Conflicts of schoolchildren: how to respond to them? School conflicts: how to resolve without consequences

Conflict at school in children can arise due to minor disagreements about academic success, behavior, attitudes towards each other, clothes, etc. Conflicts between students are the most common at school. Student-student conflicts are resolved by the parties to the dispute on their own, but often help is required either class teacher, or a psychologist, or parents. It is not uncommon to observe verbal aggression from children or open physical confrontations at school. This happens due to age, upbringing, temperament. Children are not yet so aware of the boundaries of communication with each other. Often the cause of the conflict is the struggle for leadership, personal rivalry, ethnic conflicts. In this case, the role and reaction of the teacher is very important, as an intermediary between children, who can resolve the conflict at the initial stage. If the conflict was not initially resolved, then disagreements between children may increase. School conflict between students is a common phenomenon, where everyone learns to defend their point of view, learns to live according to the laws of the children's society. The maximum number of conflicts falls on teenage years. The desire to assert oneself, to become a leader can cause conflict. Insults and insults that children inflict on each other are also causes of conflict. There is such a thing as bullying, which is an expression of mental violence involving students.

Bullying is the aggressive persecution of one of the members of the team (especially the team of schoolchildren) by the rest of the team members or part of it. In bullying, the victim is unable to protect himself from attacks in this way.

As manifestations of bullying, experts regard insults, threats, physical aggression, and a constant negative assessment of the victim and her activities.

Bullying can be both physical and psychological. It appears in all age and social groups. In difficult cases, it can take on some features of gang crime.

Bullying causes the victim to lose confidence. Also, this phenomenon can lead to mental disorders of varying severity, as well as psychosomatic diseases, and can cause suicide. In this case, it is important to explain to the person that they are being bullied and show how to act in this situation (https://ru.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harassment).

The most common victims in school are:

• losers, underachieving students;
• excellent students, child prodigies;
• physically weak children;
• children overprotected by parents;
• children with disabilities, physical disabilities;
• children who do not have electronic novelties or who have the most expensive of them.

Boys are more often victims and initiators of school bullying.

It should be noted that there are typological features of bullying participants. If the child is aggressive or, on the contrary, is the object of attacks, then it is worth reconsidering his communication and actions in accordance with this typology.

one. " Persecutors”- such children are distinguished by authoritarianism. "Persecutors", despite their role, consider themselves too kind, that is, they want to be even less kind than they are. Also, "persecutors" are not and do not tend to be patient. In general, the “persecutors” have a fairly high self-esteem and level of aspirations.

2. " Victims". The “victims” have the lowest sociometric status and the coefficient of satisfaction with communication, which indicates their low position in the class. "Victims" are dependent, "weak" compared to other bullying participants. The self-esteem of the “victims” is the lowest compared to other groups, and the level of claims is quite high, i.e., the “victims” are very dissatisfied with themselves, do not accept themselves and, perhaps, want to change. Levels of anxiety, communication difficulties and conflict are also highest among the “victims”.

3. " Helpers”- help the “persecutors”, they do not achieve respect in the class. “Helpers” are very dependent, due to which they are subdued by “persecutors”, but at the same time they are quite authoritarian, which creates internal discomfort for them. In terms of active direct bullying, it is the “assistants” who have the highest rates, because it is often they who call names, beat, etc., and the “persecutors” only choose a target and think over a plan. “Helpers” most often experience an acute lack of communication with their father.

4. " Defenders» are generally satisfied with their position, which is also quite high. They are the least likely to bully their classmates and are bullied, which confirms the correctness of the division into groups. The "defenders" have a fairly high self-esteem, especially in terms of reliability and understanding. These features allow them to understand the "victims", sympathize with and help them.

Children rate the level of violence at school much higher than in the family. Therefore, the school should be a place where a safe environment is preserved (based on the materials of a sociological study of the Department of Sociology of Youth of the Faculty of Sociology of the Moscow State University named after M. V. Lomonosov "The problem of violence against adolescents"). More children reporting high and moderate levels of school violence are observed among children whose families have cool and aloof or bad relationships, indifference, indifference or constant discontent, irritation; in poor and low-income families; among children who study for triples and deuces, and almost for one triple, are actively involved in youth subcultures, smoke, regularly drink alcohol, and are registered within the school. Thus, the fight against school violence should be aimed primarily at children from families with bad relationship in the family, children with poor academic performance and deviant behavior (actively included in youth subcultures, smokers, regular drinkers of alcohol, registered within the school).

How does the law protect the rights of children in an educational institution and family?

Let us turn to the Federal Law of July 24, 1998 No. 124-FZ “On the Basic Guarantees of the Rights of the Child in Russian Federation».

• IN educational organization, when carrying out activities in the field of education and the family, the rights of the child cannot be infringed.

• Students over 8 years old can be the initiators of the creation of public associations in an educational organization.

• Students have the right to apply to the conflict commission independently or through their elected representatives.

• Protection of the rights of children in difficult life situations is carried out by many different bodies. Various public associations for the protection of children's rights can challenge the illegal actions of parents, teachers, and medical workers in court.

• If a child needs social, psychological, pedagogical assistance, social rehabilitation, then the relevant authorities are obliged to take measures to provide such assistance.

The right to protect students is also enshrined in Federal Law No. 273-FZ of December 29, 2012 “On Education in the Russian Federation”. In the event of a conflict between students and serious consequences of the conflict, in order to protect the rights of students, parents can send appeals and complaints. Parents can apply to the conflict commission. Parents can use all means to protect the rights of their child at school that do not contradict the law.

Features of conflict resolution at school

If the teacher witnessed an interpersonal conflict or students turned to him, then the teacher must understand the situation.

The teacher must be objective to all parties to the conflict.

It is necessary to analyze the conflict individually and only with those children who are participants in the conflict.

You need to try to resolve the conflict without involving third parties. If the teacher can cope with the conflict situation without the help of the director, deputy director, psychologist, then this will only raise the authority of the teacher himself.

The teacher communicates with the participants in the conflict as specifically as possible, without unnecessary emotions and memories of bad behavior, bad grades etc.

The teacher creates the prerequisites for students to independently determine the subject of the conflict and try to find ways out of the conflict situation on their own.

The teacher should give each side of the conflict an opportunity to speak out, listen carefully to each student, and not react to irritation of the parties to the conflict.

Do not forget about the rules of pedagogical ethics, the teacher must be kind, tactful to communicate with students.

If the conflict cannot be resolved by the teacher, then it is possible to involve other school specialists. It is possible to turn to a psychologist for advice, a social pedagogue, if the conflict has escalated and there are signs aggressive behavior.

Psychology and pedagogy

Conflict "teacher - parent". How to establish contact with a "difficult" parent?

First of all, let's agree on what a "complex parent" is. Difficult - this means that his behavior is difficult for the teacher. There are two main types of difficult parents in communication. These are those who

"Write to the Department", or otherwise conflict with the teacher;

They do not help the school, they are not included in the child's school life, they do not make contact, they ignore the teacher's demands.

If you ask teachers which type is harder to deal with, the answer may be surprising.

Aggressive, conflicting parents in the vast majority are not indifferent to their children, or at least to their status as a parent. They can and should be “switched” into a constructive dialogue, although sometimes this is not easy. It's much harder to get something from a parent who doesn't care. Inclusion is the positive side of conflict, and it is important to remember this.

The third book from the author's series by Alexander Chernitsky and Viktor Biryukov (the first two - "How to raise a child before kindergarten: from 0 to 3" and "Kindergarten and preparation for school: from 3 to 6"). True to themselves, co-authors once again demonstrate to moms and dads the advantage of flexible approaches to parenting. And, as always, they avoid verbosity: all advice is short, reasonable, based on rich life experience and common sense. The book will help you understand not only the organization of studies, but also children's leisure, sports, reveal the secrets of children's friendship and love, help you competently approach sex education, and teach you the basics of conflict resolution. The authors do not evade "inconvenient" topics, "delicate" issues: they talk directly and to the point.

The reason for the destructive clashes between parents and teachers is most often a situation in which, in the opinion of the parent, injustice has been committed in relation to his child. They underestimated the mark, did not give a chance to correct an unsuccessful result, another child hit or insulted, the teacher responded dismissively - all this is about the fact that "my child was treated wrong, not good."

Unfortunately, in our culture, it is assumed that this is how problems are solved. The vast majority of people have virtually no skills to interact constructively in a conflict situation. If someone is wrong, it is necessary to show him that I am stronger, and he will give in - this is the internal logic of aggressive behavior, which is based on the struggle for power. Strengthening their position with the help of the school administration, the Department of Education and other powerful institutions, parents may gain confidence, but by no means always solve the original problem. On the contrary, the quality of life of their children in the school space, as a rule, only gets worse.

Other possible reason tendencies to confrontation - uncertainty in one's parental position. Such parents (most often mothers) constantly prove to others and to themselves that they are “good enough mothers”. The main tool that is used in this case is, again, aggressive confrontation, because it is precisely this that is perceived as a sign of indifference to one's child.

It often happens that the child of a conflict-prone parent is a “special child”, due to organic disorders or other reasons, has behavioral difficulties and needs special attention. The parents of such a child, on the one hand, live in constant readiness to protect him from the outside world, and on the other, experience chronic stress. Their behavior may be due to an inability to cope with their condition.

So, at the heart of the conflict behavior of parents is the desire to help their child, however, for this, some parents choose destructive ways of interaction. What should the teacher do in this case?

The tasks of the notebook are aimed at enriching and expanding the previously gained experience in the formation of one's personality and consolidating the skills to fruitfully resolve emerging life problems and conflicts without losing "one's face". Notebooks for students in grades 5 and 6 contain communicative games and analytical exercises that introduce knowledge about the dangers of drug addiction using examples of typical problem situations for children of this age and allow you to make an informed choice in favor of healthy lifestyle life.

Maintain a professional position, focus on the interests of children.

To maintain a respectful tone, in no case be included in the discourse of mutual accusations and without becoming personal.

To note in a positive way the involvement of the parent in the school affairs of the child, the interest in his well-being and success.

Have a conversation in a spirit of partnership and cooperation, offering to jointly develop a strategy for helping the child.

Offer options for resolving the situation, clearly delineating the boundaries (for example, “I am ready to include your son in the group of extra classes that take place on Tuesdays, but I cannot study with him on Saturday”).

If the conflict is protracted and other people are involved in it (students, administration or parents of other children), it makes sense to discuss the possibility of using group work technologies with the involvement of external specialists. It can be community circles, mediation.

Parent: Please, explain to me why my son has the only deuce in the class in your subject! On what basis do you make a loser out of him ?!

constructive response:

Teacher: Hello, good of you to come! I'm also worried about his performance. Here are his works, they, unfortunately, do not reach the top three. What do you think is the reason?

In the first case, the teacher was actively involved in the conflict showdown, negatively evaluating both the student and his mother. Neither the teacher nor the parent offer any way out or solution to the problem with the child's academic performance. Obviously, a constructive way out of the situation in this case will not be found. Most likely, the conflict will simply die out or will smolder until a new outbreak of activity or a new provoking event. With a high probability, in a few months, when it comes to the final certification, active parent will come again with claims.

In the second case, the teacher immediately indicates the constructiveness of his position and focus on the interests of the child. He casually assesses positively the willingness of the parent to participate in school life, ignoring the conflicting tone. Giving an objective assessment of the child's progress, he does not characterize his personal qualities. And finally, by actively inviting the parent to find a solution to the problem, he makes him his partner in achieving a common goal - the successful learning of the child. After that, the continuation of the dialogue on raised tones becomes almost impossible.

Seealso:

• Anna Goncharova: "A modern teacher should captivate children with his subject"
• Tolerance - we teach children to build relationships from childhood!

Example of non-constructive dialogue:

Parent b: I want to find out what kind of hooliganism is going on in your school! Today Sasha came with bruises and said that Petya punched him in the face. Other children also suffered from this bandit. The school is responsible for the safety of children, why are you not fulfilling your duties? If this happens again, we will complain! Let this Petya be transferred, there is no place for such regular school There are special institutions for such children.

Teacher: I'm sorry, dear, I'm sorry, but I can't keep track of everyone, I have 30 of them. Tell Sasha to stay away from Petya, I say this to all the guys every day. I myself would be glad if Petya was transferred somewhere.

constructive response:

Teacher: Yes, I understand and share your concern. This is a really difficult child who needs increased attention. We are currently looking for a solution to this problem, we will hold a meeting with the administration, Petya's parents and psychologists. I will definitely tell you what decision will be made. How is Sasha feeling?

In the first case, the teacher actually said, "I'm out of control and I'm also suffering from that terrible Petit, so get off me." Worried parents very often unite against the "problem" Petya, and begin to squeeze him out of school. If the teacher supports this process, direct bullying can begin, which will not reduce the degree of petite aggressiveness, but only increase it. Even if Petya is expelled, the atmosphere in the classroom will remain poisoned. The teacher's recommendation to "don't go near him", voiced for the sake of safety, also works in this direction.

In the second case, the teacher acknowledged the presence of a complex problem and indicated that the school was on the way to a solution. There are quite a few options for such a decision, depending on the specific circumstances (neurological and mental status of the child, family involvement, etc.).

Thus, a conflict parent is one who cares about what happens to his child at school, but he is not used to or does not know how to solve problems in a constructive way. The position of the teacher in dealing with such a parent should be professional, friendly, take into account the interests of all children and the real possibilities of the school, and his task is to build cooperation between the school and the family.

The previous books of the new series were devoted to children - their problems, their emotions. In this issue, Yulia Borisovna Gippenreiter talks about how parents should be with own feelings. After all, they, too, are upset, upset and worried. How to express your feelings and convey them to the child? Another important theme of this issue is conflicts in the family and techniques that can be used to relieve tension, take into account the interests of all family members and maintain a warm and friendly atmosphere.

When parents walk their child to school, they want to be sure that they will be safe there and under adult supervision. But unfortunately, at school, as elsewhere, situations can occur that require parents to have some legal knowledge, and one of these situations is a conflict with a teacher. The portal "I am a Parent" recently had an article on this topic, but it considered a similar conflict from the point of view of child and adult psychology. Now we will talk about the legal side of the problem.

Each parent needs to know that all relations between the student and the school are built on the basis of the Federal Law of December 29, 2012 N 273-ФЗ “On Education in the Russian Federation”. On the basis of the same law, by the way, the child has the right to receive free full secondary education. Also of interest to parents should be the federal law dated 24.07.1998 N 124-FZ "On the basic guarantees of the rights of the child in the Russian Federation", which separately spells out the basic rights of the child, including those related to the learning process. In addition, the rights and obligations of the student, in particular those related to the procedure and form of assessment, vacation schedule and study schedule, may be listed in the school charter.

You need to understand that a child, when he is at school, remains a citizen of the country, and if he is already fourteen, then he, in the legal sense, is endowed with partial legal capacity. This means that the legislation assigns to the child a full package of guarantees that any citizen has, and the status of a schoolchild cannot affect this in any way.

"Does a teacher have the right to interfere in a student's private life?"

This question is probably the most common, since the bulk of the conflicts with the teacher arise precisely because the adult, as it seems to the student, "gets into other than his own business."

Let's say right away that the teacher, as well as any employee educational institution, not in the right to interfere in the personal life of the student. But a caveat must be made. Despite some simplicity of the concept of “private life”, there is no clear definition of this concept in any law. At the same time, there are limits to the inviolability of personal life, including the inadmissibility of disclosing personal and family secrets, violating the secrecy of correspondence, telephone conversations, family and friendly relations, attachments, hobbies. The teacher should not interfere in these spheres of the student's life. However, an exception in this case to this rule may be situations that require the teacher to intervene in the life of a student if he is in a difficult life situation or, for example, commits an offense. For example, if a student contacts bad company and began to miss classes, the teacher must inform the parents, and then, if the situation does not improve, the juvenile inspector. On the one hand, the teacher, it seems, interferes in the student's personal life, and on the other hand, this is required by the Federal Law "On the Basic Guarantees of the Rights of the Child in the Russian Federation", which makes the school responsible for the student's actions.

There are situations in which violation of the rules by the student himself gives rise to conflict. For example, during lessons, a student exchanges SMS messages with someone. In this case, one should also not forget about the generally binding rules provided for by law. For example, if a teacher took away a phone or a note from a student, then he does not have the right to get acquainted with their content and disclose it.

The teacher also has no right to disclose personal information about the student and, moreover, discuss his personal problems in the presence of the class. This also includes any information about the relationship in the student's family, about the state of his health and the health of his parents, his views, property, parents' earnings and much more, which is not directly related to study and behavior at school. At the same time, it is strictly forbidden for the teacher to express, both personally to the student and publicly, his own value judgments that can offend, humiliate or cause psychological trauma to the student - his task is to teach, not to offend.

“Does a teacher have the right to force a student to take part in a subbotnik?”

Often, children may have a conflict with the teacher if they are forced, for example, to participate in the so-called subbotniks, cleaning, duty. Such events are not regulated by law in any way, but they may be provided for in the school charter in the section “Student Responsibilities”. It is better to find out about this in advance and not argue with the Charter.

“Is a teacher obliged to let a student released from physical education from a lesson?”

This question is asked to lawyers quite often, since usually the teacher forces the student to be present in the gym, even if he is exempt from physical education.

In this situation, it is important for parents to understand that the student is released from classes. physical education, and not from attending a particular lesson. According to the law, the school is responsible for the life and health of students during their stay at school, that is, during the time allotted for all lessons on a given day in accordance with the schedule. Therefore, it is categorically impossible to allow a student to leave the lessons just like that.

In other words, even if a student is exempt from physical education, he must be in the gym at the time of the lesson under the supervision of a teacher, but the teacher does not have the right to let the child go home or take a walk for this time.

“What to do if the teacher used force and who is responsible for the life and health of the child at school?”

It is worth talking about the physical impact on the child by the teacher. Any physical actions of a teacher aimed (specially or indirectly) at physical harm to a student are not only strictly prohibited, but also criminally punishable. It is important to understand what is meant by physical influence. This includes any punishment with the use of force, including various "slaps", "shocks", throwing objects and similar manifestations of "emotions". In other words, if a teacher gave your child a slap on the head, this is a reason for serious proceedings, up to and including going to court.

It should also be noted that teachers and the administration of the educational institution are responsible for the life and health of the child at school, therefore any indulgence on their part of child aggression or the development of conflict situations between students is administratively punishable.

If you see something like this happening at the school, you must immediately report it or the principal. educational institution, or to a higher authority (district education department, district administration, regional ministry of education), or to law enforcement agencies (procurator).

Responsibility for the actions of children is borne by their parents, legal representatives, guardians or trustees, therefore, they will be responsible for any harm caused as a result of a conflict situation among adolescents at school. In addition, the responsibility in such situations also falls on the shoulders of the school administration. And if, for example, it comes to compensation for harm, then both parents and the school administration will have to answer in court.

The conflict is certainly far from The best way communication and problem solving, and you must teach your child to avoid them. If you do encounter problems, always act in accordance with the law and do not be afraid to involve the school administration in resolving disputes.

Ten parental mistakes Lepeshova Evgenia

The indifferent position of parents in the conflicts of the child: "Others know better"

As soon as the child enters into an active social life, inevitable and conflict situations: conflicts with other children on the playground, in kindergarten and at school, conflicts with caregivers, teachers and other adults. The conflict in this case is not necessarily a bright quarrel. Sometimes it's just some kind of obvious confrontation between the interests of the two sides.

Parents are often involved in this confrontation. And the most painful thing that can be in this intervention is a manifestation of distrust in one's own child.

“I remember very well one painful episode from my school life. In the third grade, the head teacher of our school taught us a lesson instead of a sick teacher. We were asked to solve some problems. I quickly decided that I was good at math. My neighbor also decided quickly, and we decided to exchange notebooks to check each other's solutions (our teacher sometimes asked us to do this). So this same head teacher for some reason decided that I was cheating from my neighbor! And she slapped me a deuce, and even scolded me in front of the whole class. I was terribly upset, barely sat through the end of the lessons and rushed home. At home, I sobbed, screamed, sobbed again. And my mother said: “Well, you know what, this is not just a teacher, but the head teacher, she knows better, there is no smoke without fire.” To be honest, I still remember with pain, it was so insulting and bitter after these words ... "

Trust creates a situation of closeness and that "rear", which we have already spoken about above. Let's just say that trust in this case means that initially, by default, the parent is on the side of the child in the conflict. The child must feel that they believe him, that he has someone to rely on in a difficult situation. Only against the background of this feeling can one try to objectively understand the conflict, finding the share of guilt on both sides, discussing possible solutions.

I would not like to give examples of the most tragic situations from this series here. After all, unfortunately, a large proportion of cases of domestic violence is accompanied by a mother's disbelief in the child's stories about him. This not only makes it impossible to stop the torment, but also aggravates the trace left in the child's psyche.

Will the girl from the last example, whose mother immediately took the side of the head teacher, tell if the next time, God forbid, she is sexually harassed by one of the adults she knows? It is doubtful, because the message "Adult is always right" has already been received. This, of course, is an extreme case, but it shows the extreme importance of this aspect of trust in a child.

It is extremely important to look at the conflict situation objectively and teach this to the child. Do not destroy, if possible, the authority of the teacher and instill respect for elders - too. But all this is after. The first thing a child should feel is that mom and dad believe him, they are on his side and ready to help. They will listen, understand the details and understand the reasons, and will not immediately rush to blame and judge. If there is such trust, the child will also have a desire to understand, and not close in on himself.

Summarizing, I will quote the words of one mother about her position in conflicts with her son.

“I never blame or justify my child, I just listen to him carefully. I bring him to the conclusion who is right and who is wrong in this conflict. At the same time, my child KNOWS that his mother is always ready to come to his aid and stand up for him. Therefore, no matter what offense he committed, he is not afraid to tell me about it. I always ask the question: “Should I intervene?”, And if he refuses, I have detailed conversations with him about how to act, what to do and what not to do in such a situation.”

The child is aggressive towards other children and is sarcastic towards you. I saved the most unpleasant thing for last! This child is full negative emotions. He is a victim of abuse and sees only a negative example around him. Most likely his

Values. How to Treat Yourself and Others Chapter 41 I promise to show you that values ​​can be the foundation of true success Our parents taught us an important lesson from childhood: to stick to our values, which determine everything we do in life.

The position of the victim The schoolboy comments on his parents (not brilliant) marks in the diary: -? And there is nothing to argue about what influenced more: upbringing or genetics. It's your fault anyway. As mentioned, teaching kids to think in terms of response choices - and what they don't