Lack of interest in adolescents: the choice of motivation. Why do some teens have acne and others don't? How to treat so that it passes faster? Appetite - what is it

The formation of menstrual function is a long process. Until the body is completely rebuilt, the delay in menstruation in adolescents is normal, but pathological reasons for the irregularity of the cycle are also possible.

AT adolescence delayed periods is normal

Why do teenagers have delayed periods?

The first menstruation occurs in girls at the age of 12-15 years. At this time, there are cardinal changes in the hormonal background, there is a gradual formation of the reproductive system. Irregular periods for the next 1-2 years are normal for girls.

Long-term menstrual disorders in adolescence can be caused by both external factors (stress, overwork) and internal deviations in the functioning of vital systems.

Table "Causes of delayed menstruation in girls"

If menstrual flow occurred earlier than 11 years or later than 16, this is a sign of pathological disorders in the development of reproductive function. It is imperative to find out the cause of this condition.

Which doctor should I contact?

If there is no long period, there is a reason to see a doctor. A gynecologist deals with issues of the female reproductive system. Girls under the age of 14 should be shown to a pediatric specialist.

For girls under 14 years old, it is better to contact a pediatric gynecologist

During the examination and study of the patient's complaints, the doctor may prescribe an examination by other doctors -,. This means that there are suspicions of pathologies not related to the genitourinary system of the girl. This happens with endocrine or neurological disorders.

Diagnostics

Failure in the menstrual cycle, which lasts more than 2 months, requires careful study through a comprehensive diagnosis.

What exactly causes a delay in menstruation in adolescents can be found out through basic medical methods, which include:

• examination by a gynecologist (up to 14 years old girls are examined through the anus);
• superficial ultrasound (the sensor is applied to the abdominal cavity and lower abdomen, without penetration into the vagina);
• general and biochemical blood tests (the quality and composition of plasma, the presence of glucose, hemoglobin levels, the state of leukocytes, erythrocytes, kidney and liver tests are studied);
• urinalysis (the functioning of the urinary system is checked);
• a smear on the flora from the vagina, urethra and cervix (taken with a special thin instrument so as not to damage the hymen) - the microflora of the reproductive organs is studied for pathogenic bacteria that could provoke inflammation.

Thanks to a comprehensive examination, it is possible to quickly establish the cause of rare periods and select the necessary therapy to correct the menstrual cycle.

Ultrasound of the pelvis will show the cause of delays in menstruation

What to do with a delay in menstruation in a teenager?

It is possible to accelerate the stabilization of the menstrual cycle if you know the true cause of negative disorders:

1. If the cause of rare periods is malnutrition (fast foods or diets), you need to reconsider the diet. Exclude harmful dishes, drinks with gas, spicy sauces. It is recommended to give preference to foods that are rich in iron and folic acid (turkey meat, red fish, beets, beans, beef liver, tomato juice, walnuts). The main thing is not to exhaust the body with diets, but to eat a balanced diet.
2. In case of severe overwork due to a violation of the regime of rest and work, normalize sleep (8–9 hours a day).
3. With excessive physical exertion - exercise moderately, do not overload the body. A week before menstruation, slow down the usual pace of classes, limiting yourself to morning exercises and physical education classes at school.
4. To avoid hypothermia - make sure that the legs, stomach and back are always warm. Clothing must be appropriate for the season.
5. If the reason is emotional overstrain, try to avoid stressful situations, not get nervous over trifles and drink sedative drugs (valerian, motherwort extract).

Eat more iron-rich foods if your period is late

In no case should you hide and ignore long delays in the cycle of menstruation. Especially when the long-awaited menstruation comes with severe pain, profuse discharge and poor health.

Infrequent periods in adolescence is normal if the delays are infrequent and occur within 2 years of the start of the cycle. In this case, stress, malnutrition, and overwork affect the natural restructuring of the hormonal background. If there is no discharge for more than 2 months, there is a reason to go to the doctor. A similar condition may be a consequence of inflammatory processes in the genitourinary system, hormonal imbalance or endocrine disorders. It is important not to hush up the problem and not try to solve it by self-treatment.

Pimples and acne are a real problem. transitional age. Sometimes rashes in adolescence can leave marks on the skin for life. Proper Care under the supervision of qualified cosmetologists will help to avoid these troubles.

What is the danger of acne

Teenage acne does not always go away without a trace: it can leave behind hyperpigmented spots and atrophic scars. If the spots disappear over time (on their own or due to cosmetic procedures and home care), then it is quite difficult to deal with scars.

When it comes to rashes on the face of boys and girls, three main questions arise: “Why do some people have acne, while others do not?”, “How to treat it so that it goes faster?”, “How to prevent acne marks after treatment ? The answers to these questions help us find Vera Anatolyevna Bakurova, dermatovenereologist, cosmetologist, trichologist, Alfa Health Center clinic.

What happens to the face in adolescence

Do not forget that the condition of the skin is a reflection of the general condition of the body. It will not be superfluous to consult not only a dermatologist, but also a gynecologist, endocrinologist, gastroenterologist, urologist. If the cause of problems with the face lies in the disease internal organs, then it is necessary to solve it in the first place. However, most often youthful acne appears due to the characteristics of adolescence.

The main causes of rashes on the face in adolescence:

Hormones. In adolescents, the hormonal background of the body changes, and with it the secretion of sebum and skin PH, which means that the ratio of bacteria changes. This is what is main reason onset of acne.

Mistakes in skin hygiene. Adolescents often take care of their faces incorrectly and use the wrong cosmetics. Poor cleansing of the skin and "heavy" creams clog the skin pores and lead to acne.

Excessive passion for medical cosmetics, drying the skin. The most popular are products that contain salicylic acid. It would seem that in order for acne to pass, they need to be dried. But not everything is so simple. The use of such cosmetics, of course, is indicated in the treatment of acne, but very carefully. It is important to remember that the effect of overdrying provokes the skin to secrete even more sebum. And this leads to an increase in the number of acne. Do not forget that the lipid film protects our skin and should not be dried out.

Allergy in adolescence: the face reflects intolerance to medicines and various cosmetics, with which young ladies love to experiment so much.

Accompanying illnesses. In adolescence, exacerbations can increase acne various diseases. The most common are problems with the gastrointestinal tract: exacerbation of cholecystitis, gastritis, pancreatitis, diseases of the biliary tract. In girls, the periodic appearance of acne may be due to a violation of the menstrual cycle.

Home care products

First of all, teenagers need proper cleansing. You should not count on the effect of expensive advertised mass-market products. You just need to come to the pharmacy and buy a special treatment kit. It consists of three obligatory positions: washing gel, tonic and cream.

Suitable such pharmacy brands that can be purchased without consulting a doctor:

Bioderma (Sebium care program, "Sebium");

Uriage (care products of the Hyseac, Iseac line);

Cetaphil (Dermacontrol products, Cetafil DermaControl).

La Roche-Posay (line of funds Effaclar, "Efaclar");

Avene (Cleanance Gel and Triacneal Triacneal Cream for problem youthful skin and skin with acne).

Twice a day, you need to cleanse your face with a gel and once, be sure to wash your face with water. Tonics are best selected individually, depending on the type of skin. The right acne treatment cream suppresses secretion, normalizes sebum production and slightly exfoliates the upper stratum corneum.

Medical means: only under control

Vera Anatolyevna Bakurova:"Keep in mind that medications for juvenile acne should only be prescribed by a dermatologist."

The most popular potent acne treatments are:

Skinoren;

Differin;

Zenerite;

Baziron;

Dalacin.

These funds are quite allergenic and, if used incorrectly, can cause swelling, itching and peeling. The teenager will get the false impression that these drugs do not help, although this is not the case. Therefore, the choice of such drugs should be made with the help of a doctor who will not only prescribe care, but also explain how to use the drugs correctly in your case.

Result without traces

There is a golden rule: where there is pus, open it. But this should be done by a professional. During self-extrusion of acne, an infection can be introduced, as a result of which the process of tissue repair will occur differently: the connective tissue will begin to replace the area of ​​​​the skin affected by inflammation, with the formation of a scar.

In clinical conditions, a dermatologist conducts special preparation of the skin before cleaning, and after the procedure, treats it with special preparations that prevent the appearance of spots and scarring. In addition, this professional complex, individually selected for each patient, prevents new rashes on the face.

There are a number cosmetic procedures, which will help get rid of post-acne (for example, mesotherapy, various peels, laser). These procedures are carried out only after a complete cure for acne and only according to the testimony of a dermatologist.

Sunny days: what is important to remember in the summer

Did you know that the sun can aggravate the problem during acne treatment?

The fact is that strong anti-acne agents are powerful photosensitizers - agents that increase the intensity of ultraviolet penetration into the skin. That is why in the summer it is necessary to take special care of skin with hyperpigmented spots. On bright, sunny days, use sunscreen only, or refrain from applying anti-acne creams altogether.

How to help a child in this situation?

1. Psychologically support the child. Encourage your child to talk about their experiences, listen carefully, do not judge, do not give advice. Try to communicate with a teenager in a friendly way (because adolescence is characterized by the fact that parents lose their authority, and the opinion of peers becomes more significant). Express your sympathy and understanding, voice the feelings of the child (for example, “I understand how hurt you are,” “You want the guys to be friends with you,” etc.). Show your attention and indifference. At the same time, do not show your excessive concern about the problem of the child, so as not to aggravate the situation. Start talking to the child about the problem when you see that he is ready for this, when he himself touches on this topic (do not use the word "problem").

2. Try to understand the reasons for the rejection of the child by peers. By observing the child, talking with teachers, with the school psychologist and with the child himself, you can find out what exactly prevents him from making friends and successfully communicating with peers. It could be:

Low self-esteem, self-doubt, shyness. Shyness, modesty are, in general, positive character traits. Modest people inspire respect and sympathy for many, it is pleasant to communicate with them. But everything is good in moderation. It is bad when these traits prevent a person from building relationships with other people. A too modest and shy person experiences great difficulties in communication, it is difficult for him to adapt to a new environment. Shy teenagers are afraid of failures in communication and often refuse to participate in joint games, some public affairs. They are closed for communication.

A child with low self-esteem considers himself unworthy of attention and respect, behaves accordingly. Considering himself not good enough, smart, handsome, he causes the same attitude of his peers to himself and is not popular, does not arouse interest and desire to communicate with him.

Uncertainty is manifested in the constant doubts and indecision of the child. An insecure child rarely shows activity, does not take the first steps to interact with other children. It is also difficult for him to respond to the initiative of his peers.

Aggressiveness, inability to communicate and establish contact.

A child who behaves aggressively towards other children is unlikely to arouse their sympathy. Children will try to stay away from anyone who can harm them in any way. Experiencing difficulties in establishing contact, the child does not know how to attract attention to himself, how to respond to any actions and words, and behaves aggressively and inappropriately, because. unable to respond differently. This may be the result of an authoritarian parenting style that causes the child to become embittered; or vice versa, permissiveness leads to the formation of egoism.

Features of appearance, manners of dressing, non-compliance with personal hygiene.

Adolescents attach special importance appearance. And if the figure or face of a person seems unattractive to them, then they do not try to appreciate the positive qualities of his personality, they do not show interest in this person. Adolescents "meet and judge their peers by their clothes." They pay attention to how fashionably and neatly dressed a person is.

The child's workload with studies and extracurricular activities.

The child may simply not have enough time for any joint activities with friends. An open, friendly teenager may experience a lack of communication due to too busy a schedule. Of course, it is necessary to pay enough attention to education, but simple human interaction is no less important for personal development than education. In friendship, a child develops such qualities of character as loyalty, empathy, diplomatic skills, etc. It is easier for a child to adapt to new conditions and generally endure various life hardships with the support of a friend.

3. Change your behavior, change your style of communication with your child.

Upbringing affects the success of the child in communication. Not only the innate qualities of character determine how sociable a child will become, but also what he sees in his family - how family members communicate with each other and with strangers, how open they are to communication, whether they trust strangers, whether they go to contact. The child learns from the example of his parents how to interact with others. If you are friendly with others, sociable, the child sees that you easily make new acquaintances, are hospitable, and generally open to communication, then he will behave the same way. If you yourself are aggressive, distrustful of unfamiliar people, often criticize, discuss someone, then the child adopts this style of behavior, learns to condemn and criticize, he develops a negative attitude towards other people. The child learns to see only negative qualities in people, to suspect.

If you often criticize and condemn the child, then a negative attitude is formed in him towards himself. This greatly interferes with communication, tk. the child considers himself simply unworthy of the attention of others. Hearing constant remarks addressed to him, the child concludes that he is nothing of himself and will not be interesting to others, is afraid to take the initiative in communication, is afraid of being rejected. Do not make remarks to a teenager in front of others; do not demand from other children that they accept it, by doing this you only drop the authority of the child. Praise your child more often, pay attention to his strengths. In every possible way support the child's faith in his own strength.

4. Encourage your child to constantly practice their communication skills.

Create as many situations as possible in which the child will have to communicate with other children. It is good if the child is engaged in a circle or sports section, where he can find friends of interest. Support him whenever he takes the initiative in communication and behaves in a friendly and open manner.

5. Help your child take responsibility for their successes/failures in communication.

It is necessary to help the child understand that the attitude of peers towards him depends on how he himself treats them, how he behaves. A psychologist can help you with this. You can invite your child to attend communication training.

If a teenager has no friends, peers do not accept him, then he has some psychological problems. And from failures, from the rejection of peers, the problems are only exacerbated. For a child to be successful, it is necessary that he be happy, because it is not for nothing that they say: “As long as you are happy, you will have many friends.” Give your child as many positive experiences as possible - travel, holidays, small surprises on weekdays. “Make friends” with your teenager, become for him the person to whom he can always turn for advice and help.

Bykovskaya N.Yu., head of the Center for work with parents of the BEI DPO "IROOO".

It is very difficult for a teenager to endure a mood disorder, especially since at their age such mood swings are a problem in themselves. Therefore, if regular mood instability develops into a mood disorder, your teenager may feel hopeless and this is expressed in his incredible annoyance and anger. A mood disorder is a serious condition that can worsen if neglected. However, as a parent, it is very important for you not to panic or overreact. Instead, you should look for ways to cope with a teenager's mood disorder. Read our suggested helpful methods below.

Steps

Helping a teenager cope physically

1. Encourage your teen to be physically active. Physical activity is very important point when dealing with a mood disorder, as it helps balance your child's hormones.

   • Exercise allows the body to release more joy hormones, such as dopamine and endorphin. These hormones provide an elated state, that is, your child will feel happy and energetic.
   • Moreover, mood disorders are often provoked by a weak constitution, especially during adolescence, so sufficient physical activity will help in solving this problem.

2. Find relaxation techniques for your teen. Relaxation techniques are another important point in the fight against mood disorders. Relaxation techniques such as yoga and meditation help reduce anxiety levels in people of all ages, including teenagers.

   • Such activities normalize the heart rate and breathing, which is very important because the mind and body are interconnected and physical reactions, such as a rapid heartbeat or heavy breathing, can increase anxiety levels.
   • Teenagers can sometimes be quite negative about relaxation techniques, so try to practice with them. This may also become in a good way bringing you and your teen closer together.

3. Help your teen eat a healthy, balanced diet. A balanced diet won't cure your teen's mood disorders, but it will give him more energy, allowing him to concentrate better on his studies and feel better physically.

   • Make sure your child eats three healthy meals a day that include a balance of grains, fruits, vegetables, and healthy proteins. Don't let your teen skip breakfast - it really is the most important meal of the day, as it kicks off the metabolism and fills the teen with energy for the day.
   • Limit the amount of fast food your teen eats. Overindulgence in fast food will lead to weight gain, which can worsen body constitution problems, especially in teenage girls. Fast food also lacks important vitamins and minerals, which will make your child more susceptible to other health issues.

4. Talk to your child about the dangers of drugs and alcohol. It is important to educate teenagers about the dangers of drugs and alcohol. These substances have an even greater effect on people with disorders and can exacerbate manic or depressive moments.

   • For example, alcohol is a depressant. It can easily trigger a depressive mood in a teenager suffering from a mood disorder. Stimulant drugs like cocaine, on the other hand, can induce compulsive tendencies in some people.
   • Of course, it is impossible to control your teenager all the time and he is unlikely to like it. So it's important that you can simply and calmly communicate the rules regarding drugs and alcohol to your teen, then give them space and trust them to make the right decisions.

5. Make sure your teen is getting enough sleep. Good sleep is absolutely essential for teenagers suffering from mood disorders to maintain emotional stability. Teenagers need to sleep at least 8 hours a day, and get up and go to bed at the same time every day.

   • This can be difficult for teenagers who are used to staying up late, surfing the internet or talking to friends on the phone. You'll likely need to set a bedtime or remove distracting items such as the TV or computer from your teen's room.
   • Also make sure that the atmosphere in your teen's room is conducive to good sleep - it should be dark and quiet, and a comfortable cool temperature is also needed.

   Coping Emotionally

   1. Resolve conflicts calmly. It's not always easy, but if you want to build a healthy relationship with your child, you need to accept them and resolve conflicts without tantrums. Try to listen to your teen and be open to his or her problems and worries - the last thing you want is for your child to completely shut you out.

      • For example, if you want to know if your child is skipping classes, yelling and punishing will not help at all, but will only ruin your relationship, because a person’s natural reaction when they are yelled at is to yell back or just walk away.
      • Therefore, instead of such a negative reaction, you can go for a walk with your child, and, left alone, in a calm manner, discuss everything necessary. Don't ask questions that can only be answered with "yes" or "no", but try to focus on those that involve a deeper level of communication.

   2. Reward and reward your child for good behavior. On the other hand, when your teen does something positive, do your best to celebrate it and show how proud you are. For example, if your child decides to do volunteer work or gets a good grade, be sure to come up with some sort of reward for doing so.

      • You may think that your child knows about your feelings, but he still needs to hear about them from you - this greatly reduces the level of anxiety, helping the teenager understand that you love and care about him or her.
      • Remember that teenagers need praise - even though at this age they are trying to achieve independence, you are still a significant part of their life and if you do not accept them for who they are, they will not do so in return.
      • Even though teenagers will rarely admit it, parents are still role models and people who are authority for them, so you should fit this role.

   3. Encourage your child to communicate. Isolation will only exacerbate your teen's mood disorder as feelings of loneliness intensify. Thus, you should encourage your child to meet friends, meet new people and social activity in groups.

      • Invite your teen and his friends to go to an interesting place, such as a movie, bowling alley, or live music. This way your teenager will have a good time and you can watch him to see how he interacts in the group.
      • You should also invite your teenager to become a member of the school sports team or some club - that is, the place where he can feel like part of the group. This will help him not to stay at home and distract him from problems.

   4. Become a member of a support group. Dealing with a teenager who suffers from a mood disorder can be emotionally draining. However, it is important that you do not let this take over your life. Consider becoming a member of a support group for families with troubled teens - these people will understand what you're going through and be able to offer you advice or support.

      • It is perfectly normal to experience feelings such as despair, anger, discouragement, or helplessness. When you talk about all this with someone you trust, such as a close family member or friend, you will feel better.
      • Also consider seeing a psychologist yourself if you feel like you can't take it anymore. It may even help you better understand your child and what he or she is currently going through.

   Looking for treatment for your teenager

   1. Realize that teens with mood disorders will need treatment. If you really want to deal with your teen's mood disorder effectively and positively, you should refer him or her to a psychologist. This does not indicate that your child is crazy, it suggests that the mood disorder may worsen if left untreated.

      • A professional psychotherapist is experienced and will be able to provide the necessary diagnostics to really understand your teen and get to the root of their mood disorder. Your psychologist will help you better understand the situation and thus deal with it more effectively.
      • A therapist is not someone who tells you and your child what to do, but rather helps you see a different perspective and teaches you how to deal with anxiety, stress, and negative attitudes in a way that will bring you together and make you stronger individuals at the same time. same time.

   2. Choose the right therapist for your teen's condition. Choosing the right type of treatment, depending on the nature of your child's mood disorder, as well as age, values, history, opinion, etc., is very important.

      • Thus, it is best to discuss everything with your therapist first - he or she will be able to give you clear information about your situation and will be able to advise the right psychologist.
      • Your therapist may suggest that your teen seek psychoanalytic therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, group therapy, or a combination of all three.

Adolescence is full of contradictions. Often it is during this transitional period that the connection between parent and child is lost, and the eternal conflict of “fathers and children” reaches a boiling point. Between adults and children, understatement grows, alienation appears ... Teenagers feel lonely, adults with misunderstanding, and even irritation, perceive the depressive mood of children, and often only a psychologist can help the family regain harmony. “I am a Parent” met with a psychologist of the MEDICAL PREVENTION CENTER, Dolgoprudny Central City Hospital Elena Shalashugina and found out what questions teenagers and their parents most often turn to her with.

“The main thing is not to take the position of an ostrich!”

- Elena, at what age does adolescence begin?

The teenage period begins at 11-12 years old (these are younger teenagers) and ends at 16-17 years old (older teenagers).

- Who comes to you for consultations more often during this period - parents or teenagers?

As a rule, parents bring children of this age to counseling, and the vast majority of teenagers agree that they need help. However, there are those who turn to a psychologist on their own initiative. Parents, of course, are aware and do not mind, but still they “disown” a personal meeting with a specialist by total employment.

- Is it possible to single out the main groups of questions that both children and adults come with?

I would single out two large groups. The first group is everything related to the manifestations of various neurotic disorders(bitten nails, poor sleep, anxiety, etc.) and an "explosive mixture" of neurological and psychological features child. These are headaches, and severe fatigue, and poor academic performance. I would also include states close to psychotic to this group. In these cases, the help of a psychiatrist is indispensable.

- Is it possible to identify the symptoms of a mental disorder? How can parents understand what is a sign of a mental disorder, what can simply be attributed to a behavioral mood that will pass over time?

To be honest, I am not in favor of parents independently conducting any diagnosis of the mental state of their child. This is due to the fact that the boundaries between the norm and pathology - especially in adolescence due to certain physiological nuances of puberty - are extremely blurred. And, for example, such a symptom as the presence of a non-existent friend (girlfriend) can also be present in a mentally healthy child, and in a child with an emerging psychopathology, therefore, if parents are concerned about the psychological and mental condition their offspring, it is better to first show him to a psychologist, and he, if necessary, will refer him to a neuropsychiatrist or psychiatrist.

Nevertheless, when a child begins to withdraw, to avoid communication with peers (namely with peers, since it is quite normal for teenagers to avoid communication with parents), to demonstrate auto-aggressive behavior - to tear their hair, for example - it is worth hurrying up with a visit to a psychotherapist.

Parents of such clients, unfortunately, have little to say about the inner world of their child during consultations, since the teenager does not share his experiences with them. Why? Because it's scary. Moreover, often the parents themselves, by unreasonable devaluation of the child’s feelings and experiences (“Well, what are you, like a little one!”, “Again talking with your drummers?” Etc.) inspire him that he is somehow not like that. As a result, for a teenager, internal unusual manifestations may turn out to be too frightening: “Suddenly they will put me in a mental hospital?” And parents, seeing that something is wrong with their child, have no idea how to help him.

- How should parents behave?

The main thing is not to take the position of an ostrich, denying an unpleasant reality. You understand that the problems from the fact that we “do not see them point-blank” do not go away. In such situations, the parents themselves need to receive psychological support, and only then help the child with joint efforts. It must be remembered that if the debut of any mental illness occurs in adolescence, then it is quite possible to cope with this, and further development of the personality will go without pathologies.

“The task of adolescence is separation from parents”

- How can you characterize the following group of questions of adolescence?

The second group is parent-child relationship, and here, too, everything is very difficult. And if in the first group the characteristics of the child's behavior can be due to the factor of heredity (there are relatives with mental disorders), then the problems of the second group are associated with intra-family interaction.

In addition, in adolescence, all the unresolved problems of preschool childhood remind of themselves, and after all, adolescence has its own task - separation from parents in order to actively search for oneself, one's place in the world. Separation is necessary for the teenager to truly feel responsible for the steps taken independently in any area, including in the field of his own health. Parents, on the other hand, are far from always ready for their child to grow up, and that's when conflicts begin - from the child's boycott of the request to leaving home.

- How to perceive such actions to parents? After all, rudeness and denial are really characteristic of adolescents at this age.

Take it as a signal to change the old system of parent-child relationships to a new one, in which the child for the parent becomes more of a partner, a friend than a subordinate. The authority of parents is rapidly declining, and phrases like "Because I said so ..." only provoke aggression and protest relations in a teenager. At the same time, the teenager does not have life experience, the experience of effective communication, a constructive way out of conflicts (however, like a lot of vital information). So parents, armed with patience, knowledge and remembering that the child, despite the hormones and the "rebellious spirit" loves them no less, will be able to overcome 6-7 years of puberty together with the teenager without much loss.

Examples of appeals to a psychologist:

When a child comes to consultations with such complaints, it is a sign that many problems have not been resolved in the family, and very often our clients are children of divorced parents.

In complete families, there are also problems, but they are solved faster there, because there the child has a base on which to rely, there is an understanding that the world is a safe place, because parents show love and respect both for each other and for to kid.

And if this base does not exist, it means that the child has experienced the betrayal of at least one of the parents. I don't mean to say that you can't get divorced. The formula of "happiness" "live and endure for the sake of children" does not work at all. But! Divorce must be done properly. Yes, a man and a woman can no longer live together as husband and wife, but they must not forget that they will remain the parents of their children for life. And a husband and wife get divorced, not a father with a child or a mother with a child. Thus, if the parent who stayed with the child begins to escalate the situation and denigrate the parent who left, this is very traumatic for the child, because he still loves both mom and dad. Tug of war by one of the parents leads to complex violations of the child's personality, including great difficulties in interpersonal interaction.

Parents, however, only see the tip of the iceberg and come up with "He wants nothing and aspires to nothing."

"They know a lot more than we think!"

First, learn to prioritize and find time to communicate with a teenager. If both dad and mom work 20 hours a day, then one not the most beautiful day they will find a completely stranger in the apartment - own child, about whom they know nothing, and do not understand who he is friends with, what he is fond of, whether he takes drugs.

Secondly, constantly monitor your child, because not all parenting systems are equally useful: someone needs strictness, but it can scare someone.

Third, do not hit the child. Physical punishment does not contribute to the fact that the child learns something useful. On the other hand, aggression towards the parent will accumulate at an incredible rate, since physical punishment is always a humiliation. And humiliating, high thought cannot be invested.

- Is it possible to finally single out a group of problems that are characteristic of our time with you, problems that have not been addressed to a psychologist before?

Of course, this is the Internet. Parents now, in most cases, “push” any problems that a child has into precisely his Internet communication, although I would not take a categorical position on this issue. The fact is that the “nutrient medium” for personality development in adolescence (we are now talking about middle and older teenagers) is interpersonal communication. And if for some reason it is not possible to communicate "live", then, naturally, the teenager "hangs" on the Internet. Prohibit communication in social networks in teenage years meaningless. But the creation of a favorable environment at home for communicating with friends, a sincere interest in the hobbies of a teenager, a respectful attitude towards his opinion will very quickly move the Internet to tenth place. But the control of a teenager, the “illegal” reading of his correspondence, sooner or later will lead to the loss of trust between the parent and the child, and all this can turn into sad consequences for both.

- So all the same, teenagers - who are they ?! And how to characterize the teenage period?

They know much more than we think! A teenager is no longer a child, but not yet an adult. Helping him find himself, participating with him in his search for his own "Holy Grail", you become a witness to a truly unprecedented metamorphosis. And the more sensitive and attentive parents will be to their children in this difficult period for both of them, the more harmonious and humane the new generation will be.

Interviewed Vlada Vorona