I attract "wrong" men - what should I do? The men we attract I draw weak men to me

Rogue, gigolos, sissies, eternal students, philosophers - such men do not want anything, they whine, look for excuses for themselves, shift responsibility to a woman.

If you only occasionally come across such types - this is normal. In a sense, they help to orient oneself in desires, favorably set off more adequate candidates and bring peculiar “fun” moments to life.

If the number of rogues and losers around you worries, if they just stick to you - be careful! This is a trend!

To understand how your environment helps you in development, answer a few questions:

1. Are my friends and fans positive about life?
2. Are they developing, discovering new areas of knowledge?
3. Do they adequately relate to money, do they strive to get what they want in this life, without complaining and not complaining?
4. Could they provide me with tangible financial and moral support if needed?
5. Do I only have occasional relationships with married, weak, or uncaring men?
6. Most of my past relationships are long-term and pleasant to remember?
7. At parties and other events, the best, most confident and successful men approach me?

If you answered “no” to at least one question, it is urgently time to change something!

that she doesn't like?

Weak, selfish, lazy? And what does the word “attract” actually mean?

Surely you know a happy woman, surrounded by many worthy men who are constantly ready to support her.

They admire her, vyingly shake hands when she gets out of the car, reach out to her - although, it would seem, there is nothing special about her! Where is the model appearance, where are the charming whims in the spirit of Scarlett O'Hara? She's normal!

Stereotypes work against you

If you seriously think that a strong, self-confident and adequate man is looking for a long-legged bitch who will fool his brains, you are mistaken.

A normal man devotes most of his time to his business, work, and he has absolutely nothing to deal with another mysterious offense of a capricious woman.

He wants a good, faithful and open woman next to whom he will feel good.

Why do women attract the wrong men?

Diffidence

Self-doubt is the main enemy you need to defeat within. A weak person attracts exactly the same people, and an insecure man simply cannot be successful and completely happy.

If you are still lucky enough to meet a strong and confident man, but you do not love yourself, you will simply push him away because of the subconscious defensive reaction “I am not worthy of him.”

Lack of femininity

It is unlikely that you will attract strong men if you yourself radiate male energy.

Leadership, rigidity, peremptoryness, perseverance are primarily masculine qualities, and they always require balance.

A strong man will not want to deal with such a woman - he will have to compete with her, fight, and he has enough struggle in the environment of the social race.

He wants a tender, feminine girl, for whom he wants to perform feats.

inaccessibility

You have a crowd of fans, Instagram followers, gifts, attention, admiration - but do you attract selfish, frivolous men? This is quite natural.

You broadcast inaccessibility and a certain elitism, and what you broadcast is what you get - they want to get you like a trophy.

Having challenged and achieved you, amusing his ego, a man will simply get bored and leave.

Unwillingness to develop

There are many active, developing, interesting women around, and he does not want to waste time on one who does not love life and will not support his aspiration upward.

Losers are easy to patronize, they are simply created for this. For their sake, you need to sacrifice yourself, suffer, receive consolation and pity from your friends, feel the weight of the whole sky on your shoulders and be proud that you endure it.

Perhaps this program was passed on from parents, in any case, it is better to go to a few appointments with a psychoanalyst in order to deal with the problem of psychological sabotage together.

What to do if the quality of the men around you does not suit you?

?

What is this elusive flair, what is this light, to which everyone is drawn like moths? An attractive woman is not a block of ice, not a snowdrift, not a prickly burdock.

It is like a warm fireplace, near which you want to warm yourself, which relaxes and makes you feel alive after the winter cold. It warms but does not burn. And such a fire is the greatest value, without which life simply would not exist.

How to attract the man you like?

Women's energy attracts men- everything happens at such subtle levels that it is simply impossible to track or imitate it on purpose.

In fact, none of us consciously choose a partner for ourselves, just as we do not choose the “best” ones - we fall in love with those who suit us, who are at some level the same as us.

You can call it energy or the almighty subconscious, but a man is drawn to a woman whose “vibration” matches his own.

Form an image

Ask yourself in as much detail and absolutely honestly as possible what you want.

Absolute frankness can lead to the fact that you want exactly the kind of men you attract - and this is due to hidden self-punishment, parental attitudes, or any other destructive ideas.

Change settings

Victim, mommy - down with it all, you are a woman! First of all, you must sincerely and wholeheartedly want to become a happy woman, and not “get what you deserve,” “proudly carry your cross,” “kind and sacrificial.”

Enough! Once you have a strong desire to change your mindset, you will find ways to do it.

Develop

Think - what kind of women attract menwhich do you like? Do you want to become one yourself? If yes, then go ahead!

Set a clear goal and do not fool yourself, methodically achieve results and watch how you get closer to the desired image. Whatever you want to be, everything is possible!

Feminine state

Last but not least - and maybe the most important - is your female condition.How to learn to be feminine and attract men?

You must shine from within, and this radiance attracts weary travelers. No need to warm ungrateful and selfish men by the fire - value yourself, value others and love life.

Soon you will see how the circle of your communication magically changes.

The external world is a reflection of our internal world, and if we can influence the first very weakly, then the second is completely in our power.

Change it as you like, go ahead, develop - believe me, the golden fleece is waiting for you on the other side, and it's worth it!

Do you believe that a woman can “order” a man for herself, and he will appear in her? Share your opinion in the comments!

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Hi, I'm Pusha Ko, editor of the Psychology website. I write about everything related to psychology. I do not bypass the topics of the psychology of relationships, self-development, parenting, sex, sports, healthy eating and beauty .. I will publish) Always yours, Pusha.

Falling in love, each of us considers herself the happiest woman who got the best man. Then why do we marry lovers, and live with despots, choose the faithful, and cry at night into a pillow from endless betrayals, looking for help and support, but we ourselves turn into draft horses? Is this what we dreamed of all our romantic youth, and is this how we imagined that very female happiness? Of course not! But everyone around just shrug their hands and sigh doomedly: “C’est la vie! The man has now become smaller and transferred! Rejoice that at least your hands do not dissolve! And in general, rejoice that he is! But somehow it’s not joyful ... “It’s a shame not to be loved, especially if you deserve it!” - we think. But do we deserve loving, caring, faithful, honorable men? Yes?! Then why do we attract aggressors, womanizers, scammers, alcoholics or rapists into our lives?

The nature of the attraction of unworthy men

“Like attracts like!” - says one of the fundamental laws of the universe and affirms an irrefutable pattern in psychology. Everything that we vehemently and with an onslaught deny in ourselves needs to be released and reflected. The Swiss psychologist Carl Jung determined that qualities that are incompatible with self-awareness and not accepted by the personality are forced out deep into the shadow unconscious. That is, the qualities that we stubbornly refuse to recognize in ourselves (envy, cowardice, anger, selfishness, etc.), our subconscious mind hides in the “shadow” and we mistakenly believe that we have got rid of the shameful and hated burden. However, such self-deception plays a dangerous game with us, since unrecognized and rejected personal characteristics will require realization, and in the outside world will come to us through other people. In the same way, we are “mirrors” for our environment, accepting and reflecting the projections of their negative qualities, fears and desires. Thus, we “choose” and we are “chosen” by those people who are close to us in terms of our inner deep essence.

The “bad” man who is nearby will indicate exactly what negative qualities we have pushed into the “shadow”. For example, a woman who does not want to admit her commercialism and considers money to be a fundamental male quality has the highest chances of meeting a man who is extremely tight-fisted and economical. Another, taking her own sacrifice for a benefactor, will surely find an executioner, rapist or punisher on her head, who always appear where there is a “victim”. The underworld of our unconscious pursues us everywhere and casts a “shadow” (denial of one’s Self, lack of self-love, complexes, fears), forcing men to show all the attributes that we hate and suppress in every possible way.

There is another law that brings with it problems - the law of attracting opposites. It has the same consequences as the law of similarity, but it manifests itself when we attach too much importance to our advantages and strongly condemn men who do not have the same qualities. However, nature is wise, it always strives for harmony and balance. Therefore, for every smart woman there is a narrow-minded man, for every strong "woman" - a weak mattress, and for every industrious bee - an idle drone. Partners with the opposite system of values ​​come to us as some kind of spiritual teachers, designed to teach us to recognize for ourselves and for others the right to remain ourselves. "Evil" male teachers will change for the better or disappear altogether from our lives as soon as we learn the lesson they brought.

Dependency Relationship Development Scenarios

Being offended by a man who acts as an indicator and points to your internal complexes and contradictions, you only further strengthen his position in relation to you. There is a stereotypical development of scenarios according to which a woman is supposed to fight in every possible way with an unenviable fate through a fierce war with a negligent husband. But maybe it's worth digging deeper and consciously looking at the causes that are mirrored onto the surface? “Where is the dog buried” and what are the true motives for the appearance in the life of a “worthy” woman of an “unworthy” man?

Scenario 1. Male tyrant

The lesson that a man who opens his hands carries in himself most often indicates your inability to love yourself and allow yourself to be an imperfect wife, woman, housewife, etc. You feel guilty about everything and, suppressing it, try to earn mercy in every possible way. And when a woman is an eternal victim, then a man turns into a tyrant, carrying out her own scenario, according to which the offender must be punished justly.

What to do?

Take the right to be right and become the mistress of your own life. Recognizing your imperfection, you take responsibility for what is happening in the surrounding reality and do not subconsciously search for someone who will divide your life into “right / wrong”. So, you stop needing pain, which will make you learn to respect yourself and build boundaries of what is permitted.

Scenario 2. Womanizer man

A loving man who has trodden the path “to the left” subconsciously demonstrates to you your own low self-esteem, and an overwhelming lack of confidence in your own femininity. It may seem to you that such an ugly, fat, stupid woman like you is unworthy of love, and you will unconsciously push your beloved into the arms of beautiful and smart women. Provoking a man to commit a love crime, you deeply expect that he will throw himself at your feet and begin to convince and prove that there is no one better than you. But can he think so, even if you do not believe in it?!

What to do?

Raise in your own eyes self-esteem that has fallen below the plinth. Tidy up your appearance and wardrobe, attend self-development courses and sign up for dances that raise female energy. Learn to love yourself and accept the way God created you. Women with a strong feminine do not change!

Scenario 3: Alcoholic Man

A drinking man pours alcohol not so much on his weakness, but on your assertiveness and exorbitant strength in the fight against his addiction. The more you make an effort to expel the "green snake" from your family, the more unrestrained your husband's binges are. In drunkenness, he demonstrates the masculine strength of character that you deny in him, but cultivate in yourself. On your power of pressure: “You are a weakling! Not a man! Alcoholic!" he answers with the strength of male stubbornness: “I want and I will drink! I'm a man! I decide!"

What to do?

Loosen your grip, let the man not prove in this way who is the man in the house, and who is the power behind! Sincerely give him the role of the head of the family, which is not characteristic of a woman. Let him make decisions, and you, as a wise wife, coordinate them in the right direction! And even if it doesn’t work out “your way” right away, be patient! He will need time to believe you. Recognize your feminine weakness, which is the true strength.

Scenario 4: Loser Man

Unsuccessful, lazy and irresponsible men, as a rule, are attracted into their lives by women who are used to dominating everything. Total control, leadership, criticism, training are the best helpers in raising a man who will never want to take responsibility and solve financial issues. The inner fear of having a partner that you do not match pushes you to devalue the man next to you. Will he be taken away? And no one will covet the loser, so subconsciously you are afraid to allow yourself a man who is successful and worthy of the best woman.

What to do?

Get your own insecurity, irresponsibility, indecision out of your subconscious. Recognize their right to be. And if you want a man with opposite qualities, then you first have to develop them in yourself. Otherwise, for what such merits should fate reward you with a prince with a white horse? Only like attracts like, and only a worthy woman attracts a worthy man.

Scenario 5: Married man

Married men, who for some reason are not satisfied with their marital status, always deftly single out in the crowd “suitable” women for parallel relationships. Yes, perhaps he is just a womanizer, but for some reason he chose you, and not a woman who is consciously looking for an unfree man. And no matter how openly you protest, not this one, the next “married man” will again and again knock on your door. The reasons for this unhealthy "magnetism" may lie in the internal uncertainty or subconscious fear of developing promising relationships.

What to do?

Talk to yourself frankly! Why are unfree men attractive to you? Experience or, perhaps, the fact that someone already needs them, which means that they have been tested and are suitable for the role of a husband? Or maybe, on the contrary, you do not need care and responsibility called “family” and you prefer hopelessly married men? In any case, you will first have to become free from the attitudes that prohibit building relationships with a free man.

There are a lot of similar scenarios: a jealous man, a manipulator man, a child man, a friend man, etc. The cause-and-effect relationships that cause their development are individual. And yet it is known for certain that the roots of evil come from the rejection of one's own feminine nature, from dislike for oneself or from the inability to reserve the right to make a mistake. We start a program of self-destruction when we take over the responsibilities of men and the energy of power. A man next to such a "Hitler in a skirt" goes into a binge, into a spree or into dependence. But even when the long-awaited “king” appears on the horizon, we run away headlong, because we are afraid to admit that we are not able to match such an ideal companion. It is difficult for us to come to terms with our imperfection. There is only one thing left: to recognize in yourself what is commonly called "cockroaches", and stop wasting precious energy senselessly. It should be redirected into a creative direction, using it to develop a harmonious personality in itself, without which a worthy woman is impossible. And, as you know, like will certainly attract like!

There are women who always attract bad guys. If you feel belonging to this category, we will try to figure out what is the cause of your troubles.

You are too softhearted

You do not know how to refuse, and men who are natural manipulators cleverly use this. It's hard for you to complain about not feeling well, it's hard to say no, and it's hard to communicate your true emotions. You're too kind. Unfortunately, in the modern world, this quality is perceived as a weakness.

Are you trying to make the world a better place?

You notice that around you there are spoiled and cruel people with bad energy, but you see your holy purpose in the desire to change them. Get rid of the savior complex, this will save you both time and nerves. You need the same open and bright partner with whom you can be on the same wavelength.

The desire to give yourself without a trace

Your self-sacrifice can be appreciated only by close relatives and trusted friends. But if you sacrifice yourself to a man whom you have known for half a year, this indicates that you do not respect your needs and desires.

You don't draw boundaries

Boundaries are essential for healthy relationships, and if you fail to create them, the bad guys will always exploit this vulnerability. Creating taboos and prohibitions is not synonymous with bitchiness.

Excessive naivete

Naivety is your middle name. Your heart is open, and the trust in other people is so great that you give it to everyone indiscriminately. This excellent quality can turn against your interests if you have to deal with a manipulator. Don't let unsavory people fill your life with toxicity.

Desire to be a "cool girl"

Sometimes you get bored with the role of a good girl, and you decide to try on the image of a "cool girl". The bad guys can't wait to meet the lost sheep who don't know what they want out of life.

You can be convinced you're wrong

You cannot leave an explosive situation, because you are afraid of loneliness in a panic. This turns against you, as a partner can easily put pressure on your pain points. He will make you admit you are wrong when he is guilty. Break the vicious circle and stop lowering your self-esteem.

Fear of being alone

It has not been long since your previous relationship ended, but you have already found a replacement for your ex-boyfriend. It never crossed your mind that it's okay to live a few months without a relationship.

You don't exude confidence

Toxic guys notice that you don't love yourself, so they hover around you. If you were a little more confident in yourself, no one could manipulate you.

Easy attitude to inconsistencies

You manage to calmly accept a man whose words are at odds with actions. This discrepancy clearly indicates unreliability, but you don't notice it.

WimanHit.ru expert - family psychologist, numerologist Natalya Vinogradova - talks about what you need to know in order to meet someone with whom you will be truly happy.

Why do I attract the wrong men? Photo: Lori.ru.

Tender and affectionate, passionate, soft and expansive, sensual and militant, feminine - all this is a woman, so different and unpredictable.

But why do some women bring men together with just a glance, while others are not successful among men? We will try to understand this in our article.

As for appearance, then, as you know, “there is no comrade for the taste and color.” It all depends on the individual preferences of the man.

Some like brunettes, others like blondes, others like brown-haired women, and still others like fiery redheads. Some are crazy about slim and long-legged girls, while others like donuts.

It is worth noting that there are no specific canons of what a woman should be, there are no specific standards.

What matters is not so much appearance, but the ability to behave and present yourself correctly, to interest a man so that he pays attention to you.

Therefore, you should not rely only on your appearance - you need to work on the inner content of your soul. It is worth remembering that not every beautiful woman is attractive.

Attractiveness and beauty are two completely different elements that complement each other and make a woman irresistible. Some women have natural magnetism and attractiveness, but for some it comes in the process of constant and continuous work on themselves. What you need to pay attention to, we will share with you in our article.

Be confident - and men will reach out to you

It is worth noting that most men try to stay away from women with low self-esteem. Such women do not like themselves, do not believe in themselves and, first of all, do not respect themselves. They put up with being treated badly because they don't believe anyone can treat them well. And if a woman does not feel self-esteem, then others will not respect her.

It is worth noting that men appreciate faithful and devoted women with self-esteem, who do not allow to wipe their feet on themselves and step over themselves.

A self-confident woman, with a free, confident gait and a slight smile on her lips, will not leave indifferent any man's heart.

Popular among men are women who confidently stand their ground, justify their opinion politely and well-mannered.

At the same time, men do not like self-confident women who will not add up their prices. Not a single man wants to be close to such a woman, he will simply feel flawed and inferior.

Men are not attracted to complex women. The lady should be moderately relaxed and free. Real men like sexy but not vulgar women.

Look chic in any situation

There is an opinion that men do not like it when their woman stands out from the mass and, thus, attracts the attention of others, especially other men. Of course, our life is not without it, but still, most men love it when their woman is not like everyone else, whom they admire and keep their eyes on.

A woman should always look breathtaking. All men love women who take care of themselves. A woman should always look charming and attract attention. The opposite opinion is held only by those men who are not confident in themselves and are afraid that they will fight for his girlfriend.

Don't be afraid to take the first step

Many women who succeed in relationships don't follow the conventions and deviate from the standards. They are able to take the first step and be the first to speak to a man. Some men like it and they pay attention to such a woman. Moreover, some men are modest and are not able to take the first step towards meeting a woman. But you should be guided by the situation - after all, some men, on the contrary, such perseverance can frighten.

A woman must be a mystery

Men are attracted to mystery girls who have their own secrets that still need to be unraveled. But it is worth remembering that there is a fine line between mystery and closeness that should not be crossed. Most men prefer open, sociable and cheerful women, and coldness, on the contrary, repels them.

Be yourself

Attractive women don't play games with a man, they know what they want and don't pretend to be someone they aren't. With a man you have to be honest and frank. Don't try to look better than you are.

Showing feminine weakness is good

Do not be a feminist and show your extra independence, let a man pay for himself in a restaurant and put a coat on your shoulders. Show weakness - men love it. Show a man your feminine vulnerability, but not weakness. Let the man feel needed and irreplaceable. Remember, a woman's strength is in her weakness.

Clothes and perfume will do the trick

Clothing should emphasize all your dignity and show your individuality and sense of style. Perfumes are very important, the pleasant flying smell of a woman will not leave indifferent any man and make him turn around and pay attention to her.

Such illogical men

It is known that most men try to avoid women who:

• they talk a lot and don't talk at all;
• eat a lot and fixate on their external weight;
• too abstruse and stupid;
• very noisy and too modest.

Although these points contradict each other, but this is true, because the only solution is the golden mean, which, as you know, should be in everything.

Some more tips

• Men like women who have their own hobbies and interests.
• Men love women who don't judge men by the size of their wallet, make of car, career or reputation, and then they try to do everything in their power for her to make her happy.
• Men prefer women who are active and energetic, with a strong position in life, who know what they want.
• Stand out from the crowd, be individual and unique.
• Be a coquette and it will not leave anyone indifferent.
• The voice is also important - cute and sexy, quiet, muffled, soft and low. Play with your voice.
• A woman should be different, at the same time, always remain herself.
• Normal men do not pay attention to easily accessible women with a defiant appearance.
• Be calm and self-confident, natural, pleasant, cheerful and carefree.

Be yourself and your true love will find you. If a man does not like you for who you are, then this person is not for you.