How to be a real friend. How to be a good friend? What a good friend should do
Many friends happen only in childhood and adolescence. The older a person gets, the fewer friends he has. There are many reasons for this, but the main thing is not to lose all your friends and learn to be a good and reliable friend yourself. How to do it? Here are 10 rules that will help you become the best friend in the world.
Keep the faith
Friendship and betrayal are two incompatible concepts. Betraying friends is a low act that has no justification.
Make time
You are close people, at least occasionally share your leisure time. Not necessarily often, but there should be a connection between you. Let in the form of a trip to football, gatherings once a month, a joint hobby or travel.
Do not use friends for personal gain
You are not friends for the sake of PR, material gain or a new position. Friendship connects hearts. If you maintain a relationship with a person out of selfish motives, then you are worthless.
Remember birthdays
Congratulating a comrade (girlfriend) is a sacred thing. If your memory is full of holes, set a reminder on your phone. So you will not miss an important event and will be able to congratulate a friend, even if you are on different continents.
Jealousy kills friendship
When the best friend got married (or a girlfriend got married), you should not be jealous of his family or give ultimatums, tease him. Don't force a choice between you and your family. Try to become a friend for the whole family, including children. Then you will always be a welcome guest and a reliable friend.
Help in any circumstances
A faithful friend or girlfriend will not leave you in trouble, will lend a helping hand and will not look for excuses. Just come at any time of the day or night and help. At least with a kind word.
Alien love is taboo
Don't date your friend's ex or take a friend's boyfriend away. It is not right. This situation looks ugly. It will be unpleasant for your friend or girlfriend to see you together. It's not friendly.
Be honest
Friends are people who can tell the truth in person, but still maintain a great relationship. You can honestly express your opinion and not be hypocritical.
Learn to keep secrets
Become the most secure safe in the world. A friend can say anything frankly, hoping for understanding and support. Your task is to keep the secret, no matter how piquant it may be.
Respect your friend's privacy
He (she) may have things that he does not want to discuss. You don't have to be a sticky fish that wants to know everything. There are aspects of life that a friend has the right to keep secret.
Important!
To be good friend- not an easy task. But everything will come back. True friends are valued and respected. You won't be alone. There will always be a person who will listen, support and understand.
Knowing what a good friend is and trying to live up to his criteria is The best way to find and keep good friends. And close friends give us expressed feeling emotional security, which increases life expectancy, scientists are sure.
Friendship and health - is there a connection
Those who are surrounded by good friends live on, scientists say. It's all about the feeling of emotional security and warmth that friends give us. If you have at least one close friend, life seems happier, and the ability to cope with stress and problems increases. Surprisingly, even having a good intimate partner doesn't provide the same physical and emotional health benefits that friendship does. good friends give more support than lovers, siblings, parents or children. Good friends provide different levels of understanding and communication, which positively affects our well-being and sense of self.
The Emotional Health Benefits of Friendship
- Laboratory studies have shown that hamsters with skin wounds that were caged with other hamsters recovered faster than those that were alone. The company's hamsters also produced less cortisol, a stress hormone that has negative effects on mood and immunity. You are certainly not a hamster. But scientists are sure that the same conclusions can be transferred to human friendship. If you are depressed, recovering from an illness, or experiencing stress, you will recover and recover much faster if you have good soul friends around.
- Scientists have not yet figured out exactly how, but having good friends can even improve the condition of our immune system. Good friends help you relax, gain hope and faith in the future, a feeling that everything will be all right. Friends give emotional comfort, good mood.
- Strong support is not only emotions and feelings. Moral support also means a lot. Simply put, when a friend accompanies you to a doctor's appointment or medical procedure, your blood pressure and heart rate even drop, the doctors say. Without established social connections or friends, you are more likely to experience negative emotions and hurt more than usual.
However, in order to be always surrounded by friends, it is necessary to become a good friend yourself.
How to be a good friend
Spend time together. If, due to lack of time, you cannot often go for walks with a friend, then at least call or write to him regularly. Conversations don't have to be long. Even a short and friendly SMS message sometimes gives a lot so as not to lose touch. Set your priorities. We all always have a lot of things to do. Maybe you "should" clean the house, bathe the dog, cook dinner, or watch TV (some people feel like they should!). However, try to prioritize for yourself. Communication with a friend should become much more important to you than household chores. Be with friends both in good moments of life and in bad ones. The funeral of relatives and the wedding of a daughter, an operation or a celebration - always be close to friends. Share joy with them and support your shoulder in difficult times. Sincerely rejoice for your friend and worry about him in difficult moments.
Don't keep score. Who should call this time? Which one of you paid for the taxi last time? Who spent the most on new Year gifts? Who cares? If friendship is really strong, such things don't have of great importance. You are not rivals on the sports field. Focus on the positive aspects of your friend. We all have our "cockroaches" - quirks and weaknesses. Focus on your friend's strengths and great qualities. To be a good friend, you need to be able to forget about the things in which you and your friend are different, and concentrate on the general.
Many friends happen only in childhood and adolescence. The older a person gets, the fewer friends he has. There are many reasons for this, but the main thing is not to lose all your friends and learn to be a good and reliable friend yourself. How to do it? Follow the 10 rules in this article and you will become the best friend in the world.
1. Be faithful. Friendship and betrayal are two incompatible concepts. Betraying friends is a low act that has no justification.
2. Make time. You are close people, at least occasionally share your leisure time. Not necessarily often, but there should be a connection between you. Let in the form of a trip to football, gatherings once a month, a joint hobby or travel.
3. Do not use friends for personal gain. You are not friends for the sake of PR, material gain or a new position. Friendship connects hearts. If you maintain a relationship with a person out of selfish motives, then you are worthless.
4. Remember birthdays. Congratulating a comrade (girlfriend) is a sacred thing. If your memory is full of holes, set a reminder on your phone. So you will not miss an important event and will be able to congratulate a friend, even if you are on different continents.
5. Jealousy kills friendship. When the best friend got married (or a girlfriend got married), you should not be jealous of his family or give ultimatums, tease him. Don't force a choice between you and your family. Try to become a friend for the whole family, including children. Then you will always be a welcome guest and a reliable friend.
6. Help under any circumstances. A faithful friend or girlfriend will not leave you in trouble, will lend a helping hand and will not look for excuses. Just come at any time of the day or night and help. At least with a kind word.
7. Don't date your friend's ex / don't steal a boyfriend from a friend. It is not right. This situation looks ugly. It will be unpleasant for your friend or girlfriend to see you together. It's not friendly.
8. Be honest. Friends are people who can tell the truth in person, but still maintain a great relationship. You can honestly express your opinion and not be hypocritical.
9. Learn to keep secrets. Become the most secure safe in the world. A friend can say anything frankly, hoping for understanding and support. Your task is to keep the secret, no matter how piquant it may be.
10. Respect a friend's privacy. He (she) may have things that he does not want to discuss. You don't have to be a sticky fish that wants to know everything. There are aspects of life that a friend has the right to keep secret.
Being a good friend is not an easy task. But everything will come back. True friends are valued and respected. You won't be alone. There will always be a person who will listen, support and understand.
True friendship is worth every bit of effort. Years will pass, and you will understand how priceless each saved friendly relations. Stick to the following tips to be a good friend and develop friendships.
Being a good friend isn't always easy, but built over time, it lasts. real friendship worth every bit of the effort. Years will pass, some people will stay with you, but many will leave, and you will realize how priceless every friendship you keep is. Of course, in order to have a good friend, you need to be one yourself. Follow these tips to be a good friend and develop friendships over the years.
1. Be reliable
1.1 Keep your promises. Never make promises you can't keep, or at least don't let it become a habit. If you promised to go out with a friend, but something unforeseen happened, explain the situation and hope that your friendship is strong enough to handle the situation. No one is perfect, so it's okay if you don't keep a promise every 100 years, but don't make it a habit.
When making a serious promise, look your friend in the eyes and speak slowly to demonstrate that you really understand the situation, and not just speak because you think you should.
1.2 Be reliable. Reliability is one of the most important qualities of a good friend. No one likes windy people, and no one wants to form close friendships with them. It is difficult to rely on a person who behaves in an inconsistent and untrustworthy manner. We all know good-natured, but windy people who promise something, but never keep the promise. If we are talking about you, know that in this way you undermine the trust of friends. Eventually, they will stop believing in your promises.
If you are not sure that you can fulfill something, do not agree to take on it, so that later you will not fulfill the promise. Instead, be honest about how you're not sure you can handle the assignment.
Friends should always feel like they can count on you, even when the going gets tough. If you're only around during the fun, you'll be nothing more than a situational buddy.
1.3 Apologize for your mistakes. If you want your friends to trust you, don't act like you're perfect. If you know you've made a mistake, admit it instead of refusing. While your friends won't be happy that you made a mistake, they'll be very happy that you're mature and thoughtful enough to acknowledge the mistake, rather than pretending nothing happened, or worse, blaming the other person for it. .
When you apologize, you must understand what you are apologizing for. Let your friends hear the sincerity in your voice and not think that you really don't care about their feelings.
1.4 Be honest. If you want to be a good friend that people trust, be honest about how you feel, what your friends do, and how valuable your friendship is. If the feelings are honest, this opens a direct path to frank communication with friends and, most likely, will allow them to open their soul to you. If a friend has hurt you, don't be afraid to talk about it. If something upsets you, feel free to tell a friend about it.
Honesty is different from reckless directness, which can hurt friends. If you think a friend has a drinking problem, it's your responsibility, for their own good, to talk about it. But if you think your friend looks a little weird in a new dress, it's best to keep your mouth shut.
Be real. Get close to people who mean a lot to you on a deep level if you want to have sustainable, long-term friendships. Invest your soul in relationships with people around whom you can remain yourself. If you lack sincerity, the friendship will not last.
1.5 Do not use people. If one of your friends suspects that you are using it, he will toss you like a hot potato. good friendship is not built on the hope that the popularity and connections of another person will help you in life. If you try to be friends with a person in order to get into a certain company, this is not friendship, but mercantile interest, and, in the end, your mean act will manifest itself.
And if you have a reputation for taking advantage of other people, then new people will not be very happy to make friends with you.
Friendship is about giving and taking. Of course, it's very convenient to have one of your friends drive you to school every day, but be sure to give him something in return.
1.6 Be loyal. If a friend shared something secret, trusting you, keep the secret and do not discuss it with anyone else in the same way as if it was your secret. Don't talk about your friend behind his back and don't spread rumors about the secret things he shared with you. Never say words about a friend that you would not dare to repeat to his face. Be loyal to loyal friends and be ready to protect them if new friends or strangers start to gossip about them.
An important component of devotion is understanding the importance of long-term and stable friendship. Do not throw away all these valuables in order to walk with new girl, a boyfriend, or a cool new person you just met.
If you have a reputation for chattering or gossip, your friends will quickly learn that you are not allowed to tell you anything personal or stop spending a lot of time with you altogether.
Don't let people talk bad about your friends. Until you get a chance to find out how your friend sees the situation, avoid comments based on hearsay and speculation. If the person is saying things that shock you and that you don't think can be related to your friend's words or behavior, say something like, "I know him, and this doesn't sound true. Let me talk to him to get his take on the situation. Until then, I would be grateful if you would not spread the word about what happened.”
1.7 Be respectful. Good friends show respect for each other with an open attitude and mutual support. If a friend has certain values and beliefs that are at odds with yours, respect their choice and be open to hearing more about it. To earn a friend's trust, let them feel comfortable expressing opinions you may not agree with or discussing new perspectives with you. If a friend thinks that you are cutting off any interesting or promising idea that comes to him, your friendship will no longer be of any value.
Sometimes friends may say things that seem boring, uncomfortable, or annoying, but if you respect a friend, let him speak without judging him.
In a situation where you don't see eye to eye, express your disagreement respectfully and be prepared to look at things from a different perspective.
2. Give support
2.1 Be selfless. Although it is not necessary to be selfless all the time, selflessness is important quality good friend. At every opportunity, fulfill the wishes of friends, provided that they do not go beyond reason. Repay good deeds with your good deeds and your friendship will be strengthened. If you have a reputation for being selfish and only showing up when you need help, people will realize that you are indifferent to them.
Do a friend a favor from the bottom of your heart, and not for the sake of profit.
There is a difference between a selfless person and one that everyone rides. If you feel like you're always helping your friends without getting anything in return, then you're in trouble.
But abuse generosity and hospitality. If a friend has done something nice for you, reciprocate quickly. Promptly repay borrowed money. Go home when you think it's time.
2.2 Know how to listen. Don't monopolize conversations and take the time to really understand and support a friend when they reach out to you. Sounds simple, but make sure you listen as much as you talk about yourself. If you occupy all conversations with the expression of your feelings, the friend will not receive anything from this relationship. By listening to a friend, you open up a space between you for communication and assure him that you are not indifferent.
If you're just waiting for a friend to finish speaking to speak up, it will be noticed immediately.
Try to find a balance by letting your friend talk about half the time. While some people are more shy than others, if a friend can't get a word in when you're talking, your friendship is unlikely to thrive.
2.3 Help friends cope with difficulties. To really help, you have to be able to sense when a friend is having a hard time. If you feel that a friend is in trouble and has little control over the process, such as taking drugs, being promiscuous, or drinking too much at a party, help him out of an unpleasant situation by not being embarrassed to talk about it.
Don't rely on your friend to do it on their own. It may take a long time to get your voice common sense awakened a friend and helped to get out of a psychological hole. When you see a problem, talk, no matter how uncomfortable you feel.
Let a friend know that he can always count on you to cry into his vest at a difficult moment. By feeling less alone, a friend will get over their problems faster.
If all your friend wants is to talk about a problem, that's fine at first, but you still need to help them find practical solutions to problems.
For example, if a friend admitted to having an eating disorder and simply promised to eat more, you need to talk about taking more serious steps to resolve the problem, such as seeing a doctor.
2.4 Be there in difficult times. If a friend is in the hospital, visit him. If his dog ran away, help find him. If he needs to be met, wait at the appointed place. Make notes for your friend at school when they're away. Send postcards and packages of nice things when you live far away. If grief happened in his family, and a relative died, support a friend at the funeral. Let him know that he can count on you at any time.
A friend cannot always be in a difficult situation, although some still contrive. Be there to help during difficult times, but that may not be the foundation of your relationship.
Being close, it is important to provide emotional support. Take care of your friend so they can open up and cry. Give him a handkerchief and listen with an open heart. There is no need to say anything, even if everything seems wrong. Just stay calm and hopeful.
When a friend is in crisis, don't tell them that everything will be fine if it isn't. Sometimes it's hard not to say this, but false confidence is often worse than the bitter truth. Instead, say you'll be there. Stay honest, yet optimistic and positive at the same time.
If a friend starts talking about suicide, tell your loved ones about it. This rule takes precedence over the friend's privacy rule, so even if they ask you not to tell anyone, tell them anyway. Suggest contacting the support line or a specialist. Talk to your parents or your friend's parents or spouse (if they are not the cause of the problem) before bringing anyone else in.
2.5 Give thoughtful advice. As a good friend, you should be able to see the situation from your friend's point of view and offer your opinion without insisting that they do whatever you say. Do not judge a friend, but simply advise when he turns.
Don't give unsolicited advice. Let the friend let off steam if needed, and be ready to offer advice when it's obvious the friend needs it. Always ask permission before giving advice.
In some cases, it is necessary to act tough for good in order to keep a friend out of trouble. Act at your own discretion. No need to lecture or put pressure on a friend. Tell us how you see the situation, in terms of facts, and suggest how you would act in such a situation.
2.6 Give a friend space when they need it. Support also consists in understanding that a friend does not want to be around you all the time. Know how to go to the side, giving him free space. Be sympathetic to the fact that a friend sometimes wants to be alone or take a walk with other people. There is no need to become pushy or need attention. Being pushy and checking in on your friend every couple of minutes when they're not around will make you seem possessive, which is completely unacceptable.
Don't be jealous if he has many friends. Every relationship is different and special, and having other friends doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate you.
By allowing each other to spend time with other friends, you both get a breather that allows you to meet again with fresh thoughts, and appreciate each other even more.
3. Extend your friendship for years to come
3.1 Learn to forgive. If you want a friendship to last, you need to find the strength to forgive and move forward. If you hold a grudge, if you allow bitterness and resentment to grow, you will not be able to move on. Recognize that no one is perfect, and if a friend sincerely asks for forgiveness, didn't do anything terrible, forgive and move on.
If a friend has done something really so unforgivable that you are no longer on the road together, it is better to go on your own way than to try to save a friendship that is doomed. But this happens very rarely.
If you are angry at a friend, but do not say why, you will never be able to forgive him without talking heart to heart.
3.2 Accept a friend for who he is. For friendship to flourish, you should not try to change a friend or teach you to look at the world through your eyes. If you are conservative and your friend is liberal, accept it instead of constantly arguing. Appreciate the freshness that a friend can bring to your worldview, rather than wanting them to take over all of your experience.
The more you are friends, the less you idealize each other, and the more you perceive the way you are. This is where real friendship lies, namely, in caring for each other, despite the knowledge that both are full of shortcomings.
3.3 Do even more than what a friend asks. Buddy will wait while you do homework. A great friend will help with the assignment all evening. Remember, if you are a good friend, people will want to be a good friend to you. Feel the moments when you have to go out of your way for a friend and know that this is what develops your friendship, and the friend will try for you in return.
If a friend really needs your help but keeps saying not to worry, learn to read between the lines and recognize when a friend really needs your support.
3.4 Stay connected no matter what happens. Over the years, people tend to move away from each other. Perhaps you and your friend will move in different directions, and see each other only in rare moments. Sometimes years can pass without much contact. If you never stop thinking about a friend, talk to him. A friend will be glad to hear from you. In the past, you had grounds for friendship, so you can find something that binds you to this day.
Don't let your location determine the strength of the bond between you. If friendship is really meaningful, it will develop even if there is an ocean between you.
Make it your goal to have a monthly call or Skype call, even if you're in completely different time zones. If communication with a friend becomes a habit, then the relationship will continue to flourish.
3.5 Let the friendship grow with you. If you want to be a good friend, you must understand that friendship will not be the same in school, university or in the adult world. Of course, when you were fourteen, you could spend all the time with your best friend, but over time you entered different universities, started serious relationship, and, of course, began to communicate less. But this does not mean that your friendship is not so strong. It's just that life evolves and friendships change over time.
If the friend is married and has two children or even just a serious relationship, unlike you, be respectful of the fact that, despite the fact that the friend really cares about you, he will not be able to be in touch 24 hours a day, as was before.
Appreciate the changes in friendships that occur over the years and learn to grow with your relationship.
Adviсe
Don't try to imitate your friend - opposites attract. In addition, it can annoy a friend, and he will stop trusting you. Embrace your differences and be proud of them.
Tell a friend how much you appreciate your time with them and how great it is to have them with you when you needed them the most. This will improve his mood and confirm your friendship.
Honest communication is the basic foundation of friendship. If you cannot communicate openly with each other, then your friendship is doomed.
You don't need to spend a lot of time and money to be a good friend. Most best gift- made with love by hand. A phone call can mean as much as a face-to-face meeting.
Enjoy each other's company. Friendship is not only an outpouring of emotions and advice in love affairs. Have fun together and do spontaneous things from time to time. Be a positive force in your friend's life.
A friend who is only available at school or at work is still your friend. Rejoice even in this specific friendship associated with the place you share together.
If a friend makes a promise and doesn't keep it, don't do the same in return, because that's how you create a trend.
Do not have excessive expectations and do not set excessive rules. Let your friendship develop and change naturally.
Tease your friend as a point of pride. The better you know a friend, the easier it is to find a special thing for him and tease to cheer up, and not upset him.
Be there for difficult times.
Warnings
Nobody likes insults, tease a friend carefully. If he asks you to stop, then do so.
If a friend treats you badly and you treat him well, there is no point in remaining friends. Don't make close friendships with people who don't want to treat you well.
Don't expect instant or lifelong friendships. Understand that in order to become something special, friendship must develop gradually.
When spending time together, having lunch or just taking a walk, turn off mobile phones. If the conversation is constantly interrupted by phone calls, it is very repulsive. Your friend may think that you don't value the time you spend together.
Don't be honest with someone you can't trust, because one day they might use that information against you.
If a friend makes new friends, don't be jealous. Nobody likes jealous friends. Believe in your friendship.
Do not discuss topics that are unpleasant for a friend. No one wants to be in the company of a person with whom they are not comfortable. For example, if someone in a friend's family has recently died, don't talk about death-related topics. (Note: It's okay to ask how a friend feels about death loved one. Perhaps he needs help. There is nothing good in simply ignoring such an event in a friend's life).
Every person dreams of having many good and reliable friends. But there is no point in waiting for them to appear in your life out of nowhere. There are certain methods that you should familiarize yourself with. The secrets that you will find in this article will help you become the best friend for other people. And the place with this and you will find far more than one best friend.
Connect with other people
Deal with other people honestly and tactfully. Always try to be open about your point of view, as well as your sincere feelings, but do it with kindness and respect for the feelings of other people.
Keep your word
Always keep your word and keep the promises you make, no matter what relationship you have with the people you make them. Be that friend that people could trust by default.
Trust your friends
As a consequence, be prepared to trust your friends. Most people feel good when other people can confide in them. Many people pride themselves on being considered trustworthy. You should continue to convey these positive emotions, showing a desire to trust other people. Too many people have trouble believing that other people can support them. Take the first step and serve as an example for others, and then they will understand how to trust and win the trust of others.
Help your friends
You need to support your friends in every way, especially if you say you will. You should always try to reach out to a friend, because you must understand that in the future there may come a time when you will need someone to reach out to you.
Recognize that everyone has their flaws
It is very important to understand that each person has their own shortcomings, and it is also important to accept this fact in order to build a relationship based on loyalty and trust. Don't turn away from friends who make mistakes or who aren't as present in your life as you would like. If you stay loyal to your friends, you build a strong and dependable support network. You cannot know at what point in life you will slip and fall, and if you have a network of friends who are ready to support you at any time, then you will be able to cope with problems faster. But this will only happen if you yourself are devoted to your friends.
Practice Empathy
Practice a very valuable ability - empathy towards other people, and try to achieve perfection in this aspect. Be willing to put yourself in the other person's shoes and give up the need to convince everyone around you that your opinion is correct. Imagine the world from the other person's point of view, and you will soon begin to appreciate this skill, which will be very useful for you in building strong relationships based on mutual understanding.
Be present and listen
Learn to always be present in the present moment and listen to what the interlocutor says to you, without having to put in your word every time there is a pause in his story. People grow on themselves through learning, and if you're not willing to listen to others, you won't be able to learn more than you already know.
Dare to admit you're wrong
Do not assume that your approach is necessarily correct. Try to develop the ability to look at the world from different points of view. This will help you show empathy towards your friends and also allow you to let go of any judgments and prejudices that you may bring to your conversation with other people. Empathy and non-judgment are two key skills that are great fuel for the growing fire of friendship.
Help your friends
Be there for your friends when they are having difficulties in life. But at the same time, you should not forget that you also need to be with your friends when they celebrate their triumphs. Every person wants to be surrounded by those people who are not indifferent to him at the moment of his greatest triumph.
Learn to laugh
You definitely need to learn to laugh at the humor in your life, and most importantly, learn to laugh at yourself and stop taking yourself too seriously. Yes, life is a serious thing, but if you don't find room for joy, lightness or wonder, you will spend too much of your energy on the seriousness of life.
