Is it necessary to punish a child for a deuce? It's not the scores that matter, it's the knowledge. Should children be punished for grades? Topic: Should a child be punished for bad grades? »

Should the child be punished for bad marks at school? Should a child be deprived of their phone because of a poor grade in math?

Today the child returned from school not in the mood. He threw his briefcase into the corner, casually threw his jacket on a chair, frowned and thought about something. Mom begins to excitedly ask what happened, to which the child takes an offended diary from the briefcase, shows a deuce in mathematics and chokes with tears.

Such a violent reaction to a bad evaluation is now less common than before. Often, children do not care what to get: a deuce or a five. They understand that they will not be at home for a bad mark at school, so their level of success at school is inexorably falling.

Should punishment be waived?

The current system of education at school and at home gravitates toward democratic values: freedom of expression at school, respect for the child as an individual, some indulgence of his whims, and not accepting punishment as an educational measure. But is it necessary to refuse punishment? Will parents who have completely switched to a democratic style of education raise self-willed and indifferent children, who then will not care where they live and work?

It should immediately be noted that there can be no talk of any physical punishment. Children are not toys, they feel pain and suffering. Someone can say that his father was for his bad grades, and his grandfather also beat his father in childhood. But is it okay? In a child, this causes only hatred for his parent, and not respect and reverence. But if with physical punishment everything is clear, then is it necessary to punish bad grades at all? Most likely you need to.

Evaluation is an indicator of a child's success

This is not always an objective measure, but nevertheless it shows whether the student has mastered the school curriculum or not. A parent should be interested in the successful education of his child. He should not let the child's education take its course.

With the help of assessment, the teacher regulates the behavior of the student. Most often, children receive unsatisfactory marks precisely because of their bad behavior. Talked to a neighbor on the desk - did not understand the grammar rule, spun and turned - could not hear homework. And there are many such examples. Evaluation is a lever for controlling student behavior. But if parents do not punish for grades, then the teacher simply loses this lever, because the child does not care if they give him a deuce or not, he continues to play around and interfere with his classmates.

- as wage. If an employee does not work well, he receives a reprimand. So why shouldn't a loser be punished for poor academic performance? Ignoring bad grades, parents develop a harmful stereotype in the child: you can not work, but still get whatever you want. Such a conviction will have a very painful effect on his future labor activity and life in society.

Yes, bad grades should be penalized. But one remains important question: the notorious word "punish". Imagination immediately draws a poor child, put on a hunger strike and forever locked in his room. It is better to say not "punish", but "react". React to poor grades, respond to poor classroom performance, respond to discipline violations. How should one respond appropriately to failure?

How to respond to failure?

1. As already mentioned, there is little that can be achieved by physical torture. Parents should take steps to show that a bad grade is really bad. For example, cut down on computer or phone use until the score is corrected. At first, a stream of tears and pleas will be shed on the poor parent, but firmness must be shown, otherwise the child will get into the habit of shedding a tear whenever he is dissatisfied.

2. Children of the younger school age very dependent on their environment. Parents can take advantage of this and give their child an example of a more successful classmate. But this should not be in the form of humiliation: “Look how good he is, and what a nonentity you are!” such a formulation will cause negativism and rejection. Parents should simply shift the focus of the child's attention to study, and not to entertainment, set an example, and not poke their noses.

3. Why do adults go to work? To get paid. Why do children go to school? To get an estimate. Such a scheme does not at all cover the entire importance of education, but the child must clearly understand it. He won't get what he wants just like that. To achieve the goal, you need to work hard, get good grades in school and not violate discipline. A parent may promise to buy a new console, but in return he has every right to demand good quarter grades. In a word, the child should have a visual idea of ​​why he receives grades.

4. You never need to slide down to primitive humiliations. Try to deal with logarithms and complex sentences yourself, then you will understand whether it is so easy to earn a five. Humiliate and insult only those who cannot “help” anything else. Perhaps the child is lagging behind due to workload school curriculum can't go through the missed material. Parents should always be interested in homework, help the child, and not expect him to learn math and Russian at the click of a button.

You need to respond to grades, otherwise the child will lose all incentive to attend school. Democracy is democracy, but you can’t let academic performance take its course, because this can bring up the wrong life values ​​​​and attitude to life in a child.

Is your child the most quick-witted, smart, talented, gifted? Of all the above, only the statement that this is “your child” is adequate. The rest is dreams, fantasies of parents, which for some reason they take for granted, reality, and a beloved child must meet expectations loving mothers and dad. Is it so loving? And who do they love? Is this a real child who is not so brilliant at all? Or is it your dreams and expectations?

By the way, a child can also become like his parents and, following their example, compare them with more successful, erudite, creative parents of other peers. How will ambitious parents feel in this case? Well, try it, become what the parents of some other child are, in whose house your offspring loves to be. Why can't your child compare? Moms and dads, without hesitation, allow themselves such liberties. Or rather, cruelty.

So, got "two" again? What to do? How to react?

Say: “Are you not studying at all?” Or not pay attention at all - suddenly, because of reproaches, he will have a feeling of guilt, from which he will then develop a whole bouquet complexes? Or maybe still compare with the success of other guys?

In general, you can’t ignore the deuce - it turns out that you perceive such an attitude to study (that is, his work) as the norm, thereby disorienting him in what is good and what is bad.

Scold? Such humiliation will be perceived by him as a payment for a deuce, and therefore he can calmly do nothing further.

It is necessary to achieve good grades from the child gradually. In a week, a loser will not turn into a good one. If you set such a bar, you may refuse to go to school at all.

Success in some activity will help you start to take your studies more responsibly. Likes drawing? Let him study further art school. Can't wait for winter to start skiing? Choose a ski section. Victories in any business inspire, inspire new feats, make a person more responsible in everything, and over time this will have a positive effect on academic performance.

Try to communicate more with your child. Talk to him, talk and talk. About everything, not only studies.

You need to admit to yourself that the fear of the future of your child that did not work out due to poor studies has already brought the nerves to the limit. Increased nervousness always prevents to establish normal relations, to find the right solution to problems. Therefore, you need to accept reality as it is: the child is a loser. And now what? Neither you nor him can live on? You can and should live!

Try to reconcile yourself with the fact that the child does not particularly want to learn and please moms and dads with his achievements. Remember your classmates. Surely, there were excellent students and almost excellent students - diligent, helpful, always so correct. For your peace of mind, find out how their fate turned out. And also, are your classmates successful - triple students, who always had a lot of ideas in their heads and they brought them to life, and therefore there was not enough time to study. Perhaps, as a result, it was the weak students who turned out to be more successful and happy.

You need to calmly talk with your beloved child about school. Why is he failing in his subjects? Listen to his version. Then discuss each item separately. He cannot fail to understand, say, not only mathematics, but also literature and history.

Is the reason still in the misunderstanding of the subject? Launched material? Help, find together courses where experienced teachers will help him eliminate knowledge gaps.

Does he say he doesn't have time? Sit at the table, write down every day of the week by the minute. You will see, it turns out that there is also free time for two hours every day.

So many questions that after six or seven lessons at school, he just can't bring himself to do his homework? Believe me, it is really hard for children. Especially if they are not workaholics and not too ambitious. But look for an acceptable way out. You cannot reduce the number of lessons, you cannot reduce homework. So we are looking for other options. Maybe try to do some of the tasks, then let them do what they love (even if it's just lying on the couch), then complete the next portion. Maybe the child is so exhausted emotionally and physically at school that he needs rest after school, and then he can already start preparing for tomorrow's subjects.

You understand: if the reasons for getting deuces are clarified, then there is a real opportunity to help get out of the vicious circle of low ratings, nervousness, rejection, anger.

Maybe the child believes that the strength of your love for him depends entirely on school performance. Therefore, he checks what will happen if he starts to bring bad grades. If he decides that they really love him for his successes, he may deliberately stop learning - a kind of revenge on you for such an attitude towards him, avenging pain for dislike.

It is necessary to distinguish that a child can study poorly, because he has a lot to do, he is constantly in search, experimenting, researching something. Or maybe defiantly, out of spite, and also flaunts it, for example: “But I will not prepare for the test (and even worse - for the exam, etc.). And what will you do? Don't make me care." And really not prepared, will be idle. This is already a very difficult situation, which only a good psychologist will help to understand.

Discuss with your child the importance and necessity of successful completion of the school curriculum. Notice any positive developments in this direction. Got a three with a minus for the control, and before that there were two deuces? Well done! Did you complete the math assignment on your own, didn’t even copy it? Fine!

Love your child for who he is, respect him, appreciate success, support positive initiatives.

We so want our child to grow up successful that sometimes we go too far. For example, we demand to bring high marks and scold for low ones, believing that a good mark is equal to strong knowledge. But this is not always the case. So should children be punished for bad grades?

Photo source: pixabay.com

In the cycle of days, we find time only to ask in an authoritative voice: what did you get at school today? Or, on the contrary, we believe that success is unimportant, and we advise: don’t worry about grades, they say, all geniuses studied poorly.

How to respond to low grades in order to motivate, and not scare the child away from learning?

The school grading system is designed to encourage children to learn.

In practice, it often happens that classmates compete with each other for the best grades, and this competition is not always healthy.

Some of the excellent students are envied, some are despised, calling them "nerds", so high marks are not yet a sign of success. But low scores often, on the contrary, demotivate, completely turn away from studying - they say, if I get bad grades, why study at all? Estimates are also not a measure of knowledge. We all know (including remembering our own school years) that the grade can be improved thanks to essays, wall newspapers, or even diligent cleaning in the classroom.

Does it have anything to do with knowledge? Of course not.

And in our “Internet” time, even for an essay or essay, you don’t have to go to the reading room or draw up a story plan - just click the “Download” button and you’re done!

Estimates are perceived as a currency that can be paid

For example, you can get the desired toys, entertainment or pocket money from your parents. From classmates - recognition. From teachers - good relationship. High scores in the certificate do not guarantee, but increase the chances of getting into a prestigious university.

So should parents worry too much about grades? Yes and no.

• On the one hand, one should not scold for grades.

Firstly, the material or the whole subject may really “not go” to the child. Therefore, scolding for grades, you humiliate the child. For the same reason, you can neither laugh nor threaten.

A child can be stressed without you, and you also contribute to his low self-esteem. And in order to start studying well, you need to be calm and confident in your abilities.

• Secondly, the child may think that you love him only for good grades, and not just like that.

This attitude can deeply offend the child, make him closed or even dishonest. Sometimes even one scandal is enough for the child to begin to hide his school performance from you, hide the diary, wipe bad grades, and most importantly, not trust you.

Research shows that the combination of low scores with strict parental control increases the risk of developing or strengthening in children an inferiority complex, enuresis, sleep disorders, tics, stuttering, tantrums, and can even provoke a tendency to suicide.

However, what to do if your student, who used to study well, suddenly began to bring bad grades?

Photo source: pixabay.com

Try to figure out what exactly caused school failure

After all, a bad grade is not always a sign of a low level of knowledge.

Perhaps the child did not feel well, was experiencing a conflict with a teacher or classmates, was confused and forgot what he had learned, mixed up and answered the wrong question ... There are many reasons.

But even if the child really did not learn, did not understand - there is also some reason for this. Maybe it lies on the surface (a complex or boring topic) or is hidden deeper. Help your child overcome it, even if it is banal laziness.

You should also not bargain with your child for grades: they say, you will finish the semester in English with excellent marks, we will go skiing on vacation. This practice is generally not a good educational method, although it may sometimes be effective. Thus, you only provoke the child to chase grades.

Instead, try to interest them in gaining knowledge, tell them what benefits it will give.

Photo source: pixabay.com

So, maybe let him study as he wants?

It is also not worth going to such extremes. The child may feel abandoned; besides, grades can indeed be a symptom of problems that you could help solve.

It is also not necessary to nullify any motivation of the child with phrases like “you won’t need it”, “no one has died without it”, “I don’t know this either, and I live well”.

And is it necessary, in this case, to praise for good grades?

Of course, but indirectly - do not tell the child:

You're doing well, because you got "excellent".

Speak:

Well done - you learned so well that you answered 'excellent'!.

And in general - try to pay attention to the points received as little as possible, pay attention to the knowledge gained and the feelings of the child.

Maybe this will not become a guarantee of conscientious study, but it will save the nerves of you and your student.

Source: sittersglobal.com

Are grades important to your student? And for you?

When will IVF be as easy as going to the store? Interview with a reproductive specialist

Faced with the fact that a beloved child begins to regularly carry “deuces” and “triples”, few adults really think about how to fix the situation. The only right decision, according to most parents, lies on the surface: to scold, and that's it! Look, next time will be more diligent. Unfortunately, this approach often leads to the exact opposite result: a child who has been scolded for what the world stands for a random "deuce" does not start to study better, but, on the contrary, finally starts learning, and sometimes even become aggressive. Parents, sincerely perplexed, often begin to put even more pressure on their offspring - is it worth saying that this only aggravates the situation?

On the other hand, it is also impossible to ignore the child’s bad grades at all - a relaxed child will realize in the blink of an eye that the parents have given up. Subsequently, it is very difficult to “retrain” such a child: if for several years you did not pay attention to your student’s diary, but after some time you began to demand good grades from him, it will not work to force a child who is used to “hammering” to study. We did a little research and found out why scolding a child for bad grades should never be done. You can find out the reasons by reading our article.

Reason one: Grades do not characterize a person

The grades your child gets can tell you a lot, but not about the kind of person he really is. It is very stupid to characterize a person, paying attention only to his grades, but, unfortunately, most parents “suffer” from this: in an attempt to reason with their own child, they begin to compare his successes with the achievements of some excellent student. Such a comparison makes the child feel bad (since he fails to achieve the same that the hypothetical Vasya Ivanov achieved), devalues ​​his own successes. Scolding your child just because he received an inappropriate, in your opinion, assessment, in no case is also impossible for the reason that the assessment may not reflect real knowledge: it is not uncommon, for example, when a teacher deliberately underestimates the grades of children whose parents donated money for class needs at the wrong time (or didn’t donate at all, although this is not necessary). Unfortunately, most schools are still very, very far from an objective assessment of the abilities of each child, and therefore it is not worth getting hung up on assessments: in most cases, they still do not reflect reality.

Reason two: Your child may think that you are only interested in grades.

If you scold your child for not getting a very good grade, or, conversely, praise your child for a high result noted in the diary, there is a risk that the child will think that you are only interested in school success. Every child wants to be loved no matter what progress he makes in school. Scolding your own child for bad grades, of course, you can ensure that he becomes a better student. However, you run the risk of provoking the development of so-called childish perfectionism in the child, or excellent student syndrome: getting rid of it later will be quite difficult.

Reason three: scolding a child for bad grades, you kill the motivation to study better

For some reason, many parents think that the fear that a child experiences, fearing to get a bad grade, is an excellent motivation that makes him study better. Perhaps, in some cases, such a “motivation” will work, and for some time you will even be able to observe a series of fives and fours in your student’s diary. Fortunately or unfortunately, in most cases, parental threats do not lead to anything good: it will not work to force a child to study better, only scolding him for bad grades. Alas, most likely, you will have to observe an outcome completely different from what you expected: the child will simply lose the remnants of motivation that could motivate him to study better. Punishment in this case becomes meaningless, useless and even harmful: you not only did not achieve what you wanted, but also worsened an already deplorable situation.