Why is love not mutual? Non-reciprocal love: how to understand and what to say. Does she exist

Not only today, but at all times, non-reciprocal love was by no means uncommon. Moreover, not mutual, but unrequited love is much more common than shared. It even seems that non-reciprocal love is a much stronger feeling than mutual love. To all the unearthly emotions that love brings, there is also a feeling of severe pain, which only makes all sensations stronger and sharper. Let's look at the option when a person comprehends non-reciprocal love, and what to do in this case.

Why is love not mutual?

Each of us, deep in the subconscious, has perfect image life partner. This image does not fully appear before us, we cannot realize it, but we can project all the main features of character and appearance onto a person who is attractive or interesting to us. In other words, we do not meet perfect man, it just seems so to us. And it is quite clear that the person whom we idealize, in fact, is not such at all. This is the first and main reason not mutual love: we fall in love not with real person, but in your ideal, fantasy.

In beautiful films and melodramas, non-reciprocal love almost always ends in a happy ending, but in real life it can lead to much more serious and sad consequences. A person who loves unrequitedly sacrifices himself, consciously accepts conditions under which he will not receive any love in return. This can develop in him serious complexes, stress and nervous breakdowns, and even prolonged depression.

Consequences of non-reciprocal love

Important in the problem of unrequited love is age. The most dangerous thing for teenagers can be non-reciprocal love. What to do in this case and how to help a teenager? After all, this is not a mature person who can quite cope with his problems. Teenagers most often transfer their idealized subconscious image to popular movie stars or pop stars. Non-reciprocal love develops into unhealthy fanaticism, and it seems to your child that mutual love does not exist at all.

Many parents think that this is a problem that will pass with age, but the teenager should be given attention in any case, so you can get rid of unwanted serious consequences. In this case, it will be very important to know how to help a teenager and his fragile young psyche survive non-reciprocal love. Try to interest the child in something else, find him a real occupation, make sure that he communicates with his peers as much and often as possible. This will distract him from thoughts of non-reciprocal love and being in a world of fantasies and dreams.

We treat unrequited love

It is much harder to cope with non-reciprocal love for an adult. A fully formed personality, fully aware of all the realities of today, is no longer a teenager who, in most cases, “outgrows” his problems. We will try to give some effective tips on how to get rid of unrequited love for an adult.

Find the courage to admit that your love is not reciprocated, and any efforts will not lead to the desired result. Coming to terms with the state of things is the first step to healing.
Start living fully real life. Fill every minute of your time, try not to keep your head busy with thoughts of non-reciprocal love.
Improve yourself: sign up for training courses, for example, language courses, sign up for a gym or dance classes, find a part-time job in your free time.
Give your non-reciprocal love time that both teaches and heals and makes us stronger. Believe me, after a month / a year you will be able to look back at everything that has passed with a smile.

Love is not mutual - an unpleasant feeling from which no one is immune. It is not for nothing that the saying “you won’t be forced to be nice” has appeared in our everyday life since ancient times. No one wants to be in the role of a person whose love was rejected. But still, this situation occurs quite often in life. How to survive this tragedy with minimal losses for yourself, how to stop worrying and getting upset - read in this article.

Love or Addiction

Is there non-reciprocal love? The answer to this question is unequivocal: of course! And there are plenty of examples of that. Most of the poems, songs, novels and movies are devoted to the theme of unrequited love. It is interesting for us to observe how the heroes of popular works cope with the problem. But what to do if you find yourself in a similar situation?

Mutual love heals the most terrible spiritual wounds, inspires and gives a person a complete sense of happiness. However, love is often not reciprocated. Sad statistics show that almost every second person faces a situation in his life when feelings do not match.

Some people know how to switch, they easily endure this tragedy. Others may be stuck in a state of suffering for a long time.

Psychologists share feeling and love addiction. True love is a free feeling. loving person able to calmly accept the refusal, because he accepts the object of his adoration as it is, without expecting anything in return. It's a pity, but this is very rare.

In most cases, non-reciprocal love causes very contradictory and unpleasant sensations. Suffering in case of refusal of a loved one means that a person becomes morally dependent on the object of his adoration. In this case, you need to take certain actions in order to feel the joy of life again, open up to new feelings and avoid the problems associated with constant being in a state of depression.

To begin with, it is important to figure out what you have: or If your feeling gives you only pleasant emotions - you are lucky, you are able to love with unrequited love. Feeling uncomfortable means that you are dependent on the person you have feelings for.

Psychologists have been sounding the alarm for a long time: non-reciprocal love entails depressive disorders, which do not have the most favorable effect on human health.

What Not to Do

How to get rid of non-reciprocal love? First of all, you need to try to avoid common mistakes that can only aggravate the situation.

Try to pull yourself together. Tears and self-pity won't change anything. You will only get a swollen face, red eyes and a tired overall look. In addition, such a reaction to the situation will not bring anything but negativity, you will not be able to tune in and make the right decision.

Loneliness during this period is not for you! Try to be among friends: communicate, walk together, take up all your free time with common affairs.

Don't eat your depression. In addition to extra pounds and food addiction, gluttony will not bring any more results.

How to start healing

The very first thing to do is to understand that only you can help yourself. No one else but yourself can overcome the sadness, pain, and disappointment associated with being rejected.

Psychologists recommend: start living a full life. Make every effort to ensure that every moment of life is not wasted. Try to "switch" from your bitter thoughts to something new and unknown to you before. For example, join a fitness club, start painting, learn languages, go dancing...

Make a rule: every day before going to bed, sum up your new achievements. Over time, you will learn to enjoy your successes, and this is essential Be sure that your changes in better side will not go unnoticed, and soon a person will appear in your environment with whom you will have mutual feelings.

Burn your bridges

How to survive unrequited love? The best way to defeat her is to forget the person who rejected your feelings. This is easy to do if you follow certain rules.

Remove from your field of vision gifts, photographs, sweet trinkets that you received while communicating with this person.
Forbid people from your environment to feel sorry for you. Stop discussing and resenting unaccepted feelings. Stop any stories you know about the person you're trying to forget.
If any music causes you painful associations associated with an unrequited feeling, remove it and do not listen.
Avoid places that can bring back memories and bitter thoughts related to this situation.

Non-reciprocal love will quickly fade into the background if you take these tips responsibly and protect yourself from everything that can remind you of what happened.

Pamper yourself

A person who gets rid of the disappointment associated with needs bright, positive emotions. Do not be afraid to pamper yourself, give yourself what you like, what can bring a smile to your face, give joy.

Make time for yourself. Visit a beauty salon trendy manicure, new hairstyle. You can limit yourself to a bubble bath and a face mask at home. The main thing is to enjoy the process, to become better and more confident in yourself.

Go shopping and make yourself a gift, buy what you have long dreamed of.

Such actions significantly increase self-esteem. If you want to be loved, love yourself first. Treat yourself as the most precious and beloved person. This approach works wonders: radiating joy and self-confidence, you will attract many positive emotions into your life.

Fight fire with fire

Remember: non-reciprocal love is a temporary nuisance. Take a closer look - you are surrounded by many people who want to communicate with you. Let new people into your life, show interest in them, because who knows, maybe your destiny is among them.

Try to avoid falling into psychological dependence on unrequited love.

If you see that the person you have feelings for does not reciprocate, do not pull, immediately begin to act. The sooner you take control of your destiny, the sooner you will “recover” and begin to enjoy life again.

Unrequited love can overtake anyone. Nobody is immune from this feeling. How many troubles it brought, how many people killed. The lack of reciprocity can move mountains, in order to achieve love from the object of adoration, or it can turn a person into a psychologically dependent person, in whose thoughts there is nothing but despair. What to do in this situation, we will analyze in detail in this article.

According to psychologists, unrequited love is not a real elevated feeling. It is difficult to say whether this is so, but many agree on one thing: the lack of reciprocity indicates the emergence of a strong dependence. True love needs constant nourishment - meetings, hugs, care and other manifestations of tenderness. Without all this, the feelings fade and gradually pass. I described in detail what love is in an article about 7 stages of love.

Unrequited love is harder. How does she live if feelings are not warmed up? She is fed only by thoughts constantly spinning in the girl’s head. True love this won't last long. So it turns out that there is nothing but addiction. It can occur for several reasons:

self-doubt - the lack of reciprocity from the object of adoration, as it were, confirms low self-esteem girls;
the position of the victim - the desire to sacrifice oneself for the sake of mythical love - a very convenient state, because nothing needs to be done except to suffer sweetly;
need for feelings energy vampire, a person can be charged from emotional experiences;
loneliness - boredom and a rich imagination can give rise to anything.

You can insist for a long time that the feeling is real. Excuses and all sorts of coincidences of situations are very convenient in order to simply refuse to work on yourself and your feelings.

Can unrequited love become mutual?

Unrequited love is not always a sentence. After all, there can be several options for events:

The young man is unaware of the feelings of a lover

In this situation, unrequited love can become mutual, and the chance is very good. There are two options for the development of events: either confess your love to him with the hope of mutual sympathy, or fight your feelings (in case the chosen one is not free).

If your beloved does not know about your feelings and he is free, then I advise you not to confess to him directly about your feelings, but simply start communicating with him more often as friends. This way you will immediately know if he is interested in you. A man who likes a girl always takes action to get close to her. He will try to spend as much time with you as possible. If there is no action on his part, then it means that he does not like you. Then you need to make every effort to get rid of the unrequited feeling, otherwise you can wallow in continuous suffering.

The girl dated the guy, but he left her

The most destructive and humiliating thing in this situation is to wait for the feelings to return and do crazy things in the hope of “fixing everything”. Obsessive calls, attempts to attract attention, pressure, blackmail will only lead to greater hostility on the part of the man.

Hysteria is a bad helper, so it's better to calm down and leave everything as it is. The chance to return a loved one is negligible, so do not waste time and effort on this.

The couple was together, but the girl herself left her beloved

The already established couple had to part. This happens and there are several reasons for this:

heavy character of the chosen one;
bad habits (alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling);
cruel treatment;
dangerous lifestyle;
problems with law.

It's about the man. If the girl has already left him, having made a choice herself, then why suffer? Returning is easy, but is it necessary? People change, but this happens extremely rarely, and then under the pressure of any circumstances. Therefore, it is worth deciding: if there is a desire to endure further difficult relationships, then go ahead to your beloved! But maybe you should think about the fact that there are healthy feelings and they are somewhere ahead.

The chances of building a relationship with someone who has already been disrespectful once are almost zero. Do not waste your life on someone who could not appreciate you. He is not focused on your happiness, so you will not build a normal relationship with him. Here you have to choose either to be with your lover, or to be happy. It is wise to choose the latter. Over time, attachment to him will pass, and you will be able to meet a man with whom you will be truly happy. BUT unworthy man can easily chew your life and spit it in the trash. Therefore, you do not need to contact him.

Pros of the situation

Unrequited love is not the end of the world. On the contrary, it gives chances to open new horizons. Therefore, you should put aside blues and depression (they have no place in life!) And stand on the springboard, which makes it possible to make a serious jump into a happy future.

Here are the benefits for you:

Self improvement. Girls are gorgeous not only because of mutual feelings. Unrequited love is the strongest push to reboot. You can change the image, pay attention to physical or spiritual self-development. Climb up career ladder? Not a problem, because there is plenty of time for this! Study new books? Right! Cognitive literature has not interfered with anyone in life. Gym, swimming pool - all this will strengthen not only the strength of mind and relieve sad thoughts, but also help to acquire beautiful body. Heavy character? No problem! It's time to take care of yourself and eradicate all the bad things in order to become new and interesting. These changes will help to find inner harmony and happiness in future relationships.
New life. Unrequited love is not a reason for closing the heart. A free and independent girl is always in the spotlight and attracts men. The main thing is not to dwell on unsuccessful relationships, but to open up to the world, and then everything around will play in a new way. It is important not to get carried away with suffering, otherwise you can get serious illnesses. And the exhausted, tear-stained look has not given charm to any lady.
Creation. Strong emotions help to unleash creative skills in a person. There is no need to restrain yourself, maybe somewhere inside the luminary of world art or poetry is dormant. After all, a large number of famous masterpieces were created under the influence of feelings of unrequited love.
freedom. The absence of a partner gives a chance for a free life. You can safely go to any place, spend time with friends, attend events without adjusting to a man.
New acquaintances. Failure with one man should not negate relationships with others. After all, there are so many of them! Meetings, acquaintances, flirting bring a lot of positive emotions for a woman. Now you can choose the right one among new fans (or old friends), the one who will find the key to his heart.

Unrequited love is a chance to discover new knowledge in yourself. You should not close yourself off from the world, because the lack of reciprocity is not yet a sentence, and there are many interesting things ahead. The main thing is not to sit still, but to start moving towards a happy life.

How to get rid of unrequited love?

Recognition and acceptance of the situation

It's the most important. It is impossible to get rid of feelings until the realization comes that there is no reciprocity and will not be. Never. And it's not about your beauty, character or figure, but simply there is no love.

Symbolic disconnection also helps a lot. To do this, write down on paper about all the experiences. Put the pain and bitterness of unhappy love on a piece of paper, and why burn it. The flame that engulfed the paper will purify thoughts and soul. You can also tear the sheet into small pieces, imagining that this is how an unrequited feeling crumbles, and then scatter the pieces in the wind, relieving your thoughts of a heavy burden.

The most important thing to remember: the problem of unrequited love is as old as the world. She's not special at all. Millions of people experience this all the time. Any person at least once in his life, but love hopes collapsed. It is important to understand that there are many men, and if one disappeared, then he made room for another, more reliable, attentive and responsible.

Awareness of the reasons

It is very important to understand why the relationship did not work out. If the reason for everything is misunderstanding, then you should be glad that nothing happened, because it is not known what this would lead to in the future. If unrequited love is a consequence of existing serious shortcomings, then you should think about getting rid of them.

Remove from life

It is impossible to get rid of the feeling if you are in constant contact with the object of adoration or his things. For a successful victory over unrequited love, you should break off all relations with your sweetheart (sex for one night, friendship, conversations, etc.). Delete contacts, get rid of things that remind you of him, ignore places and meetings of mutual acquaintances where you can see this man.

If a loved one is a colleague, then if possible, it is better to quit in order to quickly cope with the current situation. Otherwise, you should not behave inappropriately, shying away or fundamentally not saying hello. Minimize communication, trying to resolve only business issues. The same applies to the case if the object of adoration is a neighbor. The fewer reminders of him, the faster the tormenting feelings will pass.

Expectation

And then it remains only to wait. How long this will last no one knows. Sometimes feelings will return, embracing with renewed vigor and recalling past experiences. It is important not to stray from the intended goal and not to give up. Gradually, everything will get better, life will open in a new color, and periods of sadness and suffering will go away forever.

Quite often, young girls find it difficult to get rid of attachment, and they begin to live in hope or simply put up with the situation, hopelessly burying their future in a pile of suffering and pain. But such a thing destroys a person, deprives him of the chance to find a new, real and mutual feeling. Coping with emotions is not easy, but it is quite possible, the main thing is to want.

Non-reciprocal love is a drama that happens at least once in the life of most people. Someone has experienced such love for an inaccessible object (for example, to married man), and someone was in a relationship with a person who only allowed himself to be loved, but did not love himself. Many have happened to be objects of non-reciprocal love - and this is only slightly easier than loving yourself and not meeting reciprocal feelings.

How to understand that your love is not mutual

If the one you are in love with simply refused to date you, everything is clear: he simply does not reciprocate your feelings. But it also happens that a relationship has begun between people, and one of them is tormented by doubts about the feelings of a partner. The following signs in most cases indicate that you love, and the partner only allows you to love yourself:

What to say when feelings are not mutual

It happens that you confess your love to someone to whom you are completely indifferent. Most people in such cases are embarrassed and want to refuse as gently as possible, without offending the person, but without giving false hopes. What to say if someone shows you feelings that you cannot reciprocate?

Don't answer anything. This option is suitable if you have email or text message with an invitation to a date or a romantic confession. Silence is a rather harsh, but very intelligible answer, which will make it clear that there are no reciprocal feelings on your part.
Tell the truth. In most cases this is The best way respond to a person who is unrequitedly in love with you. No need to be rude or humiliate a person; just tell him that you don't have romantic feelings for him and don't want to date him. He will be hurt, but this pain can lead to a fairly quick disposal of non-reciprocal feelings.
"Let's just be friends". Only say this if you really want to support friendly relations with a person. However, be prepared for the fact that your friend will from time to time show not quite friendly sympathy for you and remind you of his feelings. However, it is possible that you yourself will fall in love when you get to know the person better.
Explain the reasons. Some people don't understand when people just say "no". They need to know exactly why you don't want to go out on a date or keep in touch after a few dates. Again, there is no need to be rude to such a person; As a rule, it is enough to be as honest as possible about what exactly you do not like about it.
Lies to the rescue. Unfortunately, sometimes it is better or easier to lie than to tell the truth. For example, you can say that you already have a loved one or you are very busy with work and study, so there is absolutely no time for a relationship.
"The problem is not with you, but with me." Of course, this is a very common form of rejection, but it really works. Usually this phrase does not raise any questions, but especially stubborn people may, in spite of everything, offer to “try” to meet and deal with your internal problems along the way.
Be polite. Regardless of which answer you choose, you need to speak as politely as possible. Rejection is painful anyway, but you should try to soften the blow. At the same time, remember: when love is not mutual, even the harshest rejection is better than false hopes.

How to get rid of unrequited love

Write down the reasons why you can't be together. Be honest, you shouldn't show this post to anyone. Write honestly and clearly, for example, that a loved one refused you (you can also write about the form in which he did it), that he is married or you are not his type of woman. Reread the list of reasons for when you feel especially bad. It can be painful, but this way you will get rid of illusions: you will clearly understand why the relationship between you is impossible, and stop harboring unreasonable hopes.
Draw your own conclusions. Non-reciprocal love is also an experience, albeit a negative one. Consider what lessons you can learn from this experience.
Limit communication with your loved one, if possible - exclude him completely. If you work together or live next door, this can be tricky, but still try not to interact and meet with him unnecessarily. Don't check his social media pages, don't ask mutual friends how he's doing, and delete his phone number from your address book.
Allow yourself to be sad. Trying to artificially cheer up only aggravates the depression, so allow yourself to be sad and cry for a while. After a week or two, your mood will start to improve on its own, and you will start enjoying life again.
Do not chase thoughts about him. These thoughts will appear from time to time, but do not try to drive them away - it will only get worse. Let them be present in your mind, but keep going about your business, focus on them, and one day unnecessary thoughts will stop bothering you.
Don't sit at home. Chat with different people, do something new, visit unfamiliar places; fresh experiences in in large numbers- one of the best means against the pain that unrequited love causes.