what a child in a socially disadvantaged environment may be drawn into.

So that, to the best of their ability, parents can prevent such situations, support their child morally, and, where it is really necessary, control the child, or vice versa, give him a little more will, and you need to know everything about such things as love teenagers.

Signs of a teenager falling in love

Child and family psychologists unanimously argue that adolescence is one of the most difficult for both the child himself and all the adults around him. And this is not surprising - after all, it is at a transitional age that a child very actively begins to manifest such a character trait as adolescent negativism.

It manifests itself in the fact that a teenager begins to question absolutely all the words of adults, trying to refute them, and not in discussion, but in practice. Mom says that smoking is bad for health? So, you need to smoke and see in half a year what will come of it. Did dad say you have to be at home no later than ten o'clock at night? We should try to come at 11 and see what happens.

In addition, at a certain point, almost all teenagers begin to feel that adults climb too hard not only into the soul, but also into the life of the child. Especially if adults only confirm his assumptions with their behavior. There are several main taboos that psychologists strongly do not recommend breaking:

• Do not rummage through children's things - pockets of things, bags, desk drawers. Remember that the child is likely to perceive this behavior as a manifestation of parental distrust of him.
• The same is true for mobile phones and computers - do not climb on them. Believe me, if your teenager wants to watch porn videos, he will watch them anyway, not at home, but with friends.

Otherwise, your child will close in itself more densely than a mollusk in its shell. After all, even in that case. if the relationship between parents and children is just perfect, in adolescence they still try once again to keep their parents out of their lives. And therefore, most often, attentive parents can find out that your child has fallen in love only by signs of love, because it is unlikely that the child will be able to hide all his thoughts and emotions. So these signs are:

• Time spent by the child at home

In the event that earlier your child could spend days on end reading a book or at a computer, and recently he began to disappear away from home more and more often, returning later than usual, this may be a sign that he has fallen in love. And, of course, he tries to spend all his free time with his passion.

In such a case, the biggest mistake of parents will be prohibitions to spend time outside the home. The child will begin to violently protest against such a ban, and may simply hate you. Of course, after some time, this hatred will disappear without a trace, but for a long time, the hassle is provided to both the parents themselves and the teenager.

It is much more reasonable to give the child a little more freedom than usual. Although, of course, in no case should one forget about the boundaries of the reasonable - it is unacceptable to allow a teenager to return in the morning. However, allow your son or daughter to return home at least an hour later than usual. Believe me - he will definitely appreciate your trust!

• Increased phone talk time

Often, when a teenager has a boyfriend or girlfriend, they begin to spend much more time talking on the phone. And in the event that earlier child without any looking back talking on the phone in your presence, now he is trying to leave the room or at least move away from you a little further so that you do not hear the conversation.

Moreover, many parents are very worried about this, believing that the child is hiding something criminal from them. However, in fact, for the most part, all these conversations are inherently completely harmless. And the child leaves only because, considering himself already quite an adult, he strives for some autonomy and independence. Do not worry about this - very soon this desire will pass without a trace, immediately after the disappearance of youthful maximalism.

• Asking for more pocket money

As a rule, this point is true in relation to boys. And this is not surprising - after all, fortunately, despite any emancipation and other "charms" modern life, there are still quite a lot of real representatives of the stronger sex who prefer to pay for their dates on their own. And parents should be glad that they managed to raise a real man, albeit still very young.

Try, to the best of your family's financial means, to allocate a little more money to your son so that he can take his girlfriend to a cafe, or at least simply pay for public transport for her. Otherwise, the child will begin to independently seek an opportunity to find money.

And given the fact that not always a teenager can earn money, parents should seriously think about it. There is no guarantee that your son will not start stealing money from you. And this is in the best case, and in the worst case, the son may be involved in various illegal actions, and as a result, he will have quite serious problems with the law. After all, you probably don't want that, do you?

• Teen mood

A change in the mood of a teenager can also indicate his love. Moreover, these same changes can be very different and opposite. In the event that the first love is mutual, the child feels a certain euphoria, is constantly in high spirits, which is very difficult for him to spoil.

But in the event that the object of sympathy did not reciprocate teenage love, the picture can be completely opposite. The child is almost constantly in a depressed state, may refuse to walk, eat. Teenage girls can cry a lot. Of course, parents should try to help their child at this time, but remember that adolescents' perception of the world is not at all the same as that of adults.

And if adult woman, who parted with her passion, despite sobs, will gladly discuss with her friend all his shortcomings, and agree that he is a complete bastard, then a teenager, in response to an attempt by his parents to point out the shortcomings of his chosen one, can completely close in himself. And even just an attempt by mom or dad to comfort a child can cause a protest reaction. It is much wiser to try to distract the child.

For example, if you have the opportunity, send the child somewhere to rest - a change of scenery helps even adults very well, not to mention impressionable teenagers. Or buy him what he has long wanted - a computer, new phone. And don’t worry too much yourself - no matter how deadly the child’s mental wound may seem, very soon he will calm down and forget his first unhappy love.

• Appearance of a teenager

One of the most characteristic signs that a teenager has fallen in love is his increased attention to his appearance. Just yesterday, your son didn’t care much about the cleanliness of his shoes, but today you can look in them like in a mirror? Has your daughter suddenly started asking you for permission to dye her hair? All this is a reason for parents to assume that their child has fallen in love.

It is during this period that quite serious conflicts between parents and children also often arise. And this is not at all surprising - of course, if the child began to more carefully monitor his appearance, this will only be a plus. However, often a teenager conducts real experiments with his appearance - he dyes his hair in unthinkable shades, pierces all kinds of parts of the body, puts on unimaginable clothes.

Of course, only a few parents can calmly and silently observe such experiments without criticizing the child. However, such criticism is unlikely to have the desired effect, but the probability of spoiling the relationship with the child is very high. Therefore, try to accept the child with all his experiments - very soon they will pass, as they are just one of the inevitable factors of growing up and finding oneself.

If tolerating such creativity is absolutely unbearable, try inviting your child to go to a beauty salon and go shopping together. Perhaps in this way you will be able to at least slightly adjust the appearance of a teenager. And by the way, about shopping - try not to save on your child's wardrobe during this period, otherwise he may develop quite serious complexes. Yes, and children are quite cruel creatures - teasing a child who stands out from the general crowd, who does not have this or that fashionable thing, is an absolutely normal practice for them.

• The advent of contraceptives

Sometimes it happens that parents accidentally find contraceptives in a teenager. As a rule, condoms are found most often in boys. But girls can also often find contraceptives - the same condoms, or even birth control pills.

This situation is twofold. On the one hand, there is nothing good in the fact that the child began to have sex too early. And it is quite natural that the very first desire of the parents will be the impulse to throw a terrible scandal with a showdown and the search for the perpetrators.

However, before you do this, try to calm down and think soberly. What will you achieve scandal? Virginity to your child will not return with all your desire. But the relationship, once again, can be ruined completely.

Psychologists recommend that parents pretend that they did not notice anything and ... rejoice. One can foresee the violent objections of the parents - they say, what is there to rejoice about? And the fact that your child turned out to be reasonable and far-sighted enough to take care of his safety. Not all teenagers, having begun a sexual life, think about their own safety in principle.

However, it’s also not worth relaxing at all - after all, your child is still quite young, and is unlikely to know about all the dangers that sexual relations may pose. Try to inadvertently make sure that the child receives all the necessary information. How you do it is not important. You can leave in a conspicuous place the relevant subject literature, for example.

Of course, this list of signs of a possible teenage crush is very arbitrary. Often, all these changes occur during adolescence, whether the child is in love or not. In addition, psychologists say that most of these signs should alert parents, especially the disappearance of money from home and constant fluctuations in the emotional background of the child. In some cases, this may indicate that the child has quite serious problems up to drug use.

In general, it is generally accepted that the more signs are collected, the higher the likelihood that the child is really in love. And very often the best way find out this will become an open question to the child. But as you remember, if he does not want to answer him, you should not insist and try to get into the child’s soul - you can only push him away from you.

How should parents behave?

As you can see, love causes changes in teenagers almost always, and sometimes quite significant. How should parents respond to this situation? Let her take her course and not interfere? But it has already been said above that sometimes first love can lead to extremely sad consequences.

Interfere? However, even here pitfalls can lie in wait for parents - the child will consider that you do not trust him, or are overprotective. And this also often leads to various conflicts. Unfortunately, very often parents follow the path of least resistance - they simply forbid the child to communicate with the object of love. And they don’t pay attention to such trifles as a spoiled relationship with their own offspring. special attention believing that everything will work itself out.

However, such a tactic of behavior is far from the most correct. At first glance, everything can go completely without a trace. However, in reality this is not at all the case - the child simply - simply hides his resentment deep into the subconscious. And then, after many years, you should not be surprised - why does your child pay you “protocol” courtesy visits several times a year, writing off for terrible employment.

However, this is not the most unpleasant of all that such a line of behavior can turn into. As a rule, almost all children, without exception, in adulthood, becoming parents themselves, involuntarily, at the subconscious level, will repeat the line of behavior of their parents. And that means their mistakes.

In order to prevent such a situation, it is very important to behave correctly in this situation. There are several tips from a psychologist that will help parents behave correctly. So:

• Get to know your child's object of sympathy

If you are lucky and you know exactly who your child is in love with, try to get to know him. Advise the child to invite the chosen one or the chosen one home. And pay attention - there is absolutely no need to arrange a family dinner. Children are still too young, and therefore there is absolutely no point in arranging a “bride show”.

Acquaintance is necessary in order to get to know a person better. Very often, when meeting, it turns out that a person is actually much better than he seemed at first glance. And who knows, perhaps, behind the appearance of a cheeky girl with purple hair, there is a quite modest girl who is trying to fulfill herself in this way. And behind the appearance of a guy - a bully - a young man who catches every word and look of your daughter, ready to fulfill her every desire and protect her from the slightest danger.

• Meet your child's friends

In a very advantageous position are those parents who know the environment of their child. Try to get to know all, well, or almost all of his friends - and you will have at least a rough idea in what social circle your child rotates. So, you will already know approximately what to expect and what to prepare for.

However, be prepared for the fact that in order to get to know your child's friends, you will have to resort to a little trick. It is unlikely that the child will bring them to you one by one for acquaintance, as if for interrogation. But in the event that you organize a party for your son or daughter and their friends, you will surely have a great opportunity not only to see almost all your close people with your own eyes, but also to be known as understanding and, as the younger generation says, “advanced” parents.

However, remember that it is unlikely that children will be able to feel comfortable under your tireless control - give them a little bit of freedom. Stay for a while and go to the movies or visit - leave the teens alone. Trust me, nothing bad will happen to them. But your child will surely appreciate your trust in him, and will try in every possible way to justify him and not lose him. Yes, and such a small holiday will affect your relationship with your child in the most positive way.

• Refrain from criticism

It may well be that at the meeting you only make sure that you were right, and the second half of your child is very far from ideal. However, do not rush to tell your daughter that the guy is not worth her little finger, and your son that his girlfriend is just a dummy. Thus, you will not achieve anything, but only push the child away from you. Moreover, your child, in spite of you, will spend even more time with the object of sympathy, even if the interest passes by itself, in a natural way.

But talking frankly with the child will not be superfluous. Try to unobtrusively find out from your son or daughter what exactly attracted them so much in the chosen one or the chosen one. In no case do not ridicule the arguments of the child, but try to truly understand and accept them. Perhaps these arguments are not so naive and stupid.

• Don't take notes

Another very common mistake many parents make is turning a confidential conversation with their child into a banal lecture. Agree, few people will like the situation when he comes to close person with a desire to talk, but instead of advice, or at least understanding, he receives a moralizing sermon.

Therefore, no matter how hard it is for you to resist "soul-saving" conversations, in no case do not give in to the impulse. Be sure to listen to the child, try to give him the really right and useful advice if he needs it. Remember that the first love will pass quickly enough, but restoring the lost trust of the child is extremely difficult, and sometimes completely unrealistic.

• Let the child fill his "bumps"

Of course, no parent wants their child to have to make mistakes. And then pay for these mistakes, sometimes quite seriously. However, you should never do this! No matter how much you want it, you can’t just physically protect your child from all the dangers that may lie in wait for him on a long journey of life.

So maybe it really makes sense to give the child the opportunity to make mistakes and gain their own life experience, albeit a minimal one? At least until the child is next to you, and you will be able to provide him with the necessary assistance. And later, when the child grows up, it may happen that you cannot help him in such situations. So why take the risk and deprive the child of the opportunity to gain experience and grow up?

• Don't meddle in teen relationships

In no case should you ever try to make an effort to make young lovers quarrel. And, unfortunately, many parents practice a similar line of behavior. Intrigue, gossip, slander, slander - parents are ready to do anything to quarrel young people.

However, this is very risky. negative consequences. If you try to turn your child against his significant other, and their relationship remains strong, you risk becoming enemy number one for both of them. And in this case, be prepared for the fact that you will be shunned and avoided in every possible way. The child will fully and completely try to protect his personal life from your presence.

The reaction to even the most innocuous question like “where are you going?” will only make the child want to snap. The child will begin to hide everything from you - his computer, phone, personal belongings. Very soon, family life will begin to resemble a battlefield, on which parents and a teenager will become opponents.

Such a turn of events is especially fraught for the daughter's parents, and for herself in the first place. Often there are cases when a girl deliberately becomes pregnant very early from her boyfriend, and as a result, at 15-16 years old, parents are forced to either give their permission for marriage, or even send their daughter for an abortion.

But this is not the best solution either. Firstly, the first abortion, and even at such an early age, has an extremely negative impact on the health of a woman, and on the functioning of her reproductive system in particular. Do not focus on medical aspects- I'm sure everyone knows about them.

And secondly, your daughter is now going through an extremely difficult life period. Hormonal changes, and even the first love, are a real explosive mixture that makes a girl absolutely uncontrollable. She can simply - simply pack up and go to live with her young man. And consider that you are very lucky if your daughter's chosen one turns out to be a quiet boy who lives in a neighboring house, and you systematically meet his parents in the nearest store.

And if not? If you have a very vague idea what kind of person is the guy your daughter is in love with? What if he lives where he has to, earns extra money doing not very legal business, or does he hitchhike? Think - where will you look for your daughter in this case? But such stories, unfortunately, are not at all some kind of horror stories for parents, but they occur, and, alas, they are not so rare.

In the event that you still manage to achieve your goal and your son or daughter parted with their passion, they may blame you for this. Often, even after many years, this childish resentment makes itself felt - the child can periodically, as a rule, during quarrels or conflicts, remind you of this act of yours.

• Tell your child about your first love

If you categorically refuse to accept the choice of the child, remember that. That notations and moralizing in a conversation are in no case unacceptable. Therefore, try to go the other way - tell him about your first love. And do not skimp on words - tell us in as much detail as possible: about your feelings and emotions at that moment, about experiences, plans and hopes, about the first dates and the first kiss.

Try to speak as convincingly as possible so that the child feels the sincerity of your words. And then tell him how and why this love passed for you, how you met your true love - his second parent. Moreover, it is highly desirable that both parents, both mom and dad, tell about it.

Why is this needed, you ask? And with such stories, in any case, you will make the child involuntarily think about what. It is possible, and his first love is not forever. After all, the life of a child is just beginning - and who knows how it will develop further. However, in no case do not give examples from someone else's life - there is no point in pointing to a neighbor's girl who gave birth to a baby at 16 and is raising him alone. Such an example, most likely, the child will perceive as an ordinary regular “lecture” on the topic of morality.

• Boost your child's self-esteem

Most often, in order for the child to part with his passion, parents choose the following tactics: they begin to look for the slightest flaws in the beloved teenager. And be sure to vigorously discuss them among themselves, but so that the child hears about it. And sometimes the child is also constantly pointed to them.

But such a tactic is doomed to failure in advance - people in love usually notice little around. And even more so, they never see flaws in the object of their love. It just so happened. That love is generally very prone to idealizing a partner. Don't believe? Remember yourself at the peak of love.

The content of the article:

The love of teenagers is the first delightful feeling for themselves and an extraordinary test of strength for their parents. At this age, the younger generation sees everything exclusively in rainbow colors and excellent prospects. Consequently, even emotionally immature individuals are sometimes not able to adequately assess the love situation that has arisen in their life. Adults need to help them figure it out, but you need to do what you want with maximum wisdom.

Signs of falling in love in adolescence

First of all this question interested in parents whose children have begun to grow up. Love in adolescence by adults can be determined by the following signs that indicate an event that has occurred:

• Leisure activities outside the home. If a child used to devote the lion's share of his free time to computer games or reading educational literature, then he definitely did not have any amorous interest. In the opposite case, the teenager will begin to try at every opportunity to leave his native walls in an unknown direction, while inventing all sorts of reasons. Alarmed parents will try to stop such behavior of their maturing offspring, which is definitely not worth doing. As a result, the trust between the child and the adult generation of the family will simply disappear, which then will be difficult to return. You just need to clearly state to your rebel in love how much time he can spend outside the home.
• Secret phone conversations. Recently, it is rare for any teenager to have their own personal means of communication. Chatting with friends mobile phone is not forbidden, so parents calmly treated this fact. Their son or daughter could communicate for quite a long time with an invisible interlocutor on various youth topics. At the same time, the children were absolutely not afraid of the possibility that their parents might overhear their conversation about everything and nothing. If adults began to notice that their child tries to retire on the phone or even go out into the street, then everything indicates that he has his first object of interest.
• Request for an increase in pocket money. Many parents often cannot unequivocally answer the question regarding the provision of a teenager with certain personal funds. Compassionate grandparents in this case do not even think about such a request from their adored grandson or granddaughter. However, over time, parents begin to understand that they must allocate a reasonable amount of pocket money for the needs of their child. If their maturing offspring suddenly asked for an increase in "salary", then you should not immediately panic about the emergence of addictions outside his native walls. A son who has ceased to be a baby may need additional funds due to the fact that he needs to present small presents to his first lady of the heart and take her to the movies.
• A change in the appearance of a teenager. In children, usually during the first romantic feeling for a member of the opposite sex, their attitude to their hairstyle and wardrobe changes dramatically. A period of obvious changes in their appearance begins, which often frightens parents who are alarmed by what is happening. You should not be afraid of this fact if everything remains within the framework of a reasonable and aesthetically acceptable. Prohibitions on this matter will only cause a protest from a son or daughter, who in the future can turn from obedient children into rebels.
• Deterioration in academic performance. All people in love are in the clouds and pay little attention to what is happening around them. The first romantic feeling is a serious test for the not yet fully formed psyche of a teenager. He is not yet ready to concentrate his attention on serious things when his head is clouded by love experiences. As a result, a growing child begins to devote less time to preparing for studies, and all his previous achievements in this area may deteriorate significantly.
• Changing addictions of a teenager. If the beloved child was struck by the first arrow of Cupid, then the former predictable teenager can radically change his behavior. The daughter, who was interested in fantasy films, suddenly becomes interested in melodramas about the big and bright love. The son, after systematically getting acquainted with the novelties of "boy" music and spending time in computer games, suddenly ceases to be interested in this. If, with this factor, he begins to soar in the clouds at the sound of romantic ballads, then this is a sure sign that the first feeling has come to him.
• Finding contraceptives by parents. Usually a caring mother grabs her heart and starts in huge number take a sedative when he finds condoms in his "baby" son's pocket. In this case, experts give advice to let the situation take its course and silently put the found contraceptive in place. However, at the same time, it is worth remembering the age limits for the beginning of cognition of this adult side of life. In a family where trust reigns and the teenager is informed about sex, sexually transmitted diseases and unplanned pregnancy, there will be no catastrophe during the growing up of the child. Otherwise, the situation may reach a critical point, as in the Yugoslav film of the late 80s “It's time to love”, when ignorance of many issues turned into a tragedy.

1. Enjoy the times of youth. This period of personality formation will never be repeated, so you should gratefully accept everything that will become an invaluable life experience in the future. First love is a wonderful feeling, the memories of which many people keep in their hearts for many years.
2. Do not dissolve in the person you like. No matter how you like the first object of passion in your life, you should also remember about your interests. If you like soul music, and the chosen one prefers hard rock, then this is not a signal at all to radically change your addictions. People prefer communication only with those individuals who remain themselves in all situations.
3. Seek help from parents. If the first love is an unrequited feeling, then you should talk as frankly as possible with the older generation of the family. Do not be ashamed of your accumulated emotions, because parents with a baggage of experience will understand everything and give useful advice. Sometimes it is even easier to speak out to grandparents, their help and support should also not be rejected.
4. Do not forget about your plans for the future. The first feeling is not at all a reason to abandon your favorite hobby and forget about studying. If the chosen one responded with mutual sympathy, then he must respect the developed prospects for the future of the person he liked. If this fact is of little interest to him, then is it worth continuing to communicate with such an indifferent and selfish person?
5. Don't lock yourself in. Many people go through unrequited love, later recalling this difficult life period with a smile. If the object of passion does not reciprocate, then it must be accepted with dignity. New acquaintances, joint leisure with friends will help get rid of gloomy thoughts. Self-flagellation and withdrawal into oneself will only exacerbate the current difficult situation.
6. be careful. It is up to the adolescent himself to decide when he is old enough to begin sexual activity. It is not worth rushing with this, because often, with a fully formed body, the nervous psyche of a person in love remains at the stage of development and improvement. If the chosen one insists on intimacy, then you should tell him a clear and categorical “no”. This means that the person you like does not appreciate the feelings and desires of other people and you should stay away from him.

Advice for parents on how to deal with a teenager in love

It should be remembered always and in any situation that adults should be a friend to their child, and not his warden. Therefore, they need to think about how to behave at the first sign of infatuation with someone in their children.

Prohibitions to parents when controlling a teenager in love

• Criticism of the chosen one. To ridicule the choice of a child from the height of his life experience is an unworthy and illogical exercise on the part of an adult. Parents may categorically dislike the object of adoration of their offspring, but this is exclusively the problem of the fathers and mothers themselves. Such behavior will only alienate the child, because for him his first feeling is sacred and inviolable.
• Devaluation of teen sympathy. The next extreme on the part of adults is the stubborn reminder to the teenager that he is not yet ripe for serious relationship. Ideally, such parents want to return their growing child to play back in the sandbox, because they see only a baby in it. The main argument of family dictators in such an ignorance of the feelings of a son or daughter is the phrases “get a passport first” and “finish school (lyceum) first.” The most disastrous argument would be an adult’s reasoning of the type “in our time, they thought about studying, and not about all sorts of nonsense.”
• Prohibition of communication with the chosen one. One of the most ineffective ways to eradicate the love of a child is the voiced method of influence. At the same time, it is very easy to lose the trust of a native being, and it is almost impossible to change the situation in your favor. The ban will further spur the stubborn to secret meetings, which can end very badly.
• Search of teenager's belongings. If the child has grown up, then this is not at all a reason for parents to turn into a professional bloodhound. It is imperative to control your children so that the era of permissiveness does not begin in the family. However, some adults who are overly self-confident in their abilities consider it normal to reread their offspring's correspondence on social networks, gutting his phone and room in search of compromising evidence. Any mature person would be indignant at this fact, but we should not forget that a teenager has the right to his own personal space.

Note! The mistakes of adults primarily have a negative impact on the future fate of their offspring. You cannot make your beloved child happy by force, requiring him to act according to the model of behavior created by his parents. Such behavior, at best, will end with a protest from the teenager, and at worst - with neurosis and even a suicide attempt.

Correct actions of parents in relation to a teenager

1. Acquaintance with the chosen one of a son or daughter. In this case, no one talks about the need to organize family viewings. A dinner party will also be inappropriate, since no one is going to marry children in love in the near future. The best way out of this situation will be an invitation to the house for a tea party, during which you should study the chosen one of your offspring with maximum tact.
2. Getting to know the child's immediate environment. Wise parents they always know with whom their child spends his leisure time. Teenagers are quite secretive persons, but with a competent analysis of their behavior, you can easily find out about the teenager's existing friends. Psychologists advise to organize a party in the house on the occasion of some significant event and invite your son or daughter to invite their friends to it. However, at the same time, you should not hover over the guests like a kite, while creating only an awkward situation. With correct behavior and maximum tact, it is really easy to determine who has become a teenager's friends, and even figure out his secret passion.
3. Frank conversation about the chosen one. If a child seriously likes someone, it means that he was hooked in him by some character trait or demeanor. In this case, you can play spies, carefully learning about the reason for choosing a teenager. As a result, such a situation may arise that parents will be horrified by the verbal description of the object of passion and worship that has appeared in the life of their child. Having gathered all their will into a fist, adults should refrain from caustic comments in relation to the described chosen one of their son or daughter.
4. Allowing the right to make a mistake. So many people not only learn from their mistakes and reckless behavior, but also manage to step on the same rake in the future. Therefore, you should not demand wise decisions from a teenager in amorous affairs. He is not yet mentally prepared for a deep analysis of the relationship between opposite sexes. However, only through your own stuffed bumps can the time of emotional maturity begin when communicating with people you like.
5. Nostalgia for the first love of parents. It's time to talk to your child about what happened many years ago before he was born. Without notations and teachings, you should tell him about your first feelings, and how they ended. Children keenly feel when adults trust them and reveal themselves at the same time. A teenager will appreciate such frankness on the part of his father or mother and will continue to consult with them about his personal life.
6. Increasing the child's self-esteem. This must be done not at the expense of his chosen one, which will bring a cardinally opposite to the desired result. Wise parents, seeing the obvious fallacy of choosing their offspring and even some of its danger, will focus on the undoubted merits of their native being. In the future, a teenager can independently understand that his beliefs and life principles have nothing to do with the worldview of an admirer who has appeared.

Love at the age of 17 is something both childish and adult, because guys and girls at this age are just getting ready to become men and women, and at the same time they have minimal life experience.

There is no more mysterious and alluring feeling in a person's life than love. It can knock on our door suddenly or grow and develop for a long time.

What you need to know

Forewarned is forearmed. Love at the age of 17 in adolescence is often associated with negative factors that later lead to problems with studies, parents, and friends.

No, this does not mean at all that at the age of 17 it is “impossible”. Just such an age is successful for the first relationship.

Personality formation

A person's personality develops throughout life. Each period is associated with the action of its social and biological factors that influence the formation of a person's character, his worldview.

According to E. Erickson, 11-20 years is the time of puberty, adolescence and adolescence. During this period, a teenager's self-determination takes place, the formation of plans for the future.

Boys and girls decide the main question: who to be and what to do in life? They experiment, play different roles in society.

“First love is not the first and not the last. This is the love in which we most of all invested ourselves, our soul, when we still had a soul, ”A. V. Vampilov

However, we are interested in the following: during this period, there is a clear sexual polarization, i.e. development of sexual self-determination and associated forms of social behavior.

E. Erickson also highlights the abnormal side of personality development at the age of 11-20, when a person cannot focus on his future and often looks into the past.

His worldview and beliefs are mixed up, becoming unconvincing for the individual himself. There is a problem of "self-digging". There is a mixture of forms of sexual behavior in society.

What can influence the formation of personality:

Path to adulthood

17 years is transitional age when a guy or girl is getting ready for adulthood. During this period, teenagers begin to ask questions that they have not even thought about before (What is life?

How to live right? How to become happy? What to do to succeed in society? What awaits me in the future? What will my parents say about me at the age of 20-25?).

In general, a person understands himself and his desires, needs, duties, hobbies, beliefs.

From the age of 16, most boys and girls are attracted to the opposite sex. They ask questions about the sexual characteristics of men and women, their physiology, sex.

And yes, sex at 16-18 is normal. The only thing to be aware of is the possible risks.at the age of 17 will leave many memories for life.

Whether they will be good or negative depends on the adolescents themselves and their psychological state. By this age, the person becomes mature enough to "taste" the relationship for the first time.

How to understand that this is love at 17 years old

Even at the age of 17, there may be true love. However, this is rare, and teenagers often confuse this feeling with being in love or passion.

If passion is a drug, then love is healing and creation. This is how the two feelings differ. Being in love is not love either.

This is mania, sympathy for a member of the opposite sex. A teenager wants to spend time together and comfortably, without feeling any responsibilities or problems.

When there is love between teenagers, everything becomes different: people are not only attracted to each other because of their positive qualities.

The guy and the girl also do not pay attention to each other's shortcomings, sometimes finding advantages in them. They do not try to fix something in themselves, and it is not necessary.

Here are specific signs of love that are relevant not only for teenagers, but also for other age categories:

1. Excitement at the sight of your sympathy.
2. Embarrassing redness of the face.
3. Conversations with neighbors often go into the mainstream of discussing their first love.
4. I want to communicate a lot with my soul mate.
5. You are drawn to him / her, and it is not clear how and why this happens.
6. There is a desire to give everything you have. And we are talking about spiritual values.

Signs of a teenager falling in love

Any relationship begins with a feeling of love. 17 year olds are no exception.

There are several signs by which you can guess the existence of sympathy for a guy or girl:

There are also differences in behavior between boys and girls.

Girls

What are the characteristic features of behavior that can give out a teenage girl in love:

Now let's talk about boys. What behavioral features can be seen in the representatives of the stronger sex:

1. He is constantly looking for his sympathy in the crowd. He wants her to notice him.
2. There is a change in the guy's behavior with any appearance of his soulmate. For example, if in the company of friends a young man is the soul of the company, then when “her” appears on the horizon, he turns into a shy boy.
3. The guy becomes a gentleman: opens the door to his girlfriend, carries her bags / backpack, compliments.
4. A young man in love tries to fulfill any desire of his passion. Very often, a girl's wish, jokingly said, is immediately fulfilled.

First love at 17

Teenagers are always interested in something new, and relationships are no exception. They can affect a guy or a girl in different ways, and this can often be seen.

Video: my first love at 17 - experience and conclusions

Every teenager should always remember that relationships are not only pleasure in the company of their soulmate, but also responsibility.

Therefore, true first love at such an early age is not common and is typical only for mature persons, not only physically, but also spiritually.